The Complete Rules

Universal Laws, codes of conduct, Rules of etiquette, and other bad advice

[gathermoments]

@gathermoments

[helloandwelcome-dc]

The reason is because they're people. And you're people. So be good to people for that reason.

[thecompleterules]

Rule

[defectivegembrain]

don’t know what parent of an autistic child needs to hear this but as long as they’re not harming anyone your kid’s stimming is not a “problem behaviour”

[bowditch]

in our house we have a few categories of stimming behavior.

1. the no category. this is for things that are unsafe. hurting self (head banging, scratching), hurting others, chewing on choking hazards. i know this is excluded in OP’s post, but i’m putting it on my list because if you parent an autistic child and deal with this, you have to be aware that a key to off-limits stimming is redirection. stimming satisfies an important physical and neurological need for the autistic brain, and that behavior is sensory-seeking. if you must say no, please also offer options or help redirecting to appropriate outlets for pressure, motion, rhythm, chewing, etc.

2. the shared space category. listen, i get that a lot of people are assholes about things that aren’t hurting them. that’s not what this category is for. but we have a household with multiple autistic individuals and a work from home situation. “shared space” is the code phrase we use for “please take this stimming to a different location.” sometimes, aural stims like repetitive noises or physical stims like pacing can be legitimately distracting to other people in a room (or car!). in the case of other autistic people, it might even feel painful or mentally consuming. this category is no-judgment “please move to another location to continue stimming this way.” it’s not bad, it’s not wrong, you aren’t being shamed– just do your best to respect others and their needs or comfort, and leave the communal area or lower your volume.

3. the you do you category. it doesn’t matter that nobody else is doing this to feel comfortable or happy– you aren’t hurting anyone else, you aren’t being disruptive in a space other people are using together. go for it.

and in every single category, anger has no place in redirecting a stim. not even the no category. stimming isn’t malicious, there’s no actual moral requirement to be “less weird” or “like everyone else.” even reminders like “you aren’t the only person in this room and that’s very loud” don’t need anger. stims aren’t done at anyone. they’re just the body expressing a kind of neurological hunger, and whether the answer is “enjoy that!” or “this isn’t safe for you to eat (ie, do)” fury doesn’t help.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

oh shit this is a REALLY helpful way to conceptualize stimming and competing needs.

[kipplekipple]

I love this so much.

[thecompleterules]

"there's no actual moral requirement to be "less Wierd"

Rule

[thecompleterules]

"History is made up of people recovering from the last disaster." - James S. A. Corey, Abbadon's Gate

[witchesversuspatriarchy]

Use your magic ✨

[thecompleterules]

Rule

[linusquotes]

— Philip K. Dick, VALIS (1981)

Full context: “For each person there is a sentence — a series of words — which has the power to destroy him … another sentence exists, another series of words, which will heal the person. If you’re lucky you will get the second; but you can be certain of getting the first: that is the way it works. On their own, without training, individuals know how to deal out the lethal sentence, but training is required to deal out the second.”

Linus Quotes

[imathers]

Just to be clear for those who haven’t read VALIS… this isn’t the set up for a science fictional world where the above is true, Dick is making a statement about our world.

[thecompleterules]

“If you’re lucky you will get the second; but you can be certain of getting the first.”

Rule

[lhazaar]

look…………….. write as much shitty fic as you want. nobody can stop you. you’re learning constantly and it’s better to write hackneyed implausible ridiculousness than it is to not write at all out of fear of fucking up. you’re good

[darkandstormyslash]

There was an experiment a professor did. I think it was pottery students. He did an experiment of “quality” vs “quantity”. One half of the class he told; you have to make as many pots as possible. Good pots, bad pots, shitty pots, whatever. The more pots you make, the higher your grade.

The other half of the class were told, “you can make only one pot”. But that pot had to be perfect. The quality had to be high; the highest quality pot would get the best mark.

But when it came to the grading, they noticed something weird.

All the best quality pots were in the ‘quantity’ group.

The guys who were literally churning out pots, trying to make as many as possible, not concentrating on the quality. But every pot they made, made them better at making pots. By the end of the month (I think it was a month) - they had some pretty awesome pots coming out, because they enjoying finding all the ways and all the things they could do to make all their pots. Where as the ‘quality’ guys had spent their time reading up on pots, and technique, and researching and planning; which was all great but they’d had no further practice at actually making pots.

The best way to get really good at something, the only way to be really good at something, is to make lots of shitty attempts at that thing several of which will fail. If all you create are perfect things then you won’t improve, because how can you improve on perfect?

tl:dr MAKE YOUR SHITTY POTS.

[vhsvulpes]

AMEN this goes for anything too!!! drawing, painting, sewing, knitting you name it. Its so much better to just do the thing your working on, shitty or not it takes less of a toll on you to just finish a thing than to worry about fucking it up first time.

[gaelfox]

EVERYBODY MAKE YOUR POTS!

[thecompleterules]

“ The best way to get really good at something, the only way to be really good at something, is to make lots of shitty attempts at that thing several of which will fail. “

[thoughts-in-shower]

Depression and Anxiety is like radiation. There’s always a little bit of it in the background but not enough to kill you. Then once in a while you get a free trip to Chernobyl.

[infamoussayings]

Everything starts as somebody’s daydream.

Larry Niven (via infamoussayings)

[oldschoolsciencefiction]

In any ethical situation, the thing you want least to do is probably the right action.

Larry Niven, Lucifer’s Hammer (via oldschoolsciencefiction)

[catchymemes]

[thecompleterules]

"learn, then speak. Or just be lucky and quiet."

Rule

[huffylemon]

[willowofthehearth]

I feel this with my entire mind body and soul.

[thecompleterules]

Rule

[azspot]

Try your best to make goodness attractive. That’s one of the toughest assignments you’ll ever be given.

Fred Rogers" (via redcloud)

[collapsedsquid]

[hellenhighwater]

how to be good at talking

[primarybufferpanel]

Networking guide

[anasandorpygoscelis-deactivated]

Important life skills … emphasis on the kill part

[thecompleterules]

Inigo rules.

[tami-taylors-hair]

I was in line at Aldi and this girl with two toddlers in front of me had her card declined and she looked so fucking sad and said “let me call my husband real quick” and it was only 18 dollars, so I just paid for it, and she was very sweet and then as she walked off, the lady behind me said `”You know that was probably a scam, right?” and like, even if it was, like what a sad fucking scam, right? 18 dollars at the Aldi. If you’re “scamming” me for some Tyson chicken and apple juice and cauliflower, then just take my fucking money. 

“A scam” people are fucking wild.  

[dragginage]

This happened to me, too. A woman had used WIC for the majority of her stuff (which I say from personal experience is such a long and embarrassing process) and to buy the remainder of her groceries, which included diapers and wipes, she used a card, and it got declined. I bought the other $30 of her groceries because hey, I’ve been there, and now I’m not. She was extremely emotional and began to cry and even hugged me. My mom called me on the drive home and could tell I had been crying myself, asked what was wrong, and when I told her what happened, she berated me for being “duped.” I couldn’t believe she could be so disappointed in one of her children for doing something- nice? Is that the hill you want to die on? Getting mad about people needing groceries?

[systlin]

I once paid for a woman’s bill at the vet…it wasn’t a big one, but she was trying to pay for some medication for her dog, and her card was declined. And her lip started trembling, and she says “I don’t get paid until Tuesday, would he be ok until then?” 

So I just told them to add the $20 something onto my bill, and I thought she was going to break down crying right there.

And I don’t care if it was a scam or not. Just do nice things for people sometimes. 

[flurrin]

Do good recklessly.

[newenglandgirl]

Throw kindness around like confetti!!!

I’ve been on both ends of this- giving and receiving. What goes around comes around. “As you sow, so shall you reap”

[prof-grace-aspen]

Yup. Oh no, I was nice to someone. If they were scamming me, that guilt is on their soul, not mine.

[pinkabrinka]

“Do good recklessly”

[thecompleterules]

Rule

[austinkleon]

“You don’t have to live in public on the internet if you don’t want to. Even if you’re a public figure, or micro-famous like me. I don’t follow anyone on my public Instagram account. No shade on those who follow me there, I’m glad you give me your time - but I need to be in my own space to get my shit done. You want a “hack” for handling the internet? Create private social media accounts, follow who you want and sit back and let your bespoke media channels flow to you. These are tools, not requirements. Don’t let them make you miserable. Tune them until they bring you pleasure.”

— Warren Ellis

[thecompleterules]

Rule

[sonofhistory]

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.”

— Harlan Ellison

[badgopher]

“I mean, shitty people are shitty and I still haven’t found a good way to deal with their shit besides just letting it be free-range shit in the shit pastures of Bullshitville. Focus on the stuff you can actually do something about and let the rest go.”

— Keep an eye out for my syndicated advice column coming soon to all the premiere local publications in your area!

[thecompleterules]

Rule