What I'm doing is a mystery, I'm sorry.

Name is Atlas. 27. Hey fuck TERFs. they/them big centipede fan icon by @hummingdead1 on twitter-banner image edit by teenytinyjamjar

[etherealascend]

[sacred-portal]

[afoxnamedmulder]

I need to get everyone on the booktok erotica gingerbread man shapeshifter like they've gotten on the plastic destroying crow boy

[afoxnamedmulder]

ok so the gingerbread man shapeshifter lore as depicted in erotica novella Bite Me: A Gingerbread Shifter Story by Ariel Dawn:

gingerbread shapeshifting is a hereditary male-only curse

you shapeshift into a giant gingerbread man during Big Emotions (and also over Christmas I think?)

it kicks in during puberty

to defeat the curse you must transform in front of someone you love and have them accept you for who you are (big sentient gingerbread man)

gingerbread shapeshifters live in fear that this opens themselves up to their loved one running away screaming in fear or alternatively, y'know, eating the giant gingerbread man who suddenly appears before them

this needs to happen before your 30s (roughly) otherwise you remain in gingerbread man shape permanently

and then you get shipped off to the Black Forest to defend said forest and be constantly hunted down by people trying to steal gingerbread magic

the Black Forest is also where gingerbread shifters originate from btw

if you're a woman in this family line, you don't shapeshift but you also need to find a mate by a deadline

you can do this by just giving someone a cookie you've baked yourself

also this

[elamarth-calmagol]

WHAT

[headspace-hotel]

Sounds great. Everyone make more weird art forever

[nyancrimew]

guy who does buddhism slightly wrong and ends up in nevada after he dies

[reddherring777]

hate when mummy movies use Imhotep as the big bad. He was an architect. Imagine a mummy movie but the mummy is Frank Llyod Wright. And he was buried at the House On The Rock. Ok nevermind that would be a sick ass movie.

[presidentdragon]

"that time of the month" "monthly visitor" "feminine hygiene products" GRRAH!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! PERIOD!! MENSTRUATION!!!! TAMPONS!!! PADS!! MENOPAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!

[tyke-dyke]

VAGINA!!!!

[presidentdragon]

[lastoneout]

[doublism]

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

[wizardarchetypes]

when I was a kid I had an old tv in my room that would always turn to unwatchable static in the middle of shows but one night my sister and I were watching Naruto & every time Kakashi was on-screen the static cleared so we were like “hahaha the tv looooves Kakashi.”

I had a Kakashi bookmark so we held it up against the screen as a joke but the static actually cleared up. Mystified, we tried different bookmarks and objects with the same plastic material but nothing else worked, only the Kakashi bookmark.

We ended up taping it to the corner of the screen and it stayed there for 11 years until we moved out. When I was older people would be like “can you move the bookmark off the screen” bc it did sort of block a bit of the view but I would demonstrate the static issue and everyone was always just like “huh. what the hell?? well…alright.”

No explanation, but thanks Kakashi.

[scarletjedi]

I had a similar tv! It was a tv with a built in dvd and vcr because it was in college and I’m apparently old now. But! The dvd player never wanted to play- unless it was Chicago (2002). First, we would put that dvd in, let it start, and then swap it for the movie we really wanted to watch. It got to the point where we would put in the dvd we wanted and sing “he had it coming!!!” At the screen at volume. Fucking worked *every time*

Bizarre.

[inkcurlsandknives]

I miss when technology had real personality, instead of fake ones designed to generate lies and nonsense and spy on you.

[curioscurio]

ads these days are so sensitive to being tapped like darling my fingers barely brushed you and youre already opening yourself for me... well close those damn legs. dont make me get the taser

[orteil42]

90% of google search ai summaries feel like this guy leaning uncomfortably over your shoulder and pointing at stuff on your screen reading out the exact same text you're already looking at

[encryptidarchivist]

count dracula? uhhh ok. one

[cool-jpgs-of-wizards-with-swords]

🧛 nathing vrong vith me

[kushblazer666]

[nycswebhead]

theres a new villain roaming around new york that has all the powers of a tapir. give me an hour or two im gonna go google what the fuck tapirs do ill let you know if we need to be scared

[nycswebhead]

OK it seems if you are fruits or berries this is really really bad news for you otherwise youre fine

[mothyr]

weed before cider youre meeting the spider. cider before weed time for centipede

[moonshynecybin]

you learn anything about textile arts and immediately recognize that they’re all sickos

[snepdotgay]

goonslop is what i feeds my henchmen so they grows up nice and strong, see?

[sharkwave-zee]

wish i could have been a fly on the wall for THAT conversation! not because i wanted to hear it or anything but because i'd be a lil buuuuug

[melleonis]

butterflies are beautiful skinny sexless androgynes. moths are cute fat women in furs. bees are sexy but in a girl next door/hardworking soviet laborer type way, while wasps are more like domineering women in suits who will paralyze you with their stingers and then lay eggs in you. none of these elicit even similar kinds of desire or attraction. get it right.