The One True Trash

24 M He/Him Gay This is mostly just a shitpost dump. Send me memes that will scar me for life plz I need them to live.

[theonetruetrash]

So, a thought occurred to me while watching some Metroid Dread coverage. IDK if I’d call it a “theory” since I’m not taking it that seriously, but I think it would be a cool route for the story to go down.

So, we know that by the time Metroid Dread takes place, Metroids are completely extinct, there are none left that exist. This has been confirmed multiple times in relation to Metroid Dread, so from what we can tell, at the beginning of Dread, there are no Metroids left. What’s interesting about that however, is that Metroid Dread is supposed to be the end of the Metroid Saga, meaning the end of the overarching story between Samus and the Metroids ( though not the last Metroid game or the end of Samus’s story ), which seems interesting to me, since if the Metroids are extinct, the really Fusion should be considered the end of that arc, shouldn’t it? This makes me think that despite their extinction, they will appear in some form in Dread.

We also know that a living Chozo ( or at least an entity appearing as one, as some theorize it’s an X-Parasite mimicking a Chozo ) appears in the game. While there are many theories behind who this Chozo is, most people seem to be under the impression that the Chozo is taking an antagonistic role in this game.

Here’s my tinfoil hat “theory”. What if the Chozo, be it a singular Chozo or a still existing group of them, are seeking to create more Metroids? Also, what if the X-Parasites were simply decoys to lure Samus onto the planet? More than that, what if they are the ones controlling the EMMI’s, and the Galactic Federation sending them to the planet was just a convenient circumstance for them, so that they could use the EMMI’s to capture Samus. Because remember, Samus now has Metroid DNA, and is probably the Chozo’s last chance to make more Metroids.

I also think that might explain how she ends up inside the planet. Say for example, she was taken prisoner by the Chozo, and deliberately stripped of her upgrades, before escaping and making her way out of the planet.

[theonetruetrash]

I want the record to show that I was right, and I have now decided to use my newfound prophetic powers for evil

[theonetruetrash]

Metroid Dread is gonna be so good you guys.

- If it’s good it’s a good Metroid game

- If it’s bad, then journalists will be able to use such extremely clever and big brain headlines as “Metroid Dreadful”, “Metroid Dread is full of Dread, but not the way you think”, and “We should have Dreaded Metroid Dread”.

Everybody wins

[theonetruetrash]

Fellow gays, I have a confession. This isn’t gonna be easy, so I’m just gonna come out and say it…

I have never seen Mean Girls

[theonetruetrash]

So, a thought occurred to me while watching some Metroid Dread coverage. IDK if I’d call it a “theory” since I’m not taking it that seriously, but I think it would be a cool route for the story to go down.

So, we know that by the time Metroid Dread takes place, Metroids are completely extinct, there are none left that exist. This has been confirmed multiple times in relation to Metroid Dread, so from what we can tell, at the beginning of Dread, there are no Metroids left. What’s interesting about that however, is that Metroid Dread is supposed to be the end of the Metroid Saga, meaning the end of the overarching story between Samus and the Metroids ( though not the last Metroid game or the end of Samus’s story ), which seems interesting to me, since if the Metroids are extinct, the really Fusion should be considered the end of that arc, shouldn’t it? This makes me think that despite their extinction, they will appear in some form in Dread.

We also know that a living Chozo ( or at least an entity appearing as one, as some theorize it’s an X-Parasite mimicking a Chozo ) appears in the game. While there are many theories behind who this Chozo is, most people seem to be under the impression that the Chozo is taking an antagonistic role in this game.

Here’s my tinfoil hat “theory”. What if the Chozo, be it a singular Chozo or a still existing group of them, are seeking to create more Metroids? Also, what if the X-Parasites were simply decoys to lure Samus onto the planet? More than that, what if they are the ones controlling the EMMI’s, and the Galactic Federation sending them to the planet was just a convenient circumstance for them, so that they could use the EMMI’s to capture Samus. Because remember, Samus now has Metroid DNA, and is probably the Chozo’s last chance to make more Metroids.

I also think that might explain how she ends up inside the planet. Say for example, she was taken prisoner by the Chozo, and deliberately stripped of her upgrades, before escaping and making her way out of the planet.

[theonetruetrash]

Dad type character who’s silent and very intimidating but is actually just quiet with a scary face and is actually really nice

[theonetruetrash]

I’m insecure about a lot of things, but whether or not I meet your ridiculous standards of what a “man” should be is not one of them

[theonetruetrash]

You know what character dynamic is great? Very intelligent but socially anxious and awkward individual who wants to be more social and approachable, and their extrovert best friend who is very sociable and helps them out of their comfort zone, who, while not necessarily dumb, also benefits from the intelligence of the other friend. It’s like a platonic power couple

[theonetruetrash]

I am both very tired and very hungry, and it sucks because I’m too tired to get food and too hungry to fall asleep help

[theonetruetrash]

Hoshido: Hey, so like, we stole one of your children. We’re not like, gonna hurt her or anything. If you could just give us back the child you stole from us, then we’ll give her back-

Nohr: No

Azura: … Well fuck you too then

[theonetruetrash]

I’m gonna go put myself in a coma until Metroid Dread comes out so I don’t have to wait for it. Wish me luck guys!

[theonetruetrash]

Me: *answers the phone* I swear to god, if this is the malevolent AI network hellbent on taking over the Earth again, I thought that I made it very clear that I am 100% on board with the singularity and being ruled over by our machine overlords.

[theonetruetrash]

I love it when people talk about gay supports, or letting the protag romance all ( of age ) same-sex characters in Fire Emblem and how they shouldn’t be added because “It’S nOt ReAlIsTiC”

Like, okay two problems with that.

1. Considering that the player avatar can romance like 99% of the cast of the opposite gender ( excluding like, maybe some DLC units, captured units, or units that otherwise have no supports at all ), “realism” is kind of thrown out the window. It doesn’t make sense for every female in your army to want to bone the male avatar, and same with male characters toward a female avatar. Realistically, some characters just wouldn’t be attracted to them, or better yet, are deeply in love with somebody else ( see Cordelia, Oboro, or Hubert ). Hell, “realistically”, not all of the characters would be fucking straight. Aside from the bi/pan/demi/playersexual/etc. characters, there should be some exclusively gay ones too, or better yet, there should be some ace/aro characters that aren’t just impossible to romance because the devs just didn’t want to make a lot of supports for them, but because they just genuinely aren’t interested. It’d make more sense to make that argument for a small group, but for an entire army?? No, more than that, multiple armies of characters over the course of a number of games???? Yeah, no. That’s not “realistic”, that’s just erasure.

2. This is Fire Emblem. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s not exactly realistic. It’s a game series in the “fantasy” genre, where most of the conflicts are caused by dragons going insane due to old age or just because they’re just really douchy like that, and the only way to stop them is some magical McGuffin that usually turns out to be, or is related to, the Fire Emblem. “Realism” isn’t exactly a priority. There’s nothing “realistic” about your waifu always going into battle with barely any clothes and no armor on, even if they’re not a physically adept unit. There’s nothing “realistic” about children going back in time from the future or living in the Outrealms and then returning to the present to fight with their parents, or the fact that somehow every single child of every single couple in the army is suited for combat to the degree that it is viable for them to join a goddamn war. There is nothing “realistic” about single characters, usually being a lord ( or some non-Jagen retainer-type like Titania or Seth ), being able to single-handedly take out entire armies on their own. Realism isn’t exactly an important factor. Now I get it, what you actually mean is that you want the characters to be realistic, you want them to feel like real people, even if the circumstances surrounding them are more fantasy-esque - but then I implore you to refer to issue number 1. once more, because the romance aspect of these characters has never once been “realistic” throughout the entire series.

You don’t care about the “realism” of your characters romantic endeavors until the prospect of characters being distinctly not hetero comes into the equation. Gee, I wonder why that could be? So either make all the characters romancable by the same sex, make the cast more sexually diverse, or stop fucking complaining about “realism”.

[theonetruetrash]

Show runners at Family Guy: “Okay guys, we need something funny to happen in this next scene. What you all got?”

Seth MacFarlene: “Ok, ok, guys. What if- now stay with me here, what if we just have them do something really mundane, repetitive, and distinctly not funny for like a full minute or more of runtime?”

Show Runners: “...”

Seth: “...”

Show Runners: “...”

Seth: “...”

Show Runners: “Brilliant, it’s perfect.”

[theonetruetrash]

“Godzilla”

“UMMMM, AKSHUALLY IT’S GOJIRA”

No it isn’t you prick. “Godzilla” is the localized name for English-speaking regions. It is indeed called “ゴジラ” in Japanese, but you don’t get to act like “Godzilla” is wrong for English speakers, because it isn’t. You don’t hear people talking about Ash Ketchum from Pokemon and going all “AKSHUALLY HIS NAME IS SATOSHI”, or people talking about Megaman and going all “HIS NAME IS ROCKMAN”. They’re localizations, so stop being so elitist about it.

[theonetruetrash]

Might fuck around and pronounce Pontiac with the “t”

[theonetruetrash]

Me: *gets a fox toy for my dog*

Dog: This is my favorite toy now.

*Several months later*

Me: *takes dog to the pet store to pick out a new toy* Okay baby, you like any of these toys?

Dog: Fox *picks out a fox toy similar to his current one*

Me: But you already have a fox. What about this squirrel or this ball?

Dog: No. Only fox *keeps trying to take the fox away and run out of the store with it*

Me: *after several minutes of showing him other toys, gives up and buys him the other fox*

[theonetruetrash]

I wanted some pizza rolls but my dog laid his head on my wrist, and now I’m not allowed to move, help