Clover

Any pronouns 25

[thoughtportal]

[redstonedust]

the saying about rose tinted glasses has a real truth to it. have you ever worn actual rose tinted glasses in real life. like those candy heart shapes ones. it fucking rules. you look cool AND everything looks a little bit like it has an instragram filter on it. cannot reccomend my rose tinted glasses enough #myrosetintedglasses

[kragehund-est]

"the best revenge is living well" ok can i have the second best revenge then? preferably one where he gets hit by a meteor and goes bankrupt?

[is-that-sand-in-my-waffles]

There's "committing to the bit" and then there's whatever the fuck Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster were doing on television every week from 2006-2014

[aropride]

first rule of december 26-31 don’t think about your life

[troutlawyer]

Grandmas were so right about puzzles and knitting and crocheting and solitaire and reading slow and slippers and baking and watching deer in the backyard send post

[innerchildabortionclinic]

haven't seen anyone say it yet so I will: a lot of what's portrayed as "girlhood" on social media is actually just having parents with money. and people act as if being raised like that is a girl experience. i've never had my dads credit card I don't even know where that guy is rn

[hazeldomain]

Poll: if your mom remarries when you’re 26 years old is that guy still your stepdad or is he just your mom’s husband.

[hazeldomain]

The poll winner seems to be “depends on whether you like him” which is super valid.

Mine watches fox news so “mom’s husband” it is!

[brainsforbabyjesus]

My family has a great way of distinguishing between a new spouse you like and new spouse you disdain!

Your mom/aunt/grandma/etc remarries and they are actually a cool person, you use their first name. So if you were to introduce them they would be: Aunt Jane and Bob.

If your mom/aunt/grandma/etc remarries and they are a fuckwad you introduce them as: this is Aunt Jane and her second husband. The implication being that they are very replaceable and that we’re all just waiting for her to wise up to the situation and serve you divorce papers, she did it once, she can do it again.

[hazeldomain]

MAGNIFICENT

[readysetyeet]

Alright, but what if my mom on her third marriage found a decent man, but my mother herself is shitty

[devilboyblues]

"my stepdad's wife"

[helepikolik]

@sapphic-sargent your tags omg

You are doing God’s work

[segamascott]

[innerchildabortionclinic]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

sure wish pelicans would stop fucking doing that

Dare I ask, doing what?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

DOING FUCKING THAT

[priceydirt]

u jealous?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I am SO JEALOUS

but I’m even more jealous of the fact they can also do THIS

[themadhatt3risbored]

IT DOES AND NOW I CAN’T UNHEAR IT

I think you guys might like to see an emerald tree boa yawning.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

HOLY SHIT DO I EVER!!!!

A SMILING CHILD

this motherfucker isn’t even venomous

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i’ve never experienced a single moment of peace, my entire existence has been one unending episode of unease, and now in my generous wisdom i choose to force share that feeling with all of you!

[kwistowee]

THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL (1992)

[heartpeacenquiet]

It's okay if it takes a little longer than you thought.

[byjove]

“Stepmoms live in the shadow of the first wife. Everything they do gets compared to the first wife. Everything their baby does gets compared to their stepchildren. 🥺” Okay. Don’t think that’s true but if it is. Don’t date a divorced man with children? This is a choice you can make? You don’t have to be a fucking martyr and take it out on your husband’s 7 year old daughter? The kid doesn’t have a choice in who becomes their stepparent but you have a choice in having a stepkid? I don’t think of a man who has been in a previous relationship as another woman’s sloppy seconds but obviously you do, so why the fuck are you with him?

[byjove]

This is especially hilarious when it comes from someone who’s relationship started as an affair like yeah, of course your husband’s family keeps comparing you to his first wife, you just sort of bumped her out of the way and tried to slide into her life. They can’t not comment on how dry your turkey is, wistfully remembering when your husband was married to someone who could cook. Your stepchildren don’t respect you because you do not respect yourself and have made it their problem. LOL.

This absolutely goes for stepdads but most online stepparent support groups are brimming with bitter stepmoms so we get a lot more insight into their fucked up mindset.

[bef0re-i-sleep]

While I'm thinking about various sherlock holmes adaptations, I have never felt such a seething jealousy for a character as i have for holmes, both from starting sherlock and co + the original acd novels. I can't pinpoint why exactly but I think its something about how when he's blunt, he never seems to question himself. Hes busy doing his own shit, and it's none of his business how other people percieve him. For me, someone who questions every interaction because a lot of times I just cant tell if im being blunt and i often obsess over it because I'm terrified of being rude, im so so fucking jealous that he just doesnt give a shit. Like GOD holmes is me but also I desperately wish that were me.

[homunculus-argument]

I know that I'll certainly never be someone they'd build a memorial for, but if I could get one, I'd like to get one of those park bench statues that are sitting on the bench. Specifically of me sitting casually looking towards the other seat at an angle, looking intrigued with a "surprised but not disappointed" kind of a look on my face. Kind of a "huh, won't you look at that."

I want that specifically so people can make it a meme to post pictures of themselves showing me stuff. Like memes off their phone.

Or maybe things that they are proud of but don't have anyone else to show them to. Like your school graduation papers, this cool knitting project you finally finished, your baby who's never going to see their grandparents.

And I also want a clause that they will absolutely fucking never put those anti-homeless things of any kind on my damn bench. So if there's ever someone who's got nobody else to keep them company, they can at least spend the night with me.

[crazycatmilo]

She hound on my Baskerville til I die mysteriously of a supposed heart attack

[faggotwalkwithme]

“my dr john watson” is crazy