Harley Keener was nothing like what Peter expected.
He had expected, well, someone like him. Polite, smart, bad jokes, painfully uncool - that sort of thing.
What he hadn’t expected was some kid with ripped jeans and a swearing problem with absolutely no respect for authority at all.
And although he was sure they wouldn’t get on, by the end of their first week together, Tony had been pranked six times. Peter finally stopped apologising after the third when, despite the egg dripping down Tony’s face, he still wasn’t mad.
Tony starts saying that Harley is a bad influence when Peter starts giving him snark.
But by the time Harley goes back home at the end of summer, Tony and Peter’s relationship has never been stronger.
warnings: none, light prank humor, mentions of a pregnancy
synopsis: after seeing a stray black cat, you decide to adopt her and prank aki into thinking he's about to become a dad
it starts with a stupid little idea you get after seeing a stray black cat at the convenience store.
you weren’t supposed to be there. you were supposed to be grocery shopping like a responsible adult, buying boring things like soy sauce and toilet paper.
but then you saw her—tiny, soot-colored, with big green eyes and a weird kink in her tail. she was trying to climb into a garbage bin.
“oh my god,” you whispered, crouching. “you are the love of my life.”
you texted aki right after you adopted her.
you: hey!! i got us something :)
aki: what did you buy
you: a surprise!
aki: return it
you: you haven’t even seen it yet?? why are you like this
you waited to tell him in person. and by “waited,” you mean schemed. you went full menace-mode. you took one look at your sweet, oblivious boyfriend and decided to play the long game.
he greeted you at the door like usual. barefoot, loose ponytail, navy blue shirt with one sleeve half rolled up. he had that unreadable face on again, half bored, half tired, and you could already hear the faint whistling of the kettle in the kitchen.
“hey,” he muttered. “took you long enough.”
you beamed at him. “hi, baby.”
his eyes narrowed instantly. “why are you smiling like that.”
“can’t i be happy to see my future baby daddy?”
aki’s whole body froze. “what?”
you pretended not to hear. “today just felt… special. like a turning point.”
he stared, deadpan. “a turning point.”
“a new chapter,” you nodded sagely. “i’ve never felt more excited for something. it’s like—i don’t know , something in my soul knew this moment would come.”
aki was already sweating. you could see it. his hand twitched, like he was reaching for a cigarette that wasn’t there.
“okay.” he cleared his throat. “what moment. what the hell are you talking about.”
you smiled wider, eyes wide with faux emotion. “you’re gonna be such an amazing dad.”
“WHAT.”
his voice cracked.
like audibly cracked.
you bit your lip to keep from laughing. “i just know you’ll be so good at it. you’re already so nurturing—like the way you make tea, or force me to take vitamins, or yell at me for sleeping with the window open.”
“that’s not nurturing,” he snapped. “that’s basic survival.”
you walked past him into the apartment, calm and graceful like you were walking down the aisle of a dream you constructed entirely to give this man a heart attack.
“i was nervous to tell you,” you admitted, setting your bag down slowly. “but i’m ready.”
he blinked at you like you’d slapped him.
“ready for what.”
“to take care of someone together.” your voice was syrupy sweet now, obnoxiously so. “to share the responsibility. to wake up early and stay up late and cuddle them between us in bed.”
aki was dead silent.
you turned toward him. he was pale. his jaw was tight. his hands were in fists at his sides, and his eyes were darting between your stomach and your face like he was trying to solve the hardest math problem in the world.
you stepped closer.
he stepped back.
“you’re pregnant?” he asked, voice just barely above a whisper.
you blinked. “huh?”
“you just said—!”
you held up a finger. “ah ah. i said dad. you made the leap to pregnancy all on your own. interesting.”
he looked like he aged three years in three minutes.
“do you wanna see the surprise or not?” you finally offered.
he didn’t answer—just stared at you like you were an unexploded bomb—but followed as you tiptoed to the hallway closet.
you crouched.
slowly opened the door.
and out came—
“meow.”
aki blinked.
a tiny black puffball strutted out on silent feet, tail curled into a loose question mark. she looked around like she owned the place already. big green eyes. a little white patch under her chin. she walked straight to aki and rubbed against his leg like he was nothing more than new furniture.
“surprise,” you said sweetly. “her name’s miso.”
aki crouched down and just stared at her, speechless. then he looked up at you, eyes sharp.
“you made me think you were pregnant for this?”
“yep.”
“you gave me a stroke.”
you knelt down beside him and kissed his cheek. “but you’d be such a good cat dad.”
he groaned, rubbing his eyes. “you are insane. i thought we were gonna have to buy a crib.”
“we can,” you offered brightly. “a little one for her.”
he pointed a finger at your face. “don’t.”
“come on,” you cooed, grabbing his arm. “hold her. feel the bond.”
he gave you the flattest look known to man. “i hate you.”
“no you don’t.”
he sighed, picked miso up, and held her awkwardly against his chest.
she instantly started purring like a tiny engine.
his expression softened—barely—but enough that you saw it.
“see?” you whispered. “dad material.”
he looked at you from the corner of his eye. “you’re never allowed to surprise me again.”
you grinned. “no promises.”
he cradled miso like he’d been doing it forever. she blinked up at him with a face full of trust and absolutely zero idea that she’d been part of an elaborate prank war.
“she’s actually kinda cute,” he muttered.
you gasped. “did aki hayakawa just admit something was cute?”
“shut up.”
you leaned on his shoulder, watching the little cat curl up against his chest like she was home. and maybe she was.
you kissed his cheek again. “you’re doing amazing, dad.”
he didn’t answer but he didn’t push you off, either.
and you could swear you saw the tiniest hint of a smile tugging at his lips when miso started licking his thumb.
April Fools day with the Batfam would be so hectic imo
Like if nothing is sacred, it just starts a prank war. Oracle tricking them into walking into glitter bombs, Dick changing out Jason's bullets with animal pellets from Damien's supplies, and Duke going invisible just to jump scare everybody
And at 11:59, just one minute before the end of April Fools Day, someone turns on every light in the manor and just flashbangs everyone at once basically
April fool’s is WAR in the batfam. Preparation starts months before. There are only a few rules set out, all of which have been written on a large flag that Alfred hangs in the living room at the beginning of March. They are as listed:
no grievous injury to persons (healable is acceptable)
no missing persons aside from members of the Wayne extended family
no balloons
no cults
no faking of death
You will clean up any mess you make (even you, Bruce)
tim, you must have a minimum of eight hours of sleep on April 1’st eve
no inclusion of live animals
all debts and dues for disorderly conduct or breaking of rules must be paid to Alfred by the end of the day
Crowley just… sheds. Like snakes do. And Aziraphale has opinions about it.
This is the result of my personal Patron Saint of Crackhead Plots™ sliding into my DMs with a two-word prompt and zero regard for my mental health. (Hi Karson. I owe you my entire life and also my therapy copay.)
Seven pages of pranks, pettiness, polka dots, one very furious Bentley, and Aziraphale having a full Edwardian crisis over suddenly pink curls.
NSFW bonus page also exists. Patreon knows where to find it. 🌚
