The Sassenach Swiftie

"Please picture me in the weeds before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted"

[selvuln]

jamie and claire as ivy by taylor swift

[thesassenachswiftie]

Lover - Chapter 14: “It’s Nice to Have a Friend”

Read on AO3

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12 // Chapter 13

Summary: Jo helps Claire process the emotions she's dealing with, and determines a solution. Jamie and Claire have a romantic phone call.

" Light pink sky up on the roof Sun sinks down, no curfew Twenty questions, we tell the truth You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too"

Notes: First of all, if you are reading this, thank you so much for your patience in awaiting this chapter. The difficulties of last school year led to a lot of mental health issues for me and I just wasn't able to find it in me to write for quite a long time. I can't promise a regular updating schedule, but I do plan on finishing this fic and I will update when I can, hopefully slightly more frequently. Major smut warning for the end of this chapter.

Chapter 14: “It’s Nice to Have a Friend”

          Lamb’s surgery went as well as could be expected, but the doctor explained that there was still no promise of recovery.  Claire remained at the hospital with him until he was released and continued to stay with him in Boston to settle him in at home.  Luckily her uncle’s flat was on the first floor and he was able to make the transition as easily as could be expected. A hospital bed was moved into the apartment easily, and a home health aid was hired to take care of Lamb after Claire eventually went back to Long Island. Lamb was stable, though no longer independent. Claire would have liked to take the job of home health aide, and her job was kind enough to allow her to extend her winter break for a couple of weeks, but she couldn’t stay in Boston forever. Claire returned to school on a crisp, January day, much to the relief of students and administrators alike, who had dealt with a barrage of inconsistent and sometimes incompetent substitute nurses in Claire’s absence.

           Jamie had stayed with Claire and Lamb a few days, but returned to the Murray homestead for Hogmanay and to spend a few days with his family before his flight back to London. His holiday trips were always quick ones, as he had to get back to his farm where there was much to be done--closing things up for the winter, crunching numbers and paying bills, planning for the spring, taking inventory. It was his least favorite time of year but it was work that had to be done to ensure the farm would sustain itself for another year. It also ensured that he could once again spend his summer in New York, which now not only bore the weight of obligation to family, but the sweet, magnetic promise of being with his beloved Claire, unencumbered by hiding in the shadows, free to give themselves wholly to one another.

           The school bell rang on a Friday in late January, the end of the semester. Jo popped into Claire’s office right at dismissal, exhausted from the week’s work and clearly ready for the promise of the weekend. “Wanna hang out? I hear there’s a book club meeting today.” they asked, with a playful smirk. Book club was school faculty code for ‘happy hour’, in case student ears were to pick up on their teacher’s after work plans, they would be none the wiser.

“Teachers are wild. Drinking at three PM. How’d I end up with such an unruly crowd?” Claire chuckled.

“And where would you be without us? Living a posh, colorless existence in quiet suburbia? So you coming?”

“Yeah, sounds like fun. Let me just grab my coat, I’m sure this paperwork will keep ‘til next week”

“I’m sure it will, you’ll be begging for more, next week being regents week”

“Right. How’s your proctoring schedule? Will I be graced with your company?”

“Just proctoring the Tuesday afternoon exam, and then we have to grade the repeaters exams, but there’s only 18 kids taking the Global exam and I can’t grade my own students' US History exams, so we should get through them quickly. Don’t worry, there’ll be plenty of time to watch Netflix in my classroom while I work on lesson plans and data driven instruction.” Jo scoffed and rolled their eyes at the last phrase, an education buzzword they didn’t love. Claire wondered if they were gearing up for one of their famous rants.

“Wonderful!” Claire replied, hoping to stave Jo off, at least until they arrived at the bar and she had a drink in hand. “It’s nice to have a friend!”

           The pair exited the building together, buttoning coats and tightening layers as they walked towards the parking lot. The week had begun unseasonably warm, but now snow was covering the sidewalk chalk outside the front doors of the school. Jo was patting down their pockets, looking for something, “Damn. Lost my gloves again”

“Here, I have an extra pair.” Claire extracted a pair of faux leather gloves from her pockets and handed them over. Gloves always seemed to accumulate in the pockets of her coat as the winter progressed.

“Of course you do Lady Jane! What would I do without you.”

“I’m certain I could say the same” Claire replied, hooking arms with her dearest friend as they navigated the slippery pavement of the parking lot, making their way to brush the snow off their cars.

           They arrived at the bar shortly after, other than a pair of girlfriends chatting away at a hightop table, their colleagues were the only occupants of the bar so early on a Friday. A chorus of some form of “You’ve been stressed out lately?” with replies of “Yeah, me too” reverberated up and down the bar as teachers filed in, filling up the bar stools and ordering their half priced drinks. It was true, the end of the semester brought one of the most stressful weeks of the year, students were filled with anxiety over grades and exams, and teachers weren’t immune to the emotion.  Add the dark and drear of midwinter, robbed of the twinkling lights of the holidays, and drinks were most certainly in order for this crowd.  Claire knew she was lucky not to be in their shoes, but had her own worries and anxieties to quell with alcohol, worry for her Uncle crossed her mind regularly throughout the day, and her longing for Jamie was ever present.

----------

           The following week was dedicated to state regents exams, the students had no classes and only needed to attend if they were scheduled for an exam. It being the midterm, most exam takers were students who had failed the previous year and doing a retake, or a small handful of overachievers challenging their exams by taking them early. January regents week was one of Claire and Jo’s favorite weeks. The pace of work was greatly slowed for both of them. They took long lunches, sometimes even leaving campus, and watched Netflix on Jo’s classroom projector as they talked, joked and worked. Where Jo still had lesson plans and report card grades to input, Claire’s workload was nearly obliterated. With the exception of a few students who needed her to dispense their daily meds, and the rare, but possible testing anxiety induced panic attack, Claire’s main purpose seemed to be to keep the seat of her desk warm.

           Jo was finished scoring and proctoring by Tuesday, as were most of the teachers; the faculty had plenty of time to hang out, unencumbered by the demands they usually felt when students were in the building. One of the young science teachers brought their Nintendo in and hooked it up to the smart board, resulting in highly competitive Mario Kart races which were a perfect distraction for Claire’s racing mind.

Claire had been imagining spending time with Jo alone, as it had been in past years. In truth, Claire felt a combination heart-to-heart/pep-talk/rant from Jo was something quite overdue, but the distraction of video games would have to do for now. On the final day of the week and the ongoing gaming tournament, Jo passed Claire a note on cute stationary from their desk. I’m sorry we didn’t get much time to chat this week, but I can tell you haven’t been your best lately. Let’s go back to our college days. Sleepover this Saturday at my place? No curfew! Underneath this sweet note, there was a set of checkboxes labeled “Yes” and “No” and a post script below read p.s. I have snacks. + BOOZE. Claire giggled at the note, the gesture, and the nostalgia of the childish note, quickly checked the “yes” box and passed the note back to her dearest friend. Jo was always a delight to be around and was such a thoughtful friend, in tune with Claire’s needs in their own perfectly quirky way.

----------

           Saturday was unseasonably warm and Claire and Jo found themselves wrapped in a blanket on the rooftop patio of Jo’s building, passing a bottle of rosé between themselves as a light pink sky lit up the world around them. In the ethereal glow, Jo helped Claire untangle her worries in a way that managed to feel somewhere between 20 questions and a warm hug. Jo always had Claire’s back and could have easily been a therapist in their past life. Claire told the truth with Jo, next to Jamie, they were the only person she could trust with the truth. She divulged all her inner demons: how it was eating her alive that she couldn’t be at Lamb’s bedside, how she didn’t think she could handle being away from Jamie for another 3 months, how she had no idea how she would finish her residency and spend as much time with Lamb and Jamie as she wanted to. Jo took a big swing from the bottle, let out a big sigh and with a grimace replied to Claire’s tell-all, “Damn, LJ, you’re fucked.”

“No shit!”

“You know, this might be the rosé talking, but you need to get laid.”

“Ha ha! You’re not exactly my type, my dear.”

“As if! I mean, I love you, babe, but you are clearly property of one James Fraser, and in my professional opinion as your official best friend and unofficial therapist, he is the one and only cure for your problems.”

“Easier said than done, might I remind you, he’s in jolly old England, which wouldn’t be too bad of a drive except there’s a whole entire ocean in the way.”

“Are you living in the 1700’s, Lady Jane? Let me let you in on this amazing innovation called the airplane.” Both friends were giggling, teasing each other back and forth as both the liquid in the bottle and the sun sank down. Claire let down a sputtering sigh of frustration with her friend’s insistence on the seemingly impossible as Jo continued. “I’m serious. Over February break, you are hopping on a plane and heading to ‘jolly old England’ to have yourself a ‘jolly old time!’ pip pip! Cheerio! Here!” Jo swiped Claire’s phone from her lap and spent a short time tapping. “Oh look, the cheap airline has flights for just a little over $600. I’ll even drive you to the airport.”

“Jo--- I”

“You what? Can’t go visit the love of your life to comfort you in a hard time?”

“I can’t just--”

“You can and you will.”

“What about Lamb? I should be going to see him over February break.”

Jo promptly called her bluff. “Does Lamb have a home health aide?”

“Yes.”

“Did you personally vet said home health aide to make sure she was more than adequate to take care of your uncle?”

“Yes.”

“Then the home health aid can continue to do her job that she gets paid to do while you fuck your way across the English country side to forget your problems!”

“Jo!” Claire squealed, giggling. They had a point, and escaping into Jamie’s arms did sound like exactly what Claire wanted, and likely what she needed. Jamie felt like home when nothing else did.

“Ok, you’re right.”

“I know, I’m always right.”

“Don’t push it.” Claire replied, taking her phone back from them and hitting the “book now” button before she could overthink it anymore.

Jo reached over and touched Claire’s hand gently, “that’s my girl, time to take care of Claire, you spend so much of your life taking care of everyone else. Now come on, let’s go inside, the wine’s gone and it’s getting cold out here.”

----------

           As Claire lay in Jo’s bed, she found her mind restless and sleep elusive. Exacerbated by her rosé induced buzz, her mind was swirling with excitement and anticipation for her upcoming trip. Mentally, she was making lists of what she needed to pack, planning outfits, deciding what she would need to shop for, wondering what the weather would be like. Weaving in and out of all those more practical thoughts, she was imagining what it would be like to once again occupy the same space as one James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser. She finally allowed herself to feel fully how much she missed him now that the reality of seeing him was on the horizon. She recalled as best she could how it felt to be in his arms, the smell of him, the feel of his firm body against hers, the taste of his kiss, and most of all what it was like to be caught up in the heat of passion, with him pulsating inside her. Yes, Claire was very much looking forward to seeing Jamie again.

The couples’ daily phone calls were usually in the late afternoon for Claire, after she got out of work, before Jamie went to bed, in fact they had just spoken before Claire arrived at Jo’s. Claire was planning on telling him the news during their phone call the following day, however, since sleep was eluding her, and it was already nearing morning for Jamie, she grabbed her phone and sent a message to Jamie: Call me when you wake up. Nothing to worry about, just missing you. Can’t sleep.

----------

           Less than two hours later, Claire heard her phone buzzing on the nightstand. Of course Jamie would rise early on the weekend. Claire crept out of Jo’s bed and into the living room so as not to disturb them, plopping herself on the couch as she answered the phone, “Good morning, handsome” she spoke just above a whisper.

“Good morning to you too, Sassenach, or perhaps goodnight?”

It was so good to hear his voice, “Who knows? all I know is I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Claire, spring’ll be here before ya ken it and we’ll be back together again.”

“What if we didn’t have to wait ‘til spring?” Claire replied coyly.

“What did you have in mind, mo chirde?”

“Well…”

“I’m listening”

“What are you doing the week of February 21st?”

“I can’t say I recall having any particular plans that week.”

“Oh good” she giggled, pausing for effect, “because I might have booked a flight to London that week.”

“Oh Claire! Didya really?”

“Mmhmm”

“That’s wonderful, I can’t tell you how happy that makes me, Sassenach.”

She giggled again, “I’m glad. Me too, I don’t think I can wait much longer to see you.”

“The feeling is mutual, believe me.” Claire hummed into the phone in reply. Jamie used the lull in conversation to his advantage, changing the subject; the sound of her voice, quiet and secretive in the stillness of her night, was having an effect on him, so he asked “Hey Sassenach?”

“Yes?”

“What are you wearing?”

Another angelic giggle escaped the lips he wished he could see, followed by a reply, “do you want the real answer, or should I make up something more interesting?”

“You dinna have ta lie to me.”

“It’s not very sexy. I’m at Jo’s”

“I ken yer at Jo’s, ya told me earlier. Are they asleep?”

“Out like a light, we split a bottle of rosé.” another sexy giggle.

“Good.” Jamie’s voice became demanding, and somehow more Scottish, Claire thought.  “Now, what are you wearing?”

“Sweatpants and a T-shirt.”

“Which one’s?”

“My old Wildcats shirt and a new pair I got for Christmas, you haven’ t seen them yet.”

“Mmm, I see, what color are they?”

“Grey.” she giggled again, knowing he was toying with her, wondering where his little game would lead.

“Verra nice, you said they’re new, are they still fleecy and soft on the inside?”

Her small giggle grew to a more robust chuckle, much to Jamie’s delight. “Why yes, actually, they are.”

“Are ya sure? Ya better check. Why don’t you slip a hand inta yer waistband, just ta be sure?”

“Jamie,” Claire hissed, “I’m at Jo’s house.”

“Ya said they were out like a light.”

“So I did.”

“Then why don’t you put yer hand in yer pants for me, Sassanach?” Something, possibly the aftereffects of the rosé, but more than likely the commanding timbre of Jamie’s voice, gave her the nerve and she did as she was told.

“Yep, still soft.”

“That’s a good girl, now listen carefully Claire, I want you to do as I say, so I can picture you properly, ya ken? Can you do that for me?” The way he rolled his r’s, especially in her name, was starting to drive her wild, and this was definitely a game she wanted to play.

“Yes, Jamie.”

“Good. Now, I want you to keep your hand inside yer pants, but not inside yer knickers, and I want you to pet yerself, stroke yerself, so gently, just the whisper of a touch. No pressure, nice and gentle. Ya ken?”

“Mmhmm” Her face flushed and she felt the heat rush to the place underneath her hand.

“Ok, now I want you to trace your finger ‘round that wee pebble in yer knickers, right ‘round the outside, keep it gentle, slow circles.” Jamie could hear her breath become less steady through the speaker of his phone. “That’s a good girl, bring those circles in tighter, a bit faster now, a bit more pressure. I ken you’re probably wanting to buck your hips up, but not yet, wait until I say you can.” That caused her giggle to return.

“How did you know I was doing that?!?”

“I’ve spent enough nights in bed with ya ta ken what I’m doing, Sassenach. Now let’s continue, yer wee noises are making me hard as a rock.” Jamie was hard, thinking of her on the other end of the phone, panting and whimpering, putty in his hands. That is, if she were in his hands. He was enjoying having power over her, but he knew the power she had over him was even stronger. “Ok, Sassenach, now you can start moving yer hips if ye’d like, I ken you probably were already.”

“Hmmph.” she replied sassily, unwilling to admit he was right.

“Ok, Claire, now slip yer hand into yer knickers, but I want ya ta keep yer palm flat over yer clit, just grind right into yer palm so it feels good to you.” Her breath was catching. “Oh Claire, I’m there with ya, you goddess, I can feel you rubbing against my cock.”

“Jamieee” she hissed.

“Ok Claire, now make those circles, just like you were making before. Right around that hard little pebble. Yes, Claire. Oh, Claire. I’m touching myself with ya Claire, I’m with ya Claire.” The way he said her name, those rolling Scottish r’s Claire was close to the edge and going over fast, moaning into the phone. “Not yet, don’t go there yet. We havena got ta the last step yet.”

“Jamie.” she gasped. “Jamie, please.” Claire was gyrating wildly against her hand, following his instructions and being driven deeper into pleasure by the sound of his voice.

“Alright Claire, I want ye to slip two fingers into yer quim, curl them up just into that soft fleshy bit right where you like it.” He could hear her breathing getting shallower and knew she was close, he stroked himself harder to match her, hypnotized by her whimpers and moans. “Meanwhile, I want you to stroke yer clit with yer thumb. Just like that, just how you like it. I bet yer real wet Claire, are you real wet for me?”

“Yes, Jamie, oh Jamie.”

“Alright, Claire, ready? Come for me, let me hear ye fall apart.”

“Say my name.”

“Yes Claire, oh Claire, oh God, Claire.” The moment he heard her crescendo, her voice breaking as they cried out each other’s names in unison, he spilled into his palm, elated at the fact that they could find the oneness that was entirely their own even across an ocean. She was panting on the other side of the phone. “Oh Claire, that’s a good girl, now breathe, be gentle with yerself. Oh Claire, I’m right here, I’m with ya my lass.”

“Jamie, how is it that you can do this to me with a whole ocean between us?”

“I dinna ken, we have a rare gift, I ‘spose.”

“I love you, Jamie.”

“I love you too, Claire. Now go get yerself cleaned up, and ta bed with ya. I’m sure you’ll be able to sleep now.”

“Mmm. I think I will.”

“I’ll talk to you later mo nighean donn.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

----------

           Claire was able to sleep after her conversation with Jamie, if she could even call it that. She slept soundly, crawling back into Jo’s bed.  She dreamt of Jamie. It was one of those strange dreams where she was back in school, but the school in the dream was also the one she worked at. Jamie met her at her locker and walked her home. As they walked, snow fell to the ground, but it wasn’t snow at all. It was rice, they were walking by a church, the bells were ringing and a wedding had just occurred. Happy friends and family had gathered to throw rice; she could see the joy on their faces. However, she could not see the bride and groom, only a top hat and the wisp of a veil floating in the wind above the heads of the onlookers. Claire stayed in Jo’s bed until late in the morning, and felt she could’ve stayed in bed the whole weekend, dreaming about Jamie and what was to come in the future, both near and distant.

Notes:

Again, thank you for reading!! It means the world to me that you're still here. I hope my writing isn't too rusty. I picked up and put down this chapter so many times in the last few months, and it was my first time writing phone sex, which strangely feels more vulnerable and naughty than writing actual sex.

[thisistheendtimes]

The absolute audacity of AO3 to not let me leave a kudos on each individual chapter of a fic is just too much. Completely ridiculous.

[thesassenachswiftie]

Moodboard Monday on a Wednesday: Lover Chapter 14 - “It’s Nice to Have a Friend”

FINALLY finished and coming soon to a tumblr/Ao3 page near you!! If you’re still with me, thank you. 

Link to AO3 if you want to catch up.

[thesassenachswiftie]

A wee preview of Lover: Chapter 14 - “It’s Nice to Have a Friend”

I meant to post this on Wednesday for internation non-binary day since we’re coming up on a Jo heavy chapter, but I decided to help a colleague out and work summer school this week and I ended up napping instead. 

Sorry for the very long hiatus. I am writing again! Hopefully this chapter will be done and ready to post withn the next week.

And without further ado, an excerpt from Chapter 14:

Jo was finished scoring and proctoring by Tuesday, as were most of the teachers and the faculty had plenty of time to hang out, unencumbered by the demands they usually felt when students were in the building. One of the young science teachers brought their Nintendo in and hooked it up to the smart board, resulting in highly competitive Mario Kart races which were a perfect distraction for Claire’s racing mind. Claire had been imagining spending time with Jo alone, as it had been in past years. In truth, Claire felt a combination heart-to-heart/pep-talk/rant from Jo was something quite overdue, but the distraction of video games would have to do for now. On the final day of the week and the ongoing gaming tournament, Jo passed Claire a note on cute stationary from their desk. I’m sorry we didn’t get much time to chat this week, but I can tell you haven’t been your best lately. Let’s go back to our college days. Sleepover this Saturday at my place? No curfew! Underneath this sweet note, there was a set of checkboxes labeled “Yes” and “No” and a post script below read p.s. I have snacks. AND BOOZE. Claire giggled at the note, the gesture, and the nostalgia of the childish note, quickly checked the “yes” box and passed the note back to her dearest friend. Jo was always a delight to be around and was such a thoughtful friend, in tune with Claire’s needs in their own perfectly quirky way.

[perrinehamham]

#outlander #sam heughan #caitriona balfe #jamie fraser #claire fraser #adso

[miosotis-forget-me-not]

😻

[onlytomyhusband-old]

ADSO 😍😍😍

[lyasmind]

@taylorswift Happy 31st 💕

[alltoobored13]

This is so pretty 😍😍😍

[clairesbeauchamp]

I know better, but I still feel you all around

[thesassenachswiftie]

I’m fine.

This is fine.

😭😭😭

[sheisobvious]

𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝑁𝑒𝑤 𝑌𝑒𝑎𝑟 ♡︎

[wildestdream]

don’t read the last page but i stay ♡

[alltoobored13]

Happy New Year, everyone ❤️❤️

[thesassenachswiftie]

A Preview of Reputation (Lover Prequel)

The chaos of progress report grades, the holidays and you know, surviving a global pandemic have been keeping the muses away, so I haven’t been writing much. A few months ago I started writing the prequal to “Lover” where Claire and Jamie first meet. I haven’t been able to start posting it yet because the first couple pre-Jamie chapters involve Claire and Frank being very much in love and it’s not something I’ve been super inspired to write. However, I did write the scene where Claire and Jamie meet, and since it takes place on New Year’s Eve, I figured I post a preview! Without further ado, here’s a rough, unedited preview of Reputation: Chapter 3 “Gorgeous”

Claire was on her second glass of wine when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t ken anyone would be down here, they’re all outta whiskey upstairs and I was told there was more down here.”

Fuck. You’re so gorgeous it actually hurts. Claire couldn’t believe the man she’d been avoiding all night was standing before her, alone in the basement, lit only by the backlight of the bar.  “Help yourself” she answered, gesturing behind the bar with a flourish. “You ken?” she giggled “What is that, Sco’ish?” she mimicked in a poor, slightly tipsy attempt at his accent. 

He slipped behind the bar and pulled the whiskey bottle off the shelf. “Are you making fun of the way I talk, lass?” he chucked with a twinkle in his eye, picking up a glass as well. 

“You should take it as a compliment.” she lilted with a flirtatious smile. “By the way, There’s ice in the fridge if you need it” She didn’t want to flirt with him, but it seemed to come out naturally--and being several drinks in, she didn’t have much restraint.

“Thanks. You don’t exactly sound like yer from around here either, Sassenach” he pondered. Heading towards the ice maker with his glass.

“Sass-a-nack.” she pronounced slowly, savoring each syllable on the tip of her tongue. “What on earth does that mean?”

“It means something akin to ‘outlander’ it’s just that ye don’t really seem like you quite belong here, perhaps that’s why yer hiding in the basement? Where are you from anyway? I can’t quite pin down your accent.”  He was back at the bar now, setting his glass down.

“Allow me” she implored, taking the bottle from him and pouring. “My parents were English, but they raised me in Boston, after they died when I was 14 I traveled the world with my Uncle, I suppose I picked up on a little bit of everything.”  She handed him the glass, “one whiskey on ice, sir.”

“Ah, so you’re a true Sassanach then? From everywhere and nowhere all at once” They were drawing in closer, Jamie drawing closer to where Claire was perched atop the bar. 

“I suppose you’re right, I never thought about it that way...” she trailed off.  God, how did he seem to understand everything about her moments after meeting her? 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend, sometimes I let my mouth run off without thinking” he apologized, touching her hand in the darkened room.  The moment he touched her, it was like electricity surging through her veins.  Her face was flushed, her pulse was quickening.  Those ocean blue eyes were looking straight into hers. I think I might sink and drown and die. She couldn’t say anything to his face, cause look at your face, you’re gorgeous.  Their eyes and hands lingered on each other as they sat there in silence.  After what could have been a moment or an eternity, he lifted his hand from hers.  “Christ Sassanach, say something, if I’ve offended ye badly I’ll leave.”

“What can I say? I’m fine, no harm done, I’m just not used to people really seeing me like that is all.  I promise I’m not upset.”

“Good. I’d hate to hurt ya.” he said, finishing his whiskey and giving her a stunning smile that made her feel butterflies in the pit of her stomach.  It was getting too intimate and she had to change the subject.  

“So what brings a Scotsman to our lovely cul-de-sac?”

“Well, I’m just visiting my sister for the holidays right now, but I’ll be spending my summers here for the foreseeable future as well.  Ya see, my brother-in-law, who also happens to be my childhood best friend was in an accident.” he saw the look of concern on her face “don’t worry, he’s fine, just he injured his leg pretty badly and can’t do the farm work he used to. I came down this summer to help him plant and harvest before I had to go back to my wee tree farm.”

“In Scotland?” questioned Claire. 

“In England actually, not too far outside of London.” corrected Jamie.

“Ah, the motherland, that’s respectable.” she replied “It isn’t too much, managing two places so far from each other?”

“My godfather Murtagh oversees my place back home while I’m gone, the thing about trees is, they pretty much grow themselves.  I really just need to be there for the holiday rush.”  Claire looked at him quizzically “It’s a Christmas tree farm, ya ken?”  Claire could picture it perfectly: rolling snow covered hills,  families dragging small children along on sleds, trees being twined up on top of cars, twinkling lights decorating a barn.

“Sounds lovely” she expressed. She found she was noticing how large his hand was around the whiskey glass, wondering what it would feel like to have it wrapped around around her waist, gently caressing her face, what those fingers would feel like tangled up in her curls, what they would feel like inside her--

“Oh Claire, there you are.” Frank interrupted coming to the bottom of the basement steps, “What are you doing down here?”

“Frank, darling” she beamed, her face flushing. She felt like she’d been caught although she did nothing wrong. “I just needed to take a break from these heels for a few moments.”

“Who’s this?” Frank asked, eyeing the imposing Scotsman who abruptly sprang upright from his position leaning at the bar as soon as he heard that beautiful woman call this man ‘darling’.

“This is Laoghaire’s date, Mr….”

“Fraser. Jamie Fraser. Pleased to meet ye.” he stammered, extending a hand towards Frank. “Frank, was it?” 

“Frank Randall” he replied, accepting the handshake. They were polite to each other, but Claire felt a tension between the two of them, as if they were trying to one up each other, staring each other down.  Claire couldn’t help but picture them snorting and stamping like bulls, which it seemed could happen at any moment. 

“Ah Randall! This wouldn’t happen to be your lovely abode, would it?”

“As a matter of fact, it is, and my lovely fiancee’s, of course.” he professed smugly, sidling over to Claire, who was still seated on the bar and wrapping an arm around her waist, claiming his territory. 

“Aye, it’s a lovely home--you’ve both done a great job, great bar as well.” He said, gesturing to the whiskey bottle and heading towards the stairs, understanding the implicit message Frank was sending.

“Darling, we really should get back to our guests, it’s not appropriate for the hostess to be hiding in the basement.” Frank chided, helping Claire off the bar, and casting a cold glance in Jamie’s direction. 

[taylorswift]

bye 2020, it’s been weird.

[reputayswift]

Listening to Willow and Ivy on loop to feel like an elf from The Lord of the Rings

[cametotheshowinsd]

💚

[thesassenachswiftie]

Lover - Chapter 13: “Soon You’ll Get Better”

Read on AO3

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12

Summary: Claire and Jo go Christmas shopping; Claire gets a call at work that Lamb’s in the hospital in Boston where she fears she will need to spend the holidays without Jamie. In short: angst, but make it festive.

" This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because 'Cause I have to

Ooh-ah, you'll get better..."

CW: cancer, hospitals, illness of a loved one,

Notes: First of all, if you’re still here, thank you for reading, and thank you for bearing with me as I took a small hiatus. Hopefully I will be getting back to a more regular posting schedule, but work is really draining right now and it’s hard to find enough hours in the day to do everything. 

As you know, each Chapter of this fic is based off a Taylor Swift song by the same name. This one was particularly difficult to write/approach because I actually haven’t listened to this song in over a year. In early Summer 2019, a tumor was found on my grandfather’s brain. This was also the summer I discovered Outlander, and the summer Taylor Swift released Lover. The day after Lover came out, I broke down sobbing in my apartment listening to this song and thinking about my grandfather, knowing his condition was worsening. That night, I recieved the call that my grandfather had passed. He was the kindest, purest soul and I write this chapter in part as a tribute to him. Many of the experiences Claire and Lamb share are based on my own experiences with my grandpa that summer, and this version of Lamb is very much based on my Grandpa Jim. 

That being said, you may want to grab a box of tissues before reading, but hopefully not all your tears will be sad. I’m hoping to post again before Chistmas, but in case I don’t Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays--and Happy Hanukkah to any Jewish readers I may have--here is a Hanukkah present for you!

 Chapter 13: “Soon You’ll Get Better”  

         “All I want for Christmas is yooouuuuu” the sounds of Mariah Carey rang out throughout the small boutique gift shop in the heart of the village of Northport.

           “Good God, we’re only a week into December and I swear I’ve already heard this song three hundred times. I’m not exaggerating either. Two hundred and eight-four at the very least.” Jo scoffed exasperatedly.

           “Are you complaining?” Claire asked in reply. “It’s a great song--a classic really.”

           “Do you know how many incredible, amazing, beautiful, jolly Christmas songs there are in existence?” Jo was gearing up for one of their famous rants, “Yet, the radio stations only ever play the same eighteen songs, I swear!”

           “It must be more than eighteen.”

           “Fine. Twenty. Take this song for instance: Ingrid Michaelson has the most hauntingly beautiful cover of it--do you ever hear it? No! You only ever hear Mariah!”

           “I, for one, like Mariah!” Claire interjected, playfully defensive.

           “Who doesn’t? But she’s not the only powerhouse female vocalist out there! I’d just like to see a little diversity in my holiday music, is that so much to ask?”

           Claire giggled. Her best friend always had an opinion on everything and she loved them all the more for it. “Do you think Jenny would like this candle?” Claire unscrewed the lid a locally-made jar candle, taking a sniff before placing it under Jo’s nose. It smelled like Lavender and Sage with just a hint of Eucalyptus.

           “Does Jenny keep a lot of candles around, with all those children?” Jo chuckled back. “It does smell nice though.” Jo had only met Jenny a couple times when visiting Claire, but they had a knack for reading people and Claire was glad to have them along as a shopping partner.

           “I suppose candles aren’t really her thing. Jenny seems very practical, but I don’t know what she would need that she doesn’t already have, and Jamie’s been no help!”

           “I think you’re on the right track with the self-care/relaxation vibe, but maybe not something the children can use to burn the house down. What about an artisanal lotion set?” Jo inquired, gesturing at a nearby display.

           “Oh that might work!” Claire took a squirt from the bottle labeled ‘tester’ inhaling deeply as she rubbed it between her palms. “Ooo that’s nice, I would appreciate this if I were a hardworking mother.”

           “If things keep going the way they are with your man, LJ, you might just be before you know it” Jo made a lewd gesture with their hands, raising their eyebrows to make it clear exactly what they were implying.

           “Jo! You’re terrible” Claire shrieked, smacking her friend playfully on the arm. Besides, not much of that happening these days if you haven’t noticed, Jamie is literally across the ocean.”

           “Well, at least you can’t get knocked up from phone sex,” Jo replied. “What are you getting him anyway? I’m thinking something lacy and strappy, with little bows on it of course, to be festive. There’s a place down the street that might have something like that.”

           “Hmm” Claire exhaled. “We’ll see.” Claire knew lingerie was definitely going to be part of Jamie’s Christmas gift, one she would be most excited for him to unwrap. God, she missed him. It had been over a month and they were settling into a routine, video chatting every night, sweet texts back and forth throughout the day, the occasional phone sex when they were both sick with desire for one other--but nothing was the same as the feel of their bodies pressed against each other in the heat of the moment, chasing each other’s climax. Claire couldn’t wait to be reunited with him in every way.

           It was two days before Christmas break, only a few days left until Claire would find freedom for the next ten days and, most of all--the comfort of Jamie’s arms. Claire was sitting in her school nurse’s office, inhaling deeply during the first quiet moments she’d had all week. There was an uptick of student visits in the past couple weeks--a few were legitimate concerns tied to cold and flu season: students whose parents sent them to school when they weren’t quite well enough, overachievers who wanted to maintain their perfect attendance dragging themselves to school despite their bodies protestations. Most of her patients however, were suffering from something much more insidious: the eagerness to start their winter break early by skipping their classes. This time of year the air of the school felt different, students and teachers alike were burnt out, apathetic, and ready for a break. This attitude in the students fed into the teachers’ attitudes--overworked with the end of the marking period, trying to squeeze in Christmas shopping and decorating between grading. Claire did not envy Jo nor any of the other teachers during this time, but their exhaustion was so palpable in the air of the school that she was starting to feel it too. By tomorrow, most teachers would be shutting their doors and playing a holiday film, giving up on instruction all together--hopefully that would make for a quiet day for Claire. Really, if she could just get through the rest of the day it would be smooth sailing until Christmas--until Jamie.

           Her silent musings were broken by the blaring sound of her office phone. She was expecting a teacher, calling to send a student down, but instead it was the school clerk, Glenda. “Hi Nurse Beauchamp, we have an outside call for you, it seems like it may be a personal call so if there’s any students with you we can send someone down to watch them if you’d like to take it privately here in the office.”

           Claire's heart sank to her stomach. What could it be? She took a deep breath and swallowed to brace herself before replying “last student just left.”

           “Alright, I’ll transfer you now.” The click of the call transferring sounded through the phone.

           “Hello, this is Miss Beauchamp”

           “Hello Miss Beauchamp, I’m Tammy, a nurse at Mass General we’re calling because you’re listed as the emergency contact for Quentin Beauchamp” a nasally voice croaked through the phone speaker--the voice was impersonal like that of a cashier saying “have a nice day” for the thousandth time, not fitting of a potential harbinger of death.

           “Yes…” Claire replied, nervously, questioningly.

           “Mr. Lambert was admitted this morning after showing signs of cognitive distress. An initial cat scan shows a mass on his brain. He’s currently undergoing testing to see if it’s cancerous.”

           Claire’s lungs felt like they were about to collapse. Lamb had been diagnosed with prostate cancer several years ago, but had been able to live with it through treatment. Claire also knew that cancer was insidious and could spread throughout the body rapidly and without warning. She knew it was very likely that the mass was cancer. She tried to find her medical professional voice, but a diagnosis was different when it was someone you loved. Instead, she croaked out, “when will you know?”

           “We should have the results by tomorrow. He’ll stay here overnight for monitoring and we’ll decide whether to admit him long term from there.”

           “I’m on Long Island, should I drive up?”

           “I’m afraid it’s too soon to tell, it could be nothing, but--” Claire cut her off, knowing exactly how bad it could be.

           “I understand. I’ll drive up this evening.”

           “Alright, he should be back in his room by then, he’s out getting his tests done now. It’s room 713 when you get here.” Claire wrote the number on a bright blue sticky note on her desk as the nurse spoke. “Have a nice day Ms. Beauchamp”

           “Hmm” was all she could reply, as if she could possibly have a nice day. She hung up the phone, and finally let the deluge of tears she’d been holding back free.

She allowed herself to cry for a few minutes to get it out, but she knew she had to get to Boston as soon as possible. She picked up the phone again and dialed the main office.

“Hi Glenda, it’s Claire. I need to take the rest of the day off--I have to go to Boston, my uncle…” she couldn’t say it out loud for fear of unleashing the tears again “Is Principal Gowan there, I need to let him know.”

“Oh Nurse Beauchamp, I’m so sorry to hear that, let me know if you need anything. Mr. Gowan’s in his office, I’ll transfer you to him now, if he doesn’t answer just pack up your things and go, I’ll take care of it”

“Thanks Glenda, I really appreciate it”

----------

           After getting the ok from her kind and understanding principal, Claire rushed back to Jamie’s apartment, hastily packed a bag (likely forgetting several things), informed Jenny where she was going--which was met with sympathy and genuine concern--and hopped back in the car for the journey to Boston. She entered the hospital doors several hours later, the buttons of her coat were tangled in her hair as she rushed, breathless, to the front desk to receive her visitor’s pass.

           When she arrived at Lamb’s room, he was asleep. She didn’t want to wake him, but she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze to let him know she was there before settling into the armchair beside him to await his awakening. He looked so frail and small in the hospital bed, not at all like the strong, spirited man who had raised her. He had left the television on--some sports channel was playing a highlight reel of various golfing moments. No wonder Lamb fell asleep. Claire was staring at the screen, but her thoughts were elsewhere: worried about Lamb, wondering if she’d remember everything when she hastily packed, wondering what the future held. Would she have to spend Christmas in this hospital room? A golf ball soared across the Scottish Highlands on the screen. Jamie. Jamie was coming home Christmas Eve, she was supposed to pick him up from the airport, supposed to spend her holiday break with him, experience her first Hogmanay with the Murray family, be surrounded by love and laughter and family. Lamb was supposed to be fine, he was supposed to take the train down, spend Christmas with them. Every plan they had made was shattered into a million pieces. Would she even be able to see Jamie? She thought about the presents she’d bought for him, not yet wrapped, piled in the closet but definitely not hidden, especially considering it was his apartment. Of course he’d understand--she could tell him where they were, but the magic of unwrapping would be lost, it would feel entirely unsentimental. It was bad enough that she felt her gifts weren’t sentimental enough--what could she possibly get him to show how special he was to her? How could she communicate that with an object? If she were a painter she would paint him a painting, if she were a songwriter she would write him a song, but she was simply Claire, and practical gifts were all she knew. She had purchased a cozy blue sweater to match his eyes and keep him warm in the brisk London winters, a cool multi-tool the size of a credit card that would fit in his wallet and help him solve a variety of problems, a protective case for his phone, and a box of artisanal beef jerky.  She had also procured a complicated piece of lingerie with a big red bow across the chest for him to unwrap the night of Christmas, which she knew he would enjoy. Everything was thoughtful enough and mostly practical, but she longed to be able to give him something truly special--a grand gesture to match her feelings for him. Claire glanced back at her uncle and immediately felt guilty being so selfish. I hate to make this all about me. Lamb always had a knack for helping her realize what was important when life’s situations overwhelmed her. She needed him for perspective, but how could she talk to him about this? How could she tell him how she felt? She knew it was wrong, but she was mad at him for getting sick so close to Christmas. Who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there’s no you? The tears were welling up in her eyes as she watched her most beloved uncle sleep--hooked up to machines, pale and listless in the hospital bed.

           Claire slipped into the adjoining bathroom to try to compose herself--she didn’t want her uncle to wake up and see her upset, she knew he would try to comfort her, to be the rock he always had been for her. She was here to be his rock this time, she needed to stay strong for him. She looked at herself in the mirror, telling herself it was going to be ok--her uncle was strong and he’d been fighting a long time--he’d continue to fight. Soon you’ll get better. She had to convince herself it was true, pretend it wasn’t real, it wasn’t so bad. She knew it was a delusion, she could see it all over her glass face when she looked in the mirror. She was genuinely afraid that this could be when she lost him, if not physically right away, he could be lost mentally. She’d been hoping for years he would get better, but now it seemed he’d taken a turn for the worse. She took a few deep breaths and offered up a prayer. She wasn’t usually religious, but they say desperate people find faith, so she decided it was time to try. God? Jesus? Whoever is up there. I know I don’t much deserve anything from you, I’m not sure I’m exactly on good terms with you, but I’m inclined to believe you care and you are good. Besides, I’m not really asking anything for myself, not really. I just pray my Uncle is ok, I pray he gets better. He has to. Please don’t take his brilliant mind away from him. Please let him be ok. Please, I’ll be good, I’ll do whatever it takes to help him. Just please, please, don’t take him away from me. I need him. Please let him get better. Please let him get better. Claire continued to repeat the words like a mantra as she returned to her bedside chair. She stared at the collection of orange bottles on the tray table. Please let them help him get better. Please let him get better. Please, please, please let him get better.

           Claire had no idea how long she sat there, repeating those words to herself, but her silent appeal was interrupted when a nurse entered the room to check her uncle’s vitals.

           “Hi, I’m Brenda, I’ll be the nurse on duty tonight.” Brenda erased a name on a small whiteboard in front of the room and replaced it with her own.

           “I’m Claire, I’m his niece.”

           Brenda had made her way over to the other side of the bed and was checking the monitors beside the bed, making notes on the chart in her hand. “I hate waking them up, but I’m going to have to.” Claire was glad that she was much kinder than the nurse she had spoken with on the phone earlier—had that really been earlier? It seemed much longer since that phone call. “Excuse me, Quentin? Sir?” Brenda gently nudged his arm to awaken him. Lamb’s eyes fluttered open and he looked disoriented, Claire watched him carefully hoping that his disorientation was solely from being awoken mid-sleep and not from any neurological damage.

           “Hi Uncle Lamb” Claire stammered, hoping she sounded cheerful anyway.

           “Claire! My girl! You came all the way to see your old uncle!”

           “Of course I did! How are you?” she replied warmly.

           “Oh, I’m fine, they’re taking good care of me here.” Lamb’s voice sounded genuinely content and Claire felt comforted for the first time since the hospital had called her earlier that day.

           “Hello sir, my name’s Brenda, I’ll be your nurse tonight. I just need to ask you a few questions and check your vitals.”

           “What is your name?”

           “Quentin Lambert Beauchamp”

           “Good. When is your birthday?

           “March 23th, 1939”

           “Good, and who is the president?”

           “Well, unfortunately…” both Claire and Brenda giggled at how Lamb began his sentence. Claire was well aware of Lamb’s opinions of the current president of the United States, and was glad to see he hadn’t lost his sly sense of humor or his disdain for the man.  She was also glad he knew who the president was, hopefully his mental capacities were more promising than the worst-case-scenario her mind was conjuring.

----------

           Claire stayed by her uncle’s side for the rest of the night, only leaving the room twice, once to find something to eat from a vending machine, and once for her nightly call to Jamie. She allowed herself to break down when talking to Jamie, sobbing over the phone. Jamie did his best to comfort her through the speaker, desperately wishing he could be there for her in person. Claire wished the same, longing to curl up in his strong embrace, and bury her swollen face in his chest. She couldn’t bring up the fact that she might have to spend Christmas in Boston. She was enough of a mess without facing the reality that they wouldn’t see each other, and when Jamie promised they’d see each other soon at the end of their call, Claire hung up quickly as another wave of emotion overtook her and she buried her face in her hands to cry some more.

           The next morning, the doctor came in with Lamb’s results. Claire grasped Lamb’s hand, unsure of who was holding onto whom for comfort as the doctor explained that the mass on Lamb’s brain was in fact cancerous, but it was still relatively small and had been caught early. He explained that they could operate on it and remove it, however there was no guarantee that it wouldn’t come back or that they’d be able to get it all out. It was moments like these where Claire desperately wished she was already a surgeon, that she could feel in control of the outcome--though could she operate on her own uncle? Would she be able to hold her hand steady enough to do a good job? No, perhaps it was best left to the veteran surgeons in Boston.

           After discussing all the details and options with the doctor’s, Lamb decided to go through with the surgery. It was scheduled for the day after Christmas and Claire resigned herself to the sobering fact that she’d be spending the holidays in the hospital. As the florescent hospital lights lit the room with an unnatural glow, Claire couldn’t tell him she was scared. She had to stay strong, she had to keep it together and remain positive and supportive.

           ----------

           Claire spent the next few days devoted to her uncle, rarely leaving his bedside. Lamb had forced her to spend the nights at his apartment, which was probably for the best. She wasn’t sleeping well to begin with and the recliner at the hospital was only making matters worse. Claire was present and doting on him from morning to night though, helping her uncle order his meals, assisting him when he needed to use the restroom, adding and removing pillows and blankets as needed, or anything else he needed or wanted. Lamb had been moved to the cancer floor, and the window of his new room had a nice view of the Boston skyline. Lamb was making the best of a bad deal, he bragged about his ‘luxury accommodations’, he cracked jokes often, he liked the nicer nurses, he ordered extra dessert with all his meals and was in generally pleasant spirits. Claire could see the cracks in his cognition though. Sometimes he would change the topic he was discussing mid-sentence, and he couldn’t seem to keep time straight. Whenever anyone would mention Christmas, he would act surprised to know that it was coming up, and at one point he hinted at Claire that she might just get those roller skates she wanted for Christmas, a gift she had not asked for since she was eleven years old. He didn’t seem to know what year it was or how old Claire was. He did know who Claire was though, and for that she was thankful. He also knew who the president was whenever the nurses asked, always beginning his answer with a short preamble to make known his disdain.

Before they knew it, it was Christmas Eve and Claire couldn’t hide the sadness she felt on her face. She was glad to spend the evening with Lamb, but she had been looking forward to her first big family Christmas. She had filled in Jamie about Lamb’s condition and her subsequent stay in Boston over the course of their phone calls that week. She had also describe the Christmas gifts she had purchased for the Murrays, Jo, and Lamb, so Jamie would know the rest were for him. Jamie had agreed to put the Murrays gifts in gift bags and distribute them for her. They were meant to exchange family gifts that evening, the morning being reserved for Santa, and Claire was heartbroken to be missing out. In a matter of hours, and for the first time in two months, her and Jamie would be on the same continent, yet they wouldn’t be able to see each other. There was no way Claire could get into the Christmas spirit under these conditions. The hospital, despite being modestly decorated, was not the most festive atmosphere. Even a troop of Girl Scouts caroling their way through the hospital halls did nothing to assuage the weight of losing everything Claire had been looking forward to for the past two months.

           “What’s a matter, my dear?” Lamb asked, showing genuine concern for his niece.

           “It’s nothing, I’m fine, I promise, I’m just wishing things were different today.”

           “Why today? Is it something special? I can’t seem to remember.”

           “It’s Christmas Eve. You were supposed to come to Long Island and meet Jamie. We were going to spend the holiday with his family.”

           “Yes, I remember, that’s today? Oh dear, I haven’t gotten your gift yet I’m afraid.”

           “That’s fine, Lamb, I’m afraid I left your gift at home, so we’ll have to do that part later. We can take a raincheck on gift exchanging. I was just really looking forward to you getting to know Jamie.”

           “I’m sure I’ll meet the lad soon; he seems really special to you.”

           “He is; I know you’ll like him.”

           “I already do.” He patted the top of her hand and turned his attention back to the sitcom on the television, providing humorous commentary to try to cheer Claire up.

----------

It was late Christmas morning. Uncle Lamb was napping again and Claire had switched the television to the Hallmark Channel--usually her guilty pleasure this season, today it was simply reminding her of how her Christmas was proving to be less than magical. For her there would be no Christmas kisses, no magical snowfall, no saving the small town family business or learning to love Christmas again. All that awaited her this Christmas were fluorescent lights, beeping monitors, and nurses visiting every 6 hours to check her uncle’s vitals. This Christmas would be decidedly the most un-magical she had ever experienced. She had had her share of unconventional Christmases in the past, in fact, she never really was a Christmas person, but it had started to feel special to her when she was living in New York. This Christmas though--this was one she was looking forward to more than ever before. Claire spent most of the morning crying, grieving over all she was missing. She should have spent the morning curled up in Jamie’s arms, watching the children open presents. She could picture the Murray’s living room, trashed with colorful wrapping paper from end to end, each child in their own private world fascinated by their latest favorite toy, Jenny and Ian beaming through tired eyes.

Claire was surprised Jamie hadn’t called her to fill her in on the details yet. He had called yesterday when his plane arrived--groggy and jet-lagged, his communication skills were not the most eloquent, but he tried his best to make her feel better. She hadn’t heard from him at all this morning though, not even a Merry Christmas text. Surely the jet lag would have woken him up as early as the children, and they must have been done opening presents by now. Claire tried to rationalize that Jamie was just spending time with his family, but she couldn’t help feeling hurt and ignored. She thought she was important enough to him that he could take a moment away from his family to at least text her, or to find some way to make her feel included from afar. Had his feelings changed in their months apart? Did coming home to a messy apartment turn him off? Did she find his Christmas gifts and come to think she didn’t care enough to get him something more thoughtful? She thought about calling him, but a mixture of pride and fear kept her from acting first, not to mention she couldn’t stop crying over these sappy Christmas movies.

Suddenly, a voice from the doorway rang through the room, “Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!” Claire looked up in confusion, momentarily unable to comprehend her surroundings and the disruption that had just entered them. Santa? No. The tall figure filling the door frame was dressed like Santa, beard and all, but the unmistakable Scottish burr gave away his true identity. If Claire hadn’t already been crying, she certainly was now. Jamie was standing in the doorway, dressed in a Santa suit, carrying a large, blue IKEA bag overflowing with wrapped presents and what appeared to be Christmas decorations.

“What?” Claire could hardly believe he was there, she rose from the chair and the couple met in the middle of the room for a hearty embrace. Claire buried her face in the soft, fluffy suit covering Jamie’s chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Perhaps the setting wasn’t a snow covered street in a small town, but this was her own Hallmark movie moment--and to be honest, those Hallmark guys had nothing on James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser. Jamie held her close, and tight, planting kisses in her curls and whispering softly to her.

“I’m here, mo nighean donn.” He caressed her shoulders with his thumbs, not releasing his embrace in the slightest, breathing in her scent, trying to absorb her fears and pain.

All of the commotion had awoken Uncle Lamb and after witnessing the couples’ embrace for longer than was comfortable, Lamb loudly cleared his throat to remind them of his presence in the room.

“Uncle Lamb!” Claire unfolded herself from Jamie’s embrace, keeping one arm around his back. Jamie sheepishly pulled the fake beard down around his neck to reveal his face and removed his Santa hat, clutching it tightly in the palm that wasn’t holding Claire. “This is Jamie, my Jamie. Jamie, this is my Uncle Lamb.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad it’s not Santa Claus, or we’d have a lot of explaining to do to the lad!” Lamb chuckled back.

“A pleasure to finally meet you, sir.” Jamie reluctantly released Claire from his grasp to step beside the bed, extending a firm but gentle hand to Lamb. “I’m sorry it’s not under better circumstances.”

“Pleased to meet you as well, lad” Lamb replied, patting Jamie’s hand with his before releasing their handshake. “And don’t you worry about me, I have the best nurse there is taking care of me.” Two sets of proudly smiling eyes met Claire across the room.

“Oh I dinna doubt it for a second. Your niece is a rare woman.”

“Glad to see we’re in agreement. Now what’s all that?” Lamb gestured towards the large tote discarded near Claire’s feet.

“Aye, I thought I’d bring you two a bit o’ holiday cheer.” Jamie pulled a large cardboard box from the bag and extracted a small tabletop Christmas tree from it, unfurling each branch carefully and placing it on the countertop across the room, plugging it in to reveal fiber optic lights changing colors dreamily. “I usually insist on my Christmas trees being more, well, alive, but under the circumstances this’ll have tae do.” Jamie and Claire spent the next half hour or so festooning the room in garlands and placing tiny ornaments on the small tree. Claire tried to ignore that more than half of the bag was filled with brightly wrapped gifts, not sure whether she was hoping they were all for her, or hoping that they weren’t. After all, she didn’t have anything to give him and she didn’t know if he had looked through his gifts yet nor if he had appreciated them.

While they decorated, Jamie filled Claire and Lamb in on the events of the last few days. Jamie had called Jenny to tell her not to bother picking him up from the airport. He had planned on renting a car there and driving straight to Boston. Claire could hear Jenny’s voice loud and clear through Jamie’s imitation “ya clotheid! Have ya gone daft? Yer barely able to form coherent sentences amidst the jet lag from yer Christmas Eve flight, and ya wanna drive five hours tae Boston in that state!?! Claire willna appreciate ya ending up in a ditch on the side of the road as a Christmas present ya eejit!” Jenny had made a fair point, and Jamie had agreed to sleep at home and left shortly after he awoke that morning, staying only long enough for the children to open their stockings, and to watch their faces alight with surprise at the sudden appearance of piles of presents under and around the tree.

“I’m glad you took Jenny’s advice, but most of all I’m glad you’re here.” She embraced him again. “You didn’t have to do this though, Jamie, I know how important your family is to you.”

Jamie stepped back and lifted Claire’s chin with his thumb, looking into her eyes. “You are important to me, Sassenach.” he replied, with a sincerity that penetrated Claire’s heart. Claire responded by kissing Jamie chastely on the cheek, knowing her uncle was only four feet away--politely trying to ignore them and watch the television which he had flipped to an all-day marathon of A Christmas Story on repeat. Jamie’s welcome intrusion broke up the monotony of hospital life and seemed to give Lamb a better sense of what day it was.

“Now that we’ve got the place looking good and festive, I believe it’s traditional to exchange gifts on Christmas day.”

“Jamie, it’s too much, I--”

“Oh? Thought they were all for you, didja Sassenach?” he teased. Claire blushed. Of course; she hadn’t really--but who else would they be for? Surely Jamie wouldn’t spoil Lamb, a complete stranger to him, quite so much, and no one else was there. She looked dumbfounded as she tried to come up with a defense but Jamie stopped her. “Dinna fash, Sassenach, Jenny wrapped your gifts for me and Lamb before I could see and I bought them along too. She thanks ya for the wee lotions, by the way.”

“God bless Jenny! That woman is a Saint.” Claire also silently thanked God that she had left the present she was planning on wearing for Jamie that evening in her dresser drawer, that was not a gift she wanted Jenny to see, and was definitely not something she wanted him to be opening in front of her uncle.

The three exchanged gifts, save Lamb, who had nothing to give but smiles and approval for the young couples’ thoughtful gifts. Jamie was genuinely appreciative of Claire’s gifts, although she kept insisting that she hadn’t finished shopping and there was more to come; to which Jamie humbly rejected, claiming it wasn’t necessary. Jamie’s gifts to Claire were thoughtful and meaningful, the most touching ones being a print of a painting of the rose garden he had ordered from the Botanic Garden’s gift shop and a bracelet engraved with the words perennis amor, which caused Claire to tear up and embrace him tenderly in spite of her uncle’s presence.

The three enjoyed the rest of the day thoroughly. A Christmas Story played in the background and they laughed and shared stories with one another. Jamie was a born storyteller and Lamb was elated to have a fresh audience to recount his many adventures to, so conversation flowed naturally between them, with Claire occasionally interjecting. Claire mostly just sat back and admired the two men who were most important to her, filled with joy that they were getting along, that Jamie was there, that it was Christmas. For the first time in several days she had hope and peace. She was surrounded by love in that hospital room as well. She had all the things Christmas was said to bring, and for that she was grateful. Jamie had made her greatest Christmas wishes come true without her even asking and she felt lucky to be alive.

The hospital staff served their version of Christmas dinner for the small family, and while Claire was sure it paled in comparison to whatever Jenny had made, it was quite delicious, especially considering it was hospital food. Jamie ate in the armchair next to Lamb at Claire’s insistence, since the two were deep in conversation, and Claire sat in the chair on the other side of Jamie, taking in her magical Christmas scene, better than any Hallmark movie could depict.

After dinner, Jamie was fading fast, listening to one of Lamb’s stories with heavy eyes.  She took one of the spare blankets and covered Jamie. “Looks like you’re still not over your jet lag”

“Hrmmphh, I ‘spose not.”

“Do you want me to go get you a coffee? I doubt the cafe downstairs is open today, but there’s a cappuccino vending machine a few floors down that isn’t terrible.”

“Aye Sassenach, that’d be bonny. If it’s not too much trouble.”

“None at all, my love, I’ll be back soon.” Claire squeezed his hand before leaving the two men alone.

Jamie listened to her footsteps down the hall, and waited until he heard the ding of the elevator before he cleared his throat to speak frankly to Lamb. He sat up straight in the chair to ward off the sleepiness, having a few important things he wanted to say before Claire came back.

“Lamb, I need you to know, Claire is the most important person in my life. I love her sae much and I’d do anything for her.”

“I’m glad to hear that, I can see how happy you make her. She lights up when you’re around, it comforts my old heart to see.”

“I need you tae know, I’m very serious about her. I ken we haven’t been together that long, but I know--I know deep in my wame that I’m meant tae be hers. I want ya to know that I intend on spending the rest of my life making her happy, and while I havna bought a ring or ennathing yet, I wanted to ask yer blessing” Jamie paused for a moment before adding, “just in case.”

“Of course you have my blessing, son. I couldn’t be more glad to know that Claire will be so well cared for after I’m gone, truly.” Both men looked somber, knowing full well that this could be their last conversation, hoping dearly that it wasn’t. Claire returned with three cappuccinos in hand, surprised by the mood in the room.

“Everything alright, gentlemen? Don’t tell me Ralphie shot his eye out!”

“Och! Everything’s fine, Claire! I’m just tired is all, I’m sure this wee cappuccino will cure me in no time!” replied Jamie, eagerly taking a cup from Claire as she set another on Lamb’s tray table. The rest of the evening was quiet as Jamie took a nap, while Lamb and Claire watched A Christmas Story more intently then they had all day. Claire didn’t want to leave him alone so early on Christmas so she let Jamie nap until Lamb was asleep soundly for the night. The sense of joy she had felt all day was still present, but the nagging worry she felt about Lamb’s coming surgery was starting to settle in as well. Claire woke Jamie gently and Claire whispered softly to Lamb that they’d return in the morning, squeezing his hand before the couple quietly left the room.

----------

They walked out to Jamie’s car, since he still had his stuff packed in it, but Claire drove them back to Lamb’s apartment where she’d been staying. The cappuccino was helping Jamie stay coherent, but he was in no state to drive. They were quiet on the drive home, but kept their hands locked between the seats, grateful just to be in the presence of one another.

When they arrived at Lamb’s apartment, Jamie was so tired, he didn’t even want to brush his teeth, let alone do any of his usual nightly routines. However, he had spent the morning sweating in a polyester Santa suit over his clothes, and although he took it off shortly after his surprise arrival, he felt in need of a shower. Claire showed him where the bathroom was and made sure he had everything he needed, and got herself ready for bed.

Jamie showered quickly, not bothering to wash his hair, and only cleaning the parts of his body where any stench would be most concentrated, figuring the water would take care of the rest. A few minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom with a towel around his waist, ready to collapse into bed, but not before embracing his sorcha. He scooped her into his embrace and she buried her face in his bare, firm chest, warm from the shower. He smelled clean, and fresh and most of like Jamie. “I’m so happy you’re with me, Jamie. You have no idea how much it means to me that you’re here.” the emotions of the day hit her again and her voice caught at the end of her sentence as tears filled her eyes once again. Jamie kissed her forehead softly, down to her nose, and landed on her lips, giving her the firm, passionate kiss they’d both been longing for all day--and for months before that.

“Mo cridhe.” Jamie breathed when they separated. “I’m here. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll no’ leave you alone when ya need me.”

“Oh Jamie” Claire was still crying, “I’ve been so worried. I’ve been trying to stay strong for Lamb, but I feel like this won’t go back to normal--if there ever was a normal with him. I’m scared he’s going to get worse, or--” her sentence dissolved into a fit of sobs, which she tried to stifle on Jamie’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to stay strong when you’re with me. I’ll be here to help you shoulder the burden. I’ll be here to soak up your tears. There’s two of us now, Claire.” He pressed a kiss into her curls. “You can feel your feelings now, mo cridhe. Lay your cares on me. Come now, let’s get ya tae bed. I’m no’ sure how much longer I can stand myself.”

Claire fell asleep wrapped safely in Jamie’s embrace, free to be herself fully. Free to be vulnerable she felt safe, she felt loved, she felt comfortable, and most new to her--she felt she had the hope and strength that she could carry on, no matter what was to come. She slept better than she had in weeks, secure in the embrace of her eternal love.

End Notes: Thanks again for reading!! By the way, the Ingrid Michaelson song Jo mentions is hauntingly beautiful and you should listen to it. Also, I hope you liked Jamie's surprise. This was going to be a lot more angsty of a chapter but Jamie refused to let Claire suffer and had other plans. I know this was full of a lot of emotional ups and downs, and hopefully we can all find some comfort in the fact that just because Christmas/the holidays may look different for a lot of us this year, it can still be special, and there's still light, joy, love, hope, and peace to be found in the midst of the darkness.

[mitsutay13]

I come back stronger than a '90s trend.

@taylorswift @taylornation

[theoldtaylors]

I should’ve asked you questions I should’ve asked you how to be asked you to write it down for me should’ve kept every grocery store receipt ‘cause every scrap of you would be taken from me watched as you signed your name: marjorie all your closets of backlogged dreams and how you left them all to me

Marjorie Finlay (1928-2003)