mystica❃ @thefictionalgirl - Tumblr Blog

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My Galatea doesn't talk

✒mystica

And it is winter again.

Cold, cruel and unyielding.

It's winter and I thought for one moment,

It was easy.

Easy for me to unlock the door.

To put you out of your shackles.

Pull you towards the light.

But you didn't think of me.

I swear on my life, if only,

you screamed at me,

If only you blamed me,

If only you asked,

the reason for my indifference.

If only you started a fight,

If only you held my hand and said

"Why are you doing this to me?"

I lose my mind over your silence

My heart shatters,

You have felt nothing,

And you will feel nothing.

But even though,

Have I never been dear to you?

You stand there,

Quiet like a stone,

Do you even have any feelings?

I push you against the wall,

I hit your chest,

Your shirt's damp,

My eyes become ocean,

Ocean of love, never ending,

And you felt like the oasis that never existed.

I scream, I cry

I tell you hundreds of times

Without you, I feel like I'm gonna die.

I tell you it hurts,

My body goes numb,

My legs give up.

And you stand there,

Still, no words escape your lips.

I grasp your hands, I dig my nails

Into your skin,

It bleeds, it bleeds, you statue,

It bleeds.

And your emptiness echoes,

Your eyes unmoving,

Lips are not in motion,

I ask for your pain

I want to understand,

You leave me saying,

"When I choose to say nothing,

How can you help?"

Why? Why are you like this?

Can't you be human for this Pygmalion once?

My Galatea doesn't talk,

My Gatatea just is a statue,

His ignorance mocks.

But I never built you,

Nor I created,

You hurt my heart,

You! You selfish impudent.

Why do you look at me like

I've never been something to you?

You smile at me,

I don't love you for that,

I know the smile you show that anybody else.

And for you, I'm anybody.

No, not better.

God you should have made me

A nobody-

A stranger to my muse.

You hide your pain

Like I'm a stranger,

I kick your door, I hit it until

I get a bloody fist.

Tell me now what's to become of me?

I cannot go back and I cannot enter.

Maybe I'm just a bother,

Whom you smile at.

And wish to get rid of it sooner.

𝘈𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘺𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘈𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘴,

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘖𝘳𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘨𝘢𝘻𝘦,

𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺,

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦,

𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵,

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥𝘴,

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦,

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦,

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘸

𝘐𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸,

𝘐𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸,

𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨,

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘴, 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦

𝘛𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬

𝘛𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘺.

𝘈𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢,

𝘈𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘪𝘵𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦,

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳,

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭

𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦,

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵, 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵,

𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘰𝘯 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯.

𝘈𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯,

𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳,

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘢𝘯,

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘣𝘣 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦,

𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴,

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺,

𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸

𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘥𝘢𝘺.

-mystica 🍀

Oh to write a song,

About my bluest days,

Where the sun rises,

But my light stays smudged

Underneath my clothes.

The bird flying in the sky

Mocks in the way,

I can never do, for my

Bedroom window stays shut.

And I don't how to break the glass,

Without wounding myself up,

My breath echoes,

My lips hold unadulterated dreams,

That the mind seems to crush away.

Oh to have a day without the

Softness of grief, for it doesn't attack me,

But makes me attached, slowly, painfully.

And I don't know

how to draw the line,

Without not restraining my hopeless convictions.

The wind plays on the little pond,

The circles strip my skin down,

I feel bare, I feel so blue,

And I don't know how to feel okay,

Without trapping myself in my own misery.

The quiet room, my whispers,

And the duplicitous voices,

I bury my thoughts alive, shutting my eyes,

But, I know,

I know, how I can't avoid the possible,

For I don't know how to feel loved,

Without licking it off the knife.

-mystica 🌷

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Drowning never felt so free,

As I closed my eyes and let the

Depth consumed my existence

Like it was designed for me.

I didn't move my body,

Though it was moving with flow,

I opened my eyes,

They seemed to create illusions for me,

Cause I shouldn't be seeing

My ceiling and the unspoken thoughts

I was stuck there every night.

I tried to spread my hand,

Needed to feel my bed but all I felt was water-

Deep, dark, dangerously comforting.

I couldn't see the light,

I had lost my way.

I couldn't find myself, yet

Darkness found me, chaos merged.

I couldn’t lift my fingers,

The cold touched my skin,

A muffled voice escaped me,

The sirens called, I must drown,

I must drown.

✒mystica

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The Flute Player

Mystica🌷🌙

ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴀʀᴅᴇɴ ᴏғ ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ʟɪʟʟɪᴇs,

sʜɪɴᴇs ʙʀɪɢʜᴛʟʏ ᴀᴛ ɴɪɢʜᴛ,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇʟᴏᴅʏ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ sᴛᴏᴘs,

ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴛʜᴇ sᴋʏ ᴛᴜʀɴs ʙʀɪɢʜᴛ.

ᴏʜ, ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀ,

ᴡʜᴏ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ?

ᴄᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇᴀʀ ᴍʏ ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇ?

ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?

ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏʀɢᴇᴏᴜs ʟᴜɴᴀ sᴍɪʟᴇs,

ᴡʜᴇɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ.

ᴛʜᴇ sᴀɪʟᴏʀ sʟᴏᴡs ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴛʜᴇ sʜɪᴘ,

ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪɢʜᴛᴇɴ ᴜᴘ ʜɪs ᴍᴏᴏᴅ.

ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ's ᴀ sᴍᴀʟʟ ɢɪʀʟ,

ᴡʜᴏ ғᴇᴀʀs ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋ,

sʟᴇᴇᴘs ɪɴ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ sᴏʟᴀᴄᴇ,

ғᴏʀɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀɴɢᴇʀs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟᴜʀᴋ.

ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴀ ᴡᴀᴠᴇs ᴡɪᴛʜ,

ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ʀʜʏᴛʜᴍ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴇʟᴏᴅʏ

ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀʀᴍᴇʀ?

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ?

ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴏᴄᴋ ᴛᴏᴡᴇʀ,

ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɴɪɢʜᴛ,

ᴏʜ ʏᴏᴜ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀ, ɴᴏ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴡʜᴀᴛ,

ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ʙᴇ ǫᴜɪᴇᴛ.

ᴛʜᴇ sɪʟᴏ sᴛᴀɴᴅs sᴛɪʟʟ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ɪᴛ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ,

ɪᴛ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅʟʏ ɢʀᴏᴀɴs ᴀɴᴅ sᴄᴏᴡʟs

ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴘɪᴇʀᴄᴇs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴋɴɪғᴇ.

ᴀɴᴅ ᴏʜ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀ,

ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʙᴇ ᴍʏ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ,

ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ,

ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟᴇᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴇɴᴅ

ᴛʜᴇ ғʟᴀsʜᴇs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛʜᴏᴜsᴇ,

sᴇᴀʀs ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇss,

ᴍʏ ᴅᴇᴀʀᴇsᴛ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀ,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪs sʜᴏʀᴛ, ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ sʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғᴀᴄᴇ.

ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ, ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ?

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴍᴀɢɪᴄ ʏᴏᴜ ᴜsᴇ?

ᴡʜᴏ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴇɴᴄʜᴀɴᴛ,

ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴜsᴇ?

ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ, ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ,

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʀɪᴄᴋs?

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏʟᴅ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ,

ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴇʟᴛs ᴛʜᴇ sʜᴀʟʟᴏᴡ ʙʀɪᴄᴋs?

ᴀs ɪ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴇᴇs,

ᴛʜᴇʏ sᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʜᴇᴀᴅs,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴜᴘʜᴏɴʏ ғʟᴏᴀᴛs ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɪʀ,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɢɪᴄ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ғᴀᴅᴇs.

ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴀʀᴅᴇɴ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ,

ʏᴇᴀʀɴs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴄᴇ

ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴍᴇ ʙʟᴏᴏᴍ,

ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴍᴇ ɢʟᴏᴡ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇssᴇɴᴄᴇ.

ᴛʜᴇ ғɪʀᴇғʟɪᴇs ғᴇᴇʟ ᴅʀᴏᴡsʏ,

ʀᴇsᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴡɴ ᴍᴇᴀᴅᴏᴡs,

ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀs sɪɢʜ ɪɴ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇss,

ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ, ɪᴛ ғᴀɪᴛʜғᴜʟʟʏ ʙᴏᴡs.

ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇʟɪᴇsᴛ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀ,

ɪ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜ,

ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʀᴇsᴘᴏɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇ,

ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴄʟᴜᴇ.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪs ᴀʟᴍᴏsᴛ ᴜᴘ,

ɪ'ᴍ ʟᴏsɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ,

ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ sᴛᴏᴘs,

ᴛʜᴇ sᴋʏ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇs ɪᴛs ʜᴜᴇ.

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ'ʟʟ ᴡᴀɪᴛ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ,

ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪ'ʟʟ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴄᴀʀᴇ,

ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ɴɪɢʜᴛ ɪ'ʟʟ sɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʟᴜᴛᴇ,

ᴍʏ ᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴏᴜs ғʟᴜᴛᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀ.

Picture source : Pinterest 📌

Saudade

✒mystica

“Wise men say only fools rush in”

But I've never denied,

Nor protested,

I wanted to be a fool,

A fool who loses her way in your eyes.

They say fate chooses us,

And I will say no to the fate,

For I've chosen you on purpose,

My heart chooses you every second.

Loving you is beautiful,

And such a privilege

I never want to lose,

For I'll refuse the heaven

Just to see a glimpse of your face.

So many beautiful flowers in this world,

But I only love to see you

blooming with happiness,

The gentle smile on your face

Is worth turning a blind eye to earthly wonders.

This poetic heart of mine,

refuses the moon in the sky,

For I've only beheld you in the darkness,

Glowing so brightly,

Either crescent

Or full,

Moon of my sky,

You've always been beautiful.

Oh moon of my sky,

Let's stop this war,

Oh candle of my sky,

I don't want to be always so far.

They go around the world,

Conquering it with their weapons.

What a fool they are,

And not in the rightest way,

For I've died a happy woman,

Holding my world in the palms of my hands.

I touch your skin,

Trace it with my fingertips,

Constellations over constellations,

Lie down here,

And I'm a fellow cosmic explorer,

Wandered through ages,

Yearning for your celestial beauty.

Oh darling,

This heart cannot hold,

The love I have for you,

It oozes out with every glance,

Every touch, every smell,

And every presence of you.

So tell me now,

Where should I put all this adoration,

Just to merge with you?

To give you all the love

I've made from the heartache I had.

Keep my heart, darling

Keep my love,

The sorrow and pain aren't for your eyes,

I'll give you even if it's my blood.

Teach me, sweetheart,

Teach me where to go,

To worship you like my only god you are?

This heart has witnessed the beauty of your soul,

For I want to be the devotee,

And submit myself here in your arms,

So decide, my love,

Where to go and how to seek

Your love, your affection and the possibility of you?

Let me admire you, let me hold you with

Everything I am and everything I have,

Eternity I'll spend in waiting for a glimpse of you,

You're my only redemption I always knew,

For sweetheart, love is my only religion,

And I see my god in you.

Hiraeth

The broken windows made of wood,

And the unfinished dreams,

the calendar is scattered around on the table,

A bottle of water sits still for decades,

It's been a while I have looked and walked back,

And there it is which I used to call my home;

faded colours on the walls,

And many of fleeting dreams scribbled on it,

by the unaware and careless hands.

Wearing my heart's on the sleeve,

my eyes beholding every corner,

The faint voices whisper in my ear,

telling me –

“Welcome back home”.

I turn around, look through every room,

My breath echoes…

Some almost inaudible words-

“Shhhh, don't cry”

The dam breaks upon the irony

my eyes dampen;

Turning my mumbles into

some incoherent words,

I cannot understand anymore

“I'm back home”.

As I open the cupboard slowly,

My fingers tremble,

I inhale the smell of the shrivelled up clothes;

manipulating my body

To weave a curtain of warmth.

Questions float through my mind,

subconscious plays games;

“What are you yearning for?

Where's your home”

the grief melts down,

*drops once*

*drops twice*

And it keeps raining.

I get on the bed,

years have passed

since anybody made it;

with care, with gentleness,

with love unending.

I bury my face into the pillow,

Something holds me captive,

I cannot move-

The muffled cries are preserved,

in its own destructive way;

my voice comes out,

shaken,

“Please don't fade away”

Home-

the word doesn't feel bitter,

rather tasteless.

Collection of memories,

Or perfumes in bottles,

the new school shoes,

Or the torn pictures in the albums.

My years seem to be far away,

from the memories;

as I am, from that home.

Home- where my words would die

In solace.

As the minutes pass by,

I move my arms,

My shackles as well as my anchor,

Depart without any warning

Setting me free and alone,

A blessing or a curse

not knowing what to call it;

I sit up, spreading arms,

Coldness grasps me,

I breathe out

“Hold me”.

And the mockery of my pain

Slips through my fingers,

And I fall down the bed.

“Who's going to love you, Child?

Who’s going to hold?

Who's going to tuck you under a blanket,

whenever you’re cold?”

I rub my eyes,

As the whispers become sharp;

The cold floor hurts my spine,

And the eyes feel sore.

There's no noise of vessels

from the kitchen,

The bathroom door stays open,

Dusty and droughty floor tiles.

As if nobody has ever taken a bath;

the radio is broken now,

No retros can be heard,

The birds chirp outside the mossy window,

Ivy draped over the worn away walls,

Painting the passage of time,

And the plants in the pots have decayed.

Where are those fingers

Caressed through my scalp?

All I feel is pain,

A constant battle of

Reminiscing and disregarding,

memories after memories.

Home-

Have I ever been close to experience one,

Or Have I lost it in the way?

Questions stay questions,

But I don't leave,

Instead I lock the door,

I cover my ears to stop the voices,

I closed my eyes shut, being on my knees,

begging for answers;

My chest tightens and my breaths grow heavier

My scream breaks through

years old heartache and agony,

And the words seep through the pieces of me,

“Where is my home?”

“Where do I belong?”

“Where am I supposed to be?”

✒mystica

Picture : "Interior with Woman at the Window" by Danish artist Christian Valdemar Clausen (1862-1911).

#poems on tumblr #poem and poetry #writers on tumblr #original poem #young poets #home #homesick #emptiness #hello melancholic #stillness #slipping through my fingers #in stars and time #sad notes #Spotify

My lips tremble,

Whom should I talk to?

Nobody is mine enough.

Oh so heavy on my chest,

My sun has set, long ago,

And it's night, midnight.

I wrap my arms around my pillow,

How much would it take

For me to feel normal?

How much would it take

For them to stop telling me to shut up

For what I am and what I think,

Is unfamiliar to them?

What is this curse that fell upon me?

I never did wrong to any soul,

Then why is mine crushed

All the time I've tried to feel normal?

“The heart's a heavy burden”

My whole existence sings the hollow song.

They say I'm different from them.

And I can't feel peace, that I'm doomed.

Oh Lord, I'm dying slowly and slowly,

These days, my mind weaves

The purpose to not exist,

I count the hours,

My words lost the melodies,

It only comes out raw and abominable.

My life is on advices

From the people I care about,

Who like to prove me wrong,

And oh Lord, what is the curse

You've put upon me to make them somebody I cannot stop caring about?

Where are the birds in my branches?

I'm a tree without leaves,

Useless,pathetic,unpleasant to the eye,

And there's nobody to soothe the pain,

I'm tired to find melody in my

Unlovable soul.

Oh “for I'm young, for I'm naive”

So their advices defy my logic,

Because there's some tears I've shed.

And oh what a pathetic being I am,

That I go back everytime, for I'm

Just deprived and devoid

Of a little affection.

People can tell you several times

Why you shouldn't think about leaving,

But tell me, would it have been different,

Would they survive if this was happened

To them and not you?

Life is a movie I don't want to rewatch,

And can drop it anytime,

It needs a hit, a certain climax,

A pinch of the last clash

And you'd hear no reviews from

Anybody anymore.

They say they love you,

But you shed tears,

While justifications are all they spit.

Supposed to be my last straw?

But oh lord, my burdens are the

Little gifts given by them

Like I'm a little girl on my birthday

With melted candles,

The flames disappear taunting my wounds.

And if I tell you, I want to pull my hairs out,

Dug nails into my scalp or

Pluck my eyes out, tear my flesh

And grab my heart taking it out,

You'd see a smile,

Probably I'll be satisfied then,

Because souls like me are

Cursed.

Damned.

Suffocating.

And nowadays, life seems to convince me,

That all I am, is a person who

Is flawed, and flawed and flawed.

And no amount of love gives the cursed,

The satisfaction in life,

“You gotta make the adjustments”

Even when my heart drops?

Even when I feel bitter in my mouth?

Even when this curse of noticing

Every little change occurs?

Am I really crazy for this?

Am I abominable?

Why do y'all make me feel

That there's something terribly wrong with me?

My life indeed is a curse,

Comedy to you, but for me, it's a fucking farce.

2:09 am, 27.01.2025

✒dee

#poems on tumblr #poem and poetry #writers on tumblr #original poem #young poets #female writers #heartache #memories #poem about life #anxitey #panic attack #ocd

There was me, as I close my eyes,

Oh, so far I've come,

But it's bitter on my tongue

To utter the words of my journey.

I die, I bleed

Trying my best,

Then why am I proven

Every other day,

That it's not enough-

They throw the questions on

My face, they hit me harder than a slap.

And I'm tired, I'm too tired

Of the world trying to prove me wrong.

And I'm exhausted,

For they'll never see my best.

They say, privileges aren't true.

But look at me, and touch my wounds,

My wishes burn my skin

And leave me begging for it to stop.

And they've got it easier,

So don't you dare tell me that

It's not about privileges,

And the one trying hard is falling apart,

And screaming “WHY NOT ME?”

I hit my head onto the bathroom walls,

And pulled my hairs,

For I behold them achieving my dream,

And I, like a ghost of failure,

Linger around the doom of my wishes.

My cries never stop, my pain doesn't cease.

I burnt myself out, trying to achieve,

Inch by inch I made myself ready,

But like a shattering house of cards,

It was taken away from me,

making me look like a maniac

Who doesn't know how to stop

Yearning for the unreachable dream

Which she was always so sure of

Having, loving, cherishing. . .

And how could I smile when

Whatever I knew, whatever I felt,

Got away from me like a wave in ocean,

Quickly and cunningly.

And I yell “WHY NOT ME?”

I gave my blood, I gave my sweat

I gave every bit of life I had

To make it alive for me,

But like an insomniac’s

Wish to sleep, my dreams leave me

Like the comfort of a childhood

Vanishes leaving me cold and isolated.

And now here I am, just the bones

Scattered around,

My dreams altered into curses,

And each torments me to the horror.

Once the beautiful daydream,

Now haunts me like the nightmare it became.

✒Dee 13.01.2025

#poems on tumblr #poem and poetry #writers on tumblr #original poem #young poets #female writers #academic validation #burnout #academic pressure #Spotify

I see you lying down like a beautiful flower,

Like the rain touches the world with its lovely shower.

Your eyes are closed and you are having a bad dream.

You twitching your eyebrows, scared you seem,

I spread my hands to touch you for once and lose myself in you,

my soul feels satisfied, are you my blue?

Eyes so divine, eternal beauty like the sky,

Your essence is like a melody I cannot defy.

I always think how beautiful it is to touch you,

How miraculous it is,

How your beauty never fails to enchant me,

It likes to do whatever it does please.

And when you call out my name,

It leaves your lips dry,

I long to be the rain,

I don't want you to lie.

the dusk embraces your cheeks,

and you hide your face,

your body grows vulnerable

under my desperate gaze.

your breaths become slow,

I bury my face into your shoulder,

you smell like jasmine,

I want to be bold, I. . . want to be bolder.

you finally open your eyes,

your fingers run through my hairs,

If you keep being like this,

I'll want to read you layer by layer.

bare your soul, and look at me,

you own all my devotion,

The sacred thread you tied me with,

echoes my love and compassion.

How mesmerising it is to hold you

With my palms,

A beauty so delicate, a moment so fragile,

You melt in my arms.

My fingertips trace your skin

like a paintbrush on a canvas,

The colours i want to paint you with,

I want them to make you conscious.

you softly wrap your hands

around my neck,

You want to pull me closer,

You're the dazzling swan and I'm the lake.

And my only one, let me hug you passionately,

so you can listen to my heartbeats, pacing up with yours,

I touch your eyelids and nose, and then lips,

Behold my restlessness, do you think that this is something I can endure?

The moments stay still, the moon shines bright,

I will wait no longer, sweetheart, not really tonight.

so let me worship you like you deserve to be,

Tell me you want to feel me, love, tell me you want me.

Your warmth makes me go insane, I'm losing my mind,

you want to tell me the answers or you want me to find ?

Do not hide yourself from me anymore,

I promise you a new life, I promise to open a new door.

Let me make you feel special, let me make love,

Let me break every boundary to make you feel enough.

Never knew what a lucky person may feel,

Never understood why people make it a big deal,

But now I'm here with you, touching you and loving you,

I understood why lucky are really a very few.

You hold my gaze with your eyes,

This is where, love, this is where the restraint dies,

I touch your moles with my own lips,

Connecting the stars, not a place I'd miss.

And I feel your tears running down your cheeks,

I kiss them too, your despair is mine,

I'm here, I'll be here, for every tear, I'll pine.

You don't know, how this moment creates a bliss,

My teardrops on your face and my lips on yours,

there's my whole life, melted away in a kiss.

✒Dee

Then I saw them.

His eyes.

I saw him looking at her in a way I looked at him.

As the corner of my lips curved a little, I felt my heart breaking and all the other things in this world shattering away. I cursed all the mountains and seas, why was it me ? Why me? I looked upon the sky, holding the tears where they're trying to come out from, it was a battle of my own, where I didn't know myself anymore. All the happiness of the universe meant nothing in front that gaze and I understood, the face I wanted to hold, the love I wanted to give, the eyes I wanted to look at, the cheeks I wanted to kiss, the hairs I wanted to touch, the body I wanted to hug, the soul I wanted to cherish, the smile I'd die for, the hands I never wanted to let go of--- everything was there but not for me. Within a moment, I was left alone with no rights to be in love with you. So much of love that my mind went numb and I was still looking up, holding back all the grief I had restrained deep inside my core. It ached to go on and it ached to put an end.

-Dee