At the heart of every hoard is a simple idea. @tinytoydragon
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@tinytoydragon
At the heart of every hoard is a simple idea. @tinytoydragon
Hey kid you want a job?
Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.
See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.
Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.
Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.
Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.
Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section
(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!
Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.
Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(
Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!
Listen to me
Listen very closely
The above is exactly why half of my friends come to me, and cry they're suffering, and I get to bestow my job hunting knowledge on them. I love this shit, it's a game.
For credentials my fastest job hunting time has been 1 week. I searched for 1 week, got an interview, and was hired within a week. My slowest was 1 month, while out of work, while telling ALL my interviewers that I quit my work without notice (I was testing my interviewers to see how shocked they'd get when I'd tell them why, anyone who wasn't shocked I would tell them at the end that I will keep them in mind (not)). My entire average is 2-3 weeks.
Firstly, what you're gunna do is pick a job sector. You're gunna pick a few of these by the end, but for now pick one. Maybe you wanna do bookkeeping, maybe you wanna do something in doggy daycare. Maybe you're a sous chef. Idk! Figure out what abouts you want first. Do not apply to anything yet. You're gunna look at the job description, I've picked out a few for bookkeepers below.
Now what you're gunna do is you're gunna look for "buzz words", or rather words that are gunna appear commonly and indicate the tone for that job. I've highlighted some, but not all in my examples below
Just look at that snout at how similar those descriptions are!
Now that you've got your buzzwords, you're gunna slap those babies into your resume! You see, since your resume is usually read by a computer first, you're gunna trick the computer into giving it to a person. Really what the computer is scanning for is how similar your resume is to the job description. Remember your bullet points, and to keep it short, try to only have 3 to 5 bullet points per job:
- Processed over 500 invoices a day in an efficient and accurate manner
- Curated reports for management review by utilizing available data
- Monitored and recorded over 100 submissions each day increasing accuracy by 50%
These are some great, made up examples I pulled from those buzz words. You might notice I added some numbers into there. That's something you'll wanna try and note for yourself, how much of something you can do, how accurate, how much efficiency you increased, these look GREAT when your resume gets past the computer and is moved in front of a real person.
Now you have your sector-based resume with lots of buzzwords. This is great! Now for the easy part. You're gunna channel your inner "IDGAF" And you're gunna send that to every listing you like on indeed. Filter for "Apply on Indeed" and spam that shit. Sometimes you gotta answer a few extra questions, but if they give me more than 5 quick questions I trash the submission and move on.
Don't waste your time jumping through hoops, streamline it for yourself and use the same methods companies are using. Push MASSIVE amounts of average quality resumes out. The more opportunities taken = the greater the chance of success. For every opportunity taken you've now pitched a chance of success, for every resume you cannot submit because you're piddling around on their stupid website or answering 50 interview questions online, you send out a 0% chance of success.
So go, try this, and see how it works for you.
Some additional things to consider:
- Add random shit in your resume, I added my "Board Game Club" (BDSM group) into my resume for hobbies and discussed how I got my start using sparklines there
- Never underestimate the flair of a little Clipart fleur-de-lis or something on your resume. Never put colored Clipart, but a little floral or swirl design located somewhere nice makes it stand out
- if you don't have a degree that doesn't mean they won't pick you, twice now I've come to a job without a bachelors and being honest that I was only getting an associates before I think of my next steps
- Embellish, do not lie. Jargoning your job description to make it sound cool and professional is GREAT. Do not give me a resume saying you can use CNC machinery when you've only used a 3D printer. Just tell me you know how to program and manage a 3d printer and want to learn CNC machinery.
- Keep. Your. Resume. To. Two. Or. Less. Pages. You don't need EVERY job, only the relevant ones, if your interviewer asks about the gap, tell them what job you had during that time (or if you wanna lie say you were taking college courses and were on a break, you dont need a degree to say you took courses) and that you only wanted to showcase the most relevant ones
- I'm serious on that last one I'll eat your fucking resume
Being morally opposed to people having sex in even single occupancy washrooms is such an extreme objection to public sex that it's honestly fascinating.
It's a closed room with a locked door where no random passerby can even fleetingly accidentally observe what's happening. Plus (for anyone just viscerally grossed out by the idea of entering a space where someone may have previously had sex) it's a room where cavalcades of strangers routinely pull their pants down and piss and shit (literally defecate) from the comfort of the same seat that you're about the sit on. A couple homos getting sloppy is probably the most sanitary thing to ever happen in there.
Ridiculous.
How capitalism brained do you have to be to think the borders between public and private spaces are so rigid that only a landlord can grant consent?
Do you seriously think unhoused people should just be outright banned from ever even masturbating? Locked in chastity? I'll have you know that probably only half of the homeless girls I've known were into that!
Tiny dragon, smiling innocently.
Just what did it do this time?
Saw on the local news the other day how Salvation Army was struggling for donations during the pandemic and all I said was “Good.”
Reminder this upcoming holiday season to not give any money to the Salvation Army, but don’t harass the collectors because they’re often people who are desperate, receiving help from SA, and their next meal/place to sleep depends on them ringing the damn bells and asking for donations.
"Well I feel like the issue with bell peppers on pizza is if your pizza the cook the pizza for the regular pizza cooking pizza, then bell pepper's not cooked pizza, right? So, you have to cook bell peppers pizza before pizza and then when you pizza the bell peppers pizza good."
Why'd you blaze this
for reactions like this tbh
"Well I feel like the issue with bell peppers on pizza is if your pizza the cook the pizza for the regular pizza cooking pizza, then bell pepper's not cooked pizza, right? So, you have to cook bell peppers pizza before pizza and then when you pizza the bell peppers pizza good."
mlem
[Image description: a wand vibrator and a flogger arranged into the communist hammer and sickle symbol. /End ID]
oh you would like this post, hornycapitalismhater
trans flag but it hasn't bloomed yet
guess what
Sorry if this turns up something less than kosher, but
Do you think you can find where this character is from?
Well, you don't have to worry about that because it didn't turn up anything. And I also got no clue about the character.
sdfljkfdskjlfdfdsjkldfslkdfaskjlfdskjl it me
it meeeeeeeeeeeee
oh also the pic that crop job came from:
Made it and posted it originally over on my nitecrew account, at https://nitecrew.rip/@toydragon/110854748109775523
Um. So...
*ahem*
Hi there... That's a bit awkward. But mystery solved, I guess?
Hey reblog this post to pet a dragon on the snout please
this is so sweet 🥺🥺🥺
GODZILLA OFFICIAL???
GODZILLA IS GOODEST PARENT :D
tumblr is full of animal people!!
Holy shit where???
I wanna see the animal people!!
Whoever invented "open in app" links that redirect you to the app store instead of actually opening the app even when you already have the app installed on your phone should be involuntarily turned into a beanbag chair
Did you know: this tiny dragon has a webbed sight of its own?
That's right! You too can see a toy dragon's website by going to https://toydragon.xyz/ today!
We've got:
Links to social media stuff i use
Art!
Stuff i keep meaning to flesh out more
blog where i put stuff sometimes i guess
neat design i found that was meant for neocities stuff but adapted it for my own needs!
a font that looks like comic sans
what more could you want??? Don't delay, visit today!
Or don't i'm a shitpost not a cop