Aphrodeity

Ryan/Aphrodeity, 26, SL, UT Male (he/him), drag, rpg, pokemon, existential crisis shitposting blog. Instagram: instagram.com/theonlyaphrodeity

[only-tiktoks]

[devantnuit-ladeluge]

[cryoverkiltmilk]

The absolute contempt for these locks is palpable.

[iwanthehawktuahcookie]

Once Upon A Time is a great show because I can tell my friends actual plot threads and they sound fake af. Like yeah little bo peep just showed up because she's a debt collector war lord and interrupted prince charming and Annas meeting on charmings farm

[beardedmrbean]

Next up someone is going to claim that the Narnia series isn't kids books.

Kids books is probably not the best way to word it, you can enjoy them at every age, including your childhood, as you get older you may find new truths in them, but they're still good for any age.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

interesting kink assortment on the dash

[theasianinfluence]

Here's the sound of appletun's little feet without background music

[terra-nightgale]

OMG I CAN HAZ TUMBLR

so yea, i made a blog and now i need to post stuff XD

[flareonfloof]

omg finally

[terra-nightgale]

i’m going to blow up everything forever.

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[malibuklaus]

[tpwrtrmnky]

The idea of Mario and Peach having any kind of relationship beyond the occasional kiss on the nose and "mama mia" is like viscerally incomprehensible to me

Not like in a prude way I just can't conceive of Mario experiencing... urges. He's a character outside the scope of that. I'm not saying he's asexual either cause positioning him on the allo/ace spectrum implies that it's a dimension of his character that at least exists, that he has at some point noticed it. I think he just jumps.

[tpwrtrmnky]

Luigi probably fucks though.

[tpwrtrmnky]

#op interrogate yourself about why you think this right fucking now

So unlike Mario, who continues to be essentially a void with no internality, I actually act with thoughts and intent and already did do that when writing this post.

Mario is a mascot of one of the most sanitized corporate brands in existence. He differs from real, full-fledged ace people in that his sexlessness is not queer, not transgressive in any sense of the word, just a void left by his position as a player character. He has no queer identity because he has no identity beyond the fact that it's-a-him, Mario.

[antigyro]

Ok but why is Luigi different

[tpwrtrmnky]

displays internality by being capable of fear. to fear is to have something to lose. and what does he stand to lose? fucking.

[jarmes]

Similarly, I don’t know if Peach could comprehend the concept of sex. There is no light beyond that blank stare. She doesn’t not understand anything besides baking and being a princess

Daisy fucks nasty

[tpwrtrmnky]

Peach lives a life that is almost entirely defined by her position as an object of other people's desire, wherein she is robbed of autonomy by Bowser and expected to reward Mario with signs of affection. I think if anyone in Mario has complex thoughts about sexuality to work through with a therapist, it's Peach.

[demilypyro]

What I'm hearing is Daisy needs to take Peach to a strip club

[tpwrtrmnky]

It's crucial to help her escape from comphet

[bish0ps]

omg if i was an oracle i would be LYYYYYINGGGG

[doublism]

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

[servicebunny]

It just shifted to spanking your puppy’s ass, to make them take that thick knot. Like the good little play thing they are.

[doublism]

i don't really think it's like that at all

[divergent998-blog]

[jjbang8]

His wife has filled his house with chintz. To keep it real I fuck him on the floor.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

[human-pet-they]

COME ONNN

[jacebeleren]

did i post this here

[certainly-april]

Ragebaiting my fat dog? More like master baiting my fat hog!!!!!!!!

[grimoiremanifest]

❗️Great Hog is displeased by this.

The kingly pig looks taken aback by this statement. "You claim to be 'baiting' our kind?.. A master of it, no less - after all the trust we hsve placed in you?"

- Your relationship with the Hog Society 🐖 is now Unfavourable.

[certainly-april]

[mclennonyaoi]

autistic people who carry stuffed animals around with them always get a lot of shit but sometimes you really just do need a friend to make things easier . the calvin and hobbes pro strategy

[mclennonyaoi]

like thats my friend #myfriend .

[emergency-broadcast-system]