reblogging into the void

for all the aspec posts that i relate to, or just think are good to share. majority aplatonic, afamilial and loveless posts.

[screechingsandwichhologram]

shout out to aplatonic aromantics. aro spaces are unfairly focused on close friendships its so fucking annoying and isolating.

[bloggingboutburgers]

I wanted to offer my perspective as a favorable aroace but. Most of the books I've sought out explicitly tend to feature the repulsed/averse portion of the spectrum. To this day, I have not found ANY books with clear favorable ace or aro rep. And there are some times when you get a character where it's clear they're ace/aro, but it's not clear where they fall on the repulsed to favorable spectrum, and the fandom with basically split into two camps of "this character is definitely repulsed/averse bc we are assuming every single character who is ace/aro falls into that portion of the spectrum so shipping them under any circumstances is wrong" and "we are going to do allo shipping for this character bc it's fiction and erase the character being ace/aro" and it just. It sucks so much because I hate both camps, and if I interpret the character as being like me because canon is vague and I have no rep otherwise, people either assume erasure just for writing a favorable aroace character or they hate it for featuring aro/ace things.

I don't know. This recent shipping discourse I've seen floating around just really feels erasing actual aro/ace people in favor of fictional blorbos and I just. I feel like people care about proving their headcanons correct more than they care about people like me, and I just find it hurtful and upsetting

Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm vocal on this topic not only because as a sex-repulsed romance-repulsed aroace it IS basically conveying the message that my experience really isn't worth talking about, but also because I've always been under the impression that this was harmful to aspec people as a whole, the way it is done the large majority of the time. Having your perspective validates this impression, and I'm reassured I wasn't assuming out of my ass.

It's like people don't care to research and write nuance at all, when the aro and ace spectrums are nothing BUT nuances. And then it either boils down to "can't relate to your experience so lemme erase it rq" or "can't be bothered to try to understand the complexity you've had to navigate throughout your life so lemme just take the parts I relate to at a glance and erase the rest rq". That's not being fair. And yeah, I've said it before and I'll say it again (you can call me Broken Record atp, sorry), but I hate when different parts of the aro and ace spectrums are used as talking points to harm the other parts instead of being decent people and give all of us baseline respect. It's fucked.

[magnetmite]

Might get eaten alive for this, but I wish (some) people would stop acting as if sex &/or romance repulsion/indifference/favorability are set in stone.

I'm aroaceflux; my romantic and sexual orientations/states naturally fluctuate. Likewise, whether or not I'm favorable to things like sex, romance, intimacy, physical contact whatsoever, relationships, etc. is also subject to fluctuation, not always at the same time that my sexuality fluctuates, and not always for the same reasons.

Nobody should be shamed for being sex &/or romance repulsed. Nobody should be shamed for being sex &/or romance favorable. Nobody should be shamed for being sex &/or romance indifferent. These are whole statements that I'm placing in this post intentionally. (I'll also note here that "positive/negative" are different than "favorable/repulsed".)

For some people, whether or not they're sex &/or romance repulsed, indifferent, or favorable will change or fluctuate, for many different reasons. This is also not something anyone should be shamed for.

People who are repulsed, indifferent, or favorable towards sex &/or romance should be believed, and have their consent and boundaries respected. Likewise, people whose favorability, indifference, or repulsion shifts, changes, or fluctuates should also be believed, and have their consent and boundaries respected.

I've never seen anyone discuss this; most posts I've seen discussing repulsion/indifference/favorability present them as solid "this or that" "one or the other" ends of an oppositional binary, typically ignoring or forgetting about indifference. As someone whose experience differs due to their fluctuation, I feel forgotten by these posts, and I'm willing to bet that I'm not the only person left unseen by this "black or white" thinking.

And no, this is not the same as being indifferent. There's nothing wrong with being sex &/or romance neutral, but this isn't that experience. There are times when I am genuinely unable to be romantic &/or sexual, even when I'm not aro &/or ace; I'm repulsed by sex &/or romance. Likewise, there are times when I am capable of participating in sexual &/or romantic activities, even when I AM aro &/or ace; I'm favorable towards sex &/or romance. This is not the same thing as indifference, and to conflate them is a disservice not only to people who experience fluctuations with their repulsion/indifference/favorability, but also to those who are indifferent towards sex &/or romance. There are times when I am ro/se indifferent, but that is subject to the fluxes, which is why these are different experiences.

Also it can vary depending on the person you're interacting with, but that's a given.

[seerya]

"If you want representation then why don't you write your own stories?!"

Why, thank you, I do, but sometimes I want to read stories I have not written myself? And meet and get attached to characters I don't already know? And travel with them and experience exciting twists without knowing beforehand how the story will eventually end? You know, a privilege that every other reader on this planet has all the effing time? Hope that helps.

[tupiichees]

lol this is the second time ive cried today over a peice of media

Mirabelle is aroace.. shes like really aroace shes fully romance and sex repulsed she's not just ace shes aro too and she expresses that in the source material while having a conversation that I'm honestly still waiting to have. She's aromantic and she genuinely struggles with the expectations a romantic world has for her. shes aromantic and asexual like explicitly. She's aroace and she's a shy people pleaser she's black she's not afraid to talk about romance she's not sidelined for not having a ship like

I didn't know that would make me so emotional lol idk, I didn't know if I'd ever see rep that actually makes me feel seen besides lxh. I thought it be like 5 years minimum before I'd see another aro/ace character that actually talks it out in the source material let alone a black aroace character thats so far removed from any stereotypes that whole conversation just kind of felt like yelling from the rooftops that people like Mirabelle exist when we're usually so invisible.. idk im genuinely crying right now lmao.

[paganinthemetroplex]

Edit: yes I am mad yes this is a rant

I 1000% want people to headcanon characters as aspec. Make them aro, make them aroace, make them ace and all the in between

However when I headcanon a character alloaro, loveless, and/or aplatonic and y’all freak the fuck out or completely ignore and reject it and act like it’s gross and horrifying and any other sex negative ‘sex without romance is evil and abusive’ and actively Choose to demonize it, I genuinely hear ppl—crazily enough acespec ppl most commonly—say it should be demonized

I literally don’t have a problem with you guys hcing every character in a way that represents you like 100% hard agree with that but y’all gotta be chill about alloaros

We’re people too and want to see our lives and experiences represented in characters. Like there’s a reason a ton of you see aroace characteristics in Percy jackson . Expect I explicitly see alloaro parallels and characteristics in him across books and short stories. He is always going on about how someone is hot and does not pick up that people are romantically interested in him

this post isn’t to insist or convince anyone else to see him as alloaro—which folks from all sides of orientation and sexuality headcanoning can’t seem to wrap their heads around—but the double standard of wanting understanding of elements of a character being read a certain way and shooting me down when I see different ones because you think I’m gross and an abuser by default. The amount of times I’ve had people call me an inherent abuser and the millions of times I’ve seen other people that is getting tired.

Anyway Percy Jackson is bisexual alloaro alloplatonic

And Annabeth Chase is aroallo aplatonic and loveless and low empathy and does not label her sexual orientation

They are platonic partners who are in fact sexually active outside of the context of romance

And headcanoning a character alloaro as someone not in a partnership having sex outside of the context of romance is and should be seen as valid too.

There’s a thing called consent. if both/all parties are consenting it should not be an issue. Idk what y’all can’t grasp

[acespaceemzgalaxy]

🚨🚨🚨 VERY IMPORTANT

I’m working on a project about the aspectrum so pls feel free to share your 🫵 individual experience with me bc I want to cover as many unique experiences of the spectrum as possible

🗣️ ALL ASPECS ARE WELCOME

🗣️ ACES, AROS, AROACES

+ NON-SEXUAL ALLOS (for whatever reason like for example when it’s a body boundaries or sensory issues thing)

it’s completely anonymous 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

send asks 🫰

pls try to cover the following topics:

(you don’t have to answer everything)

- your orientation + gender identity (or just a short description of it if you don’t have/like a label)

- how did you know you were aspec?

- how does it affect your relationships with friends, family, partners etc?

- how do you understand your label?

- your understanding of bodies + nudity

- your understanding of the “most important + strong relationship bond in your life” (often labeled as romantic or queerplatonic)

- if you engage in sexual activity (solo or partnered), how does it feel to you?

- your understanding of non-sexual kink

- if you date, how does it feel to you?

- your experience with different attraction styles (platonic, aesthetic, sensual, sexual, romantic)

- if you want a partner (for whatever activity or reason), what do you desire in them (like if you stood in front of a magic partner fountain)?

- ways you experienced aphobia

- what do allosexuals/alloromantics not understand?

- how do you feel about queer representation in media + especially aspec representation?

- what would you like to see in media representation?

- fictional characters that read to you as aspec

- anything else you’d like to share

[thisisindeedasideblog]

when i first saw the word 'aromantic' and learned what it was my first thought was 'man i wish i could ID as that'. romance wasnt a thing i agonised over but it was something i had to force and finding out that 1) it was an act and 2) i didnt have to do that anymore was pretty neat

[bogkeep]

When looking at the tags of The Amatonormativity Post, you’ll find a lot of people admitting that they do indeed wish they weren’t aro sometimes, or that they constantly battle the internalized belief that they are worthless or will die alone. There has been ONE person adding tags that finding out they were aro was a relief.

It’s so messed up. It is so horrendously messed up. When it comes to asexuality, you’ll have a horde of people talking about what a relief it was. Of course not everyone, and sometimes it’s a little mixed up - but most people will get the idea that being ace is Okay. You may be ace, it may be shitty at times, but be assured that there are a lot of people like you, and it’s gonna be fine.

You don’t really get that reassurance with aromanticism. The times it were mentioned, it was often as an addition to an explanation on asexuality. Nobody really tells you being aromantic is okay. You just find out you Might Be It. And with that comes a sort of, well, despair that oh no you might actually never fall in love and you might never find meaning in life, because you had hoped, maybe you had hoped it was impossible, but it is possible and it might be you.

Finding out I was ace was a bit of a process, but I did in the end feel relief that I didn’t have to change who I was. The aro thing? I wasn’t very specific about my romantic orientation for a long time, I was mostly in the “eeeeeeeh probably aro but who knows” zone. Like, I knew I was aro. To be fair I’m probably more aro than I am ace. But I was so scared to really set it in stone, because I went around hoping maybe I’m Not That Aro after all.

Becoming comfortable with my aro identity took a lot more work than my ace identity. I told myself many times, and still do, that it’s okay to be aro. But you know what? YOU should tell me it’s okay to be aro. Stop telling people they have to wait for The Right One. Start telling people it’s okay if they never fall in love, or not want to be in love. That would make a world of difference.

(And now, a disclaimer: I’m only speaking through my own experiences and observations, so this might be a little generalized. Also apparently necessary disclaimer: LGB people experience a lot of the same feelings, because LGB people are taught their feelings are disgusting and that they’ll never find happiness, plus homophobia is scary and brutal as heck, so I can imagine finding out you’re gay, bi or pan isn’t always a relief either, and also often a process of self-acceptance. That said, we share a lot of the same experiences and battles, so if you think ace and aro people don’t belong in the mogai community, you’re being a closeminded gatekeeper and nobody likes that. Amatonormativity and heteronormativity is often intertwined and it is possible to fight both. Together. Also obligatory reminder that gay/bi/pan aromantics exist.)

[dextivestudios]

Hello there!

I have made a subreddit that is meant to focus on ace erasure in history.

It is meant to be like r/sapphoandherfriend, but focused on asexuality and its unique flavor of erasure.

It is named after the Zodiac Code, something that is considered one of humanity's biggest mysteries. And Marilyn Monroe, who has so much evidence of her sexuality that you have to ignore her own words and the testimonies of people she knew to claim it a mystery. Even if Marilyn could not have possibly been more blatant that she did not care about sex, even if she wanted to.

The rules do acknowledge Hitler and his unique case. He is currently the only historical figure known to actually be a mystery regarding his sexuality. There is too much propaganda muddying the numbers there. The subreddit is not about actual mysteries. It is about people declaring obvious evidence of asexuality a mystery.

TheMonroeCode

It is nearly complete. All I really need is a welcome post (will get around to that... maybe) and a proper icon.

[catdownthestreet]

forgot to talk about this but it bothers me that there's some aroace people on here who exclude the entire spectrum of aro/ace people for "not being aroace enough," as if wanting or having sex or a romantic relationship once somehow excludes you from being aro/ace?

like the other day I ran into someone who was calling themself aroace but saying that it's "not a spectrum" and that allo people need to "stay out of our community," and like?? bruh. what.

everything is a spectrum in the LGBTQ+ community, and that's okay. gender is a spectrum. attraction is a spectrum. orientation is a spectrum. sexuality is a spectrum. it's not a competition of who's aro/ace enough to count. the sooner we all recognize that almost no one is purely straight, cis, or allo, the better our society will be at accepting diversity.

it's not watering down the meaning of a term for it to expand to include gray aces or demis. it's not destroying the sanctity of the aromantic community if we include frayromantics or bellusromantics. there is no such thing as a binary in nature, so why do we keep trying to force our communities into black and white boxes?

humanity would be collectively happier if we accepted that all of us are queer in one way or another. that's why we fight for our rights. if one group of us isn't free, then none of us are free. we all deserve to be acknowledged and accepted. stop trying to force conflict when there shouldn't be any.

anyone who identifies as aro/ace is aro/ace. end of discussion. love your siblings under the umbrella equally, don't bully people out of the community just because you think everything has to be one way or the other.

[infiniteorangethethird]

anyone else feeling rather... annoyed at the way ppl have come to define and use queerplatonic and qprs? So many times I see ppl talk abt qprs saying they're "friendship but Deeper" or "a relationship strictly between friendship and romance" or "essentially romance lite/romance for aromantics" and like. A qpr definitely can be all that if the participants want that, but to say that this is THE definition of queerplatonic is actually going directly against the very goal for which the term was created. Queerplatonic was supposed to give us a word to be able to talk about relationships that don't fit neatly into the "romantic" and "platonic" boxes, whilst also deconstructing the relationship hierarchy and the idea that friendships are fundamentally lesser than romantic relationships. So can we please stop using qprs as a way to once again make friendships seem like a lesser form of relationship and to reinforce the relationship hierarchy? Please?

Afaik the original definition of a qpr was smth along the lines of "a relationship that doesn't fit the traditional boundaries of a friendship". By that definition? A loveless friendship would be a qpr. A "friendship" between two aplatonics would be a qpr. A friendship where they specifically feel less emotionally connected to one another than is expected of a "normal" friendship would be a qpr. Just like how queerness isn't fundamentally about love, queerplatonicism, i.e. queering the platonic, isn't fundamentally about "putting more love" into friendships. It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

[thisisindeedasideblog]

To 'Yes, and' some situations out of those examples:

Imagine these with any combination of apl+apl, allopl+allopl, apl+allopl, and all the other aspec/allo-spec, etc.

the "not platonic or romantic, but Neighbors" post I made is queerplatonic

Conversation partner/s: like a book club (or similar) with regular meet-ups, but where it becomes 'unusual' is its just 2-3 people and they dont want anyone else to join, that'd ruin it. Theyre not involved in anything else in each other's lives: No birthday parties, no connection-focused Winter Holidays, theyve never seen each others' other friends (if they have them)

a "kinky-first, platonic-second" relationship, kind of like a 'friends with benefits' situation. Could be sexual or non-sexual, since sfw kink is a thing.

who only get together to go to things like musicals, or the movies, or out for lunch. Experiencing things because they want to experience things and having company makes it feel different. theyre both mainly there for the Activity. Maybe they call it an 'adventuring party' setup.

"fair weather friends" but on purpose.

mutual confidants: neither/none of the participants really need/cant really afford therapy but theyve got stuff to get off their chests and hey, its a lot easier to be a listening ear when you arent deeply personally invested in the other person's life like that.

the relationship is for company, to stave off loneliness. Maybe there's a little solidarity/camaraderie-flavored respect there, maybe they feel sympathy or empathy for each other and want to help for the sake of helping, but they still dont really want to get *close*

[t-aversed]

To my mind:

Asensuality is a conversation about consent in all forms.

Aromanticism is a conversation about the legal construct of marriage.

Asexuality is a conversation about personal connection to one's body.

Afamiliality is a conversation about expectations from birth.

Aplatonicism is a conversation about human connection.

Anstheticism is a conversation about the beauty industry.

Analterousness is a conversation about facing people as they are.

The anattractional spectrum is a conversation to be had about the complexity of humanity and the facets of innate human experience. If you do not think of these things, you are not taking certain concepts of feeling far enough. This is part of that 'more' to life.

[sex-favorable-aces]

Not the other person in the post, and feel free to ignore if you find this taxing, but it's about comparing sex to homophobia and murder in the first place! Let's reword it. "I've realized i view *gay* sex the same as i view homophobia and murder." Putting sex(yes, all sex) on the same level as the worst crime of all is incredibly homophobic and exactly in line with the puritanical christian rhetoric we've all come to know. The other example "sex is vile and immoral and like murder i think it shouldnt exist, but its fun in fiction teehee!" Is not at all better??? It's just further proof that this thinking is virulent in our community and another example of why its bad. Jfc these people.

THANK YOU

At the end of the day the rest of the post doesn't even MATTER, because the comparison made is vile!

I swear, the ace community loves to just say the most homophobic and racist shit and then act like calling it out is starting a witch hunt. Letting shit like that go unchecked is how we get MORE racist, homophobic, and puritannical, not less.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: you can be sex repulsed without parroting bigoted sex negativity. And some things should stay as inside thoughts. Tumblr is not your personal diary.

[idontknow-howtointernet]

ADMIT YOU HATE AROACE PEOPLE

IM AROACE

(also i deleted the other message thing u sent yesterday bc it was MEAN but i want to respond properly now so. coughs. just pretend its there)

Writing fics where Ryland Grace is aroace and then also writing fics where he's in a relationship does NOT make me or anyone else aphobic?? I get that Grace is wonderful aroace rep and its so awesomesauce so many people believe in and support that headcanon but also. its. a headcanon. hes not canonically aroace no matter how clear of a reading it may be. pls dont witch hunt ppl for not writing him or any character according to ur personal headcanons.

Also I. personally write him as on the aroace spectrum in all my fics, even the ship ones. But I just don't tag it as such because I personally feel like it's. Idk I don't like going to the aromantic asexual grace tag and then finding a bunch of smut/ship fics where its not a major plot point when im going to read but thats just my personal preference, no hate to anyone who does tag it. I hc him as trans too but you don't see me tagging it on most of my fics because it's just. not a plot point. that comes up. I don't wanna tag something that's not relevant, or just. not mentioned.

Also again. aroace people can be in relationships! that can happen! thats real! woah! it just looks different to an allo relationship! I personally read grace as not like. averse to romance. but thats just my personal reading. (or me projecting. cough) its whatever. u can have ur reading. if u think hes fully aroace and completely uninterested in anything romantic or sexual thats totally cool and awesomesauce. you do you.

Uhm what else. I had another point. DONT SEND MEAN ASKS TO AUTHORS PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!!

[thisisindeedasideblog]

would like to find more writing about asexual n aromantic relationships to gender. from the brief survey ive seen it seems like a somewhat gender-queered perspective sometimes.

like for me i dont want to care about it, it doesn’t mean much to me and i’m largely at home with whatever was put on me as an infant. no persistent dysphoria or euphoria that i’m aware of, but as soon as it becomes related to all/any things courting it all turns a bit ‘soured’ and awkward.

[plum-petunia]

I swear I saw once that preliminary results from a study on something else entirely indicates that aspec people are more likely to be nonbinary. If I find that again I'll reblog with a link.

[plum-petunia]

I can't believe I found it! (Thank goodness I always download stuff lol.) The first link is what I originally read, the second appears to be the full study. The last link just seemed interesting and relevant (found it before finding the article I was looking for).

Does everyone "have" a gender?

Examining 'gender detachment' in the asexual community

Sage Journals: Discover world-class research

Subscription and open access journals from Sage, the world's leading independent academic publisher.

Asexual and Ace Spectrum Youth

There's a lack of research on the mental health of youth who identify as asexual or ace spectrum. Read The Trevor Project's recent findings.

[thisisindeedasideblog]

oh yeah those top 2 links is the one i saw, misremembered it as a survey. Neat to have the whole study.

Also got a recommendation in my ask box for 'Love Expanded: how asexuals and aromantics are redefining love, life, and family' by Wren Burke which sounds perfect, according to Anon it has a whole chapter on asexuality and gender. Theres exactly one (1) copy i can find (physical only) and its in a library 1-1.5 hours in the opposite direction from my usual commute lmao. if anyone that's read it / owns it wants to give a run-down of that chapter while i plan out getting my hands on it, feel very free.

[thisisindeedasideblog]

would like to find more writing about asexual n aromantic relationships to gender. from the brief survey ive seen it seems like a somewhat gender-queered perspective sometimes.

like for me i dont want to care about it, it doesn’t mean much to me and i’m largely at home with whatever was put on me as an infant. no persistent dysphoria or euphoria that i’m aware of, but as soon as it becomes related to all/any things courting it all turns a bit ‘soured’ and awkward.