Things I say to my partner

A young adult couple sharing a collection of true quotes from their relationship.

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Her: farts like a beast

Him: Niiice!!

*High fives*

[thingsisaytomypartner]

You think I'd be skinny by now

Her: My cheeks hurt from laughing

Him: Me too. That'd a good fuckin workout... I wonder how many calories that burns

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Stone cold honesty

Her: I want my doughnut. Do you want me to get yours?

Him: You can get yours.

Her: Okay well you're not getting a bite

[thingsisaytomypartner]

*Ed Sheeran plays in the background, dancing romantically*

Him: Thanks Bruno

[thingsisaytomypartner]

My eye is like the new clitoris.

Her, while she is rubbing her eyes like crazy and moaning

[thingsisaytomypartner]

I finally have lung in my weed.

Him

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Please keep itching my knee pit.

Her

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Her: "You'd be proud of my poop."

Him: "It's not fair. I wish I could see your poop."

[thingsisaytomypartner]

It's really good! You should try it! I would give you a bite but its my last one... so no.

Her

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Did you fart? Or is that your breath?

Her

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Things to say in public:

Him: "You're the love of my dick."

Her: "You're the dick of my life."

[thingsisaytomypartner]

You should see my toenails, they're so long.

Him

[thingsisaytomypartner]

If you looked up Patella of Anthophila, it would be a picture of us. Because we are the bees knees.

Her

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Respecting each other's Bodies

Him: *flares nostrils*

Him: Did you see my nostrils?

Her: Babe, you could see them from a mile away.

[thingsisaytomypartner]

April Fools Ownage

*Last Year. He is vulnerable due to school stress.*

Her: Omg babe. I'm pregnant.

*shows positive pregnancy test picture via phone*

Him: *complete meltdown and catharsis*

Her: April Fools

Him: What is this life?

*This Year. He is vulnerable due to school stress.*

Her: Omg babe. Our best friends are suddenly engaged because she found out she is pregnant.

Him: *mild meltdown and catharsis*

Her: April Fools

Him: Am I even real? Is it possible for this to happen to someone?

Mark my words Iron King. Smokey Jack is gonna get you back.

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Him: Wanna make love?

Her: I’m sorry I’m too tired tonight

Him: Okay

***20 minutes later, just about asleep***

Him: You still tired?

Her: Yes

Him: Okay

[thingsisaytomypartner]

Good Morning

Her: Did you fart?

Her: Or is that your breath?