first write, then type

I first find a quote then write, sometimes I can't find but still write. Welcome to my world where every words are insane.

[theworldofchandrani]

-Enough Quote for Today-

         People are forcing me to write my story of my life. Which is better than their crappy love stories, too lame to be told to their grandchildren. Yaar, everyone can fall in love but not everyone can be in a trauma because of a doctor who doesn't know how to talk to a 14-year-old-girl. Not everyone can try to carry on million times after turning from the edge of giving up. Not everyone can be in love with a man seven thousand kilometers away..  I want to tell my stories to my grandchildren. I want to make them feel hopeful before they sleep at nights. I am sure, they will be very very lucky with their insane granny.

22.12.2013    01.26

[theworldofchandrani]

-Tired of Quote-

     Everyone is saying love is this, love is that, bla bla valvela.. People are roaming foolishly proud of their girl or boyfriends beside them. Kya baat hai! I am jealous. I am also thinking about someone even while I am peeing. I feel interesting when I hear his name too. I am dreaming about lots when I see something about him too. My stomach is coming out of my throat when I see him too. I also feel unidentified flying objects in my belly too. I sing songs implying him too. Kuch kuch hota hai here too! Ahem I fantasize about our special moments too. I am being like him too. I want to be with him everytime too. I want to lose myself within him too. But am I saying that I am in lov...oh wait...

21.12.2013    00:07

[theworldofchandrani]

-No Quote, Problem?-

          What is love? Baby don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! No more... Naah, not that. I think love is thinking about his/her death and lamenting out of nothing. Yes. Call me insane or philosopher. Love is that. Love is exaggerating everything about him/her. Not caring! Exaggerating. Anyone can care about the other, anyone can make you a soup when you get sick. But not everyone get mad at you, or even beat you, just because you didn't take care of yourself and got sick. Love is this. Not caring! Exaggerating. So well exaggerating that it keeps you alive. I've just remembered "You gave me a new reason to live..." See! You even exaggerate the words in your mind and never forget! Oh my... am I in love?! Well...ahem... Love is an exaggeration guyz!

20.12.2013    23:44

[theworldofchandrani]

-Hard to Find a Quote in Lecture-

          Again, I am in the middle of the lecture about personality. Till today, in two days, I got very happy and felt lucky. However; while searching something, paying attention to something you get curious or you love. It is a hard path you know. It's like a railway. Actually two railways. Just like in Subway Surfers. You sometimes go left, jump left, sometimes other side. While collecting golds in left, trains come and go from the right. When you fool around in right, traps occur in the left. It may be the same with every two things; beloved one and family, mom and dad, school and home and so on. This is hard. While you are doing your homework, time is passing and you are missing your sleep. While you are sleeping, you are thinking about school or dreaming about it. Two railways. Hard paths. I am just in between my dream and my family, for example. I need one of those things jointing both. You know, we see them in movies. One thing to joint them together and enable you to go on the same road. Because one day, I want my dream to be my family.

20.12.2013    11:20

PS. I found its picture, finally.

I meant this.

[theworldofchandrani]

"Sometimes, in my heart a feeling emerges,

  That it's like you've been created just for me."

  -Kabhi Kabhie Mere Dil Mein / Lata Mangeskar & Mukesh

Once again, I found the peace where I left it. How can this happen? you get mad, pissed, frustrated; you leave the place or the person with anger; you get farther and farther. But the farther you go, the more you get closer to your root again. Your spring, your source, your love. You get back to where you run from. Like a circle, big one. Once again, I found the peace where I left it. I am like a Santiago from The Alchemist. I am like a wanderer seeking for his treasure far far away. -Spoiler Alert; his treasure was buried in his hometown. We learn it in the end. Just like my finding my peace where I left it. There is nothing more precious than being thankful to the God for giving us our beloved ones. We always ask .."What does He,generally, look like?" Don't be silly, don't be blind. He has his reflections everywhere. He is in my mom's smile, dad's eyes, sis' hair, bro's cheeks, his voice ...  He is everywhere. Everywhere you find even a grain of peace. Don't be blind. Once again, I found the peace where I left it. How can this happen?

18.12.2013    23:51

[theworldofchandrani]

                                                                             -Quote Not Found-

           I'm in the middle of a lecture about personality and I've realized that I don't have it, once more. I don't have any character or so. I am a dough. Play dough. Anyone can shape me as she/he wishes. She or he can take a benefit from my 'yes's more than 'no's. I am a dough. One can play and chuck me out when my color's faded, when I started stinking. I am like a dough. One doesn't have to be a child to play with me. I wouldn't describe myself with any other word. I am a dough. Not just for playing, you can also shape me and put me in a boiling oil. As you wish. You can boil me, fry me till I get burnt. You aren't finished even after burning me, you chuck me out then. Or you throw me to some sink or soil. Or you give me to cats, dogs. Then you think that you did something good with making me a food for some, at least. I am a dough. You don't have to be a child to play with me.

18.12.2013    11:20

[theworldofchandrani]

Without you the nights are colorless, flavorless

And sickly, like a malady, try as I might, it won't pass"

-Tere Bina / Ar Rahman & Chinmayi

             Don't go.. because of the work.. Your lover is calling out for you.. Ar Rahman said. He was right again, also slow, also emotional. It can be the best song ever of my life. Because yeh meri prem kahani hai. Bu benim aşk hikayem. This is my love story. No one else's.. this much.. Don't go, he said. Because of the work.. Why work, brother? People forget their beloved ones then? Are you being dramatic? What else? How can something like work affect a relationship? How can one forget the beloved one among the documents? Among papers which won't be used more than 2-3 years? Or paper itself, how long does it exist? What is the lifespan of the salary? Will it hug you? Will it measure your temperature every hour while you are laying on your bed sick? Will it get mad at you, then not resist and answer your sorry kiss? Then why did Ar Rahman need to compose a song like this? Is he still too dramatic? Or is he still right?

17.12.2013    22:34

[theworldofchandrani]

                                                                      -I could write my own quote

                                                                       then I realized that I am lazy-

      I want to write now. Whatever drops from my pen, I want to leave it on the paper. I want to throw up all the thought I have in my mind. This white sheet is the best for accepting my disgusting request. My thoughts are abundant. I have enough pages. I want to write now. I want to write why I got pissed, why I cried.. I want to write to whom I talked, to whom I smiled. Time is passing by and it has no selam. It has no mercy, no courtesy. And I want to race with it and spit out my words as soon as possible.

                                                                                             "I have enough mind

I have enough hand

                                                                                            I have enough sun today

                                                                                            I have enough sand

                                                                                            Hope my pages will be

                                                                                            enough for me

                                                                                            my ink'll persists

                                                                                            Hope people like

                                                                                            my sentence

                                                                                            at least one word

                                                                                            can please."

I want to write now. I want to become a lil Shakespeare.

17.12.2013    23:06

[theworldofchandrani]

                                                                       "At times, why do even strangers

                                                                      seem like they are your own?"

                                                                     - Kajol / Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham

        I really don't know why but I started believing that we are created as twins before coming to this world. Then God scatters us to see lots, to change lots. Because He is in very high in the sky, we are scattered a bit much, we become so far away from each other. We fall into different wombs and we meet different siblings. We speak different languages sometimes and different faiths. But I started believing that we are created as twins before coming to this world. Then God scatters us to see lots, to change lots.

17.12.2013    10:23

[theworldofchandrani]

The song of my day ?  Yes it is.. 

I have no idea about the meaning of the lyrics though. Except for 'naina' ...

[theworldofchandrani]

                                                                           -Hard to Find a Quote-

             I write, because I know that 'saying flies, writing persists'. Because feelings, thoughts always change and to hold them sometimes or to examine them, one should spill them out on something white, like a paper. If my words aren't thrown up on the page, I throw up on the toilet with the stress they cause. I should write, because it is not just me who thinks or writes like that and I know that one day there will be a person who will enjoy my sentences and find himself or herself in somewhere. Maybe he or she will be happy that he or she is not alone in this life. I don't mean to be dramatic or ordinary but finding an insane on my way, finding one freaked out, would make me feel crowded in my world. I must write, because life is too short for reading nonsense and I am not someone empty when it comes to feel and when it comes to think. I don't mean to be 'cool' but I know that one can find something near here if he or she really reads me. I have to write, because when I stop my sentences, when I silence my words, when I switch off the lights and turn off the thoughts, I will be dead and my story, my ink, my breath on this white piece will be his or hers. I can't stop writing, because I don't want to die. I don't want to die, leaving the kids behind waiting to be expressed. I don't want to die leaving the parents coming and going to interfere with my thoughts, and waiting at home sometimes to be inked again. Each of them are an experience itself. And I don't want to die leaving my pen still working in somewhere. I don't want to die when my ink is still wet. I don't want to die when I am still unable to forget. I don't want to die. I want to write. I should write. Right?

14.12.2013    12:01

[theworldofchandrani]

                                                                                       -Quote not found-

When do you feel that people are proud of you? Or, maybe you don't care about the others. Maybe your family matters when it comes to pride.. No one can fully understand the intensity of saying "I am proud of you." and no one can easily fill in the blanks.. and no one but no one can easily make the other one feel like that. This is very interesting that 'proud''s normal form looks very dangerous.. pride. See, it looks like something bad, something arrogant, something selfish. But when you say "I am proud of you." this becomes something flattering. Now, what is pride? When people get proud of us, have we done something to make them arrogant? I think I study Math...more..

14.12.2013    11:38

[theworldofchandrani]

                                                                         "Our bodies are our gardens,

                                                                          to the which our wills are gardeners."

                                                                          -Othello / W.Shakespeare

                  Walking, walking and walking.. Tiring these feet and accelerating the way of breathe. Using up jism to make dimaag dominant. And when the time comes, the time when you question what you are doing, you feel doomed. Just like me, at the moment. My body has already got tired but I couldn't realized that because of my working mind. He, my mind, thought that he was so strong, and yes he was. Now that he also got tired, my body errored. She, my body, got exhausted in this rush. I think I should give time to both, without any double standard. I feel doomed. Yeah. I shouldn't listen to music or I shouldn't talk to him, as always. Lakeen it's not as easy as it's said. I feel tired. I need a huuge massage. No need for body, to mind is enough.

12.12.2013    00:00

[theworldofchandrani]

                                                                           -Quote Not Found-

           When do we deserve our age? When do people really think that we are acting like a normal person at our age? What matures people? Or our minds? Change? Who is normal in this life? Normal for whom? Normal for what? My age doesn't want me, I believe. It deserves more mature girl than me sometimes. Sometimes, I don't deserve to be as young as it is. I will never be able to live my age. I will never be able to be crazy like 18, spoilt like 14 and pathless like 20 or grown like 40. Never. I will always think about my 10s or plan for my 20s. Somewhere in between. No chronology. This mind is going back an forth. Just like Faulkner's "That Evening Sun". I am going back. And forth. Never visited this moment. Never tasted carpe diem. My age doesn't want me, I believe. I will never be able to live my age. And I will never be able to leave my age..

08.12.2013    14:26

[theworldofchandrani]

                                               "Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,                                                 And in our faults by lies we flattered be."

                                                  -Sonnet 138 / W.Shakespeare

       When do we start trusting? Or when do we stop? Can one stop it for everyone just because one of the eggs turned out to be broken? I do that. I lost my trust. After you left, after they left, I left myself. My trust left me. And now I am not happy because it's again me who is staying to deal with all these in spite of you. I wish everything would be as easy as making samosa, sometimes. I mean, it can look hard just like garam masala but when you learn that the ingredients can be found here too.. so easy. I wish.. I can, maybe, deal with pain but whatsoever it is, I want my trust right back. 

PS : This one is dedicated to Tamer Demiroğlu, no one else.

08.12.2013    01:24

[theworldofchandrani]

                                              "Love is too young to know what conscious is;

                                               Yet who knows not conscious is born of love?"

                                                 -Sonnet 151 / W. Shakespeare           

              Today I read something like damnation when it comes to race, also religion, then in one way..love. Damned by a fair woman, it says. Could love be damnation? Can it be like a burger? Which we love but also very very dangerous to health? Who knows? We really don't have a conscious, when we fall into that damnation or whatsoever. We think that we can do anything but when we want to do something we get nothing. See; this love makes your create awkward sentences. Awkward things.. Like the identified flying objects in your belly. You have them sometimes, don't you? Do they lack of conscious too?

07.12.2013    01:10

[theworldofchandrani]

                                                                    "You are the tree I lean upon

                                           You are the one that makes troubles be gone"

                                                    A Poem For Mom / Champagne S. Baker

          No one touched me as much as you did and no one could hear me and no one could speak. No one had smooth cheeks as you have, no one waited for me to recover from trivial colds, night and day. People think that reading mind is impossible and it's not something good. Well, you've been doing that to me for years but I haven't seen anything bad so far. Believe me, you've educated me more than those buildings, companies who are teaming children to make them all the same. You taught me how to endure them all. You taught me how to run after my dreams. You thought me that I can write my own book if I'm unable to find a good one. You taught me how to be modest regardless of your huge courage. You taught me how to be mom. I love you mom. Now, you are in the kitchen, solving crosswords not to lose your memory early. Don't worry. I will still be loving you. All the time.

PS : You are the one who gave me my name, +1 love for that.

06.12.2013    01:26