I have no name. I have no wishes. I have nobody. I don’t want anything. But I don’t want this to end. At least not yet. I feel like there’s something missing. Something I have to find first before it all ends. I just don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s not important.
I can’t see anything. There are no colors. There are no shapes. I don’t even know how I look like. I can’t hear anything. Not even my own voice when I’m talking to myself. I can’t feel anything. I don’t know what it feels to be cold or warm. I don’t know what pain feels like. I’m not happy. I’m not sad. I don’t know what it feels to love. Nor do I know what it feels to hate.
Yet, for some reason, I know all these things. I can’t feel them, but I know them. Why is that? Maybe I used to have those feelings, and they suddenly went away. But I can’t remember when. I can’t actually remember anything. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know where I am. I don’t even know who I am. All I know is I have no name, no wishes, and nobody around me.
I can’t move either. Not that I wish I could though. I don’t want to leave this place. But I don’t want to stay. There’s something here that I don’t like. But I’m afraid of the outside. What if I don’t like it either? Wait, why am I saying this? How can I like something? How can I be afraid of anything? After all, I can’t feel anything, right? Maybe I’m starting to feel again. Wait. How can I leave anyways? I can’t move.
What if I try to move? I’m going to try to move my right hand. Well, it seems I can. Now let’s try with the other hand. I can move it too! Now, I’m going to stand up. It doesn’t seem so hard. I’m walking now. I’m even running! This feels so good! I’ve never felt so good before! Now what? Oh yeah, I’m going to leave this place right now!
It’s strange that I didn’t bump into anything so far. That means there’s nothing here. It’s been a long time since I decided to leave this place. And I still say “this” place, because it seems that I’m not out of here yet. It all seems to be the same. I still can’t see anything, but I can feel now. I feel tired sometimes, so I have to stop and rest for a while. Other times, I feel full of energy, and I run as fast as I can.
I haven’t been following the same direction this whole time. Whenever I’m bored, I turn to the left, or sometimes to the right. After all, I don’t even know where I’m going. Talking about being bored, I’m starting to get bored. I’m bored of turning to the left and turning to the right so many times. I’m tired of being tired and having to rest. I’m tired of running. I’m tired of walking. I’m tired of moving.
I’ve been walking for so long but I still don’t find anything. Maybe it’s pointless. I’m just going to stay here, and continue waiting until it all ends, even though I don’t want this to end yet. I still feel like there’s something missing. But now I do want to know what it is.
How much time has passed so far? How many days? How many moths? How many years? I can see now. I see whiteness. My sight is not perfect yet. I also feel cold. So cold. I think it’s snowing. I like snow, but I don’t like how it feels. My breathing is heavy. I’ve been quiet for a long time, but I haven’t felt so tired like I do right now. As time passes, my will to know what “that thing” is becomes weaker.
I can hear now. I can hear my own voice. I hate it. I also can hear the wind. It’s a very strong wind. I hate it too. I feel weak. I can’t move again. Not that wish I could though. My sight is perfect now. I can see it. I can see it all. I’m in the middle of nowhere. It’s all white due to the snow. There’s nothing but this white ground, this grey sky, and the constant snow falling. It already got me bored.
I’m scared. What if this never ends? What if I’m destined to stay here forever? I don’t want that. I want to get out of here. I want to see something different. I want to hear something different. I want to feel something different. What do I have to do in order to stop this? I tried moving, but it’s already clear that this place has no way out at all. What should I do then? I’ve never felt so scared before.
If I continue waiting, I’ll never know if this actually will have an end. So I’m going to put an end to it. I’m going to kill myself. But how? How do I do it? I can’t move. Even if I hold my breath I won’t be able to do it long enough to kill myself. That’s it. I’m going to bite my tongue. I can’t. I don’t even have that strength. What should I do now? What the fuck should I do now? Is anybody out there? Can anybody hear me? There has to be someone out there! Can anybody come here and kill me, please? Come on! I’m fucking tired of this shit! Come one! Ok, calm down. There’s nobody here and there’s nothing you can do to kill yourself. Why am I talking in second person? I feel so tired. I think I’m just gonna lie down and rest for a while. Wait, what is this? My eyes are wet. Now there’s water coming out from them. I see. So this is what it feels to cry. I hate it.
Wake up! Hey! Can you hear me? Too bad. I thought I finally found someone else here. It seems I’m complete alone in this place after all. I’m going to sit right next to you, if you don’t mind. You’re cold. I wonder how long you’ve been dead. If only you could hear me. Hey, what’s your name? Why am I talking to a dead body? I feel so stupid. I bet you hated this place. I also hate it. There’s nothing but this white ground, this grey sky, and the constant snow falling. It already got me bored.
#story #fanfic #mindblowing #plottwist















