Okay, well

I love Nightwing and I can't control it

[timefordumbjokes]

AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE WHERE THE LEAGUE WAS ORGANIZED LATER BRUCE COLLECTED ALL HIS POKEMON (CHILDREN), BUT THE LEAGUE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE EXISTENCE OF THE BATFAMILY, AND THE BATFAMILY DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE EXISTENCE OF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE.

The Batkids are away from home for a hell of a long time while Bruce organizes the Justice League.

Bruce changes under the influence of his friends from the League, because he spends a long time with them, training, and goes through trials. The league truly becomes his friends, almost his family. And just as he influences the League, the League influences him.

In short, Bruce is changing, but since the Batkids are not on the radar at all (because, ugh, Bruce, we can do without you, you're so old and don't understand us *sounds of disgruntled and rebellious teenagers), they don't know it.

And then they return to Gotham just as abruptly as they left it.

Batkids think they have changed. That they were older, more experienced, stronger, all the things that would make Bruce respect them. What will show Bruce that he doesn’t know them, that he will see that they are already different.

At the same time, they think that what Bruce is is an unchanging point in the universe. That Bruce is Bruce, he doesn't change, doesn't get younger or older, that he doesn't get smoother around the edges or in the style of it. Bruce cannot change in their eyes, they know Bruce and know that he will always be the Bruce they remember.

But Bruce is changing.

And the Batkids already understand that they don’t recognize Bruce. But Bruce recognizes them.

[timefordumbjokes]

Wonder Woman: *kicks down the batdoor* BRUCE!

Superman walking right behind her: *carefully putting the rest of the door back in place* Bruce

Bruce teaching Captain Marvel how to drift in a $292936272 million car: What?

Ten-year-old Billy Batson driving a car: Soooooo coooooool!!!!!!

YES, YES, YES, Bruce Wayne just has a LOT of different cars and his hobby is stunts/racing/whatever on vehicles.

Batman: You could run

Flash while in the Batmobile because his leg was cut: Actually yes, BUT my leg wound still itches and your car is awesome

Batman: ...

Flash: Why do you need two?.. *rolls back* Four seats lol maybe you have a Batminivan somewhere or something.

Batman, gripping steering wheel: Yes

Flash: What

Batman: Yes, I have

We combine this with the AU, where the League is not particularly aware of the existence of the Batfamily and we get:

Justice League in minivan (Barry squeals "BATminivan"): So

Batman driving: Before you ask a question, you should think again

Justice League: ...what other cars do you have and why. Have you used this car? More than ten people fit here

Batman: *remembers Batfamily* .... :( ((.

They're on an undercover mission, and at least half of them don't need a car, they decide to ride anyway.

Because Bruce has really cool cars.

[timefordumbjokes]

Watching Bruce try not to adopt an orphan with a heightened sense of justice, duty and kindness is so funny. I want him to fail

[benbamboozled]

“You don’t need another Robin...”

(*whispers* It’s never really been about needing a ROBIN, Bruce.)

[timefordumbjokes]

I madly like that scene, where Jason speaks in style "can these children needed it?". I was DEAD, SO DEAD. Yes, Bruce, preferably your batdad version, YOU NEED these children

[timefordumbjokes]

Watching Bruce try not to adopt an orphan with a heightened sense of justice, duty and kindness is so funny. I want him to fail

[timefordumbjokes]

Like a Father... Like a daughter....

[timefordumbjokes]

AU where the Batkids are away from home for a hell of a long time while Bruce organizes the Justice League

Bruce changes under the influence of his friends from the League, because he spends a lot of time with them, training, going through tests. The League really becomes his friends, almost family. And just as he influences the League, so the League influences him.

Long story short, Bruce is changing, but since the Batkids are completely off the radar (because, ugh, Bruce, we can do without you, you're so old and don't understand us *sounds of angry and rebellious teenagers*), they don't know it.

And then they return to Gotham as abruptly as they left it.

The Batkids think they have changed. That they were older, more experienced, stronger, all the things that would make Bruce respect them. What will show Bruce that he does not know them, that he will see that they are already different.

At the same time, they think that what kind of Bruce is an invariable point of the universe. That Bruce is Bruce, he doesn't change, he doesn't get younger and older, that he doesn't get smoother around the edges or in style. Bruce cannot change in their eyes, they know Bruce and know that he will always be the Bruce they remember.

But Bruce is changing

And already the Batkids realize that they don't recognize Bruce. But Bruce recognizes them

[timefordumbjokes]

I have a headcanon that actually Dick Grayson's parents, if they were alive, wouldn't be great, great parents.

Do not misunderstand me.

How old was Dick when Mary and John were killed? Eight or ten years? At this age, most almost worship their parents and do not notice the shortcomings that everyone has. And after the death of Mary and John? Do you look at an injured child and say "Uh lol dude your parents weren't as good as you think"??? No. Therefore, people around only convince Dick (who remembers only good things) how wonderful his parents were, even if they think that "Well, that's not entirely true." The same applies to Bruce, but we are talking about Dick in this post.

So. If Dick's parents hadn't killed him, then as Dick grows older, they focus more and more only on the fact that Dick is a very good acrobat and begin to forget that there is something else behind his abilities, which are much better than the two of them combined. It no longer suits the teenage Dick the way it did the child Dick, who liked it when, after performances, they tousled his hair and said how beautifully he played the role. Dick fights with his parents who only want to continue his career (so that he becomes better than them, finds a better place, becomes famous, grabs the stars) and runs away from the circus because he wants to actually do science (maybe forensics), and not only swing on the trapeze. Dick is an inherently smart guy who is good in many ways, he doesn't want to be just where his parents see him. Mary, John, and the owner of the circus himself, who receives a lot of money for his performances, continue to bend their line about continuing their acrobat career, because Dick is doing it! He fucking does it!! It is foolish to throw it for the sake of something else, which is not a fact!

Dick escapes from the circus and learns and develops the way he wants. But since he is already a well-known circus personality... He chooses a place where the circus has not come since he was ten, chooses a place where no one knows about joy, does not know his face.

Dick Grayson chooses Gotham.

[timefordumbjokes]

Sleep: Bruce Wayne is a dramatic thing, he only listens to Nirvana and something sadly aggressive.

Wake up: Bruce Wayne really likes Korean girl groups, and as Batman drives the Batmobile to WA DA DA, speeding up with the words "Running vroom, vroom, vroom, like a supersonic (let's go)".

[timefordumbjokes]

And I want one more time, why don't you understand

[timefordumbjokes]

The Meta appears in Gotham with an unknown ability. Batman goes to investigate along with another member of the Batfamily, but something happens and the Meta's ability hits Bruce. It turns out that it lies in the fact that rejuvenates objects and people.

Now the Batfamily must deal with six-year-old Bruce, who constantly asks them "Um, I miss my parents, when will they be back?".

-

Six-year-old Bruce: Where are my parents?

All members of the Batfam mentally screaming: Oh God help me

-

Six-year-old Bruce: *Behaves NOT dramatic, NOT sad, NOT angry, NOT gloomy. Acts like a normal happy, carefree and sweet child*

Batfam: *covers face with palms. Cries*.

-

Batfamily: You know, the sky is so blue today

Bruce: I want my mom, I want my dad, why did they leave me and not say anything?

Batfam under his breath: Damn. I don't want to be in this damn place right now, god kill me, devil take my soul

Batfam immediately smiling and putting their hands on little Bruce's shoulders encouragingly: Oh, don't worry, they're all right, you'll see soon

-

Batfamily goes through an identity crisis while six-year-old Bruce drinks his juice from a straw

[timefordumbjokes]

Imagine that you are an artist who draws Batman. Finally, you have finished the work where the Batfamily is depicted. The drawing looks beautiful, you like it and you are proud of your creation. Suddenly, a huge stone flies into the back of your head and you fall, feeling blood begin to gush from your head. "You forgot about Duke Thomas and Stephanie Brown" - the cruel voice of the fans is heard. They set fire to your clothes with their burning torch. You scream.

[timefordumbjokes]

AFTER JASON'S DEATH, BRUCE CARRIED HIS PHOTOGRAPHY WITH HIMSELF

AND LOOKED WHEN HE NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS FIGHTING FOR

OH MY GOD

[timefordumbjokes]

Good idea: Tim's parents are rich Archaeologists who never wanted children, always on the road, thus leaving little Tim to feel superfluous, useless and unnecessary, because of which he finds meaning in life helping Batman, because only there he feels wanted

An even better idea: Jack and Janet Drake's "archaeological dig" is actually Indiana Jones-style, and Tim's crazy lifestyle is not a bad Batman influence, but heredity.

[timefordumbjokes]

The fact that Batman trained with a bunch of people and then went on to train the Robins (and others) is actually pretty funny. You know the cliché when in a fight some tough guy says "Hmm familiar technique, you learned from <any other tough dude>". And then imagine that Batman borrowed some tricks from his "teachers" and taught them to Robins

Cool hired killer: Those are familiar moves. You are a student of <complex long name>

Nine-year-old Dick Grayson, who only trained under Batman: *sweats nervously*

[timefordumbjokes]

We fight at dawn

[timefordumbjokes]

How many times do you think the average resident of Gotham joked about Bruce Wayne having no parents?

[timefordumbjokes]

Are you saying that no one on this shitty site thought about pairing Speedforce and Barry Allen?

Barry is literally the pet of the Speedforce.

Didn't the Speed ​​Force once look at "funny little guy who wears stripped pajamas with the caps and says snork hrnk mimimi when he sleeps" and think: Oh my god, I love him 🥺🥺🥺.

And then helped out with whatever heck he did. And gave strength to just about anyone, because Barry said in the style of "Um, a former classmate of my maternal grandmother's favorite salesman of an ex-girlfriend of my acquaintance, whom we met once in the sandbox once in four years, called me and asked if I could give her Super Speed. I said yes, Speed ​​Force, please give her speed."

And the Speed ​​Force, looking into his eyes, can't say No, because, damn it, for Barry, she is ready to break the universe three thousand more times.

But seriously, I really don’t understand why many people make some kind of tool out of Speedforce. Without soul. Without her thinking "Barry is my favorite." Speedforce deserves a soul! And love. Barry also loves Speedforce, but he doesn't fully understand what it is

[timefordumbjokes]

Batman in an absolutely canon comic book does absolutely canon things:

Me: You know, Batman wouldn't do thata

-----------------

Batman: *does something kind to kids*

Me: Oh yes it's canon :)

Batman in the same comic: *does something bastard*

Me: There are so many comics that it's hard to pinpoint a clear canon, especially since there's a chance that this comic isn't canon itself, so I'm going to cut that one off :)

Someone: But you keep showing a frame where Batman did good things to children, ignoring what happened in the next issue.

Me, raising the gun: This will be our secret

--------------------

Someone: Technically, your headcanon can't be true, because...

Me: La-la-la, I can't hear anything, La-la-la, stop it or I'm going to cry right here and now

---------------------

Who else will say that reading comics is not fun, and what fun is for you, if not ignoring reality