[Insert Witticism Here] @the-mango-bard - Tumblr Blog

sosuperawesome

Solar System and Planets Embroidery, by Ophelie Trichereau on Etsy

suzeart

Spring Thaw, watercolours and some Photoshop touch-ups.

unclefather

i AM crying and so are YOU

inkxlenses

Peacock Dress (Mak Tumang) | Requested by toobasementpanda

spader7

I’ll have you know i’m known for my historically accurate portraits. Here, for example, is one of a renaissance orc boy.

memewhore

legere-librum

I can never understand how Snape apologetics can stand up for him when he CANONICALLY does this shit.

I can maybe, maybe, understand those who haven’t read the books standing up for him, because honestly the movies don’t cover all the horrible stuff he does. But those who have read the books and still stick up for him baffle me.

I mean, you don’t see anyone sticking up for the Dursley’s or Umbridge, when they do the same stuff to Harry as Snape. How is Snape any different?

hannahhillam

I threw a dog on the ground today 😭😭😭

coffeeandstring

I am embarrassed by how hard this made me laugh.

fatsexybitch

…..does this mean cat people hurl cats at the ground?

hollowedskin

you just kind of… open ur arms and they sort themselves out. if you try and place them down they get mad and wiggle and make everything worse

dekoi2501post

dangerbooze

OH MY GOD

zionthepansexual

lochnessmonsterofficial

acreaturecalledgreed

for the first like 14 years of my life i thought that the story of saint valentine and valentines day were a celebration of a massive gay polyamorous marriage and let me tell you, i was sorely disappointed when i learned i had massively misunderstood that story

acreaturecalledgreed

i was told the basic story of “the king had made it illegal for young men to get married so that they could be drafted off to go to war (as married men with families were not, apparently)” and that “saint valentine thought this was cruel, and married the young men in secret”

what this was supposed to communicate to me was “saint valentine would marry young men to their girlfriends in secret as a priest at his own risk and thats why we celebrate valentines day”

what i got out of it was “saint valentine married a shitton of dudes so he could protect his army of husbands from having to go to war and it was beautiful and love can halt war in its tracks and thats why we celebrate valentines day”

and thats why the assumption that a child would automatically get a hetero interpretation of the story and the innate unclarity of the english language made me think that valentines day was about mass gay poly marriage until i was like fourteen and recited the story to a friend who stared at me like id grown three extra heads

i like my version better im not gonna lie

butch-king-frankenstein

My favorite thing about Thomas the Tank Engine is that it canonically takes place in a train post-apocalypse where the Island of Sodor is the only safe zone in a totalitarian dystopia in which steam trains are routinely killed and their body parts are sold or cannibalized for repair

If you think I’m kidding you need to read the original books

co-rp

could you please direct me to a source? i would feel much better if this was validated.

butch-king-frankenstein

It took me so long to find this quote online but I did it because it’s so much darker than one might expect from Thomas the Tank Engine:

“…Engines on the Other Railway aren’t safe now. Their controllers are cruel. They don’t like engines any more. They put them on cold damp sidings, and then,” Percy nearly sobbed, “they…they c-c-cut them up.” -”The Bluebells of England.” Stepney the Bluebell Engine. Rev. Awdry, Wilbert. London: Egmont Publishing, 1963.

This illustration, by Gunvor and Peter Edwards, accompanied the above text in the original book, and depicts a pair of unfortunate Other Railway engines moments before being disassembled with a blowtorch.

nightjarring

HOLY FUCK LOOK AT THE ONE IN THE BACKGROUND THEY TOOK ITS FUCKING FACE OMG

butch-king-frankenstein

zidane-xv

the early thomas the tank engine books are pretty standard stuff. saccharine bubblegum type stories and illustrations. if you watched the show, it’s like that in book form. the second half of the railway series are so fucking dark and surreal i’m convinced they were a result of reverend wilbur awdry doing copious amounts of lsd and having hallucinations of his own death.

butch-king-frankenstein

Excuse me but the very first story in the Railway Series is about an engine who hides in a tunnel and refuses to run because he doesn’t want to get his paint job ruined in the rain, so railway management seals off the tunnel.

They eventually let him out because another engine breaks down or something, but the original plan was to just leave him in there forever.

shulamithbond

On the show, didn’t they also hook up one engine to a generator, so he’d never move again? That was literally one of the lines, I think. It’s on some other post on here. It was chilling.

butch-king-frankenstein

Yes! This also happened in the books, to an engine referred to only as “No. 2″, but the television series applied the same scenario to an invented character named “Smudger”, in the episode “Granpuff”.

“Smudger,” said Duke. “Was a show-off. He rode roughly and often came off the rails. I warned him to be careful, but he took no notice.” “Listen, Dukie” he snared. “Who worries about a few spills?” “We do here! I said, but Smudger just laughed.” “Hahaha!” “Until one day, Manager said he was going to make him useful at last. Smudger stopped laughing then!” “W-w-why? What did he do?!” “He turned him into a generator. He’s still there behind our shed. He’ll never move again.”

deducecanoe-deactivated20161213

This is so fucked up

unclewhisky-deactivated20150726

No, listen.

Okay, so we see Railway Management doing all this shit, right, but supposedly it’s so much worse in the Other Railways? I mean, sure, you might get turned into a generator or bricked into a tunnel for not doing as you’re told, but at least you’re not cut up and sold for parts, right? It’s not so bad on the island of Sodor, right?

Or maybe that’s just what Railway Management wants the engines to think.

Maybe the island of Sodor is the real totalitarian regime, and the engine citizens (slaves) are fed propaganda, illustrated in hellish grays and sulfuric yellows, about how bad it is everywhere else, at all the Other Railways.

You are lucky to be an engine of Sodor.

Railway Management cares about you.

Trust Railway Management.

Stay on Your Track.

It Could Be So Much Worse.

coralineandthesapphicfantastic

Wtf the fuck is this train based 1984 bullshit

dont-offend-the-bees

Dirk Gently + Very British Problems Tweets (part 2/2)

jakhurhill

The Ages of the Chantry Calendar

The Chantry calendar marks time by Ages, with each age being 100 years long. Before the conclusion of an Age, the scholars of the Chantry come together to name the next one, based on predictions of what the next 100 years will bring.

(descriptions were taken from The World of Thedas, Volume I)

neuroxin

alienpapacy

I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, Tell that its sculptor well those passions read Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed: And on the pedestal these words appear: ‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’ Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

slatestarscratchpad

I met a programmer the other day Who said “A vast and blocky plastic box Stands in my workspace; in it, so they say Half-dead, a chip from Intel lies, which clocks 566 M-hertz; the CD drive And fifteen gigs, and bundled AOL Must have seemed neat when Reagan was alive But now the stickers on its lifeless shell Seem only fit sad memories to revive And on the light beige case are words that say: “THIS COMPUTER IS NEVER OBSOLETE SURF! INVEST! EMAIL! TYPE! SHOP! TRAVEL! PLAY!” The monitor is dark; near its defeat My new and shiny MacBook whirs away