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heural

Late Golden Age Mouse Militia .

Really happy with how Mouse Protector turned out. She looks much better than the one from couple days ago.

What's that gun doing, Hannah?

dailyparahumans

day 108

artisticsamy

Get bonked idiot

json-derulo

the past three weeks in a row, partner has gone to chipotle and been served by the same employee who, in bold defiance of the testimony of his own eyes and ears, ardently refuses to believe carnitas exist

json-derulo

partner: “Hi, could I please have a bowl with white rice, black beans, and carnitas?”

employee (completely blank expression): “No.”

partner (autistic) (socialscript.exe encountered an unhandled exception) : “…Uh. Um. Sorry?”

employee: “We don’t have that.”

partner (wondering if perhaps he put too much of the authentic accent on the word and that’s what’s throwing the guy): “You don’t have…(pronouncing it whiter) carnitas?”

employee (face still unreadable): “No.”

partner (looking at the near-full hotel pan of perfectly normal carnitas in its usual place on the other side of the glass) (noticing this employee looks unfamiliar) (maybe he’s a new guy that just started five minutes ago with no training?) : “The…pork?” (pointing at it)

employee: “We don’t have pork.”

partner (beginning to wonder if he’s the one that’s losing it) (desperately looks to the menu on the wall behind the employee) (the menu lists carnitas as a protein option) (the word “carnitas” is not crossed out or taped over or otherwise adulterated) (carnitas have been on the standard menu since at least 2016) : “Okay. Um. Are you…sure?”

other employee working the toppings part of the line (familiar) (have seen her before) (she has cool earrings): *gives the new guy a strange look, nudges him aside, and scoops the carnitas onto partner’s bowl before continuing with the other toppings*

Repeat conversation again the next week. And the next. Same guy. If it’s a bit, no one is laughing, including the employee.

json-derulo

theories I’ve considered:

- the employee keeps very strictly kosher/halal/vegan and refuses to handle pork (understandable, I respect that, but if you’re gonna work at a place that serves pork I do kinda feel like when someone orders it you’ve just gotta tap in a coworker to do it for you)

- someone did something gross to the carnitas and the employee is trying to warn people not to order it (??? throw it out then? also, three weeks in a row???)

- the employee is a space alien who views humans as so similar to pigs that for us to eat them is tantamount to cannibalism

json-derulo

- the employee is the lead in a kdrama romance about a pampered, clueless chaebol heir who is sent by his father to work in the company’s restaurants for a year in order to prove he’s ready to take over as CEO. he’s dumb as rocks but they can’t fire him or even correct him that harshly due to the power gradient. partner is just a minor reoccurring character, and the interaction is kept the same from week to week to highlight the development of the relationship between the employee and his love interest with the cool earrings (even if the restaurant is literally a fully-branded Chipotle, that’s somehow still not enough product placement for me to believe this is a real kdrama)

json-derulo

After reviewing again with partner, evidently I forgot a detail that set this week’s carnitas denial dance apart from the others.

partner (well aware of what he’s getting into with this guy now): “Hi. Could I please have a bowl with white rice, black beans, and pork?”

employee: “We don’t have pork.”

partner (demonstrating a level of patience only a public school teacher could have): *points at the pan of carnitas* “Could I please just have some of that?”

employee (after several slow, confused blinks): *points at the same pan* “That’s steak.”

partner (looking at the hotel pan they’re both pointing at) (it is filled with shredded meat of a pale beige color) (at the other end of the row of pans is another pan containing dark brown, lightly charred meat chopped into small pieces): “Okay.” *deciding he’s willing to play in this fantasy space if it gets the job done, he points at the first pan again* Then could I please have the steak?”

employee: *starts to reach for the pan at the other end containing the actual steak*

partner: "Oh—no, sorry, this one please?" *points at the first pan containing the carnitas*

employee: *blinks, then just walks away and starts helping the next customer in line, leaving partner's bowl unfinished*

other employee with cool earrings: *rolls her eyes at new employee, takes partner’s bowl, and fills it with carnitas herself*

new theories:

- the employee is a bridge troll who will only dole out his delectable carnitas to those who prove themselves worthy by correctly answering his riddles three

- the employee is stoned out of his mind at all times on a specific strain of weed that totally erases the concept of pork from his memory and awareness

json-derulo

A few additional updates/clarifications:

Mr. Eternal Bluntshine of the Porkless Mind isn't the first idiosyncratic cryptid Partner has encountered at this particular Chipotle. He joins the illustrious ranks of The Lobster Mobster and 300 RPM Matthew McConaughey

Partner says he does not actually mind dealing with this unskippable cutscene every time because A) he finds it amusing and B) on one occasion, after Cool Earrings's intervention, the new employee checked him out at the register, and he rang up the bowl clearly labeled "CA-Q" (carnitas with queso) as chicken, which made it slightly cheaper

Some of my favorite possible explanations from the tags:

inkandguns

lillytheaspie

sunnydayaoe

hatched all alone

apricops

wikipe-tan bashfully acquiescing into doing more and more embarrassing kinks in the name of academic thoroughness

apricops

“You… you need a p-public domain image for bimbofication?” and so on and so forth

thepillarsofmarsandvenus

the literal first image on shipping discourse is wikipe-tan age gap yuri

apricops

I love this image so much. it’s so lovingly made. it’s so earnest. it was made with a level of passion and delicacy exclusively reserved for perverts. this was not “we need an image for shipping discourse haha wouldn’t this be silly” this was made with more yearning than the human body can bear

toolusingmammalgirl

I almost certainly can't get away with posting it here but check out the images on the page for "Clop", too

I was thinking about the people who called Brushbuddy "Evil" and "Mastermind"

trans-girl-nausicaa

We need to standardize clothing sizes. This is fucking stupid. Pass a federal law or something. I’m sick of this shit.

anonymous-sea-lion

If only there was a way to associate a physical length with a number. Like, maybe we could put marks on a long piece of tape or something, evenly spaced, and then you could, like, count how many marks long something is?

I'm probably not making any sense, this is a dumb idea, sorry (/s)

trans-girl-nausicaa

you want to measure how many “marks” long something is? Sounds communist, it’ll never work

punkitt-is-here

quirky fourth wall breaking character but theyre just fucking. wrong about the medium theyre in. they keep making references to cinematic techniques and directorial styles and the other fourth wall breaking character is like "dumbass we're in a fucking comic book" and they are in a video game.

totally-cis-offical

Well currently they’re in a tumblr post but I see your point

moon-of-curses

we're actually in a youtube video if this turns out to be funny enough

reggiemess

Cannot stand the trend of censoring any and all words that describe concepts that might make you go :( especially when the censoring is done in that quarter-assed way that's just 'did a lil scribble over a vowel so you know that I know this word describes a no-no."

I'm not even going to be vague about what sparked this. Do not fucking censor the word 'stole.' I'm at my fucking limit.

reggiemess

Who does this benefit. Who is made safer by this. Whose life is made better by this. Who is out there going "Wow I sure am glad I didn't have to see that word without it scribbled on a little. That really reduced the emotional impact of reading that word." Can I kill them?

melyzard

I think they are trying to cut out the AI crawler that they are certain is going to tattle on them to The Algorithm, which will send them directly to jail for saying a no-no word. Captchas have convinced people that machines cant read scribbly words, even though billions of interactions have now spent decades telling them how.