THE BATS ARE DOING CALCULUS
I REPEAT: THE BATS ARE DOING CALCULUS
THE BATS CAN ONLY DO CALCULUS IN ONE DIRECTION
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Misplaced Lens Cap
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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Noah Kahan

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@the-sun-will-rise-here
THE BATS ARE DOING CALCULUS
I REPEAT: THE BATS ARE DOING CALCULUS
THE BATS CAN ONLY DO CALCULUS IN ONE DIRECTION
I thought this was my hometown for a second
So this has actually been cited by academics as part of the major draw to online spaces is the fact that just existing in public is reacted to with hostility and punishment. Gretchen McCulloch discussed this is in her book Because Internet, citing research that shows teens and young adults want to be outside! We want to spend time in social places, it’s just that there aren’t any places to exist in public without being charged for it.
When I was homeless as a kid my little brother and I loved to go to the library. We would keep warm in there reading good books all day long. Until residents of the town complained about us “loitering” at the library each day. The library staff then told us we were no longer allowed to stay more than an hour at a time. Imagine seeing two homeless children spending their entire days quietly reading just to keep out of the cold and having a damn problem with it.
Here’s a relevant passage from Because Internet!
Even the fact that teens use all kinds of social networks at higher rates than twenty-somethings doesn’t necessarily mean that they prefer to hang out online. Studies consistently show that most teens would rather hang out with their friends in person. The reasons are telling: teens prefer offline interaction because it’s “more fun” and you “can understand what people mean better.” But suburban isolation, the hostility of malls and other public places to groups of loitering teenagers, and schedules packed with extracurriculars make these in-person hangouts difficult, so instead teens turn to whatever social site or app contains their friends (and not their parents). As danah boyd puts it, “Most teens aren’t addicted to social media; if anything, they’re addicted to each other.”
Just like the teens who whiled away hours in mall food courts or on landline telephones became adults who spent entirely reasonable amounts of time in malls and on phone calls, the amount of time that current teens spend on social media or their phones is not necessarily a harbinger of what they or we are all going to be doing in a decade. After all, adults have much better social options. They can go out, sans curfew, to bars, pubs, concerts, restaurants, clubs, and parties, or choose to stay in with friends, roommates, or romantic partners. Why, adults can even invite people over without parental permission and keep the bedroom door closed! (page 102-103)
The source I’d really recommend for lots more on this topic is It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by danah boyd, a highly readable ethnography spanning a decade of observation of how teens use social media. Here are a couple relevant excerpts:
I often heard parents complain that their children preferred computers to “real” people. Meanwhile, the teens I met repeatedly indicated that they would much rather get together with friends in person. A gap in perspective exists because teens and parents have different ideas of what sociality should look like. Whereas parents often highlighted the classroom, after-school activities, and prearranged in-home visits as opportunities for teens to gather with friends, teens were more interested in informal gatherings with broader groups of peers, free from adult surveillance. Many parents felt as though teens had plenty of social opportunities whereas the teens I met felt the opposite.
Today’s teenagers have less freedom to wander than any previous generation. Many middle-class teenagers once grew up with the option to “do whatever you please, but be home by dark.” While race, socioeconomic class, and urban and suburban localities shaped particular dynamics of childhood, walking or bicycling to school was ordinary, and gathering with friends in public or commercial places—parks, malls, diners, parking lots, and so on—was commonplace. Until fears about “latchkey kids” emerged in the 1980s, it was normal for children, tweens, and teenagers to be alone. It was also common for youth in their preteen and early teenage years to take care of younger siblings and to earn their own money through paper routes, babysitting, and odd jobs before they could find work in more formal settings. Sneaking out of the house at night was not sanctioned, but it wasn’t rare either. (page 85-86)
From wealthy suburbs to small towns, teenagers reported that parental fear, lack of transportation options, and heavily structured lives restricted their ability to meet and hang out with their friends face to face. Even in urban environments, where public transportation presumably affords more freedom, teens talked about how their parents often forbade them from riding subways and buses out of fear. At home, teens grappled with lurking parents. The formal activities teens described were often so highly structured that they allowed little room for casual sociality. And even when parents gave teens some freedom, they found that their friends’ mobility was stifled by their parents. While parental restrictions and pressures are often well intended, they obliterate unstructured time and unintentionally position teen sociality as abnormal. This prompts teens to desperately—and, in some cases, sneakily—seek it out. As a result, many teens turn to what they see as the least common denominator: asynchronous social media, texting, and other mediated interactions. (page 90)
Anyway, more people need to read It’s Complicated, danah boyd really takes young people and technology seriously and doesn’t patronize or sensationalize, and it was a huge influence on me in figuring out the tone for Because Internet so I want to make sure it gets credit!
So I looked this up and the whole story is wild.
Basically, market research for japanese bakeries determined that a) they sell more breads and pastries the more different varieties they have, and b) japanese bakery customers prefer items which are not wrapped, because individually wrapped things give the impression of being like, preserved or something instead of fresh and good I guess? So the obvious solution is to sell as many different kinds of unwrapped breads and pastries as you can.
But! In actual practice, that’s a nightmare. No packaging means no barcodes to scan, so the cashier needs to know all like 200 different (often very similar) items by heart and add them up manually, which means training new employees is a slow and painful process and customer service in general suffers badly. And having a person handle all those un-packaged foodstuffs to count them or examine them, in addition to being slow and clumsy, is unsanitary as fuck.
So one bakery chain owner approached this computer guy in 2007 asking for a system to automate the checkout process. It took five years and the company barely survived a financial crisis in the middle, but long story short they developed a highly specialized AI that will look at the pile of bread a customer picked out and automatically identify everything, tally it up, and charge them correctly, while the live cashier is free to make small talk or help people out or whatever. The whole process is simple, fast, sanitary, and pleasant for customers and employees alike, and to an outsider it looks like fucking magical bullshit.
But then in 2017 a doctor saw an ad for this bakery scanning system and it occurred to him that cells under a microscope don’t look all that different from weird loaves of bread. And it turns out that yeah, you can use almost all of the same code to analyze a tissue sample and pick out any potentially cancerous cells in it. Other people have started buying the same program for everything from analyzing the readout from big physics experiments to labeling charms and amulets for sale at shrines to detecting problems in the wiring on jet engines.
I knew pastry would save the world one day.
I feel like if we had sky whales we would be building a lot more things under ground than we do now.
Thinking about this again, and how much a world would be changed by the idea of very giant, flying, alive things. We do not have very giant, flying, alive things. We have planes and we have to coordinate those so that they don’t run into each other despite the sky being a very large place. Birds run into windows all the time. Anything above the ground would have to either be built to withstand whale strike or built so that whales wouldn’t touch it or would stay away. Architecture hostile to whales. Possibly city guardians that would be able to deter whales and other very large sky animals from getting into a city.
Like we went over this once before that they’d rub on buildings and poop on stuff, but I don’t think that sentence really encapsulates what would have to change to cope with something that big. A blue whale poops something like 200 liters/50 gallons in one go, which isn’t as much as I was afraid of but it’s still a LOT and could probably kill someone. It might wreck cars. Forget having a farmer’s market in the open.
No to mention that if we did have sky whales, you’d have to have a whole sky ecosystem with, like, sky krill and shit. You’d have to have sky algae blooms for the krill to feed on. And that’s assuming just the baleen whales, if we’re counting toothed whales like sperm whales then we’re getting into sky giant squid territory, and if it’s anything like the ocean then those things would be up at the edge of space, and we probably would almost never see them because when they die they probably go into fucking orbit or something. You’d have to have sky fish. Might as well have sky dolphins and porpoises too, which means orcas who are basically hunters and bottlenose dolphins who are kind of dicks.
sky sunfish.
sky oarfish
sky coelacanths
sky sharks
What if the ocean structure wasn’t inverted, though?
The atmosphere is much deeper than the ocean, and we are at the bottom of it.
Average ocean depth is about 2.3 miles. Deepest point is ~6.8 miles.
The atmosphere is about 60 miles thick.
Your skykrill at whatnot, then, would be at the edge of space in the thermosphere, where they receive the greatest amount of solar radiation and do not have to contend with the (relatively) extreme pressure down here (about 14.7 psi at sea level, which, compared to the near-vacuum conditions at the edge of space, is Flat Shrimp territory). Your giant squids and skywhales would hang out in the mesosphere, between 31 and 53 miles above the ground (but really, if we’re 1-to-1ing the ocean:atmosphere relationship, no lower than 47 miles above the ground). No danger of building collisions or even airplane strikes there. Your abyssopelagic sky animals might pose a threat to weather balloons. Below that, it’s uncharted territory, because our oceans don’t go that deep.
(And perhaps the sky fauna live in terror about what lurks in the horrible depths of this charmed and airy existence, what braves the crushing pressures and subsists on something other than their brilliant ultraviolet sun, beneath the ozone layer opaque to that most abundant and energetic light, of which they catch only glimpses when the fog tatters)
What we WILL need to worry about is debris. And I’m not talking whale poop, or even whalefalls, although those would be both disastrous and hideous. I’m talking sky phytoplankton raining literally billions of tons of calcium carbonate on us yearly.
We wouldn’t have a choice about our structures being underground.
Update: I did some math, and it turns out to be a little less dramatic than that….
So the total amount of calcium carbonate that accumulates on the ocean floor from phytoplankton is on the order of 3 billion tons per year. The linked article states that 40% of all produced calcium carbonate dissolves on its way to the ocean floor–which would not happen in the atmosphere, because air doesn’t do that to calcium carbonate. So we’ll call it 4 billion tons.
But wait! There’s more! The oceans cover ~75% of Earth’s surface. We’ll assume here that the photic zone of the ocean and the nu-photic zone of our atmospheric sea are the same thickness, and just multiply our 4 billion ton number by an additional 1.25. That gives us somewhere on the order of 5 billion tons of calcium carbonate dust snowing down on Earth every year. Sounds like a lot.
EXCEPT, the surface area of the Earth is about 500 TRILLION square meters (I am using meters for a Very Good Reason). That’s a lot of surface area to cover. How thick would our calcium carbonate layer be, if spread out over the Earth’s entire surface area?
Well, let’s assume the ‘snow’ packs nicely, and give the layer a density of 2710 kg per cubic meter (the density of calcite). That’s about 3 US tons per cubic meter. Let’s convert our 5 billion tons per year into volume: 1.67 billion cubic meters per year.
Now divide that by the 500 Trillion square meters of Earth surface area, and you get….
About 0.05 millimeters per year. Or, one millimeter every twenty years.
Granted, it would probably come down thicker over the tropics, and have almost zero accumulation at the poles (assuming, of course, that our sky phytoplankton still photosynthesize). Weather would also significantly impact distribution patterns. Until you get to timescales of thousands of years, kedreeva’s concerns of megafauna byproducts by far outweigh the impact of phytoplankton snow. Especially given that 75% of it is going to be falling into the ocean.
Now, the indirect effects of all those lofted foram skeletons on albedo, cloud seeding, and the alkalinity of every single water source on Earth, that may be a completely different story….
I think good socks are one of the great under-appreciated pleasures of our time.
Its embarrassing to have my mask off now. Thats too intimate. My coworkers don't know me like that
old people really need to learn how to text accurately to the mood they’re trying to represent like my boss texted me wondering when my semester is over so she can start scheduling me more hours and i was like my finals are done the 15th! And she texts back “Yay for you….” how the fuck am i supposed to interpret that besides passive aggressive
Someone needs to do a linguistic study on people over 50 and how they use the ellipsis. It’s FASCINATING. I never know the mood they’re trying to convey.
I actually thought for a long time that texting just made my mother cranky. But then I watched my sister send her a funny text, and my mother was laughing her ass off. But her actual texted response?
“Ha… right.”
Like, she had actual goddamn tears in her eyes, and that was what she considered an appropriate reply to the joke.I just marvelled for a minute like ‘what the actual hell?’ and eventually asked my mom a few questions. I didn’t want to make her feel defensive or self-conscious or anything, it just kind of blew my mind, and I wanted to know what she was thinking.
Turns out that she’s using the ellipsis the same way I would use a dash, and also to create ‘more space between words’ because it ‘just looks better to her’. Also, that I tend to perceive an ellipsis as an innate ‘downswing’, sort of like the opposite of the upswing you get when you ask a question, but she doesn’t. And that she never uses exclamation marks, because all her teachers basically drilled it into her that exclamation marks were horrible things that made you sound stupid and/or aggressive.
So whereas I might sent a response that looked something like:
“Yay! That sounds great - where are we meeting?”
My mother, whilst meaning the exact same thing, would go:
‘Yay. That sounds great… where are we meeting?”
And when I look at both of those texts, mine reads like ‘happy/approval’ to my eye, whereas my mother’s looks flat. Positive phrasing delivered in a completely flat tone of voice is almost always sarcastic when spoken aloud, so written down, it looks sarcastic or passive-aggressive.
On the reverse, my mother thinks my texts look, in her words, ‘ditzy’ and ‘loud’. She actually expressed confusion, because she knows I write and she thinks that I write well when I’m constructing prose, and she, apparently, could never understand why I ‘wrote like an airhead who never learned proper English’ in all my texts. It led to an interesting discussion on conversational text. Texting and text-based chatting are, relatively, still pretty new, and my mother’s generation by and large didn’t grow up writing things down in real-time conversations. The closest equivalent would be passing notes in class, and that almost never went on for as long as a text conversation might. But letters had been largely supplanted by telephones at that point, so ‘conversational writing’ was not a thing she had to master.
So whereas people around my age or younger tend to text like we’re scripting our own dialogue and need to convey the right intonations, my mom writes her texts like she’s expecting her Eighth grade English teacher to come and mark them in red pen. She has learned that proper punctuation and mistakes are more acceptable, but when she considers putting effort into how she’s writing, it’s always the lines of making it more formal or technically correct, and not along the lines of ‘how would this sound if you said it out loud?’
the linguistics of written languages in quick conversational format will never not be interesting to me like it’s fascinating how we’ve all just silently learned what an ellipsis or exclamation mark implies and it’s totally different in different communities or generations or whatever
13 things i learned in 2020
nothing stays the same. without a moment's notice, everything can change and leave you wondering what the hell happened. living in the present and appreciating the small things is important because nothing else is guaranteed or permanent.
we humans are not as important as we believe ourselves to be. when the bee dies so do the flowers. when we die the flowers grow back. if we are to build a better future, we must give back to the planet by changing the ways we live on it.
time is not real. there is nothing in the laws of physics that can prove it is anything other than a human construct.
power of the people will always outweigh the people in power. the 1% are scared of us realising this and acting upon it.
home is more of a person than a place. the way i see my family has changed. all that other stuff i thought i wanted when the true treasure was here all along.
distance does not lessen the value or strength of true friendship.
self-care is by far the most important skill to learn in life. being aware of my needs, how things effect me, and eliminating harmful inputs has gone a long way in improving my physical and mental health.
social media does not offer an honest or healthy way in which to view the world. like a toxic friend, it uses our desires and insecurities in all sorts of manipulative ways. being able to take a step back and reconnect with the real physical world can be both invigorating and revelatory.
simple acts of kindness cost nothing but are as precious as gold dust.
eye contact has become a new form of communication. with masks hiding half of our faces we have no choice but to look at each other's souls. we see each other more now and we offer strangers in the street smiles from our eyes rather than our mouths.
being lonely doesn't mean we're alone. everyone is going through something. even if they don't show it.
laughter is the closest thing there is to magic. watery eyes, burning chests and aching ribs from laughing too much are the most wonderful feelings in the world.
i am much more resilient and capable than i thought i was.
Excerpts for a 1920's newspaper during the Spanish Flu
New year!
we’ve all heard of polio, a disabling and life-threatening disease caused by poliovirus, that ran rampant through the world before it was eradicated (in the west) with the introduction of a vaccine in the 1950s. enough time has passed that most of us, and most of our parents, have grown up without knowing people who survived polio.
what I bet you didn’t know about is something called Post-Polio Syndrome. it occurs in more than half of people who survive poliovirus, and it occurs decades later. year after people have lived through polio, years after they have “recovered,” they begin to struggle. they begin to decline. they experience pain and weakness and loss of function. they develop new disabilities, and see old disabilities worsen. and there is no cure, only management.
That’s what happens post poliovirus. It happens bc poliovirus causes lifelong damage, the extent of which is only revealed decades later. We are among the first generations to grow up not knowing people who live with the longterm consequences of poliovirus.
We will be among the first to find out what Post-Corona Syndrome looks like.
@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
I DID know about Post-Polio syndrome, actually, Gaud.
Because my grandma had it.
She had polio in 1945 when there was an outbreak in Detroit.
In 1980, she was just sitting at home and stopped breathing and went into cardiac arrest. Because the muscles she needed to breathe got paralyzed!
My mom used to describe how she just turned blue, and how terrifying it was, and how they’d had a huge argument earlier that day and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever see her mom again.
Then my grandma was on a ventilator for more than a year, with a tracheotomy tube. She couldn’t speak.
Her doctors just kind of shrugged, because they didn’t know what to do about it. Nobody was really getting polio anymore in the US, because there’d been a vaccine for 25 years at that point, and they hadn’t really studied post-polio syndrome.
She did eventually get off the ventilator - which was, in itself, a miracle, because her doctors were certain she’d be on it for the rest of her life.
But she had ongoing paralysis, and had to use an electric wheelchair and needed help using the bathroom, when previously she’d been able to walk short distances.
THEN, in 1995, she was diagnosed with a form of cancer that would be very treatable in a healthy person.
But she wasn’t a healthy person, because of the whole “heart, lung, and other organ damage” thing. Because polio. So she died less than a year later. I was 8.
If this is scary, GOOD.
I will repeat this as often as necessary for two reasons:
1. Vaccinate your fucking kids and your fucking selves. Polio still exists. There hasn’t been a case in the US for a long time, but all of the anti-vaxxers make it a bigger risk.
2. Do not take unnecessary risks during this pandemic. When people say “Oh, only 1% of people die”, remind them that’s not the only thing to be afraid of.
Having seen some births now i can say that dog birth is amazing cos they just slip n slide out one after the other like a little conveyor belt. And theyre so little and unformed. And then UNGULATE BIRTHS ... are amazing for the opposite reason which is that 10mins after being born they are filing their taxes. Unless they are goats, in which case they are committing tax fraud instead
Goats are what is called a precocial species, which means that shortly after birth they are able to do many thimgs on their own, such as standing, walking, eating, and embezzlement
Vampire amoeba
I looked at the reblogs and died laughing
Is there any rock and roll bands made up only of geologists?
I'd definitely listen to that.
Meirl
You hate yourself so loudly. You hate yourself at the top of your lungs. Your loathing for yourself permeates your speech. “Sorry I’m just rambling.” “Don’t worry about it.” “Just ignore me.” “Sorry if I’m annoying you.” “Sorry I don’t make sense.” “Sorry about that.” Sorry, sorry, sorry. You act as if you have to beat everyone else to the punch. As if the punching bag is you. If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself loudest, then nobody will hurt you. You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you’d never have to experience people’s loathing for you. And it meant you never heard their love. You drowned it out. You screamed your hatred over it. And you never got to hear it.
me: I will do things when I am less tired
me: *never becomes less tired*
me: oh no
I have never seen anything more accurate in my life
European accents (and in general white people accents) are commonly perceived as attractive and endearing, while accents from basically any other part of the world are considered to be signs of laziness and disrespect and get routinely made fun of.
My whole family is Korean. My sister and I have grown up in the US so we can pretty much speak English. However, our parents speak very broken English. It makes me mad though because my mother has taken ESL classes at our local university and my father graduated from the University of Washington with a PhD in mechanical engineering, yet I constantly see them being made fun of by their coworkers or other people in general because “they’re too lazy to try to understand English.” My mom has spent countless nights crying whilst taking her classes because of the stress wishing she could speak half as fluently as I can. If you don’t know what it’s like trying to learn English as a second language, then you have no room to talk.
rainbow-ginger-butterfly:
NEVER MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS BROKEN ENGLISH. IT MEANS THEY SPEAK ONE MORE LANGUAGE THAN YOU DO.
As someone who’s been trained to teach English to non-English speakers, allow me to inform you that English is an eldritch Frankenstein-esque abomination of borrowed words and mismatched grammatical rules.
Structurally, English is as convoluted and obtuse as any aspect of governmental bureaucracy, and it’s similarly societally entrenched in a way that makes people believe, and even insist, that’s just “the way of things.”
Here’s the facts: English is fucking hard. English doesn’t make logical sense. English is weird and horrible and inconsistent and makes common use of unusual phonemes that most adult speakers of other languages have to be mechanically taught to differentiate from similar sounds that are distinct in the English language. Without mechanical introduction and proper instruction, a lot of people cannot actually hear the difference in sounds you are mocking them for.
In some languages, [p] and [b] are indistinguishable. This is why you heard that gentleman say he would like a “can of Coke or Bebsi” with his order. It has nothing to do with laziness.
In some languages, [l] and [r] are indistinguishable. This is why you’re an asshole for going “me rikey” like the substitution is somehow comical. You’re a dick, and also most likely racist.
In the vast majority of languages, [θ] and [ð], known to English speakers as the voiceless (thing) and voiced (there) versions of the th sound, respectively, straight up does not even exist. This is why she says “teef” or “toofbrush,” why he keeps saying “ze” or “de” in place of “the,” and why they said “sank you very much” when you held open the door for them.
There are sounds in English that a hell of a lot of speakers of other languages cannot teach themselves to recognize and recreate without assistance.
And, y’know, even if you get the screwy grammar and troublesome pronounciation down, English is a language in which very slight changes in intonation and word stress can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Like so:
But how are you doing? (Flamboyant pleasure to see someone, eagerness to catch up.)
But how are you doing? (Deflection from inquiries about self, moving conversation in a new direction.)
But how are you doing? (Concern, request for further or more accurate information.)
These are all totally different statements.
It’s incredibly easy to come across in a way you did not want or intend to when you’re not familiar with the particular ways in which saying something can change what it means to other people.
Don’t you ever give people shit for not achieving or approaching fluency in English.
Repeat after me: English is a terrible fucking language and speaking it does not make me tangibly superior to anyone else in literally any way.