A Terrible Sense Of Humour, Really

BI the way, I’m a disgrACE.

[rano-dano]

[dogpuppy]

[guccifloralsuits]

If THE modern translator of the OG Odyssey text wrote this about my film adaptation I’d kill myself

Emily Wilson you’re goated

[insomniac-arrest]

This felt so good to read.

[cl3rks]

Burn Notice. [S1.E1: Pilot.]

[platypusisnotonfire]

This is legitimately how I’ve broken into a thousand places like just act like you’re meant to be there and if someone actually ends up calling you out on it just be super confused

[platypusisnotonfire]

#I would be an excellent pentester and actually have considered it as a job many a time#when I was a kid (7-14ish) my grandmother was in the hospital a lot and I was a bored kid that no one was really watching#and we spent days and days at the hospital over the course of those years#so I’d wander around and it became a challenge to see where it could get into without gettting caught#and the answer is basically everywhere#like ther is no legit reason for an 11 year old to be in the morgue but I was tall for my age and I would carry a cup of coffee#and look irritated to be there like someone woke me up for this#and no one would question me#people would ask where are you headed and if you just exhaustedly point through a security door 97% of the time they will swipe their card#-and open it for you

I want to add that I don’t make a habit of this now that I am a law abiding adult, but recently I accidentally did this again. Having been used to having my run of hospitals and walking basically anywhere as a child, I was visiting a friend in the hospital just before covid and I was legitimately exhausted and carrying a coffee cup cuz it was like 5:30am or something dumb, and I went to leave and get to the bottom floor and i’m like “this is not the lobby” and I walked around for a bit and people kept holding doors for me so I traveled through many corridors, and nothing looked familiar, and then I realized every single door was a key card swipe and everyone had mag-stripe badges with varying security levels and I realized I had gotton onto a staff elevator with the staff, who had swiped their card to go down into a high-security area of the building, and people had just been letting me through all these security doors.

So then I had to out myself and be like “Um I accidentally broke into you high-security wing, please show me the door, I’m literally just trying to leave this hospital” and I had to get like searched and stuff. 

And what was funny was that while I was blissfully walking around assuming I belonged, No one questioned ANYTHING and in fact, were violating protocols left and right to let me through, but the VERY SECOND I realized I was not where I was supposed to be and let that show on my face, like three people in the hall confronted me. 

So the take away is, be confident that you belong, look exhausted and like you don’t want to be there, and carry a cup of coffee. It will open pretty much all doors.

@clutchkuza I feel like you need to hear this lol

[i-am-corbin-dallas]

No joke, Burn Notice is a great show. If you like Leverage, give Burn Notice a try (its available on Hulu and Prime iirc) and frfr, confidence and an excuse are all you need to get around places

[disasterlarper]

This works I accidentally broke into someone’s whole ass home a month or so ago and uhhh it went fine because I’m short white and VERY CONFUSED

[echodrops]

One time while I was in Rome, I was busy admiring the ruins and not paying attention to signage, got lost, and ended up in some kind of archaeological dig or restoration. Not knowing it was off-limits (having missed all signage, as previously stated), I started peeking around all the stone stuff, wandering off the path, and most importantly (to this story), poking around in a hole that had been dug into the ground. I was careful not to touch anything, but still, clearly (to anyone who wasn’t as oblivious as me) this was not a place a tourist was meant to be.

I finally attracted the notice of someone who was meant to be part of this restoration project when I came back up from the hole. He quickly came over to ask me, in Italian, what I’m sure were the very normal questions of “Who are you?”, “What are you doing here??”, etc.

Problem: I do not speak Italian.

My brain’s solution: Quick, what language do we speak that’s close?! 

And that is how I wandered up out of a hole in a Roman ruin without warning and began speaking ancient Latin to an archaeologist.

This man’s face went through 15 different absolutely floored expressions in ten seconds, like you could physically see him going through the thought process of “Have I encountered a ghost from ancient Rome? No, ghosts aren’t real. But if ghosts not real, how Latin??? Fellow researcher??? Supposed to be here???”

So this is the story of how I was allowed to walk away without issue at all after blatantly trespassing upon the ruins of ancient Rome, because if you speak Latin, where else would you belong?

[charlesoberonn]

When in Rome…

[radiowithnohead]

i’ve been laughing for a solid 15 minutes over this dude who got banned from r/food for his potato recipe

[memeuplift]

[teathattast]

[sleepy-bebby]

Camera falls from a plane and lands in a pig pen.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Of course a pig immediately tries to eat it

[kosmogrl]

Dont blame yourself for not having known a lesson only time could teach

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[grenade-maid]

Whenever I see someone refer to "Victorian era-" for places outside the UK I'm tempted to start saying shit like "Han Dynasty era Rome", "Soviet era Australia" etc

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

“Welcome to Soviet America, home of the McDonalds and Cocaine Cola. Long live Comrade Reagan.”

[olivia-online]

The Civil War, or as I like to call it, Late Tokugawa Period America

[melonisopod]

I know this is a joke but this helps me put a lot of historical periods into perspective.

[computationalcalculator]

"cowboys were a sort of itinerant warrior class common in meiji-era texas"

[wholesome-animal-images]

[shark-tranny]

earth worm, fire ant, water buffalo

what is the elusive wind animal

[tonsimonsi]

wind turbine

[shark-tranny]

yeah you win

[exeggcute]

the sunk cost fallacy has been my favorite fallacy for as long as I can remember. so at this point it's probably too late to pick a different one

[terri-theslime13]

I just heard about the recency bias, and honestly I think it's gotta be the best one ever

[blueflyingturtleontheway]

Everyone is saying that the bandwagon effect is the best bias, so they have to be right

[in-a-celestial-light]

I once had this one logic professor who said that appeal to authority is the best fallacy. She's an expert in logic, so she must be right.

[junewild]

incredible innovations on the beverage front

[spinotorso]

red hood lost days

[andyboops]

Also this:

And this:

[kasaneteto]

im getting really fucking sick of all this “it gets better!” bullshit. im going to have depression for the rest of my life. it’s not going to “””get better””” fuck you

[kasaneteto]

i have really great news guys, despite it all