We're All Mad Here

Hi, the name is Kat, age 26. I am a massive fangirl in too many fandoms and lots of ships. None of the art, gifs, videos or creative work I reblog is mine. Feel free to come and talk with me!

[foxes-in-love]

[foxes-in-love]

[foxes-in-love]

[penandinkprincess]

this

does make me think extremely chewy thoughts about how fucking complicated this has to be for ilya. like obviously things with his father are SO fucking complex and layered and there's so much pain there, but also what emotional potential of being the only person he consistently remembers. even ilya's older brother gets forgotten, but when he's distressed, ilya is the one he calls? he ALWAYS seems to know ilya?????

it adds to the guilt also that he's the only one who can calm his father down or at least handle him when he's like this and yet he's the one on a whole different continent, but also what a twisted wreck of feelings it has to be to be the only one their father consistently remembers. like there HAS to be love in there, doesn't there? if i'm the one he remembers when he forgets everything else? i'm at least THAT important to him? i have to be, don't i? even if everything else is gone, i'm still in there. that HAS to mean something, doesn't it?

but also what fucking guilt to know that alexei almost certainly feels resentment about this as confirmation that ilya is their father's favorite and always has been and always will be. and like from ilya's pov, it didn't save him AT ALL, but also how fucking complex to be the younger sibling and yet be the only one their father consistently remembers.

[isisisak]

at one point harris does an insta post for the local animal shelter like "all of them think theyre lap dogs" and its several slides of like a great dane and several pitbulls and a giant mastiff sitting on ppl and the last pic is of ilya sitting on shanes lap during one of boods bbqs

[gimmiekiss1221]

you know how ilya teases shane about the strip of condoms he pulls out during their first time? i'm imagining shane getting a complex about looking too eager with all those condoms. and so from then on he keeps them all in the bathroom cabinet and will pull one off and place it in his drawer when he knows ilya is coming over.

so the next time ilya is there, they're kissing and laughing softly while they grind against each other. ilya nips at shane's bottom lip and grins down at him. he gives a playful wink before reaching over to the drawer in shane's bedside table. he pulls it open, and sees an almost empty bottle of lube [shane's dildo has been seeing a lot more action after that first time] and one singular condom.

his face immediately falls; his body stills. he suddenly is feeling the urge to throw his fist through the wall, he wants to rip somebody's throat out.

because who the fuck is fucking shane when he's not around???

he saw the box that last time, an unopened value pack of 40 condoms. it made him grin like an idiot at the time, made him want to tease shane for his eagerness then kiss his lips til they were numb and cherry red.

and now it made him sick to his fucking stomach. did shane get fucked by 38 other men since the last time ilya had him? was it all with the same man? ilya didn't know which option was worse.

so, despite wanting to vomit, buy a gun, then go find all of shane's other boys, he resolves that he has to remind shane how good it can be with just him instead. that he can be all shane needs, can satisfy him better than anyone else ever could.

every time after that, ilya is frantically checking shane's drawer, then filling with dread and white hot jealousy each time he finds only a condom or two and a bottle of lube that is always within various stages of usage.

and then, like every other time before, he works to wring as many mind blowing orgasms out of shane as he possibly can and nearly drowning him with kisses and whispered praise. and then he hopes that this time will be the one where shane decides to give all the others up.

meanwhile shane is over the moon over how attentive and gentle ilya has been. he's loving all the kissing and the way he coos in russian all soft and sweet into his ear. and he's started calling him sweetheart and baby??? that was a little weird at first, but shane warmed up to it and now it makes his heart flutter.

ilya doesn't learn the truth until the cottage when shane tells him he hasn't been with anyone since their last time.

"you finally want to give up all your other boys just for me?" ilya teasingly asks.

"my other boys? what are you talking about?"

"you know, the ones you used boxes and boxes of condoms with when i wasn't around."

"oh, like you have room to talk - wait. ilya what the fuck are you talking about?? i've had the same box of condoms for two years."

ilya furrows his brow. "but... every time i was there, there was only a couple left in your drawer."

then it finally hits shane. he bursts into a fit of laughter and drops his face into the crook of ilya's neck. he presses a quick kiss there then lifts his head back up.

"you made fun of me when i pulled out that strip of them the first time we did it! so i got embarrassed and started keeping them in the bathroom and just grabbing one when i knew you were gonna come over. i just got used to keeping them there."

ilya laughs so hard that it eventually turns into sobs of relief

[jewelcoatfish]

yeah i think ilya loves seeing shane’s childhood bedroom so damn much he comes to yuna and david’s sometimes and just spend time snooping there. and of course no one has any problems with it, they welcome him in fact. one time ilya was sitting on shane’s bed looking at a framed photo of shane and his parents on his bedside table when david walked in and sat next to him and started talking about the day the photo was taken. he ended it with “the first few months after shane left for montreal, sometimes i’d see yuna sitting right here, holding the picture or one of shane’s shirt and she was crying.” and ilya understood, he missed shane like a limb too even when he’s only two hours away, so he nodded.

and david continued. “it’s just like that, isn’t it, we know he’s not far, we know we can call him and text him, but only seeing him once every few weeks never feels like enough.” and yeah, okay, david was talking to him specifically now, and so he muttered a tiny “i miss him.” under his breath and david wrapped an arm around his shoulder and said “that’s the basis of love, then.”

[mutinsfromthemoon]

a video is circulating in the hockey fans community showing ilya and shane during a preseason practice. shane is drinking water in the corner of the rink near where the players sit during the game when ilya comes up from behind and wraps his arms around him and opens his mouth and shane lifts the bottle and squirts water into ilya’s mouth and ilya drinks it and kisses shane on the cheek and skates away. of course the video gets a ton of views online because everyone is obsessed with the hockey husbands. and harris is always extremely happy when they manage to capture these candid moments between ilya and shane

[totearup]

After they play together for a year or so it becomes common to talk about how Ilya and Shane are psychic about each other, always knowing where the other one is or whatever.

Harris gets the idea to have them do one of those "twin test" videos where they stand on opposite sides of a door and he has them hold up numbers, they both hold up a four, the spin in a circle, which they do in the same direction at the same speed, then stand on one leg, both picking the right. Then they're supposed to touch a body part, and both poke the ends of their noses, though Shane says, "Baby if you're grabbing your *beep* right now..." with a half smile, and Ilya cracks up because if this wasn't for the internet he definitely would have.

Anyway, they do everything nearly exactly in sync until Harris tells them to "make a silly face" and Shane just gives the camera an office stare while Ilya sticks his tongue fully out and crosses his eyes.

It definitely goes viral.

[mutinsfromthemoon]

the intern is doing a funny montage video with a bunch of questions for the centaurs and they ask shane “what do you consider to be a perfect day?” and shane answers “any day i spend with ilya is a perfect day” and the intern’s like “but you spend every day with him” and shane just deadpans “yeah? it’s been perfect since i married him” and they ask “even when you guys lose?” and shane goes “if i lose, i still go home to ilya”. and then they ask the same question to ilya and he answers “a perfect day is when i spend every single hour with shane” and the intern says “shane answered the same way” and ilya’s like “really?” and the intern tells him “he said that every day has been perfect since you guys got married” and ilya gets a little emotional and asks softly “he said that?” and the intern nods and ilya just gets up and leaves to go find his husband because he needs to give him a big sloppy kiss immediately.

[gaynehollander]

A few years into Shane playing for Ottawa, one of the younger Centaurs, maybe Holmberg, comes to him with a problem. He has been sleeping with this girl for a while now and he's so into her but she travels for work and he knows she has a couple of regular hookups all over the place. So, since Shane - judging by Cap's reputation - has been in a similar position, he asks him how he convinced Roz to be exclusive.

Shane stares at him, uncomprehendingly, for a second before slowly replying, "...I didn't."

Holmberg gives him a deeply skeptical look. "I've seen the way you react when people flirt with Roz in front of you," he says, "there's no way you guys have an open relationship."

"No," Shane clarifies immediately. He would rather set himself on fire than have to live with sharing his husband with another person. "No, we're exclusive," he confirms, "but I never asked him to stop sleeping with other people. He just kind of... stopped. I didn't even find out until a few months after it happened so, I don't know, maybe just wait it out?"

Eventually, the Centaurs learn that, although Cap and Hollzy have clearly found in each other what most people spend their lives searching for, they are the absolute worst people to ask for any type of relationship advice.

[fluffysheeps]

Bumble sharks 🐝🦈

[pedantic-swedish-bunny-girl]

@catboy-tdick opinion on the bumble sharks?

[catboy-tdick]

WONDERFUL AND JOYOUS….

[foxes-in-love]

[foxes-in-love]

[lavenderprose]

Like I just knooooow people are tired of them. Everyone knows without being told that they are having freak sex CONSTANTLY and that they are so in love about it. Like how does it feel to be together for twelve years married for one and you are STILL knocking the walls down every night. Everyone said it HAS to stop at some point and they are WRONG. Second season on the Cens Shane is still coming in routinely with bite marks on the BACK OF HIS SHOULDER and there is only one mathematical explanation for how they got there. Like ohhhh my name is Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov and the only thing I do is win Stanley Cups and have hot freaky athletic people sex with a man who would kill and die for me and I make MILLIONS OF MONEYS while doing it. I know people hate them.

[lavenderprose]

For the consideration of the forum:

Rose and Shane (who are both closet cinephiles; Shane because he thinks it's embarrassing to have hobbies and Rose because being a cinephile as an actor just seems cringe to her) are working their way through one of those "100 movies to watch before you die" lists and finally get to Dirty Dancing.

"I can't believe you haven't seen this," Rose says, and Shane grumbles something about not really being a fan of the genre and well, their rule is that if they think the movie is stupid they can turn it off after an hour so Rose finds it on one of the 6000 streaming platforms Ilya pays for (the Fast and the Furious movies keep jumping around) and starts the stream fully expecting for Shane to exert his veto power in an hour.

And then he just doesn't. He sits there and watches the whole thing, mouth slightly open. Usually they talk at least a little bit about the plot or the cinematography (Shane has developed some opinions in that regard, mostly adopted from Rose whose opinions he takes as gospel by consequence of knowing next to nothing about the industry) but Shane is just. Rapt.

Then Ilya comes stalking into the living room towards the end of the movie and by pure coincidence he's wearing a black shirt and pants and Shane looks away from the TV for the first time in 90 minutes.

"Shane," he says, and puts two fingers on Shane's jaw, entirely chaste but extremely proprietary. "Have you seen my iPad?"

"Den," Shane says softly. "It's in the den."

Rose darts a look between Ilya, Patrick Swayze on the screen, and Shane's open-mouthed expression. Laughs for about four straight minutes.

[snowsmoked]

Ilya never gets dementia. He worries about it, with his genetic predisposition and his frequent head injuries. But he never gets it.

His brother does.

His brother calls him, forgetting that Ilya went no-contact with him. Ilya's silent on the phone, listening to Alexei's wife softly explain it to him and take the phone.

He texts Ilya, asking when where he is. Asking who he's playing next game.

Ilya's been retired for over 20 years.

He knows Shane wants to say something, but he never does. He's just quietly supportive.

One day, it's Alexei's wife that calls him. She apologizes for calling. She tells him Alexei doesn't remember her anymore. Or their daughter. He only asks about Ilya and their parents. She offers to delete Ilya's number from his phone.

Ilya declines.

After that, he starts answering the phone. And talking.

Alexei asks where he is. Ilya tells him he's coming home soon. That seems to make Alexei happy.

Alexei asks who Ilya is playing. Ilya says Montreal. Alexei tells him to win or papa will be angry.

Alexei tells him mama made him soup. Ilya tells him that was his daughter. Alexei laughs, he doesn't have a daughter.

He doesn't remember how cruel he was to Ilya. He doesn't remember how much he loved drugs and drinking.

He was so much like Ilya's Alexei, before he started taking after their father. Before he let his anger at their mother consume him. Before he caught Ilya and Sasha and allowed his fear for his little brother to turn into anger and disgust.

One day Ilya offers his wife, Natalia, to have them visit. Their daughter has visited more than once, even stayed with them for a summer after high school. His and Shane's kids tried to teach her hockey.

Natalia regretfully tells him Alexei is not well enough to travel.

Ilya can't travel to them, not while he's married to Shane.

But their phone calls are enough.

About once a week, he gets to speak to a version of his brother than he had dearly missed. He gets to talk about his mama like she's still live, not dead for over 50 years. He gets to talk about the rink he and Alexei used to play hockey at. To talk about the stray cat he and Alexei once hid in their bedroom for a week.

He finds himself looking forward to the phone calls.

And dearly missing when they end.