The "I'm Tired" Project

A project aiming to highlight the significance and lasting impact of everyday micro-aggressions and stereotypes. www.facebook.com/theimtiredproject

[theimtiredproject-blog]

Support The "I'm Tired" Project

The "I'm Tired" Project aims to highlight the micro-aggressions, assumptions and discriminations faced by everyday people.

Hey guys, happy new year to you all, you flawless beings!

Basically, we just want to say thank you so much for following us and showing support and we’d really appreciate if you would also think about donating to our project to help us continue expanding! We promise you lots of freebies as little tokens of thanks. And maybe also share with anyone you know who might be interested. We’d be so appreciative!

Lots of love from the most Tired gals about,

Paula and Harriet xxx

[theimtiredproject-blog]

Hello everyone, Over the next year, we plan to host a small exhibition, have been invited to give talks and workshops on our project and aim to travel and hold more shoots. However, as the project continues to grow and expand, unfortunately, as do our expenses. Recently, we’ve been asked a few times if prints of our pictures are available for purchase and we’re now thinking of making this possible in order to fund our project’s development but would first like to gauge how many of you would be interested in this and your opinion on what we should stock. We’d be incredibly grateful if you could help us out by filling out this short survey!

[theimtiredproject-blog]

Hello everyone

Firstly, thank you so much for liking, reblogging and generally just sharing the photographs from this project - it means the world to us that so many have been able to relate to the beautiful stories we've been lucky enough to help facilitate. If you would like to make a submission or get involved with the project in anyway, please drop us an email at [email protected] - we'd love to hear from you as we want to represent as many kinds of discrimination as possible and we know that we've only reached the tip of the iceberg! Additionally, if you would like to keep up with us and the project even more, please follow us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/theimtiredproject - we update our Facebook the most regularly out of all out social platforms. You can also find us on Instagram as theimtiredproject or on Twitter @imtiredproject. Lastly, if this project had taught us anything, it is that there are so many people out there who have been submitted to the same kind of prejudiced and alienating treatment - you are certainly not alone and we can only hope to offer some kind of support and relief through our project to those who have been marginalised.

[theimtiredproject-blog]

“I’m tired of my spouse not treating me as an equal.

"No one walks into a violent relationship willingly. The aggressor tends to be very charming and while some seek help after displaying abusive tendencies, it doesn’t always take long before their old ways come back.

"In this day and age, domestic violence still happens at an alarming rate and walking away is not always a viable option. While help is out there, it can be as scary as the abuse inflicted. Sometimes victims need a friend that can just listen without saying "just leave him”, but to remind them that they are strong, to believe in themselves and, most of all, that someone loves them in a way that does not hurt; letting them know that they are not damaged goes a long way.

“Thankfully, I am no longer in that relationship. After 7 years, I was finally tired of not being treated as an equal and I’m no longer afraid to say it. I receive therapy though a place called ‘ACMI House’ - I am so thankful for those women, the program and the counselling.

"There are so many who suffer through domestic violence and cannot speak about it to anyone. This problem is not getting any better. As society changes, the abuse remains, with verbal abuse being just as harmful as the physical kind. I believe we must teach children sooner about the effects of bullying as abuse is a learned behaviour. We teach them about drugs, let’s teach them about spousal abuse.”

A submission sent in to us at [email protected]

Photo credit: Audrina Sciacca Editing credit: Harriet Evans

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of assumptions being made about my eating habits because of my size. “So often I feel like I'm being watched every time I choose to indulge in a treat; people assume that because I'm big I must eat copious amounts of food all day long and be incredibly lazy, when really this is an incredibly misguided conjecture. In reality, I am extremely conscious of my calorie intake, ensuring that I eat both healthily and the right amount for my height and age. “Society makes me feel like I should be ashamed of my size and must lose weight in order to be accepted. This not only happens in everyday life but even doctors, despite being aware of my medical history, offer me weight loss surgery because even though they are aware that it is extremely hard for me to lose weight naturally, I must conform to the societal ideal that you must be slim in order to be happy and healthy – which is simply not true. “I have hypothyroidism which results in me having an extremely low metabolic rate. This means that although I train in the gym three times a week, take dance lessons once a week, and my job means that I am on my feet for up to ten hours a day, losing weight has become almost impossible for me – but my size does not mean that I am unhealthy. “Yet, people who barely know me make assumptions about my health simply on looks alone. I often receive comments such as ‘should you be eating that?’ ‘have you tried this diet?’ While perhaps having good intent, these comments serve no purpose other than to make me feel disgusting in my own skin. No one should be made to feel that way. Fortunately, I am strong enough to have confidence in my appearance; I am not unfit and I am happy. However, not everyone is necessarily as assured as I am, and people should be aware that their comments or even dirty looks can make people ill, depressed, and can lead to even worse consequences. “Everywhere you go, everywhere you look, magazines, billboards, TV, social media, they only use models who are size zero, making fuller figured people feel unattractive. I do not condone ‘skinny-shaming’ by any stretch of the imagination, but we need to create an atmosphere where you are accepted as beautiful no matter what size you are.” Photo credit: Harriet Evans Editing: Harriet Evans

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of people judging me for my accent. "People often assume I will think, respond, or act in a certain way based on the way I speak. I find myself being self conscious around new people because of my strong accent. My voice is often associated with a certain type of person and in turn I find it awkward to express certain views because I’m afraid of being labelled as ’typical’. This has lead me to be conscious of speaking too loudly in public due to the fear of people making nasty comments about me. "I have been judged countless times by both new acquaintances and strangers, with weighty assumptions often being made about my political views, family life, upbringing and level of intelligence simply because of how I naturally talk; which is both hurtful as well as completely untrue. This means I am now less confident in myself in social situations where I might be meeting new people. This is further exacerbated when people's misguided notion of who I am contradicts with their own viewpoints, meaning they take a disliking to me before they have a chance to get to know me. "Freedom of expression and speech is the central focus of so many discussions, however little is said about how society judges the way in which individuals speak or pronounce certain words, but this mode of discrimination is yet another tool by which society is able to fit people into boxes and label individuals with preconceived notions of who they are simply because of how they sound. Whilst it may not be a prolific as racial or sexual discrimination, it is extremely demoralising to be judged by my voice before being given a chance to express who I really am." Photo credit: Harriet Evans Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of 'feminism' being a dirty word. "The idea of 'being a feminist' all too often goes with the image of a man-hating, bra burning woman who never shaves, lest she is a victim of 'submitting to the patriarchy'. Feminism is only about gender equality. Its portrayal on social media has led to a stigma that I believe is toxic to the compassionate aims of true feminism – when there is complete equality between men and women, everyone stands to gain. "The trends #meninism and #Idontneedfeminism have flourished on twitter, because millions of women across the world “have not been victims”, or “do not feel any prejudices against [them]”. This selfish attitude in the ‘developed world’ utterly belittles the female struggle in countries where women cannot even get an education or vote. "I hope that one day, everyone will realise that feminism hurts no one, but promotes love and respect towards everyone in this world. "I am a feminist. I shave my legs and wear makeup. I am a feminist. Women and men are not yet equal. I am a feminist. Everyone else should be too." Photo credit: Paula Akpan Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of pretending I'm over my miscarriage. "It feels like something that is not openly talked about in society, and this has made it hard for me to grieve. It's not a subject I often come across in mainstream media, and I wasn't even aware of how physically painful it was, let alone emotionally. I had to tell myself for years I was over it, but I'm not. I just learnt to live with it. "I want this message to be stronger to other women and men who have lost a child through miscarriage - it's ok to grieve. Yes it was real and you have suffered a loss. And I feel your pain every step of the way. Let's not suffer in silence anymore." A submission sent in to us at [email protected]. Photo credit: Samuel Lee Rudd Editing: Harriet Evans

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I’m tired of self-policing in order to avoid stereotypes. "It’s frustrating being referred to as “sassy” when I voice an opinion or “having an attitude” because I’m honest about how I feel. More often than not, I find myself biting my tongue to avoid being categorised by people who are so keen to make me resemble the “strong independent black woman” they’ve seen on TV. "For years I buried my hoop earrings to the bottom of my jewelry box to avoid being branded as “ratchet”. Now, I see the models of Balmain’s most recent campaigns wear chunky, over-sized hoops down the red carpet, coveted as haute couture’s brightest stars. "I know my friends, male and female alike, don’t have to put half as much thought into the way they speak or dress or behave. I wonder how many of my white, female friends have ever been asked “so, you can twerk right?” on a night out, when simply standing at the bar? Or had a guy, mid-conversation, drop the line “I’ve always wanted to sleep with a white girl” - doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it? "When I was asked to contribute something to this project, I was pretty reluctant for fear of being dismissed as just another “angry black girl” - cos I’ve never heard that before- but it’s so important to highlight the real consequences of typecasting someone whether it’s based on their ethnicity, gender, sexuality or religion. So yes, I am TIRED of regulating how I speak, dress and act to get away from being the ghetto-ised, fetish-ised, audacious, overly-confident black woman you want me to be. Sorry to disappoint." Photo credit: Ming Au Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of hearing "that's gay". "Although society is far from perfect, I’m sure most would agree that in the past 200 years or so, we have come a tremendous way in terms of acceptance of one another. However, many still seem to think that using homophobic slurs are an appropriate and humorous way to ridicule others. I find it frustrating that some of my closest friends are still using language such as ‘that’s gay’, especially when there are some within my friendship circle who are themselves homosexual. Using sexuality as an insult continues to perpetuate the outdated concept that there is something ‘deviant’, ‘abnormal’ or generally ‘wrong’ about being gay. As a heterosexual male, I am fed up of witnessing ignorant slurs being thrown around in this manner, therefore I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like for those who are gay and may constantly experience this form of beratement and alienation. "Surely, as a generation, we are better educated and more socially aware, and are past insulting people for their sexuality? "It is my hope that we will stop using the phrase ‘that’s gay’ and others like it, to mock individuals; that we'll accept everyone for who they are, whether they identify as gay or any sexuality that isn't seen as the 'norm', and to embrace that no one should be ostracised for the parts of their identity which they cannot change as a way to criticise something else." Photo credit: Harriet Evans Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I’m tired of men thinking they have the right to catcall me. "In any village, town or city worldwide, females face perpetual commentary from men in the street, ranging from seemingly complimentary comments such as ‘you’re pretty’, to more obvious sexually objective ones as 'I'd tap that' , down to such commands as ‘come with me, sexy!’. Of course, with any gender-related issue, this problem works both ways: in no way am I trying to argue that men are free from the prying eyes and advances of women in day-to-day life, too. However, the real problem at heart is that ultimately, sexual comments from males to females more often than not are felt with a level of physical threat, being that at any given moment, a man (generally speaking) can choose to exert his physical power over a woman. The perpetrator is often unable to notice that what he perceives to be a ‘harmless’ comment of admiration can easily be felt as an abusive threat. For what reason must I be forced to ‘ignore’ or ‘endure’ these comments from strangers who have no regard for my personhood, other than the fact that my biological sex is female? "The reason is that ultimately, in standing up for myself, I am fully aware that I may be subjected to abuse: whether it be ‘frigid bitch!’, ‘stuck-up whore!’, or something considerably worse. To me, catcalling is an issue that lies on the same spectrum as violence against women, which no woman should ever feel that she should be forced to endure. Of course, the majority of these males may not have sinister intent: but as strangers, how are women supposed to be able to distinguish between who is making harmless comments, and who is making abusive threats?" Photo credit: Ming Au Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of people being surprised by my ambition. "Gender stereotypes and sexism have definitely improved. I'm so lucky to be living in a society where women are, generally speaking, subject to equal opportunities. "However, underlying implicit stereotyping still occurs. When my father's friends ask me about what I plan to do after university, their surprise at my plans and aspirations is genuinely quite offensive, often commenting 'wow, that's going to be a little difficult, isn't it?' or even, 'what about your boyfriend in all of these plans?' - I didn't realise that I had to consider my boyfriend when thinking about my career. It's almost as if relationships and marriage are still what women should 'focus' on, and that anything else will inevitably be 'difficult', especially if entering a male dominated profession, as I wish to enter. I think this shows that, although society has progressed (and this is something that we should not forget), we still have a way to go before we can finally celebrate equality." Photo credit: Ming Au Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of being shamed for having natural body hair. "When I was twelve years old, I realised having body hair as a woman was 'wrong'. I spent the next seven years meticulously making my body 'right'. "I now rarely shave a lot of my natural body hair, because I don't want to. It helps me to feel like my body is mine, and I feel beautiful this way. Yet I am constantly told that I shouldn't. "Through pressure from the media and through everyday interaction, I am constantly, consistently, subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) told I must adhere to a sexist beauty standard which deems the natural state of the adult woman's body unacceptable, even disgusting. Society is saturated with images and messages that tell me I should be ashamed of my choices, that tell me I do not have a choice at all but an obligation to meet these particular standards of attractiveness by removing my body hair. I am tired of feeling obligated. I am tired of succumbing to feelings of shame. I am tired of people treating my legs as a hilariously radical feminist statement. I am tired of this being a big deal. "My choices about my body, as a woman and as a human being, should be the concern of nobody else but me." Photo credit: Ming Au Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of being the angry black woman. "The media continues to draw on tired and irrelevant stereotypes when portraying black people – we are violent, we are criminals, and we appear to have only a basic grasp of the English language. The portrayal of black women is no different, the media persistently choosing to portray that sole black woman as the 'angry black woman'. These women are stubborn and unreasonably quick to anger. They enjoy emasculating the men close to them and are exceedingly upset and irate. It is a creeping stereotype that seems to shape the way we view the black women we encounter. But a black woman’s feelings should not be considered lesser simply because we are maybe more openly emotive or naturally 'sassy' than our white counterparts. "I’m tired of my feelings being regarded as simply a consequence of my race. The reasons for my rage and my anger should not be pushed aside and belittled simply because of the colour of my skin. I am strong, I am opinionated, and sometimes, maybe, I’m a little quick to anger, but I will not conform to your stereotypes." Photo credit: Ming Au Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of the unequal opportunities I get because of my gender. "My Dad always taught me and my sister that if we worked hard we could do anything that we wanted to do and nobody could stop us if we put our minds to it. Although he never specifically referred to gender, his words, now more than ever seem to resonate more strongly with me, due to the number of occasions where I have been dismissed due to my gender. This past year, the attention that the press and media have paid to women and their rights has been phenomenal, however there is still work to do. Time and time again, young girls and women are told that they can’t - the reason? Simply that they are not the ‘right’ gender. Girls grow up in a society which if they are not careful can teach them that they are a second class sex, this notion is ridiculous. Men and women need to work together, appreciate one another, and strive to teach the next generation that men and women are equal and deserve the same opportunities." Photo credit: Harriet Evans Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of being told that I'm too skinny for a guy. "I have always been naturally slim, never enough to be deemed clinically underweight, yet have heard this statement countless times; largely as just an offhand comment, sometimes as an insult, usually followed up with 'eat more', 'go to the gym', etc. Essentially I'm told that I need to change. And to me, what was initially just my genetics, and indeed something I was very content with, starts to become a source of insecurity. Why? Because I don't fit a particular masculine image? I don't understand it. You wouldn't draw attention to an individual's obesity, so in a similar vein, it is exhausting to repeatedly hear that I am 'too skinny'. "While I'm sure from this you could infer as to the wider misgivings of society, this doesn't seek to comment on 'skinny-shaming', the supposed 'crisis of masculinity', or anything of the like. Rather, I quite simply wish to suggest that nobody, male or female, should be judged on their body." Photo credit: Harriet Evans Editing: Ming Au

[theimtiredproject-blog]

"I'm tired of the poor being blamed for the sins of the rich. The difference between the income and ownership of capital of the richest and the poorest in our society is ever growing, but thanks to the efforts of our government and as the majority of our media is right wing, this problem is blamed on the most deprived sections of the population. The privilege some experience is to the detriment of the majority and this is either overlooked or invisible to people. Even the definition of poverty has been changed to imply it is caused solely by poor choices, not structural reasons. As social media allows more and more of our world to be able to communicate their opinion, I believe tools like these should be used to show that this problem is in fact being blamed on the wrong sector of our society. The elite minority of this country are more to blame for this issue than the poverty ridden underclass. It is quite unacceptable that inequality remains existing and increasing, but worse still that the victims of it should be held responsible for it." Photo credit: Harriet Evans