evolution of hair (the first was six months ago. the second was over christmas.)

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@thisistrichy
evolution of hair (the first was six months ago. the second was over christmas.)
WHEN THE VIOLIN When The violin Can forgive the past It starts singing. When the violin can stop worrying About the future You will become Such a drunk laughing nuisance That God Will then lean down And start combing you into His Hair. When the violin can forgive Every wound caused by Others The heart starts Singing.
-Hafiz
brief list of things that helped me
(This list is not for everyone. Some of these things might do fuck-all nothing for you. Some of them might drastically change your life. For me, they are things that did the latter. Don't feel bad if people's suggestions don't help you... we're all so individual. You'll create your own list.) * T-Gel shampoo, (tar shampoo) which eliminated all the horrible raw red spots on my head. And it managed to do this in about a week. No more painful raw spots. Bloody magic. I'm thinking I may have had sebhorratic dermatitis, as it also helped with flaking/itching that no other dandruff shampoo could do. This is only $8 a bottle. God bless this stuff. * Tea-tree oil , which I use when I still get the occasional bump on my head. I also use it on pimples near my hairline. Some people dilute it, I don't. Helped me stop messing with red spots, first it feels like peppermint freshness ice on your skin and then after twenty minutes I forget I even have a bump. Also tea tree oil is useful for pretty much everything. I put it in my humidifier and it clears out my head. * Adderall, and no I'm not suggesting you start taking it illegally. But I do suggest you think hard about the medication you're taking, if it actually helps you, and talk to your psychiatrist if you have concerns. I took a slurry of antidepressants and antianxiety pills every morning that did nothing for me, not to mention a million supplements. They did not help but I took them because my psychiatrist told me to and they made me feel a little different I guess. DON'T SETTLE WHEN IT COMES TO MEDICATION. There is something out there that can help you, but it might take a while to find. Never in my life did I think an attention-deficit disorder could be behind the bulk of my problems, but it was. * I moved away. I realize this isn't an option for everyone but to be honest it helped me so much. I had grown so used to being unhappy in my hometown that it was almost conditioned behavior (and still is: when I go back I get unhappy and bitchy and self-conscious. It's like the visual memory of the place that triggers it.) Moving gave me a chance to a completely fresh start. There is only one person from my high school here and it is BLISS. It would have been a mistake for me to go to college in my hometown--seeing faces from high school every day would have been detrimental for me. The people here know me and love me for I am NOW, not who I was two or three years ago. * Went back on birth control, which I had stopped due to concerns that it could be worsening the trich (my mom and I got desperate and were grasping at straws near the end.) Anyways, going off gave me horrible, painful cystic acne and some pretty bad mood issues. Going back on solved both these things within a week. * Lastly, if you're a person with breasts, and struggle with body issues or bad-fitting bras, I would really suggest cheching out http://www.reddit.com/r/ABraThatFits . There are multiple methods of bra sizing, the american way adds inches to the band instead of to the cup. As a result I was constantly pulling down my band and my bras just didn't fit right, were uncomfortable, and had a strange contour. I felt like my boobs were defective and undesirable. With the sizing that adds inches to the cup, I went from a 34B to a 28E.(Cup volume goes down as band size goes down, so they look about the same. Not as weird as it sounds.) And holy shit, it has changed my life. I feel good in my bras and they actually support me. My confidence has skyrocketed simply because I am so much more comfortable. If you got boob issues, please consider looking into this, because it's made a suprising difference to me.
...throw roses into the abyss and say: 'here is my thanks to the monster who didn't succeed in swallowing me alive.'
Friedrich Nietzsche
Hi guys, I know it's been ages since I posted. Maybe a year. Maybe two. I'm not sure. I wanted to let you know I've started a new blog, for the first time in ages. If you want to follow me, I've linked it at the end of this post. I probably won't post about trich, and most of it is just stuff that makes me happy or makes me think. There's a place for that too, and that's what I need right now! Over the winter and spring of 2013-2014 a lot of things happened. I spent a week in a psychiatric hospital. I shaved my head, and then had to shave my head again. For a while I was wearing wigs. After that I was wearing scarves. I failed high school because I was missing a half a credit. Nobody knew. I was suicidal. Got my GED two days before my first day of college. Moved out of my hometown to a different city. Things are better. After shaving my head the second time, I abandoned trich. I said "that's just not something I do anymore" and I believed it until it was true. Divorced myself from the whole disorder, removed myself from the whole community. And you know what, it worked. I am very happy here. I am functional. I don't know how it happened, it happened because I said it would happen. Despite having 8 official diagnoses of mental health disorders, I currently am only taking adderall. One pill for everything. Fuck the years of gagging down seven NAC pills every morning and throwing them back up in the toilet. Fuck the horse pills and the bullshit supplements that never did anything for me. They made me feel defective because they never worked. If you're still going through the long list of disorders and mediactions, I feel for you. I know it feels like you're a human science experiment. And I know it feels hopeless. But psychiatry is still an inexact science, there's no way to know what will work perfectly until you actually try it. I am not going to say "things get better"or "everything works out in the end" because I think that stuff is bullshit and I'm not into empty platitudes. But I will tell you I was in the worst place of my life about 8 months ago, researching ways to kill myself and figuring out how to make it look like an accident for my family. And sobbing and tearing at my flesh on the floor, begging god to kill me, feeling entirely worthless. I don't even remember how it feels now. It feels removed from me, like a past life. I moved and I decided that wasn't me anymore and I put myself into a new standard. Now I can be kinda frenetic and anxious and a forced type-A person, sometimes OCD, staying up all night occasionally to erase and rewrite and erase and rewrite and erase and rewrite and erase and rewrite and ad infinitum but I decided I would be happy again and I was. I decided I didn't give a fuck anymore and I still do, sometimes because it's always an ongoing battle. I'm dreading summer a little bit because I cling to my layers of dark clothes and sweaters. The sunlight has a habit of illuminating all the parts of myself I don't want to be seen. Sometimes I still stand in front of the mirror and feel too self-conscious to leave my dorm. But I no longer feel like I'm worthless of living. I laugh a lot and I do spontaneous things with friends who I love and deserve. I'm happy to be alive because I like the feeling of walking in the rain, and sometimes when it snows everything sparkles in the moonlight like glitter. I'm happy to be alive because I can feel myself breathing and I like the way trees look when the wind runs through the leaves and the way it feels on my face. I'm happy because dogs like me and after it floods I can pick up the worms off the sidewalk and put them back in the mud. Fuck, I don't even know where I came from or what I'm here to do. But I know nobody can take those things from me, not even myself. I am allowed to experience the world in any and every way I want to. I probably will not post on this blog anymore after today. Although I absolutely care about all of my followers, and I loved making things like the trich bunnies, this blog is a reminder of a very bad time and I try not to spend too much time in that past. Sometimes I still feel volatile, like it could all come rushing back and push me back down. But now I know I'm in control. And I'm wishing you all the best. You all deserve to be happy and to love yourselves. -me www.manic-pixie-fuck-you.tumblr.com
if you follow the paintbrush with your eyes while not moving your head, it forces you to use emdr which is a therapeutic technique to calm anxiety/panic. watching fish swim causes the same effect.
I don’t have a favorite post on Tumblr, I don’t have things that I ‘always’ reblog.
But this is one thing I love seeing on my dash, I love having it on my blog, it really helps to calm me down and its amazing.
It sucks when you have so many dreams but you can only pick one.
(via psych-facts)
BALD PROBS
put hat on -> too hot take hat off -> too cold repeat.
reblog if you have trichotillomania or dermatillomania
hiyatrich:
i know how annoying these posts are but I WANT TO FOLLOW ALL OF YOU
I was dying to hear someone say That I didn’t need to try so hard to be perfect, That i was enough and it was okay.
Unknown (via perfect)
STOP AUTOCORRECTING MY FUCKING DISORDER
If there really was a merciful God, I know he would just kill me.
Sometimes I can still feel the brush of my hair against my back. I can still see it in my mind's eye, waves and curls and the flyaways I always hated And I would run a brush through it (before I knew you're not supposed to brush curly hair) Sometimes I feel it against my neck and down my chest soft and ticklish like the way it feels when you're first falling in love And I reach up to touch the empty air mocking me.
This is so upsetting to me. I found this on twitter tonight. I realize that most people haven't even heard of our condition, but it still hurts a lot. This girl is popular at school, skinny, pretty, and has gorgeous long blonde hair down to her waist. I wonder if she knows there are people out there who really DO pull all their hair out. I wonder if she knows how painful it is.
NEW VIDEO - Am I Triggering You?
There are NO Triggers in this. Just vlogging generally about feelings towards responses back to what I post. I deliberately didn’t use ANY visuals/cut aways.
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