Regular Royal Queen

Susannah, 24, US of A. Musical theatre/multifandom/history blog. Bi hard die hard. Perpetually exhausted grad student. Hamilton was a religious experience. I scream about Sebastian Stan a lot. Forever mourning the loss of "overly attractive, hyper-acrobatic 35-year-old 15-year olds" on the Great White Way. Once I ran into Tommy Bracco at the Edinburgh Fringe and he told me I was pretty.

[dreamycastaway]

The original pride flag and the sewing machine it was sewn on

[lolwtfmemes]

[darksteel-relic]

The only rules of Uno are what you can convince the rest of the table the rules are.

[ineffable-writer]

Grad school shared housing rules were “winner gets to add a rule to the next round” and honestly things got violent.

[shrylia]

Very happy to see them again 😌

[jstorrderulo]

Okay Han was just like vibing and then these two hot twins were like. Can u help me overthrow the government. And he was like damn I guess

[maulusque]

WHAT IF ANAKIN NEVER REMOVED REX FROM THE SYSTEM AFTER ORDER 66

Like, Anakin might not know that Rex defected. He promoted Appo but technically Appo’s still second in command of the 501st, under Rex (Rex is still listed as a Captain because Anakin is really really fucking awful at paperwork). And then when Rex doesn’t show up, the obvious conclusion is that he’s dead, but Anakin still doesn’t let him get listed as MIA or KIA because that’s HIS CAPTAIN, dammit, and he’s lost Ahsoka, Padme, Obi-Wan, and literally everything else he ever cared about, he doesn’t want to face having lost Rex, too. And he works better with Rex than with anyone else (mostly because Rex has become accustomed to his bullshit and is Very Good at taking Anakin’s spectacularly stupid nonsense and Making It Work), and really he can’t picture leading the 501st with anyone OTHER than Rex at his side.

And then Rex keeps not coming back. But Vader still doesn’t remove him from the system. For years and years. And eventually everyone stops mentioning it to him because they tend to get force-murdered if they do. 

So long story short, Rebels-era Rex is technically the commanding officer of Vader’s Fist, and the system still recognizes his codes and lets him in, and technically if he walked up to any stormtrooper while wearing his old helmet, the networks would recognize him and tell the stormtrooper that’s your CO. So if Rex realized this, he could just waltz in and take control of the most feared stormtrooper legion in the galaxy and as long as Vader wasn’t around, no one would stop him (they’d all be very confused, but they wouldn’t stop him). And maybe vader walks up at this point like “what the hell is going on here” and sees Rex and is just like “REX there you are where the FUCK have you been?” and Rex is like “uuuhhhh i had engine trouble on the way back from Mandalore” and it’s been 20 years but Vader knows how shitty Rex is at piloting and really anything involving flying and ships so he’s like “sounds legit”

[anentirestarwar]

And then Vader starts assigning Rex new campaigns to go on and dragging him into command meetings and generally treating him as if nothing’s changed since the Clone Wars. So now Rex has to pretend to be loyal to the Empire to avoid raising Vader’s suspicions, all while trying to figure out how the kriff he’s going to get back to the Rebellion with the 501st in tow like he originally planned.

[maulusque]

and Vader is still 100% down to leave 90% of the actual on-the-ground strategy to Rex, and was so used to just nodding along to whatever tactics Rex suggested during the Clone Wars (unless he had some Specific Bullshit to add) that now you get strategy meetings going like this:

some admiral or other: (insert planet here)’s foolish insistence on resisting our totally fair resource mining agreement must not go unpunished

Vader: we will burn them to the ground and destroy their cities, leave no civilians alive

Rex: General, I have an idea. Instead of doing that, we do… not that.

Vader, nodding along: ok yeah sure Rex sounds good

admiral: ummm my lord

Vader: fuck you Rex knows what he’s doing

Rex: you heard the murderbot we’re going with my plan

meanwhile everyone’s low-key terrified of Rex because he regularly makes fun of Vader to his face and doesn’t die. Vader lets him do it because it’s such a relief to finally have someone competent working for him, who isn’t afraid to call him out on his stupid ideas. And Rex is like, medium-key terrified of Darth Fucking Vader, and horrified by what Anakin has become, but they also manage to form a salt-bond by bitching to each other about how lax the Imperial Army’s training standards are compared to the GAR.

Headcanon that Rex had a habit of “testing the reflexes” of the new shinies (and occasionally Ahsoka and Anakin) by sneaking up behind them and yelling “CONSTANT VIGILANCE” and firing his blaster into the ceiling. When he finds himself stuck on an Imperial Star Destroyer with a bunch of deathtroopers and an asthmatic Sith Lord and somehow in charge of almost everyone there, he decides, FUCK IT, might as well, and resumes his old habit. Vader is not exempt. Vader is pissed that his regulator makes it impossible to do it back to Rex.

[lurkingcrow]

Perfection! I love this concept beyond words! XD

Poor Rex. You just KNOW every time he tries to leave he’s thwarted by Imperials who despite their terror realise he’s a good influence on Vader and refuse any action that might risk losing him and going back to the regular unscheduled maimings…

And then of course there’s the whole “Skywalker” reveal - and honestly Luke is Rex’s best path back to the Rebellion:

Vader: Rex where are you? Have you finished clearing out those Rebel forces yet?

Rex: yeah about that General, turns out your kid was on base and I decided to take the opportunity to “defect” along with my best troops so we can keep a proper eye on him.

Vader: excellent! well done Rex! keep me informed.

XD

[lionesshathor]

Rex would totally be a new Fulcrum agent with this level of access and autonomy in the highest ranks of the Empire. Even if Vader straight up walked in on a transmission, Rex could just be like “Oh, I’m leaving Ahsoka a voicemail.”

Meanwhile rebel command is picking up something like “…three new batallions deployed to the Naboo sector–oh, hi Vader. I’m sending Ahsoka a holocall.” *muffled scrambling for the microphone* “SNIPS YOU GET YOUR STRIPEY ORANGE BUTT OVER HERE WITH THE 501ST!”

[letslipthehounds]

You know, this whole setup seems designed to make sure Luke knows who Vader is earlier in canon.

Also means that Vader is unexpectedly confronted with a Luke who knows who he is, who he was, and what he could have been.

In short, one Vader defection coming up!

(Also, I expected this to turn very sad very quick, but it just got silly and fun and I love it)

[twilightofthe]

Hmmm, exactly when in canon is Rex getting stuck with Vader here? Cuz if it’s BEFORE the events of A New Hope, that means he’s gonna be with Vader when he captures the Tantive IV (don’t worry, Rex talked Vader out of the Rogue One hallway massacre).

Rex: Uh, sir, I think you should believe the princess. She’s on a Diplomatic Mission™, she doesn’t have the plans, leave her alone

Vader: Aight, I trust u boo. (To Leia) Ok fine, you can go on back to Alderaan now. We’ll give you an escort.

Leia: *internally screaming FUCK cuz she’s already yeeted R2 and the plans off to Tatooine* Uhhhhh that’s really fine, thx, I have an uh, errand to run first, don’t wanna bother you.

Vader, suspicious: Oh rlly? Well we can come along on that too, I run errands for the Emperor all the time. I insist.

Leia: ok fine if you insist :) :) :)

Leia’s all right and panicked on how she’s gonna ditch Darth Chaperone on a sandy hell planet so she can look for some missing droids and a Jedi Master who’s supposed to be dead, but it turns out to be no big issue cuz the second Vader finds out they’re going to Fucking Tatooine, he nopes right out of there when Rex volunteers to stay and keep an eye on the princess.

Of course this culminates in Leia and Rex finding Luke and the droids, Rex learning Luke’s name, learning who Leia was originally sent there to find, seeing how the two of them connect near immediately. Rex puts EVERYTHING together.

All of this leads to poor Obi Wan getting his hut door kicked down by a very irritated Rex because he has some serious explaining to do.

And that’s how Luke finds out about his father.

[maulusque]

Rex: hey random farmer kid can we get those droids back from you

Leia: also what’s your name?

*thirty minutes later, after Rex rage-yeets himself across miles of sandy wasteland to ruin a fucker’s day*

Rex: *kicks down obi-wan’s door* kenobi what the FUCK

obi-wan: ahwhaat the SHIT

[stupendous-science]

This is honestly the best fucking thing I’ve read all day

[maulusque]

i drew it

[adelcrait-old-account]

“…but they also manage to form a salt-bond by bitching to each other about how lax the Imperial Army’s training standards are compared to the GAR.” 

I can totally see this happening, because it’s Anakin Petty-walker we’re talking about. Judging by how militarily incompetent everyone seems to be in Vader’s eyes, being able to talk with someone not-as-incompetent (from older times, yes, Vader doesn’t want to talk about it, and yes, Rex tried, Vader didn’t answer), might be a total relief to Vader and I could actually see Rex having the same influence as Luke when it comes to stopping Vader from randomly killing officers who, I don’t know, breathed in his direction or something. 

And Obi-Wan and Rex meeting again, after all these years? My mind is spiraling.

Rex: so youve just sat here???? for twenty years??? meditating????

Obi-Wan, putting his cup of tea down: No, my dear friend, you see, I have been-

Rex: oh please SHUT UP how are you so calm??? do you even know what ive been up to???

Obi-Wan, realising: …You’re still Commanding Officer to Anakin, aren’t you?

Rex: Yes, at first I didn’t- 

Luke, eyes wide open, shaking Obi-Wan’s shoulder: Anakin, as in, my dead father Anakin??? Anakin Skywalker?? The Jedi Hero????? The pilot????? The most fearless warrior that-  

Rex, brain short circuiting: Where’d you get that from?

Obi-Wan, blushing: Uh….. Luke, this is not the time. Go talk to Leia or I’m afraid she will break something, your sister seems quite angry-

Luke: Sorry, my what????????

Leia: His who?????????

Rex, looking at Leia, and then at Obi-Wan: a Skywalker?

Obi-Wan, rubbing his temple, sighing loudly: ….a Skywalker.

[ahsoka-is-bae]

Okay so are you implying that Ahsoka is also a part of this now cuz I can see that after the whole “SNIPS GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! TARKIN’S A BITCH AND I NEED A NEW ADMIRAL!” debacle at the communications hub the rebels aren’t going to pass this opportunity up.

[anentirestarwar]

And of course, Grand Admiral Tano’s first order of business in charge of the Imperial Fleet is to replace her incompetent top officers with people she knows can get the job done- and if they’re all Rebel “defectors”, that’s a small price to pay for competence, right, Skyguy? And of course, those officers are going to want to bring in their own teams from their Rebellion days, and so will those soldiers…

I don’t think Anakin ever conciously turns back to the light, or defects to the Rebellion, in this AU. The process is so gradual he barely notices anything changing- and then one day he wakes up on a ship completely screwed by Rebels, surrounded by his Rebel friends and family, feeling happier and freer than he has in decades, and suddenly calling himself “Vader” just feels wrong.

Somewhere, Sheev Palpatine is having an aneurysm.

[wecopewithourptsdwithmemes]

[jackrostov]

“Night night.”

[literally-a-piece-of-trash]

Ah yes, the 5 love languages:

touch starved

my parents never told me they are proud of me

i love Stuff

im so fucken tired please god just let me rest for 5 minutes

hey pay attention to me

[metvmorqhoses]

forgive me father for i have sinned in all the most intricate, exquisite and aesthetically pleasing ways i was capable of

[tearlessrain]

Dividing up eras of tumblr

It just occurred to me that I kind of arbitrarily started referring to “first age” “second age” and “third age” tumblr one day because I realized during a discord conversation that it really can be divided up very effectively between a couple major events that changed the fabric of the site’s culture almost overnight, but nobody but me ever refers to them that way, so by way of explanation:

First Age: everything before Dashcon. Art communities were still largely thriving on the internet and social media still mostly existed out from under corporate monopolies, and people were just wildly guessing about how to use it. We were in the last hurrah of the internet wild west and lolcats were still a thing. Tumblr was just a fun and quirky place, we were blissfully writing unironic posts about tumblr university and fandom vs hipster and the “I like your shoelaces” thing, Hank Green wrote a goddamn song about tumblr, we were all like Adam and Eve dwelling in Eden unaware of their sin. Potterheads grab your wands.

Second Age: post-Dashcon, but pre-Purge. We have all eaten the fruit of knowledge and there is no going back. There are no more secret code or tumblr university posts because everyone knows firsthand how badly that would go. Fandom culture is forever changed. We are now aware that we live in a hellish cringetopia but have absolutely no plans to leave, because by now a combination of monopolies and a sneaky rise in purity culture has the internet by the throat (but not in a kinky way, that would scare off advertisers) so there aren’t a lot of better options, and at least our relatives can’t find us here. A lot of artists now have their primary presence on tumblr. The lax policies regarding nsfw and controversial content mean it’s a good space for queer creators and sex workers despite the many shortcomings we’re now aware of. The porn bot plague really kicks into full gear to the point that every time our follower counts go up we’re ready with the block/spam button like the uncles from Secondhand Lions picking off traveling salesmen. The drama starts to get really fucking weird, with classics such as the human pet guy and the bone-stealing witch.

Third Age: post-Purge. After changing corporate hands a few times, the drive to make the internet safe for our Good Christian Advertisers and hypothetical children has finally reached us, and brings with it TERFs, purity culture, and the Porn Ban, which was allegedly a solution to the porn bots except that it clearly wasn’t at all. The large community of sex workers and artists that was keeping tumblr afloat as anything resembling a viable social media site have made a mass exodus and a lot of the rest of the userbase followed them, mostly to twitter or a few doomed attempts at tumblr copycats. Tumblr is now a mad max clown car full of people too stubborn to pack up and leave for a functional website. It’s a post-apocalyptic wasteland whose only remaining merit is that even without the ability to post porn we’ve managed to make ourselves such a complete anathema to advertisers that we’re mostly just left alone. We’re all just tired. Some people still run art blogs but nobody outside of tumblr ever sees them.  Literally all we have going for us is that we’re not twitter and we have +5 resistance to capitalism. And Xkit.

[pineaberry]

Tag yourself. At which era did you enter this hellsite?

[weeaboo-god]

Second age

[a-peculiar-potoo]

Third Age

[glumshoe]

my favorite scene in LotR as a kid was when Sam started miserably freestyling in the tower of Cirith Ungol and the only reason he ever found Frodo was because he deliriously tried to join in

[mantis-lizbian]

…i did read some of the novels, but i couldn’t get through them entirely…

…and so i genuinely have no idea whether or not this is serious. coz i mean, obviously, it could be a joke. but it could also have legitimately happened. people who have only seen the films underestimate the amount of random things that happen in the books that could come off as utterly silly and ridiculous if removed from their context.

[glumshoe]

Haha, well, it is pretty much what happens. Sam is looking for Frodo in the tower of Cirith Ungol and is despairing that he will ever find him. He sits down and does what any self-respecting Tolkien character does during their moments of hopelessness and bursts into song.

It’s a really good song (ten year old Ship had it memorized) and as he begins the refrain a second time, he hears Frodo’s voice answering weakly from above. Frodo is poisoned and despairing and beaten but he is still a Hobbit and cannot resist a singalong even while on the brink of death.

[glowingghosty]

[pansoph]

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’

[beefmilkthings]

jerry is here

[eruriholic]

my chinese teacher once shared this story in class about someone who went to the grocery to buy chicken, but they forgot the english word for it, so they grabbed an egg, went to the nearest sales lady and said “where’s the mother”

[cuddlyaxe-deactivated20190218]

When I was a teenager, we went to Italy for the summer holidays. We are German, neither of us speaks more than a few words of Italian. That didn’t keep my family from always referring to me when they wanted something translated because “You’re so good with languages and you took Latin”. (I told them a hundred times I couldn’t order ice cream in Latin, they ignored that.) Anyway, my dad really loved a certain cheese there, made from sheep’s milk. He knew the Italian word for ‘cheese’ – formaggio – and he knew how to say ‘please’. And he had already spotted a little shop that sold the cheese. He asked me what ‘sheep’ was in Italian, and of course, I had no idea. So he just shrugged and said “I’ll manage” and went into the shop. 5 mins later, he comes out with a little bag, obviously very pleased with himself. How did he manage it? He had gone in and said “'Baaaah’ formaggio, prego.”

I was done for the day.

[ravenpuffheadcanons]

This makes me feel better about every conversation I had in both Rome and Ghent.

[elodieunderglass]

I once lost my husband in the ruins of a French castle on a mountain, and trotted around looking for him in increasing desperation. “Have you seen my husband?” I asked some French people, having forgotten all descriptive words. “He is small, and English. His hair is the color of bread.”

I did not find my husband in this way.

In rural France it is apparently Known that one brings one’s own shopping bags to the grocery store. I was a visitor and had not been briefed and had no shopping bag. I saw that other people were able to conduct negotiations to purchase shopping bags, but I could not remember the word for “bag.”

“Can I have a box that is not a box,” I said.

The checkout lady looked extremely tired and said, “Un sac?” (A sack?)

Of course. A fucking sack. And so I did get a sack.

[kat2107]

I once was at a German-American Church youth camp for two weeks and predictably, we spoke a whole lot of English. 

When I phoned my mom during week two I tried to tell her that it was a bit cold in the sleeping bag at night. I stumbled around the word in German because for the love of god, I could remember the Germwn word for sleeping bag.

“Yeah so, it’s like a bag you sleep in at night?”

“And my mother must probably have thought I lost my mind. She just sighed and was like ‘So, a Schlafsack, yes?”

Which is LITERALLY Sleeping sac … The German word is a basically a one on one translation of the English word and I just… I failed it. At my mother tongue. BIG

[eridaniepsilon]

My former boss is Italian and she ended up working in a lab where the common language was English. She once saw an insect running through the lab and she went to tell her colleagues. She remembered it was the name of a famous English band so she barged in the office yelling there was a rolling stone in the lab…

[backonrepeat]

I’m Spanish and have been living in the UK for a while now. I recently changed jobs and moved to a new office which is lost somewhere in the Midlands’ countryside. It’s a pretty quaint location, surrounded by forest on pretty much all sides, and with nice grounds… full of pheasants. I was pretty shocked when I drove in and saw a fucking pheasant strolling across the road. Calm as you please.

That afternoon I met up with some friends and was talking about the new job, and the new office, and for the life of me I couldn’t remember the English word for pheasants. So I basically ended up bragging to my friends about “the very fancy chickens” we had outside the office.

Best thing is, everyone understood what I meant.

[eridaniepsilon]

I love those stories so much…

[acleverforgery]

Picture a Jewish American girl whose grasp of the Hebrew language comes from 10+ years of immersion in Biblical and liturgical Hebrew, not the modern language. Some words are identical, while others have significantly evolved.

She gets to Israel and is riding a bus for the very first time.

American: כמה ממון זה? (”How much money?” but in rather archaic language)

Bus Driver: שתי זוזים. (”Two zuzim” – a currency that’s been out of circulation for millenia)

[learningftw]

that’s hilarious

[shiraglassman]

I am officially screamlaughing at my desk from that last one OH MY 

[speakertoyesterday]

Does everyone know the prime minister who promised to fuck the country?

So in Biblical Hebrew the word for penis and weapon are the same. There is a verb meaning to arm, which modern Hebrew semanticly drifted into “fuck”: i.e. give someone your dick.

The minister was making a speech while a candidate, bemoning the state of the world. “The Soviet Union is fucking Egypt. Germany is fucking Syria. The Americans are fucking everyone. But who is fucking us? When I am prime minister, I will ensure we are fucked!”

[andhishorse]

What the hell Biblical Hebrew.

[moral-autism]

Just guessing: The path from something like “give someone a blade” to “give someone a blade, if you know what I mean ;)” is probably not that difficult or unlikely.

[liminalreader]

^Given that the Latin word for sheath (like, for a sword) is literally “vagina”, I can verify that this metaphor is a time-honored one. 

[liminalreader]

Oh yeah and one time my Latin professor was at this conference in Greece and his flight was canceled, so he needed to extend his hotel stay by one more night.

Except he doesn’t speak a lick of modern Greek, and the receptionist couldn’t speak English.  Or French.  Or German.  Or Italian.  (He tried all of them.)

Finally, in a fit of inspiration, he went upstairs and got his copy of Medea in the original Greek (you know, the stuff separated from modern Greek by two and a half thousand years).  He found the passage where Medea begs Jason to let her stay for one more day, went downstairs, and read it to the receptionist.

She laughed her head off, but she gave him the extra night.  

[fatterdragon]

All of these *chef’s kiss* but the Medea one is hands down the best

[whatshouldwecallhomer]

s/o to my classics professor who managed to get a tire changed on his rental car while doing research in Greece by telling them his chariot had broken down

[tikkety-tok]

[famosoentrescalles]

[fyeahsmokinhot]

Benedict Bridgerton + chaotic bi sitting style

[flawlessgentlemen]

Henry Cavill photographed by Hamish Brown for Men’s Health UK (2017)

[madbaddic7ed-deactivated2021060]

Babu

[fyeahegerton]

TINY DANCER EJAF Academy Awards Viewing Party in Los Angeles, California (February 24, 2019)

ROCKET MAN Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France (May 18, 2019)

YOUR SONG Elton John’s Yellow Brick Road Tour in Hove, United Kingdom (June 9, 2019)

[sebastians-stan]

New stills of Sebastian Stan as Bucky Barnes in ‘The Falcon and The Winter Soldier’