The Stubborn Narratorâ˘
A MenWritingWomen parody
Chapter 1
This is the story of a man named John.
John worked in a coffee shop.
His job was simple: he stood behind the counter and he pushed buttons on a coffee machine.
Orders came to him through notes left by the waitresses on the counter telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order.
John liked his job before, but since the pandemic precautions had to be taken and they made his work unbearable.
He was trapped behind that cold and lonely counter, he couldn't chat with the clients as they were allowed to stay at the tables outside exclusively and the face of the gorgeous young students working as waitresses were to be covered with hideous handkerchief-like masks.
The days had become monotonous, lonely and boring.
He had even tried to call back a few exes, in the hope of at least scratching a certain "itch" at least, but none were willing to risk their health for a couple of rides.
Such is the mistery of women.
They ask for handsome young men, with a humongous butternut squash and abs like King Bowser's carapace...but won't get close in fear of a simple flu.
And yet they should all thank the Lord just for being acknowledged by such an Apollonian beauty.
His skin was of the same colour as an F4 coffee that was smooth like silk, his eyes were like Italy roast beans, his lips soft and plump like pandoro and his voice was deep and powerful like thunder. His curly hair were the colour of the Hershey's Cookies & Chocolate bar and they flowed down like a natural frame around his clavicles.
Alas, what good is a Cupid without a Psyche?
Luckily one day, something unexpected happened.
Something that would forever change John;
Something he would never quite forget.
He came in an hour before the opening hours to prepare the supplies like he did everyday.
While he was putting the glasses in their place, Taylor Swift's Shake it off started blasting at full volume.
John tripped but managed to not break anything and answered his phone.
It was his boss, warning him about a new waitress starting that morning.
John thanked him with a smile, even though he couldn't see him anyway and ended the call before swearing at him.
J : "That dumbass couldn't just send a message like everyone else? And who cares, I probably wouldn't have noticed anyways!"
The rest of the hour passed with no other inconveniences.
The waitresses arrived and the day started like usual.
Around midday a loud crash was heard nor far from the cafĂŠ accompanied by a couple of curses and a young woman came running in the shop accompanied by the sound of her ass cheeks clapping.
Her skin was of the same colour as hazelnut ice-cream, her eyes were like smurf gummies, her lips thins and glossy and her voice was soft and clear like water slime. Her straight hair were the colour as the muzzle of newborn piglets and were pulled up in an adorably messy tall braid. She wore a purple sundress short and translucent enough to feed the imagination, but covering the amount needed to leave you hungry. She obviously wasn't used to run as could be vouched by her wide, round hips and the two huge pastry puffs hanging on her chest that moved in perfect harmony with her lungs that were trying desperately to recover.
M : "I...I'm sorry, there was a...a protest at the bus station and it wa...it was really far so I had to come with the...the bike..."
J : "It's ok...you're the new waitress right? Do you need to sit down?"
M : "Yh-heah"
The woman took the nearest chair and fell on it like the apple on Newton making her watermelons jump like a cat surprised by a cucumber.
M : "Hi...I'm-John?!"
The Venus accidentally said his name instead of hers, what an endearing silly rabbit.
J : "Do we know each other?"
She lowered her mask showing a smug smile under her tiny freckled nose.
J : "MARIE EFFING SMITH???
The flat, skinny idiot that was always late and constantly picked up fight with the buffest people in the gym that I had to rescue constantly??"
Marie got up and stood in the sassiest pose possible.
M : "One I'm not an idiot, if it wasn't for ME you'd still be in elementary school buster!
Two I was only picking up fight with them so you could show off in front of da girlz.
I will not address the rest."
What will be John's next move
"Flirt" the same way the Narrator would
Say a cheesy pickup line jokingly
Am I doing this correctly?
Feel free to give constructive criticism.
List of chapters + plot in link below
https://www.tumblr.com/trapperisbestboi/692758068194377728/i-think-by-now-we-all-know-the-literary-horror
