Trigger warning ⚠️- General discussion of feelings, anxiety, and difficulty in communication.
Sometimes I feel like my family is under the assumption I'm stupid, or slow. It's not their fault, my brain moves too fast; and many times I make mistakes because of it. I'm not upset at the assumption, not fully at least. It's not that I'm stupid, however, it's just that verbal words have always been tough for me.
I spent a large portion of my adolescent years isolated and only really interacting with people online. Despite my abilities with writing, talking has always been cumbersome in certain ways. I'm often too awkward, clunky, or speak too fast and without slowing enough to form my words properly. I don't want to be like this, in fact, it causes me great distress and embarrassment when I mess up, especially in public. It's worse at night, when my medication starts wearing off and I begin to speed up once more.
I don't enjoy being like this. It can be, painful, when I see the looks they get at times. I'm surrounded by such intellectually gifted people, in many different aspects, and while I do not think I'm the sharpest tool in the shed; I know for certain I'm not dull. My lack of cohesion with my words is not an accurate assumption of my intellect, even if it may appear as such. I am merely stunted with my ability to communicate. It is a deeply ingrained personal flaw I have; and will likely have for a very long time. Traits like these are hard to ditch, after all.
I'm going to lay down. I was merely frustrated and wanted to vent. It's a thought that has been spinning in my head for some time now.
