hello hello, GOOD morning, and HAPPY Friday my friends! I am very excited today to bring you the first chapter of my new fic…
Wasted Youth
This one took me a literal year to write in between all of the other ideas that took over, most of which y’all have already read haha! But I am super happy to have finished it and I really hope y’all will like it!!
I’m gonna stick with every Friday updates for this fic too, it worked really well for Critical Success and I’m comfy in the routine, so ☺️
If you’re excited for this one, I would absolutely love to hear it!
Things are hard right now but actually I am handling it really well, so therefore things are going okay!
And like to some extent that’s true. But then I have a super busy Saturday (for good reasons! had very good socialization! enjoyed myself!) and all day today I’ve been struggling not to just vegetate, to just lay around and be blehhhh.
And I’d already been thinking about how busy this month has been so far and maybe I need a mental health day. So I’m like, I think I’ll take a mental health day on Monday. It’s fine because I have plenty of sick time available right now, it’s a light meeting day, and overall won’t be a big inconvenience to anyone.
And yet the nature of my brain still makes me go: “uhhhh but you just should stick it out and do your job, it’s not like it’s that hard”
So then I’m arguing with my guilt in my head—something I am unfortunately very used to doing because I feel guilty all the time about everything ever—and I’m thinking things like:
(Content warning, discussion of my spouse’s cancer)
Just because you’re ‘handling things well’ doesn’t mean you’re perfectly fine!
Also it would be totally reasonable if you weren’t handling things fine, and if you felt that way, you wouldn’t be guilty about taking a rest day!
And my guilt says stuff like:
Yes, my spouse has brain cancer, but their treatment so far has gone well, they don’t need my physical support all the time, and my day to day life in this moment isn’t all that different from how it usually is! So I need to be handling it fine! And therefore I need to suck it up!
I fucking hate this because the first part feels so true, and I have to come back at it with:
Okay, but a regular day for you before the brain cancer diagnosis did not include avoiding intrusive thoughts about your spouse’s prognosis, how it will affect the life you’ve planned together, or even just having to so intentionally take everything one day at a time until we know if treatment is actually working. Not to mention that if any fucking person you knew told you their spouse has LITERAL brain cancer, you would not expect them to be mentally okay all the time!!
And in a moment when I’m tired and just feeling a little down, this just repeats. And repeats. And repeats.
And then I’ve exhausted myself even more by both guilting myself and reminding myself of how hard this really is over and over in this battle. And fuck, doesn’t just that deserve a mental health day?
I’m taking the mental health day tomorrow to rest, for the record. I’m just gonna have to try really fucking hard not to feel guilty for all of it, because it might not afford me much rest if I do.
In every way this is set up to be a joke like any other short video, it even uses the trope of main character in a wig to represent their mom, but it isn't funny at all. It's just sweet and nice
*scrolling tumblr* hmmm. i agree with the sentiment of this post, but the phrasing feels off to me. it doesn’t really have that Reblog factor, you know? *scrolls* oh good, a post that just says “i jerk off till my penis scrweam” . i better reblog this
I actually do think it’s better for abusers and abusive characters to realize the harm their past actions caused and seek to do better than be literally or metaphorically executed for their crimes
I think it’s better for abusers and abusive characters to realize the harm their past actions caused and seek to do better than be literally or metaphorically executed for their crimes.
I think it’s better for abusers and abusive characters to realize the harm their past actions caused and seek to do better than be literally or metaphorically executed for their crimes.
Something about how society cares more about punishing the wicked than about making the world a better place, and how many people really struggle to shake that.
Content warning for discussion of cancer via a ramble under the cut
At a surface level this feels silly to say, but it really bums me out when people say they hope my spouse’s cancer “goes away”
Obviously, that would be the best result ever, but brain tumors don’t really just do they. They can shrink, but my spouse’s doctors don’t even expect that from the cancer treatment. Partially because the dead tumor cells don’t always get flushed out by the glymphatic system in your brain, so even if it’s dead and not growing (which is actually the best realistic case scenario), it’ll still show up on MRIs. Really, the goal is to stop the growth, not to kill all the cells or shrink it—although that happening is a bonus.
The realistic, best case scenario of my spouse’s treatment is that the tumors stop growing for now, maybe even shrink enough that their symptoms get better, and they continue to live at their current quality of life for many more years. The radiation oncologist said, when we asked about the prognosis, “it’s not unlikely that you’ll survive and live for a decade or longer” — which is great, of course, but when you’re 27, “it’s not unlikely you’ll live another decade” is not exactly what you want to hear.
Of course, we’re staying positive and hoping that new research will continue to help lengthen that prognosis, something that’s already happened within the last 4 years when it comes to gliomas anyway. We’re proceeding with treatment and focusing on symptom management, and we’re trying to enjoy each and every moment of our life right now, because that’s always the only thing that’s guaranteed.
So I’m not trying to be doom and gloom.. and when someone I’m not as close to, who doesn’t have all the context, says it, of course I say thank you and move on. But when someone close to me, who I’ve explained all of this to, says “I hope the cancer goes away!” I just wanna scream??? Because it would be a literal miracle if that happened, and as much as I would love that, it doesn’t work for me and my brain to hold much space for that slim possibility. I’m too logical and data driven (and so is my spouse) and I want to say, “thanks, but it probably won’t, even if the treatment works the best the doctors can expect” but I know how pessimistic that makes me sound.
Which is also wild because I am NOT a pessimist! I am like as optimistic as you can get before slipping into toxic positivity lol! But this kind of well-wish feels like saying “I hope you win the lottery!” when at best I’m likely to win cash from a few scratch offs.
Anyway. I just needed to put these thoughts somewhere so I can sleep.
My spouse finished radiation (plus the first course of chemo) a few weeks ago and has started feeling better from some of the side effects it caused. They get their new baseline MRI and bloodwork next week and then they have a consult with the oncology team, and it’s likely they’ll start monthly chemo courses shortly after that. The chemo gives them some unfortunate side effects of course, but weirdly on the upside, because it suppresses their immune system, it helps with some of their autoimmune issues that lead to worse pain and fatigue lol. So maybe things will sort of balance out.
We’re still taking everything a week or even just a few days at a time. And I really do appreciate any and all well wishes. I just needed to get these thoughts out there
happy caitvi Friday my friends!! aka, it's time for...
Chapter 16 of "Wasted Youth"
Chapter title: if honesty means telling you the truth
Last week in Wasted Youth...
We got one last look straight into Caitlyn's mind, and after hearing Vi's songs "Beige" and "California" she was spiraling. Finally letting herself process all of her feelings and her feelings about those feelings and... she wasn't doing so hot. When Mel reached out to her after Christmas, she found herself finally opening up to someone besides Vi. And she squeezed in one late night phone call to finally talk to Vi before she gets home, but now it's time for these two to finally be real and honest with each other in person.
Finally! I hope you all will love this one! It's our penultimate chapter! 🥺😭 as always, I would love to hear your thoughts if you check it out!
having free control over our endrocrine systems and the ability to change our genitals is currently inextricably tied to trans rights, and for good reason, but frankly i don't think it even needs to be. it should just be a matter of bodily autonomy, and that should be universal. if a cis dude wants tits and a pussy i think that would be fine. if cis women want a dick or nothing at all that should be allowed i think. people shouldn't need to be transgender to be allowed to change their bodies. free the nipple, enlarge the nipple, remove the nipple. whatever the fuck you want. i dont know if there's a term for this belief but i hold it very strongly. everybody biohack yourselves NOW
not many people know this but when talking about your multiple pronoun-using friend you build up a combo meter for every subsequent unique pronoun you use
PSA: Just a friendly reminder that whenever you start a creative project, you will invariably hit a phase where the Thing™️ appears horrendous and you start asking existential questions. But if you keep working, it invariably passes and starts to resemble something less like the devil’s vomit. Doesn’t matter if it’s art, writing, or what–this happens repeatedly. Carry on.
me, deciding I’m gonna write a fic about Character A like this and Character B like that because that sounds hot and fun: 🤪🥰🥵😍
me, tens of thousands of words later, reaching the climactic point of a story built around identity and grief and self care and allowing yourself to be happy: 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Someone over on bluesky posted this and I figured I'd better repost it here. It's the pre-RFK 2025 vaccination schedule for babies and young children, ya know, just in case it mysteriously disappears. Save this and give it to your child's pediatrician; tell them this is the schedule you want your child on.
You all may be sick of me banging on this drum but I got whooping cough in my mid/late 20s because I had no idea I needed an adult booster and I coughed so hard I broke my rib. And guess what? Then I got to keep coughing that hard, but now with a broken rib.
