I just want to be beautiful
Reblog if your SICK of these things:
FAT thighs
FAT stomach
FAT arms
FAT face
FAT hands
FAT calves
FAT knees
FAT hips
FAT EVERYTHING.
I just want to be skinny…

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@themigitqueen
I just want to be beautiful
Reblog if your SICK of these things:
FAT thighs
FAT stomach
FAT arms
FAT face
FAT hands
FAT calves
FAT knees
FAT hips
FAT EVERYTHING.
I just want to be skinny…
TEXAS?!
…Texas?
how the fuck was texas the first state to make this illegal?????
To all states that don’t make harassing women with unsolicited “Dick pics” illegal…you are now being LESS PROGRESSIVE on this issue than TEXAS of all places
Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.
I have been waiting for this post all my life.
They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.
Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”
A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.
So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?
My friend you’re not wrong About Homer’s wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency;
Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You’ve given short shrift.
The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold.
By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree
Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved
For only the emperor!
The word ‘purple’, for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century
.
Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long
Is almost magenta; More red than blue. The concept of purple is old, and yet new.
The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue
.
While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.
But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.
Hirple - To limp or walk awkwardly
Cirple - An old Scots word for the hindquarters of a horse
“Roses are red, violets are purple,
My boner for you has caused me to hirple.”
…
My, how romantic!
DYING. I AM DYING.
Calling theshitpostcalligrapher! We need @theshitpostcalligrapher
@kiranovember u better buy this as a commission lmao
This post has evolved.
I am 100 percent all for every part of this thread. I have laughed loudly and long. Thank you, thou glorious purple-hirple rhyme.
Dog owners please be aware.
REBLOG THIS PLEASE
This is Snopes-confirmed. Also be aware this is very common in sugar free food of many kinds. The retriever puppy who I know of who died of xylitol poisoning got hold of a pack of sugar-free gum.
Always good to remind folks - if it has xylitol, KEEP IT AWAY FROM DOGS! It induces profound hypoglycemia and liver failure and is life-threatening :(
Xylitol is also the typical ingredient in sugar free candies and some baked goods. Other names, if you’re checking labels:
What other names is Xylitol known by? Birch Sugar, E967, Meso-Xylitol, Méso-Xylitol, Sucre de Bouleau, Xilitol, Xylit, Xylite, Xylo-pentane-1,2,3,4,5-pentol.
A list of brands and products containing xylitol
what do you mean fairies aren’t real. I’m standing right here
Bonus:
He’s the best character in that entire series. Change my mind.
Old art I never finished or posted (for obvious reasons)
hmm, id say, for obvious reasons, this is fucking perfect as is
@muffinlance
can you imagine how freaky shark mermaids would be like unlike sharks, shark mermaids would have actual arms/hands and could rely on touching things with their hands to see if they’re prey rather than having to bite like sharks do. like youre just swimming in the ocean and suddenly you feel a strong grip on your leg, you freak the FUCK out because uh what????? the fuck??? youre swimming alone in the ocean??
a head pops out of the water, dorsal fin pointed from its back and it just points at you and says in a low whisper: “i thought you were a seal. please dont swim alone like this, im sorry i scared you i just wanted to see what you are” and then disappears back into the depth. what the fuck.
while “zuko sent to find one single person who hasnt existed in 100 years and then he actually does” can be very funny in concept, can we just talk about how fucking heartbreaking it must be for iroh?
like. he knows this is an impossible task. and it does happen–yes! in the first episode, so maybe we don’t even think about it that much! but when ozai tells zuko to go find the avatar, it’s an impossible task. and iroh knows this. and zuko might have everything riding on this, and he’s a kid and hasn’t learned what’s impossible yet, and so he’s plugging his ears and saying “i can do it! i can do it and then dad will love me again!”, but iroh knows the only reason this specific task was assigned is because ozai doesn’t want him. he doesn’t want him back. ozai didn’t want him to betray them so he gave him a little hope, a little “of course i could still love you, you can come back, that’s a possibility, just don’t disappoint me” because, you know, he’s an abusive dick. but iroh knows his brother, and he knows
i think as a kid, while i loved loved iroh, it was a little hard to reconcile his silly moments with his wise moments. it’s not anymore
i’m just thinking of the pai sho tile, and how silly it seemed at the time that it was just in his sleeve. silly old man! so forgetful
no. no, that wasn’t it at all
because every moment he stalled, every moment he mucked up the plan, every moment he just generally wasn’t helpful, that was another moment where he could still have a chance. where he might get through to zuko. where he could delay what was suddenly now a very real possibility:
that ozai sent zuko away, but zuko would actually come back, expecting to be loved. and that’s what iroh didn’t want to happen. winning ozai’s love was more unrealistic than finding someone who’d been dead for 100 years, in the end
While watching the show it never occurred to me that Iroh was stalling to avoid the confrontation Zuko would have with his father’s undeniable rejection. I always thought it was to prevent Aang from actually being captured. to save the world- not to save Zuko. But this adds such a deep and beautiful layer to it.
avatar, throwing scraps at me: you want some handsome early twenties Zuko huh? you want your childhood crush updated to your current age huh?
me, in crisis:
au where Zhao survives to see Zuko become Fire Lord and in their first meeting after the fact Zuko’s like “I am the leader of a nation and I will be a mature adult and I will not insult you BUT MY FRIENDS CAN, SOKKA GET IN HERE” and he makes Zhao stand there while Sokka roasts him for like an hour
My favourite thing about Zuko joining the Gaang is how seamlessly he assumes the position of:
sleep-deprived
over-aggravated
strict
parent, forced to play bad cop, to keep the children on task.
And my absolute favourite (without missing a beat):
Which is a pretty accurate approximation of daily conversations with a toddler.
THAT’S JUST IT ABOUT ZUKO. He became the missing piece the gaang sorely needed because he IS the central father figure taking care of the toddlers.
This is a character who’s been prepped for leadership for years. He knows he could potentially rule the firenation one day. His uncle has been secretly grooming him while aboard the battleship WHICH Zuko runs. He’s the leader of a small batallion of fire nation soldiers. He’s a prince. He understands what it means to be a leader. He understands sacrifice. Can you imagine from his perspective exactly what it was like to join the Gaang? The people who’ve thwarted him all this time, really ARE just children.
He finds out Aang really IS a literal child. Sokka is mostly self taught as all paternal figures he could have had teach him left for war at a young age. So he’s very much Junior as to what it means to be a leader. Toph led a very sheltered life of female nobility, learning to be seen not heard. And she lashes out in full blown preteen angst. Katara has the mom of the group part down because by god SOMEONE had to step up and be an authoritative figure to the babies!
So here comes Zuko thinking the Gaang might just be as war worn as he is. They’ve got all their shit together and must be, like him, mature for their ages. DING DONG HE WAS WRONG. He’s a practical adult with a lot of life experience trying to wrangle children in to saving the freakin world. No wonder he’s sleep deprived, aggrivated, and strict. He thought he was dealing with professionals. Like what he’s used to. Instead he just adopted 3 kids and is sharing custody with Katara.
ITS SO CUTE I HAVE TO REBLOG IT AGAINN
I WANNA BE THIS KIND OF PARENT
Best Bedtime Routine
listen the truth of the matter is that none of sasuke’s former classmates would know who tf he is if naruto and sakura shut up about him for 2 seconds
naruto: we still gotta get sasuke back to the village
kiba: who
naruto: sasuke
kiba: idk her sorry
naruto: you know. sasuke. former classmate sasuke.
kiba: ???
naruto: you, akamaru, neji, choji, shikamaru, and me got sent on a mission to go get him back when we were like 13 and all of us almost died
kiba: buddy I almost die every other week that’s not very helpful
sasuke: I’m gonna become hokage
ino: not trying to be rude or anything but who are you again???? you seem kinda familiar but I can’t figure it out
lee: hi! what’s your name
sasuke: lee it’s me. sasuke.
lee: oh! sorry have we met before???
sasuke: yes. we fought once
lee: really??? did I win?
sasuke:
sasuke: no. I won. easily.
lee: that doesn’t sound right
sasuke: well it’s true
sasuke: don’t worry guys I’m here to help save-
hinata: who tf is this clown
shino: don’t ask me fuck if I know
tenten: idk his hair’s ugly
hinata: OH WAIT you’re the guy naruto and sakura are always talking about!
naruto: YES finally someone-
hinata: why???? your hair’s ugly
i love cutthroat kitchen but bingewatching makes it really stand out how often alton brown refers to himself as ‘daddy’ and makes contestants wear spreader bars
I’m sorry what
you heard me
#I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW KNOW WHERE TO BUY THE EXACT FETISH GEAR THEY USE ON MY FAVORITE COOKING SHOW
@genericrevenge
OKAY BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY USING SPREADER BARS ON A COOKING SHOW??!??! DOESNT THAT MAKE IT KINDA HARD TO COOK???!?
kinda, yeah
@datas-vibrating-robot-dong this seems like your speed
That logo looks familiar.
WHAT
OH MY GOD
We met Alton Brown at a show he did here - we paid the extra cash to meet him and get a blurry cellphone pic with him and have him sign a picture. He noticed my (male) companion’s pocket watch, and proceeded to order him to take it out of his pocket. It wasn’t obnoxious, it was in a Dom tone that brooked no argument. So he complied. When he found out it wasn’t wound, and so not working, he was deeply disappointed, and told him to do better next time.
If this guy isn’t a Dom, I’ll eat that spreader bar.
This post just keeps going new places every reblog cycle.
Every time this post comes around it has another plot twist
The first time I saw this post, I had just finished telling my husband that Alton overuses the word “lube” on Good Eats when he’s referring to oiling up a pan. Alton knows exactly what he’s doing.
say what now?
even with those four numbers there are countless possible combinations good luck with figuring out which one is the right one you punk
*straightens calculator*
It’s pretty likely that it’s a four digit number, and as there are four digits chosen there, that means that there cannot be any repetition. This mean that there are:
n!/(n-4)! possible orders. As ‘n’ is 4 (number of digits available). 4!/0! which becomes 4x3x2x1/1 which simplifies to 24. That means that there are 24 possible combinations of codes. This would take you about two or three minutes to input all possible codes.
Unless an alarm goes off if you don’t get it right in 3 tries
*straightens calculator again*
Kick the fucking door in
well ‘technically’ the code is most likley 1970. statistically, a majority of people, when told to choose a 4 digit code will choose their birth year. and this key pad is obviously a few years old to put it nicely, thats most likley it.
some sherlock holmes shit just went down over here
No, no, no. Don’t base your deductions of psychology. Let’s talk chemistry. When you first press a button, there’s more of the natural oils on your skin, and therefore it wears down the numbers on the keys faster. Obviously 0 is the first one, then. Try 0791 first.
Sherlock out.
it got better
and this is why the sherlock fandom could either rule the world or end it….
Close, but not quite, I think. People will almost always choose a number they can remember. What’s memorable about 0791? Try 0719 - a birthday, 19th of July. That is more likely.
Those deductions are great and all, but unnecessary.
The light is green.
The door is already open.
And that’s why we have a John Watson.
This is “top 10 favorite posts” level.
Omg, it’s actually on my dash! This post is like a fossil!
I have only seen this post from screenshots. Today, I’ve been blessed 😎
five word prompts
[inspired by this]
“actually… i just miss you.”
“alright, i’ll leave you alone.”
“and slowly… i was forgotten.”
“and then everything just disappears.”
“and where do i go?”
“anyone could tell from here.”
“are you finishing that or…?”
“are you stupid or stupid?”
“anything, just call me, okay?”
“bitch better have my money.”
“bro… that’s so… not cool…”
“but did you do it?”
“call me now. it’s urgent.”
“can’t you listen to me?”
“cross that. don’t answer that.”
“don’t even think about it.”
“don’t you dare walk away.”
“do it. i dare you.”
“did you think i forgot?”
“eventually… you just move on.”
“even if you still do.”
“everything will fall into place.”
“fight me, you attractive stranger.”
“for once, i need you.”
“for once… i was right.”
“for once… i was wrong.”
“forget i even asked you.”
“forget it. you fucking suck.”
“fuck’s sake, what’s your problem?”
“fuck off. i mean it.”
“give and take. that’s life.”
“great. perfect. nice. fuck this.”
“have you lost your mind?”
“hello? it’s me. i was-”
“hey… that wasn’t so nice.”
“here’s a glass of whatever.”
“how about a hug, hm?”
“how about you make me?”
“i haven’t forgot you yet.”
“i can’t be around you.”
“i don’t need you, really.”
“i don’t need this now.”
“is this your first time?”
“it’s just a cut, really.”
“it wasn’t me, i swear!”
“i said i love you.”
“just don’t fuck it up.”
“just… come back alive, okay?”
“just make sure you’ve eaten.”
“kick his ass for me.”
“killed him? wait, what, literally?”
“life really sucks. feel better.”
“letting go hurts… a lot.”
“let me live, will you?”
“no, i don’t need you.”
“nothing can hurt me now.”
“nothing matters anymore to me.”
“okay it was me… so?”
“people lie all the time.”
“pipe the fuck down, asshole.”
“please, you can’t die now.”
“please don’t leave me alone.”
“quiet. they can hear us.”
“quick! give me your phone!”
“quicker, you freaking piece of-”
“quit it or i’ll bite.”
“quit staring! they’ll notice us!”
“really? do i look stupid?”
“real smooth, tripping over air.”
“rise and shine, sweet thing.”
“rise and fucking shine, motherfucker.”
“seriously? give me a break.”
“so… what are we now?”
“so… did you miss me?”
“so… can we go eat?”
“so… when’s the next flight?”
“so… how did everything go?”
“sometimes, i wish you died.”
“so what? you did it.”
“time passes slower without you.”
“then what do you suggest?”
“the fuck? who are you?”
“then you tell me why.”
“this is not working out.”
“this isn’t what i wanted.”
“this is all a fucking disaster.”
“when did it all happen?”
“who knew you’d be here?”
“why do i even bother?”
“why do i love you?”
“why didn’t you tell me?”
“you’re just… so, so stupid.”
“you can’t be here now.”
“you look like an accident.”
“you really need to go.”
“you know who to call.”
“zero fucks given. next please.”
Please request something 😫