This is MY void. You're just screaming into it

Shelly | they/them | 25 | This blog is just a collection of nerdy stuff that I enjoy and reblog. I'm going to go through phases of what I love so this blog is gonna be a mess.

[itskurwanumber5]

Ilya: hint hint hint

Shane: absolutely clueless

Ilya: Ah ok I got your hint you don't want the thing I am hinting ok, I'll drop it

Shane: This was the weirdest conversation I had this week, what?

Why are you playing the hints game with this autistic bitch dude

Shane: Oh it's a lot of paperwork! Nice thinking!

Ilya: I don't have anyone here, so. Here, medical proxy, financial power of attorney...

Shane: (kicking his feet)

...

Shane: And then he handed me all those papers!

Rose: Oh, so now you have a 1980s gay marriage. Cute!

Shane: wait what

...

Shane: Ilya.

Ilya: Well you were not thrilled when I brought up the whole marriage in conversation, so I took a hint and just took precautions. As you didn't want the label. But I am serious about you so.

Shane: WHEN? I THINK I WOULD REMEMBER IF YOU PROPOSED???

Ilya: I was giving you hints so you would propose if you wanted to?

Yuna: Hints? To Shane?

Ilya: ...

Shane: Ilya?!

Ilya: Now I feel stupid.

[itskurwanumber5]

Idea!

Every Vegas award night starting 2011 Shane and Ilya get drunk and get married. But it wasn't legal in Nevada back then, so it's like funny married, not legitimate.

Elvis: Are you actors? I think I saw you in some ads.

Ilya: Yes we are actors.

Come 2015, awards take place 3 days after Obergefell v. Hodges. Shane and Ilya get drunk married again.

Ilya: Ah another wedding certificate in our collection.

Shane: Wait a minute this one looks different...

Shane&Ilya: OH SHIT

[lavenderprose]

Things that are ACTUALLY in the Shane Hollander Mic'd Up compilation that we all wish we could watch through the portal:

- "Hey, how was your summer? Good, good."

- "Mic'd up. I'm mic'd up. Don't."

- "Have you ever been to Greece? Told Ilya I would ask you."

- "What? No, man, he didn't say that. He said he was gonna get your ass. Yeah, man, he only fucks one ass. Yeah, I mean, I would say fuck you too but--"

- "Heeeey, davai, davai. Great assist. Hah, no, don't come closer, I'm mic'd and you know I don't trust you."

- "The Royal Tiger Towel Paper Towel Power Play. The Royal Tiger Towel Paper Towel Power Play. The Royal--"

- "HEY MATHESON. You ever been to Vegas? I said, you ever been to VEGAS? I hear they let the good hockey players go there in the summer but I feel like you wouldn't know that."

- "FUCK. Hey, ref, what the fuck was that? Oh, you didn't see that? Fuck you. No, you stay there, my husband's gonna talk to you--fuck you, put me in the bin then, this is bullshit--"

- "You have the smelling salts? Yeah. FUCK--"

- "I am mic'd. Remember I am mic'd. Nope, not even in Russian."

- "Oh, yeah, the pickle video was funny. Harris said it got a lot of views, so. Yeah, no, he actually really does love pickles that much."

- "Sinclair, you got something to say? Yeah, I'm better at hide the pickle than you are at hockey. You want to ask another stupid question?"

- "You know, I run a charity too. Oh, I just assumed that you were doing some kind of Make-A-Wish thing out here with your wingers, since it looks like this is your first day on the ice."

- "Oh, hey, look. Jackie and the kids are waving at us. Okay. Okay, Rozanov, that's enough."

- "Mic'd. Mic'd. Mic'd."

- "Hello Hockey Night, welcome to my husband's shoulder pads--" "Fuck OFF, Rozanov."

- "Great goal. Great goal. Lyublyu tebya. Yes, baby, you did that."

[turtlesforgovner]

So in like 85% of fanfic I read, Hayden is said to have a "gaggle" or "horde" or what ever of children. But I come from a family of 4 kids and I always thought of us as like a medium size family. Is this not the normal perception? Is this just because most of my formative years were spent with other very devout roman catholic families where 5-9 kids was not unusual??

[shanetism]

[royalrampionengineer]

I read @exactphoify ‘s incredibly hilarious heated rivalry fic Please Be Normal About This .

I laughed so hard I cried then entered a flow state and created these super silly in-universe memes for your enjoyment lol.

POV: you’re @shanehollanderhockey

ilya scrolling twitter after his statement:

actual photo of the pikes going on a date night:

@shanehollanderhockey opening his DMs after #SextingWithShane

live video of ilya calling shane after #LeakedTexts

EDIT 2/23: more HR memes here :)

[thewolvesof1998]

Imagine Shane doing the peloton ad while Ilya is in Boston and it comes on the tv they have in the rink gym and it’s the first time Ilya is seeing it and he full on falls off the treadmill and injuries himself. And he has to play it off in front of his teammates and also hide his half chub. He’s on IR for the next game and Shane texted him asking if he’s okay and he’s be like “no Shane your butt in those tiny white shorts got me injured”

[icaruswar]

shane and ilya at their daughter's peewee hockey game, judging the FUCK out of the coach for roster mismanagement and mediocre in-game adjustments.

(they don't realise that this is a middle school annual tournament for kids and not the NHL playoffs)

edit: since you guys liked the tags so much;

[flower-of-the-desert]

Love thinking about an AU where the relationship reveal with Yuna and David happens because something overwhelms Shane into a panic attack/breakdown, maybe they're at some NHL show or event, maybe it's just been a really long fucking day, maybe suddenly Shane feels just completely overwhelmed by the lights and the noise and all the fucking people wanting to shake his hand or slap his back or tell him how much they like his fucking play.

Yuna notices something is wrong because of course she does and together with David they herd Shane into some private empty side room hoping it will help him calm down. But it doesn't. He wont stop shaking and his breathing is too fast and he flinches at their voices even tho nobody is speaking loudly. Won't let Yuna come close to hug him or rub his arm.

Maybe Yuna is starting to panic a little herself, her heart aching as she watches Shane wrap his own arms around himself, hates that she cant do anything when her son is so clearly in distress, hates that she can't seem to think of anything that will work-

When suddenly the door bangs open and Ilya Fucking Rozanov??? strides into the room with quick steps, makes a beeline directly for her son, eyes locked on him like he doesnt even register her and David in the room as well and Yuna opens her mouth to cuss him out, tell him to fuck off and not bother Shane right now, she can feel her body moving already to stand in front of Shane protectively when David grabs her arm because-

Because Rozanov is pulling Shane into his arms, one hand on the back of Shane's neck, guiding his head to press into the crook of Rozanov's neck and Shane isn't fighting it, doesn't flinch from his touch. He goes where Rozanov arranges him and let's himself be held and rocked back and forth gently as Rozanov presses his mouth to Shane's ear and starts whispering something so quietly that Yuna can't really make out the words but what she can see is Shane's shaking subsiding, hands fisting tightly into Rozanov's shirt, his breathing going slowly back to normal because - oh. oh - her son is syncing his breaths with Rozanov who, Yuna realises, is taking very exaggerated deep slow breaths of his own so Shane can match them. And then Rozanov turns slightly while still rocking them both back and forth and Yuna sees Shane's face where it's smushed into Rozanov's neck. Sees the look there.

And that's how Yuna realises her son is in love and the man - his years-long rival - he loves must have left in the middle of his award-winning show to come here and pull her son out of a panic attack like there was no place he'd rather be than right here with Yuna's overwhelmed panicked boy in his arms, soothing him until Shane's body relaxes completely into that hold, mumbling that he's fine yet not pulling away and Rozanov makes no move to let go either.

Oh, Yuna thinks again, gripping David's hand tightly. It's not just Shane. My baby is in love. And he's loved back.

[ramslambsandwolves-deactivated2]

Feminizing Shane when pretty boy, silk & flowered shirt wearing, Slavic passenger princess, gets his luggage carried, husband cooking all his meals, omega-coded Ilya Rozanov is RIGHT there, will confuse me to no end.

[firstprinced]

*May only work on Shane Hollander **Try only if you're Ilya Rozanov

[chachi-baby]

I like to imagine Rose’s brothers gave her shit for not sticking it out with Shane Hollander long enough for him to meet the family then when they find out it’s because Shane is gay they give her shit for not passing him along to one of them and she’s like??? you’re not gay??? to which they’re like !!!! everyone’s gay for Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov ain’t special

[lavenderprose]

In-universe post on Twitter dot com post Hollonov outing: Yeah okay God sent his only son to die for our sins. Shane Hollander sent HIS HUSBAND to OTTAWA get us a FUCKING STANLEY CUP tell me who's done more for humanity in the long run.

[hunybody]

the eleventh hour promise cliff marleau makes where he says Roz listen to me man Listen if it goes tits up in canada because you uprooted your life for some bitch i’ve never met—and nobody has ever met by the way—no don’t walk away. tell you what dude we’ll both trade to florida. Alright? you have an escape hatch you’re not trapped brother you say the fucking word and we are back on line together coronas in hand. fucking call whenever and i’m there i’ve got my agent on it let me know and i’ll pull trig

[endlessly-ranting-antheia]

Ilya: I could marry Svetlana to get American citizenship

Shane: and I could commit a murder suicide right now. See how we’re both saying shit

[heymacy]

HEATED RIVALRY SEASON ONE + hall of fame text posts

[shut-up-gwen]

Ilya: this guy is cute, I should start a stationary bike race so he knows I want to get sweaty together

Ilya: that didn’t quite work. Maybe I should just give him the eye? While I tell him I hope he likes his new city?

Ilya: okay. But surely if I make him drink from my water bottle and brush his fingers when passing it over…?

Ilya: call him pretty. To his face. No way he can miss that

Ilya: desperate measures, I’ll have to tell him I orchestrated this whole ad campaign just so I could see him again

Ilya: WHAT IF I STARTED JERKING OFF IN THESE COMUNAL SHOWERS?