TRACEJADE96

The chronic badass! Chronic illness and injury can't keep me down!

[tracejade96]

[tracejade96]

#marchisendometriosisawarenessmonth #endometriosis #yellowribbon

This really is a terrible thing to live with, feel free to ask me questions, as I am one of those who deals with the EXTREME pain every month. Some people have endo and never even know it until they have surgery for something else, no pain. I am not one of those even though another woman in my family was. They say it can run in families but that doesn't mean every woman in the family will have it. Yes, most women experience period cramps and bloating etc, this is not that, this is feeling like someone is stabbing you, squishing and kicking your ovaries all at the same time while neabing youI bleed like your hemorrhageing and if your really lucky you will also form a cyst every few months at the same time. Im not one to share this level of personal details but for some treatment is easy and they can lead normal lives, mine is sitting on my bladder and another organ and dangerous to remove so it stays there, and no treatment that I am willing to do will help including a hysterectomy which everyone seems to think solves everyone's endo, it helps some, not all. If sharing helps another realize her pain is not normal and gets help than sharing was worth it.

Feel free to send awareness month presents haha!

I lie here with a broken leg and endo pains WORSE than the leg pain by leaps and bounds. This truly sucks monkey balls.

#wearyellowtosupportendowarriors

#wearyellow

[tracejade96]

No surgery needed which is great! 4 weeks on crutches then back for more xrays to make sure it is healing right. DR was a jerk, but being overweight in an orthopedist office it's to be expected, they only want to work with sports kids, surgeries, etv, so I guess my case was boring. My last ortho told ne he would never do surgery on my at my weight Id just reinjur ,(when I tore my meniscus). He also told me Id never be a runner and to knock it off.

This guy I saw yesterday was reported to be real nice, started off good, eventually you could tell he felt I was wasting his time. So many unanswered questions I didn't ask becaus he was either already gone or because he rolled his eyes when I told him I was doing leg lifts while in the cast so not to bloodclot, he told mcd ...to take asprin.

In any case. I am ok.

...not that anyone was really concerned.

The pain is still intense if someone touches my leg but otherwise its ok. Had to xray the wrist too.

[tracejade96]

God gave me so much ... and I am assuming so that I can help other people who have gone through the same thing since I came out of the storm damaged but stronger.

God gave me childhood issues so I can understand and help other children who went through some of the same things. Substance abuse issues in the home, loud fighting, verbal sometimes turned physical abuse, an absent biological father replaced with a great man/step dad yet I still had abandonment issues wondering how someone could walk away from a child they made. And many more..

God gave me a son at 18 because he knew I would be the best mom at 18, better thsb Id ever be at 30 or 40... he had other things planned for me. Knew wed kinda grow up together and knew that was best for us both.

God gave me the ability to see continuing to go back to the cheating abusive ex was going to get me no where and helped clear an exit plan that led me to meet lots of interesting people in my life. Help a family who needed me , and eventually return to my home town and start my life over with my toddler, the love of my life, my little man in tow. My son is my biggest blessing, the biggest heart you'll ever meet that was raised by me alone for a while then with the influence of his step dad he learned sometimes you need to not have suck a big heart, but we both know its just a cover because pain in that big heart of his hurts so bad putting up a wall is easier.

God gave me his step dad to show me how a real man takes care of his family, and also to teach me that "taking care" of your family isn't always enough. You need to love them unconditionally and tell them so. Taught me arguing is worthless because no one ever wins. Taught me crying is weak. Taught me I was so imperfect I wasn't worthy of having kids with his perfect self. Taught me that being me was wrong, and that I needed to always act like an adult and not embarrass him. Taught me that putting holes in the walls is ok, but only him, no one else could. Taught me nothing is more important than money, especially happiness. So much more I just don't feel like talking about anymore.

God gave me the man I am engaged to now to teach me that love is unconditional after all, . ...what being taken care of really means, and all that stuff my ex taught me can be healed with time and isn't true at all.

God took my mother when I was 29 sco I could understand and help others in my life who will inevitably lose parents in my lifetime. ...then all 4 of my grandparents, a bunny, dogs, great old friends, a few new freinds around my age... all lost within the next 10 years. Left me with a deep overflowing hole which manifested itself into fibromyalgia and PTSD.

God gave me endometriosis so I could understand, sympathize with and educate other women with the same condition.

God gave me fibromyalgia, PTSD, chronic pain, adrenal fatigue, chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, etc... so I could get through them and come out stronger... still working on it.

God gave me teens in my life who had an alcoholic mom just like I did because he knew Id understand them and give them a safe place to land when they needed it, and I will forever be their momma and I am so proud of that. I just wish I had been able to help thier moms before it was too late.

God made me a stress junk eater so I could get fat and unhealthy and eventually learn about food and start trying to eat what my body needs instead of what my mind thinks it wants and to stick to an exercise plan.

God made me hypermobile (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) and all the pain and aggravation that comes with it so I can again understand, sympathize with, educate and help others with the same issue.

God made me break my leg so I would know what extreme pain felt like. ...so i know my daily pain may be terrible, its nothing in comparison, and the inconvenience of a broken leg is wayyyyy worse than the inconvenience of chronic pain so when I heal I can do more with my life, ...not let the pain stop me so much, and educate others how to do the same. Maybe also so Id learn to slow down, and start meditating, who knows this broken leg may change my life. Im still sticking with my exercise, even if it is just moving enough to get the blood flowing and maintain some muscle tone.

There's so much more but im exhausted, so Ill continue tomorrow. I offer you to ask me anything. I've been through so much in my life. A lot worse that I didn't list and some not so bad, I can give advice on almost any subject. Feel free to ask. I love to give advice. The empath in me who is also slightly able to talk to loved ones past, usually has some good advice, sometimes with not sure if its me or your loved one giving the advice, because I'm completely new to that gift, but good advice usually. (Can't promise always). Goodnight!!

[tracejade96]

Broken right leg, sprained right arm. How you ask... well I do not know. Walking one minute, screaming on the floor the next. Thank you EDS ... maybe, ...not really sure it had anything to do with it. Started meditating at night, its actually helping my mood like crazy, but can't stop the pain, and I hate pain killers, I take them sparingly. CBD oil and meditation help me sleep through the pain at night. See the orthopedist on Monday. 9 days after the incident, hopefully the swelling went down enough to cast it for real.

[tracejade96]

I just stopped breathing

Im lying here, alone as usual, and I start coughing, it gets worse and worse and I start searching for my inhaler that i left in the living room, I take it then I throw up. I still can't breathe. Finally I slowly start breathing and start crying. My fiance is trying to help me, feeling helpless I'm sure. It was so scary, finally I get back in bed and he helps me set up my nebulizer, is very supportive, makes me popcorn, brings me aloe water for my now very sore throat then just leaves. If it was me I'd lie down, comfort me, hold me, spend a little more time with me. What could be more in the living room? I actually stopped breathing, it was so scary. Even 5 more minutes acting like he cared would have been nice.

[tracejade96]

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I may be spending the day in bed, but tommorow is another day right.

[tracejade96]

Loneliness

I can't even explain how lonely having a chronic illness is but I will try anyways. I feel like no one likes me, because very few people check in to see if I am doing ok. They may care, but they won't show it, because I am simply not on thier important people list. I send messages and check in on people I care about but only a couple actually respond. I know people love me, but do they like me? I doubt it.

I can be in a room full of people but i know I am alone, I know I am the only one in pain wishing I could go home, even though I really want to hang out, as the minutes go on the stiffness and the pain gets worse.

At home I end up in bed super early these days because Im battling mono. Every so often someone comes in and says hello, but I spend a lot of time alone. My cats keep me company, I love the unconditional love pets show. In a house of 4, I spend a lot of time alone. It gets very lonely.

At night my fiance comes to bed between 1230 and 330 ... until then hes on his computer, says he's watching movies, I assume hes sick of me being sick, but won't admit it. I trust him, so I will assume ok, must be watching movies. That voice of him once telling me that his favorite time of day was when he'd come to bed and hold me in his arms tells me otherwise. Maybe he liked my slimmer body better, maybe he found someone online who isn't sick all the time, or maybe he just likes movies. I will stick with that explanation for now. Im just very lonely, and that makes me sad.

[tracejade96]

This is the program I am talking about - I did 3 workouts in bed and they were easy enough for me but they were also challenging. I have severe back issues, fibromyalgia, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue and so much more, I am obese and need to keep moving which is hard with these conditions. This program gives me the  NO MORE EXCUSES state of mind. I am in love with it!!!

[tracejade96]

DDPY ... giving it a try

Today I started to try DDP Yoga - Started with the “in bed” yoga in order to make sure I was being safe and starting slow since I seem to hurt myself everytime I start exercising.  I am also listening to the Unstoppable DDPY audio book on audible. The two together have already started to change my outlook. I am down a lot when it comes to my health. Im turning 40 this year and I feel like I have 80 year old bones and joints. I will post pictures soon! I feel like this is going to be the thing that really works. Not only do I earn points to turn in for merchandise so its a reward system on top of a way to get moving every day and a challenge because it ranks you amongst other DDPYers. 

[tracejade96]

Listening to my body ... leads me to my bed, again.

I hate lying in bed, despise it. My body wants me to rest, my brain can't seem to focus, and the fighter inside me wants to do anything but lie down. I feel like a failure, but remind myself my body is just telling me what it needs and I am lucky enough to be able yo hear it. I listen to my body, I push it too hard sometimes but I know it can handle it on those days. On days like today, it cannot handle it. My body is getting the rest it is asking for. I hope it rewards me with a full day of being productive tomorrow. Even 3/4 of a day would be acceptable.

[tracejade96]

Lost 20 pounds in about 6 months - this was September 2018 - I have only lost about 3 more pounds since then but starting today I am getting more serious!! I am obese at this weight - need to lose about 100 pounds!

[tracejade96]

Who is Tracejade96?

Hi, My name is Tracy, I am a graphic designer, I create custom apparel, decals for vehicles and walls, custom gifts and more. I am a mom and “step mom” and mom of a bunny and 2 little girl kitties. I have chronic illnesses and ridiculous chronic pain. I have endo, fibro, EDS, depression, anxiety and my spine is twisted. I am obese and starting on a journey to lose weight and my life. I will write more about these things in other posts. I am engaged to a wonderful man who takes very good care of me and my medical conditions. I am blessed to have a family who loves me and cares about me.  I also sell Tupperware and Colorstreet products.