I cut off one of my best friends of like seven years this week and I don’t want to keep sending her stuff but I have too much to say so:
This wouldn’t be begging; I know for sure that is going our own ways is the best course of action and I don’t want to undermine that choice. However the way we reached that conclusion broke my heart. I didn’t want us to end in an angry text convo, hurling accusations and reacting to other people’s words. I wanted us to go on better terms, to be able to rest in each others stratosphere without having to hate each other first. I said the things I said fuelled by heartbreak, betrayal, and anger, but even though I know words have meaning and cannot be taken back I deeply regret them. You were the first true friend I’ve ever had, and I attribute so much of who I am and the things I’ve done to meeting you, and I truly believe no one can fit in the role you played for me. I want to send all of my preemptive happy birthdays, happy holidays, congratulations, and condolences that I wish I could have been there for; and I will in turn react to every big moment in my life with the instinctive need to call you first. The guitar wasn’t meant to cause all of this, I swear. I didn’t mean for it to turn it into this mess: I didn’t ask to be yelled at and insulted. I just wanted to talk to you one on one and it seemed like you didn’t even want to try. I will think about you forever, but the version of you and me where everything was much easier. I will forever love you trash compactor but I know that it will never be the same ever again.
