Thoughts with N

[thoughtswithn]

TW: suicidal thoughts⚠️⚠️ - - - - - - - I'm #struggling and I want to talk about it. Let's normalize talking about it. My head is spinning. I have Suicidal thoughts. I've #selfharmed for the first time in months. I'm trying to stop my #anxiety but it's not working today. What helps your #anxiety? Any tips? 👇 https://www.instagram.com/p/CKhYzsCAtU9/?igshid=ylut3b0hnk8s

[thoughtswithn]

SMILE ✨ What are you working on today? What are you going to accomplish? Where is your focus at? #instajob #mygrind #dayjob #workinglate #myjob #company #focus # #dailygrind #computer #pushpullgrind #grindout #fitnessgear #bigbench #moneymaker #desire #startuplife #founder #instacool #nice #motivational #successful #hardworkpaysoff #entrepreneurlife #entrepreneurship #businessowner #gymlife #trainhard #all_shots #dedication #snapshot https://www.instagram.com/p/CKgzHBXgfUt/?igshid=1he97inddpfdf

[thoughtswithn]

TW: body image struggle Oh HEY gorgeous. Let's #unpack something shall we? When, if ever, did you start feeling #insecure with your body? For me it was literally when I was about 7. And now I think of my little #girl and feel freakin terrified for her. I constantly question myself. Am I talking to her enough? Am I being a good role model? Am I teaching? It's unbelievable how early these thoughts start coming. And SO freakin sad! Why don't we always think we're awesome? Cuz we totally are! I mean, look at us, were rockin this life!! And even now at 30 I still struggle. I try to take pictures of myself to show myself what I look like and it's not what I think I look like. A picture shows me reality. How do you manage this? Any tips or advice? #woman #momlife #bodypositive #effyourbeautystandards #motherhood #celebratemysize #honormycurves #childhoodunplugged #plussizefashion #letthembelittle #bopo #bodypositivity #momsofinstagram #motherhoodthroughinstagram #plusisequal #uniteinmotherhood #goldenconfidence #bigandblunt #sahm #plusmodelmag #momblogger #motherhoodrising #motherhoodunplugged #loveyourbody #dailyparenting #mommyblogger #plussizeblogger https://www.instagram.com/p/CKgjy_MgcR0/?igshid=14zbhbvyvz0b4

[thoughtswithn]

"Truth be told, the decision to have the baby came out of fear of disappointment from my parents. I felt like if they disowned me, I’d really have no one. So I lived, trying to please them. Right down to the decision to become a mother. I never rubbed by belly, like cute pregnant women do, or felt emotional hearing the heartbeat, or all those other typical responses to pregnancy. I basically turned “off” and just got through each day. I tried to make myself fall in love with being pregnant. I carried so much shame. I refused to buy maternity clothes. I just really did not have a good pregnancy. Thinking back, I’m not even sure how I survived it." Link to read more is in my bio. #pregnancy #pregnant #postpartum #babynews #disowned #birth https://www.instagram.com/p/CKevIckgcZa/?igshid=1n0te39aalson

[thoughtswithn]

You are my #sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When skies are grey You'll never know dear How much I love you Please don't take My sunshine away ☀️ #momsofboys #clearsky #sunnyday #twilightscapes #instamorning #daytime #wakingup #summertime #mother # #morn #gettingready #snooze #goingout #scenicsunset #sunsetsniper #instasunsets #awake #sunrays #sunlight #bluesky #sunsetlovers #sunny #postpartum #mombod #postpartumbody #wake #earlybird #wakeup #sluggish https://www.instagram.com/p/CKeapx7gg8-/?igshid=1s48k9cjbedy8

[thoughtswithn]

"So I’ve recently realized that I don’t really talk about being a mom, or even how I began my mom journey. So today, we are going down memory lane together, and I’m going to talk about it. So go get your cup of coffee, and get ready! How my motherhood journey began is something I rarely ever talk about. It’s not a beautiful fairy-tale type story. These are, sadly, memories that I’ve worked really hard to keep as far down as possible. To keep them out of my mind. And, I carry a lot of shame over that. I mean, who doesn’t want to remember when their baby was born? So I’m going to talk about it. I’m going to talk about my journey to becoming a mother, and that not all stories begin as a fairy tale, and that doesn’t mean they’re any less valid. We’re going back 11 years now. OMG where does the time go? Anyway, I was 19 and totally loving life. I was living at my Aunts house, working 2 jobs, volunteering, and working out regularly. I really felt like I had life figured out. I was looking at Universities to apply to for the fall, and I was definitely leaving Manitoba. (Side note, when I think about this now, it’s crazy, because I literally have zero desire to leave Manitoba now.) Okay, rambling, sorry, so back 11 years, and I reconnected with this guy from high school, and I was growing to care about him. He had just left the army, and was sort of figuring life out at that point. We hung out frequently, and talked. We were friends in high school, so it was easy to be comfortable with him." Read more, link is in my bio. #postpartum #postpartumdepression #postpartumjourney #pregnancy #pregnant #newblog #motherhood #mother #motherhoodunplugged #youngmom https://www.instagram.com/p/CKeCehSAelO/?igshid=s6zr0mc28d49

[thoughtswithn]

Rooster has been with us for a little over a #month and I can say he has improved my quality of life SO much! I feel like I have #purpose again and I'm excited to live each day with him. Sometimes I feel #shame because I struggle so much with my #children and not my dog, but I'm working on #acceptance and understanding my feelings don't need to define me. What do I mean? Just because I love Rooster so much, doesn't mean I don't love my #children. Just because I love Rooster so much, does not mean that I am not a good mom. Just because I love Rooster so much, does not mean I am being selfish. What it does mean? I am capable of loving and feeling love. I am taking care of my mind and soul. I am thriving having this beautiful puppy to take care of. Sit down #anxiety. I got this. #purposetour #whatdoyoumean #dog #mentalhealth #mom #instakids #worthless #puppy #fam #siblings #chronic #chronicillness #bulimia #coldwater #anxietylife #stress #mother #toddler #familytime #infant #scars #babies #mentalillness https://www.instagram.com/p/CKcswZPgBu_/?igshid=1ivl2n5q10law

[thoughtswithn]

Let's chat #sleep for a minute!! It is SO important right? But so many of us struggle with getting either enough, or quality sleep. It's so hard! So what can we do? #meditate #read Enjoy a #bath Keep your room clean #gethigh What do YOU do to get a good sleep?? #sleep #bathbomb #rollitup #haze #nighttime #insomnia # #sleeping #sleepy #spirituality #smokeweed #sohigh #sleeptime #takeahit #tired #meditation #books #sleepyhead #bookstagram #lushcosmetics #reading #consciousness #smokeweedeveryday #awakening #instagoodnight #nightynight https://www.instagram.com/p/CKbWgTgAt5b/?igshid=1ctou18s76lns

[thoughtswithn]

I find this photo very soothing and calming and felt it perfect to talk to you about #bipolar2 . (Which is what I live with) First... It is not a MILDER form of bipolar, it is a seperate diagnosis. Its serious in different ways than #bipolar 1 disorder. While the #mania is not as elevated or euphoric... The #depression is deep, long, and crippling. This disorder is often misdiagnosed with #depression. Which is exactly what happened to me. I was being treated with #setraline for about a year and during that year I went down an extremely dark hole. Symptoms can include: Tiredness Irritability Trouble concentrating Rapid speech Excitability Exaggerated confidence Increased energy It's a valid #mooddisorder that requires help, intervention, and care. What do you know about #bipolar2? 👇 https://www.instagram.com/p/CKZJX8bAXYr/?igshid=18d4mx2uxwsll

[thoughtswithn]

Can we please #normalize not always having the energy, motivation, or ability to bathe/shower every day...? Fighting a #chronicillness can make the daily tasks, that most do without thinking...almost impossible sometimes. Things like Brushing your teeth Washing your face Doing your laundry Eating All these things are things that able people do without even thinking about it. I'm being very open and honest when I say, I personally struggle with my #selfcare all the time. I have things like a shower chart, a water thingy (to check mark bottles of water that I've drank), I have a chart for laundry and I set alarms to ensure il eat. But as much as I try to do everything to ensure I'm okay, the darkness still comes, and I still struggle. And days will go by without a shower, or brushing my teeth . And it's not because I'm "gross". It's not because I'm "dirty". It's because I'm fucking fighting a #mentalillness literally all the time and sometimes it becomes physical. Sometimes the weight of the illness is simply too much. So please, be kind. We don't know eachother a stories. We don't know anything. Kindness is awesome. Spread more awesome. https://www.instagram.com/p/CKXhoFLgKP4/?igshid=1vwgx0yin3wrq

[thoughtswithn]

I'm sure you've heard of #bipolardisoder but how much do you know about it...? 👇 ✨bipolar disorder is found in men, women, adults, children. ✨It affects approx 5.7 million adult Americans every year. ✨Bipolar disorder is the sixth leading cause of disability in the world. ✨It results in 9.2 years reduction in expected life span. ✨There are different kinds. Bipolar 1 Bipolar 2 Cyclothymic Disorder Each one is serious and real. It's more than #moodswings. https://www.instagram.com/p/CKW4LmtgPFC/?igshid=1atgul7s7qjvw

[thoughtswithn]

I'll be honest with you... I HATE my teeth. So, I never smile with my teeth. But my #son does not understand that at all. So when I smile, he thinks a BIG smile must have teeth. And I'm so #grateful that he pushes my boundaries in such simple ways. So I've been practicing smiling. If you have something you don't like about yourself... Try giving it a new meaning. Try seeing it a different way. Step out of the box a little and refocus. https://www.instagram.com/p/CKWjFXgggfJ/?igshid=j5hika8iilzn

[thoughtswithn]

You've already won... As soon as you open your eyes in the morning, that's a win! You make the choice to get out of bed, that's a win! Before you even drink your #morningcoffee you have had so many wins. I was laying with my puppy and wondering to myself... Why do we not celebrate these wins? If we started our day with this mindset, would it change anything? Stop by my blog where I'm exploring this sentence... You've already won. Link is in bio.🙏 https://www.instagram.com/p/CKUwrzNgQjl/?igshid=1be7iprgyqchb

[thoughtswithn]

Can we talk about #boundaries for a minute? I've been working on setting them. And sticking to them. And today someone pushed back. And I got into this thinking that I was doing something wrong. That that person deserved more from me even if I wasn't in a space to give it. But the truth is, the other person doesn't like that boundary. And That Is On Them. I've set boundaries to protect my space. I've set boundaries to protect my mental health. What do you think about boundaries? Have you set them? Was everyone in your life respectful? https://www.instagram.com/p/CKUJsYjg9i8/?igshid=4v615lb43plw

[thoughtswithn]

TW: sexual assault - - - - - When I was 19 I had my heart shattered. I was completely blinded by what I thought was love and missed every red flag there was.... And there were MANY. instead of coping through and understanding those feelings, I immediately met someone. I was searching for validation. For someone to tell me I was worth while. That my life mattered. Let me say first, I had no diagnosis at this time. But diagnosis or not... A struggle is a struggle. This guy ... It started off okay. I felt beautiful. But, he only ever came to my house. We never went out. He laughed when I asked him if I could meet his friends. I was a joke to him. I didn't see it at the time, but now my heart breaks for that girl. He told me I'd be prettier if I had blonde hair. So I coloured my hair. He told me I'd be prettier if I lost weight. So I started running and counting calories. So bring on stretch marks. Which he hated. He told me I needed to behave. To stop asking questions. And then when he did things that I didn't like (sexual) ... He told me to just take it. He forced himself on me and I was just quiet. Day after day I woke up in pain. I was disgusted with myself. I felt worthless and completely broken. Its taken me this long to fully understand that this was a completely toxic relationship. I was vulnerable and he took full advantage of me. I remember crying while he was doing something sexual and him telling me that crying was killin his vibe. I stayed quiet. I stayed quiet for so many years. I thought it was my fault. But it wasn't. I wish I would have known I was beautiful just the way I was. He was the one that wasn't. And while I'm only beginning to understand it now.... I'm working on forgiveness. For me and him. Sex shouldn't hurt. Stop means stop. No means no. Sex/intimacy should feel good and bring you good emotions. I never knew intimacy until I met my now, husband. https://www.instagram.com/p/CKR-sixgFgr/?igshid=1w2yv4myueu58

[thoughtswithn]

Some days feel too heavy. That was yesterday. No matter how many of my tools I used I could not pull out of it. So I leaned into it instead. I laid on the couch with my weighted blanket and relaxed. I gave my mind and body what it needed without apologizing for it. I'm on a mission to stop apologizing for the things I need to do to give myself love and calmness. https://www.instagram.com/p/CKRn0LDAIdA/?igshid=16aeylnanad8x

[thoughtswithn]

Do you practice #affirmations ? My latest #blogpost is all about using affirmations. "Affirmations refer to the practice of positive thinking and self-empowerment. They are a purposeful statement that can have amazing effects on your mind and therefore your body. Affirmations should be repeated and written down for best results. They can be used to motivate and encourage positive change. This can be helpful in combating negative self-talk, and low self-esteem. They can help you to respond in a less defensive way when you’re presented with threats. Positive affirmations can improve your thoughts and your sense of self. Improving these things can definitely help your mental health at the same time. So basically, they are awesome and I’ve seen wonderful results from introducing this into my routine. " Click the link in my bio to read more! https://www.instagram.com/p/CKRBp4NANbS/?igshid=1bklnrnlhqix1