READY, WILLING, CAIN AND ABEL

[theregulargatsby]

if anyone out there can bring me back to that picture of a worm in someone’s hand who appears to have a tiny sliver of wood it’s holding like a paintbrush paired with one of those old meme format poems like this, PLEASE help me refind it:

and it definitely had misspellings in it but i can’t remember those —

my name is worm

i live in ground

and through the dark

i squirm around

people tell me all the time

i’m far too yuck

with too much slime

but i think worm

is good to be

i take a stick

i draw a me

[inthesensethat-deactivated20240]

[lew-basnight]

All the guys at prager u spending a sweaty three-day weekend making sure they can’t get pregnant together

[transhuman-priestess]

You guys do know you're supposed to reblog things, right

[transhuman-priestess]

"well i like this post but i'm worried my followers might not" fuck your followers. The entire point of tumblr is to cause irreparable psychic damage to your followers. We are locked in mortal combat on the astral plane. You must win. You Must Win. You Must Destroy Them.

[fluorescentbrains]

citationless behavior

[carlyraejepsans]

[foone]

Friendly reminder for any other people on the autism spectrum:

It's not recommended to offer to kill someone's dad, especially if you're talking to a stranger

[thoughtfuldragon]

may I please have more context?

[foone]

Sometimes dads are terrible and should die, and you can console people by offering to rid them of this troublesome parent, but you should be friends with the person before making the offer

[dustedonrouteguano]

how the fuck are we supposed to make friends if not through gestures of patricide?

[foone]

Unknown. I'll provide updates if I ever figure it out

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

people these days love to misuse mental health terms. "oh you're delusional" "you're a narcissist". these are real words with clinical meanings. don't use them against me because when i walked into the carpark all the cars were talking to each other and they were talking about me

[greelin]

in case you needed to hear it today:

it’s okay to use your turn signal when you’re changing lanes

it’s okay to use your turn signal when you’re taking an exit

it’s okay to use your turn signal when you plan on turning (can even be done sooner than 2 seconds before you’re about to turn)

you have a turn signal. in your vehicle. two of them in fact.

you are so brave and beautiful and smart and can do it. using your turn signal

[catmask]

im not an animal scientist or anything but i also don't think this is like anthropormorphizing something that's not actually there - has anyone else thought about how insane it is that cats can like. meow questioningly. like that when they're 'asking a question' or confused they will lilt the end of their meow up in tone like we do when we ask a question. this is fucking me up so bad do they learn that from us?????? are they capable of understanding what that means????

[catmask]

i seriously got like moved to tears today when i realized when i'm looking for my cat i'll call his name like "harbor? harbor?" with a lilt at the end of the name and when he doesn't know where i am he meows that way too. he meows like he's calling out a name and i don't. know how to react to that. i left my impression on this little living thing without even meaning to just. because i love him. i didnt even mean to but i did

[flagellant]

Oh sunk-cost fallacy, we're really in it now. We are in fact so really in it that if we quit now then everything we did would have all been for nothing and so we have to keep going in

[ballwizard]

why do coffee makers growl at you. What's the point of all that

[tragedyposting]

They’re called baristas and they’re working very hard, they deserve to let off steam however they’d like.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Well I would give a medieval peasant some spaghetti.

[what-even-is-thiss]

1. They don’t have forks. I would hand them a fork with it and see what they do.

2. They don’t have tomatoes. This is something they can never experience again

3. I would let them keep the plate because it’s a nice plate and I think they’d like it

[predatory-lesbians]

i love it when a post comes with its own FAQs

[good-fwiend-in-wome]

what the fuck do you mean they didn't have tomatoes

[what-even-is-thiss]

Tomatoes are not native to Afroeurasia and generally wouldn’t have been available on that continent before the Colombian exchange. When we refer to medieval peasants we’re usually referring to the poor of Europe and west Asia between the fall of the Roman Empire and the beginning of what we now call the Renaissance and Enlightenment periods. A time before the so-called age of exploration and colonization brought food such as tomatoes, maize, and potatoes to Afroeurasia and domesticated animals such as pigs and chickens to the Americas. European cuisine of the poor and rich alike before the Colombian exchange would still have been tasty with their wide selection of game meat, herbs, vegetables, and grains, but tomatoes would not have been available to them and that’s why I want to give a medieval peasant a plate of Italian-American style spaghetti with marinara sauce just like dad used to make

[juh-was-deactivated19691231-dea]

wait so. italy? i guess it’s not called afroeurasitaly, but…so “italian” food used to not have tomatoes? until they came from the americas? and they they what, decided “hey let’s just rebuild our national identity around these tasty christmas tree ornaments”? centuries of italy were lasagna-free and i’m just supposed to accept this

[what-even-is-thiss]

They had lasagna. It just didn’t look like what we think of lasagna today. It was more like layers of flat noodles with spices and cheese on a plate that you ate with your hands rather than a baked dish.

If you look at ancient Roman food there’s certain things we’d recognize as “Italian” like olive oil or fermented fish sauce or cheese but the flavor profile is completely different and pasta isn’t anywhere to be found. They also had herbs and spices that have since become unpopular or even gone extinct.

A lot of things we view as unmovable and unchanging about certain culture’s cuisines are incredibly recent developments. Modern Indian cuisine for example can be traced back to a singular guy in the 16th century. And these days lard is considered to be integral to making tamales but that wasn’t used until the Spanish brought over pigs and cows.

Food culture is something that can change very rapidly. Sometimes within a single generation. People generally use what they have available and what’s available can change at a moment’s notice.

[ailius-suffers-through-art]

This feels like watching a clown get questioned by the crowd before they pull out a history textbook and proceed to whack the audience repeatedly with it

[what-even-is-thiss]

That sums up pretty well what it’s like to be me yeah

[sevenrelics]

Lesbians Love Him:

local carpenter and universe savior just friends with a lot of lesbians, reports say

[sevenrelics]

nothing i ever post will ever be as funny at this and i’m fucking pissed

[tastefullyoffensive]

[karrakazz]

the key to understanding kermit is that line from the original muppet series where lesley anne warren is like "i thought you were the only person here who wasn't crazy" and kermits like "me not crazy? i hired the others" that guy loves chaos. he loves crazy shit, and he loves being the guy who has to handle the crazy shit. he deliberately creates these circumstances! he puts himself in these positions! and then he's like "i cant believe youre making me do this." anyway that frog is more human than any of us

[0ctoberrustt]

the alternative girl with pathetic boyfriend thing has to end

[redpandarascal]

Hi, I run a small Etsy business selling replica Scott Pilgrim cosplay items. You’re personally hurting my livelihood by saying this. Think about the effect your words have on others.

[luntfontanne]

50-60 people abandoning their cars on the bay bridge during morning rush hour, throwing their keys into the fucking bay, holding a die-in, chaining themselves together… coolest motherfuckers in san francisco

[slowwshoww]

article from the guardian, nov 16 2023

[scientia-rex]

My greatest tragedy is that I literally always want a nap, right up until ten pm, when I feel utterly alive and electrified.