Redhoods Left Tit

Name: Jayde/Jayden Nicknames: Jay, Tit

[loveridden1999]

having a hometown is such a fucked up concept. i grew up here so i do not want to stay here anymore. i miss it when i am away but once i am back i realise why i wanted to go away as far as possible from it. i am familiar with every corner of this place i did not realise when it slowly changed into something unrecognisable. i would probably like to be buried here but i'd rather die than live here

[freaksinlovexx]

Toddler Jon who cries and cries for the three days Bruce is in heat/Clark is in rut, while his poor brothers and sisters try their best babysitting him. Alfred took his holiday, only for Bruce and Clark to start their cycles weeks early. Unfortunately, Jon just discovered his eye lasers and flight superpowers.

Dick: Okay! Lunch is ready! I made barbecue chicken sandwiches. They’re not as good as Clark’s but we’re going to have to make it work.

Jason: Fuck.

Tim, holding baby Jon: Oh now you did it, Dickhead.

Jon, tearing up: Cwark? Daddy and Mama gone!! Miss them!!!

Kon, hungry as fuck and scared of the baby kryptonian: Hush, pup, only a day more and mama and daddy will feel better.

Cass, nodding but still grabbing her plate: Yes pup, patience.

Jon: Pay-shuns?

Damien: Yes, patience, baba and Clark are going to be better soon.

Steph and Duke, the victims of his last eye laser tantrum an hour ago: Yep yep!! So soon!!

Dick: Everyone grab food and we’re going outside. He’s a time bomb.

Jason: If they make another we’re so fucked

[twoweekminecraftphase]

HE HAS ARRIVED!!

@hannrum

[polanishigh80]

Dick: Hey, Little Wing- what do you think you're doing?!

Jason, hiding a cigarette behind his back: Eeeem, nothing...?

Dick, taking a cigarette from him: You can't smoke, you are too young, you're just 12! It's going to kill you!

Jason: I'm sorry...

*5 minutes later*

Jason: Hey! You are smoking my cigarette!

Dick: I can, I am an adult and your father pissed me off.

Jason: He's also your father.

Dick: No!

[nothingmeowters]

I really like these outfits on them…. Cowboy Bart is so cutieful and max is so cool….

[even-atlas]

Gonna draw Bart in this yessir

[bruce-wayne-enjoyer]

HC that Jason tends to stress bake. This started when Jason first began therapy, and his counsellor basically had him try old hobbies as saner, constructive coping mechanisms.

So Jason just makes like 60 cookies every other day, and maybe a whole ass marble cake, sometimes it's as simple as a few tarts.

The family starts understanding it as code overtime, of Jason offering his stress food and with it, a hand reaching out for help.

It's silly progress.

But also progress.

.

.

Steph, answering the phone: Yewwol?

Jason, actually shaking on the other line: I made 20 pans of brownies and I don't even remember buying 20 pans to make brownies in and I feel so stupid and- WHY WON'T THIS PIPPING BAG CLOSE

Steph: ...So it's a Brownie day?

Jason: ...yeah ☹️

Steph: Right. Give me a few minutes. Damian's coming to help pass the brownies around to your neighbors, then we're eating one for ourselves.

.

.

Alfred: Why is Master Jason in our kitchen on an undetermined family day... making macaroons?

Tim, not looking up from his phone: JK R*wling was on his fyp today

Alfred: Ah, I see.... Well, at least Master Jason has not—

[from afar] Jason: WHERE'S THE FUCKING RED 40.

Alfred:

Alfred: Well, at least he didn't ask for Blueberries.

.

.

Jason: I made 100 cookies 😠 because you shouted at me 😠😠 for finishing the job during patrol last night 😠😠😠

Bruce: Mm.

Jason: This is all YOUR FAULT. I expect to be renumerated for EVERYTHING — the ingredients, the electric bill, the time.

Bruce: Mm.

Jason: And you're NOT getting any this time! 😠 I gave it away to the orphanage two blocks from my apartment 😠 because only those orphans deserve my treats 😠😠😠

Bruce: Okay.

Jason:

Bruce:

Bruce, also emotionally constipated and trying hard in therapy: Do you want a hug?

Jason: ...fuck you.

[they do hug]

[rugbin]

4 Robins at Karaoke

[shozawayo]

Cass, who sees a video online of a dad letting his daughter give him a makeover, gets instantly intrigued. She quickly goes down a rabbit hole and quietly takes notes. Bruce, who discovers what caught her attention, gently offers to sit down and do makeovers with her. While Cass didn't grow up having normal childhood experiences, that doesn't mean they can't make up for lost time now. It doesn't even matter that she's already an adult. He's more than happy to indulge her.

Hours later, photos of Bruce Wayne and his daughter Cassandra Cain-Wayne are uploaded to his official account. Each picture shows off his full face of makeup, his hair styled with clips, and his newly painted nails. They practically break the internet, and #girldadbrucewayne immediately takes off.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Jason: *sniffs Dick*

Jason: are you wearing bath and body works warm vanilla sugar?

Dick:

Dick: how?

Dick: yes?

Dick: I heard spiders hate vanilla.

Tim: spiders hate basic bitches because basic bitches wear vanilla.

Bonus:

Bruce passing Jason’s room. Is assaulted by the smell of vanilla. Opens the door seeing ten scent diffusers, a bunch of wax melters and he’s spraying vanilla room spray as he stands on his bed.

Bruce: why.

Jason: spiders.

Bruce:

Bruce, quickly shutting the door: oh my god ones hanging from the ceiling above you!

Jason screams and falls with a clatter and thud.

Bruce, chuckling turns into Alfred.

Alfred:

Bruce: I’m sorry.

[spinotorso]

red hood lost days

[thetulgey-wood]

Bugs when they're snug in a rug

[twoweekminecraftphase]

Has anyone thought of

Tim x Bernard x Kon x Bart

Cause I would like to see some fan art of that

🫣

Just saying...

[the-jason-todd-impreganator]

Father of all things TimBern, I require more in any way possible. As payment I will attempt to make mpreg a thing and Jason Todd a real person.

So sorry, I've got so many asks sitting in my inbox because I got sick and thirsty for Jason Todd being pregnant, it will happen again.

ANYWAYS!!! *chaotic laughter*

Minors DNI // Sexual themes, it's me, my moots understand by now...

Tim, trying to operate a toaster with a broken arm and sprained wrist, don't ask how:

Bernard: Uh, love dove?

Tim, trying to use his socked foot to press the toaster down: I got it!

Bernard: Um...

Tim, nearly falling over, barely balancing himself with a foot on the counter: I got this.

Bernard: There's no shame in asking for help, Timboo.

Tim: I. Can. Do. It.

Bernard, sighing and pulling up a chair: Okay, okay, go on.

Tim:

Bernard:

Tim: You're just gonna sit there and watch me!?

Bernard, laughing: Well what am I supposed to do?

Tim: Encourage me.

Bernard: I don't think I should encourage this.

Tim: Encourage me, c'mon.

Bernard, sighing: Okay, okay... You can do it, Tim, I know you can turn on that toaster.

Tim: Don't sound so sarcastic!

Bernard: I'm not! I'm genuine! I believe in you!

Tim: Okay, that's better.

Tim, going back to trying to turn the toaster on with his foot:

Bernard, slowly pulling his phone out to send Jason and Damian videos later:

—

Stephanie, stumbling in Bernard and Tim's boat with a stab wound: Uuuuugh...

Stephanie, stumbling to their door, hitting her head against said door: STOP F\-%$#ING AND COME GIVE ME STITCHES, TIMOTHY!

Loud banging, muttered curses, fabric moving, et cetera...

Tim, throwing the door open, looking flushed and out of breath: Stephanie, what the f#&$?!

Bernard, fumbling in the background to get his pants pulled up:

Stephanie: Stab wound. Rapidly losing blood. Did you know you can hear your moans from outside?

Tim, groaning as he goes to get the first aid kit:

Bernard:

Bernard: . . . So—

Stephanie: "Pretty bird?" Seriously? That's so gay.

Bernard: How much did you hear?

Stephanie: More than I wanted and needed to, Dowd...

—

Duke, walking limping into the kitchen at the manor with a broken leg:

Tim, pinned against the counter:

Bernard, currently pinning Tim to said counter, holding him by the thighs:

Duke: Gentlemen.

Tim: Sup.

Bernard: Hi.

Duke: I will not inform Alfred so long as neither of you tell Bruce I was up.

Tim: Deal.

Bernard: I lie to him anyways.

—

Tim, as Red Robin, playfully: Well hello, random citizen.

Bernard, who was on a roof he definitely wasn't supposed to be at, waiting for him: Hello yourself, hot stuff. Vigilantes visit these parts often?

Tim: Just me.

Bernard: Well, lucky me, 'cause it's you I was hoping to see.

Tim, walking closer: And why's that?

Bernard, holding his hips: See, I wanted to give you something, for good luck...

Tim, leaning in: Oh? I think I'm wearing it under this suit, actually.

Bernard: No, no, not that... I mean, I'd love to see under your suit anyways, later, but for now I wanted to give you something else.

Tim: Do you? Well, what would that be?

Bernard: A kiss...

Tim: Mm, don't mind if I do—

Jason: RED ROBIN IS MAKING OUT WITH THE BLONDE AGAIN!

Tim: SHUT THE F-#&$ UP, JASON!

Bruce, sighing: No names in the field, and Red Robin, you forgot to turn your comm off.

Damian: Public indecency is NOT a victimless crime, Red Robin.

Dick: That was somehow worse than Selina and Bruce's exchanges...

Stephanie: Never trash Selina's dirty talk like that again, Bernard could use some pointers.

Tim, groaning:

Bernard: I'll see you at home?

Tim: Yeah, yeah...

Bernard:

Tim:

Bernard, kissing him anyways:

Tim, kissing back immediately and letting himself be pushed against a wall:

Cue horrified shrieking from the line before Babs shuts Tim's comm off...

—

Bruce, walking into a sitting room full of his kids, plus some: Okay.

Bruce, throwing a paper down on the coffee table between them all: Who did it?

Duke, peaking over: Unknown Gotham vigilante caught... OH MY GODS!?

Duke, doubling over laughing:

Bruce: Obviously the picture was taken at night—

Tim, laying in Bernard's lap: With the world's worst camera, sheesh, black and white? What is this, the 60's?

Bernard: Coloured photography started in the 60's, Timboo.

Tim, swatting him playfully: Don't tell me about the history of photography, chef.

Bruce, clearing his throat: Anyways someone was obviously...

Stephanie: Giving head on a fire escape? Well, obviously not me or Cass.

Dick: I don't wear a cape.

Jason: It was me.

Bruce: No, it wasn't.

Jason, an asexual: It wasn't.

Duke: And Damian is a child, which leaves...

Everyone looks to Bernard and Tim.

Tim, sipping a smoothie:

Bernard: In our defense, this is the first time we were caught.

—

Tim: Why is he here?

Bernard: Timboo, be nice.

Damian, lying between them in their bed: I had bad dreams.

Tim: So, you had to travel across the city to come to my bed?

Damian: Don't be ridiculous, you are of little comfort, Timothy. I came for Bernard's reassuring presence.

Bernard: Aw.

Tim, eye twitching:

—

Tim, waking up groggy: . . . Is this a scene or was I actually kidnapped?

Jason, pausing his shooting to look over at Tim: . . . WHAT!?

Tim: Oh, actually kidnapped, damn.

Dick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A SCENE!?

Tim: I mean—

Dick: Okay, okay, yeah, not gonna ask anymore questions.

Jason: YOU DIDN'T THINK THE SIDE EFFECTS OF BEING DRUGGED WERE UNUSUAL!?

Tim: I've been snatching sedatives from the Batcave to—

Jason: Oh. My. God.

Dick: B, are you hearing all this?

Bruce, who was injured and had to stay at the manor, slowly looking over to Bernard:

Bernard, who was staying at the manor till they found Tim, shrugging:

Bruce: Hrn...

—

Kate: You're being smart, right?

Tim, eyes rolling: Yes, Kate, we use protection.

Kate, sipping coffee: Proper BDSM etiquette?

Tim, eyes narrowing:

Kate: Tim, I see through the make-up, you have bruises and rope burn and other things I won't even comment on.

Tim: . . . Yes.

Kate: Good, kid. You have my approval.

—

Bernard, just holding Tim by the waist for the 29638th time at a gala:

Duke from across the room: Oh my gods AIN'T NOBODY TAKIN' HIM FROM YOU!

—

Tim, stumbling onto the deck of his boat: I am a GOD!

Bernard, following close behind him: No, you're running a 102.3° fever, dehydrated, spleenless, and need a hospital.

Tim: I am... Batman.

Bernard: You're not, thank the gods.

Tim, abruptly slumping into Bernard:

Bernard, holding him up: Timboo?

Tim: My boyfriend wouldn't like you holding me like this...

Bernard: I am your boyfriend, Tim.

Tim, looking him up and down: . . . Wow.

—

Tim and Bernard, making out in Tim's room at Wayne Manor.

Damian, slamming his fist against the door: QUIET DOWN, THAT IS A SOUND PROOF ROOM AND I CAN HEAR YOU THROUGH THE WALLS!

Tim: I HOPE YOU NEVER FIND LOVE!

Damian: I HOPE DOWD LEAVES YOU FOR TODD!

Tim, gasping with full offense: TAKE THAT BACK!

Damian: MAKE ME!

Bernard, very confused and currently between Tim's legs: ???

—

Tim, sitting down dramatically, testing something: I think I'm a slut.

Jason:

Duke:

Cass:

Stephanie:

Dick: . . . Uh, we mean, no, Tim!

Tim, storming out: Forget it!

—

Tim, inhaling sharply before speaking: I think I'm a slut.

Bart: Nice.

Cassie: Good for you.

Kon: I wish.

Tim:

—

Tim, sitting next to Bernard: . . . I think I'm a s—

Bernard: You're not, but I can make you one.

Tim:

Bernard:

—

Random W.E. employee mid meeting: Mr. Drake-Wayne, are you even listening?

Tim, distracted, texting on his phone:

Employee: . . . What are you doing that could possibly be more important?

Tim, snapping a photo of himself: Sexting my boyfriend.

The entire room:

Tim: I tried to get you guys to take Bruce back, but no. You wanted the seventeen year old CEO? you got the seventeen year old CEO.

Random intern: You're twenty-one though..?

Tim, after a long moment: In spirit.

the entire room: ???

—

Duke, walking into the sitting room: Hey T—

Tim, mid argument with Bernard: YOU WANT YOUR PEN BACK!? THEN I WANT MY VIRGINTIY BACK!

Bernard: I WISH I COULD GIVE IT BACK JUST TO TAKE IT AGAIN!

Tim: Okay that's actually kinda hot.

Bernard: Thanks, I thought so to.

Duke, slowly looking over to Cass, who has been ease dropping the entire time: ???

Cass: Tim stole Bernard's favorite pen.

Duke, gesturing vaguely to Tim and Bernard:

Cass: I wish I knew.

—

Now, where's my payment?

[belladonna-nyx]

Bernard Dowd in an act to bully Tim into confessing that he's a vigilante through a series of unhinged conspiracies (posted on YT) accidentally convinced the world of the following:

• Lex and Superman are exes and that Lex was the one who carried Kon

• The state government is run by the elites of society that has a secret organisation of assassins

• Batman is a creation by the spirit of Gotham to bring justice and vengeance among the criminals of the city

• The Bermuda Triangle is the reason for the sinking and location of Atlantis

• Area 51 is actually an alien base

[oifaaa]

I doodled this a while back when it was first announced Tim would no longer be robin and I'm happy to see hes still not relapsed good for him

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 85 (masterpost here)

*wrapper crunching* *straw slurping*

Dick, absently: moon's pretty tonight.

Damian: *grunt of affirmation*

Bruce: don't get too comfortable; we have two hours until the shipment drops, this is just a temporary break.

Dick: *dramatic groan*

Jason: -can you just for once live in the fucking moment? we have burritos. we're all here together. shut the fuck up.

Bruce, bemused: i'm just warning you against getting too bloated before the mission, chum. i don't want you to get an upset stomach.

Damian: he's calling you fat, by the way.

Dick: *snort*

Bruce: i'm not- i'm not calling you-

Jason: you are though, you're fully calling me fat,

Bruce, resigned: Hood,

Tim, suddenly: -you know what i realised earlier?

*a beat*

Dick, laughing slightly: alright, Tim's just- Tim's just in his own world,

Bruce: don't be mean, and we're still on patrol here. no names. what did you realise?

Tim: i was just thinking about how Jason and Dick are the only two of us that had to find out that Bruce was Batman.

Bruce, sighing heavily: names,

Damian, dry: Father there is nobody within fifty feet of us.

Jason, ignoring him: whaddaya mean?

Tim: like. i figured it out myself and knew before i ever became Robin. Damian's known from birth because it wasn't ever a secret in the league; of the official Wayne kids, you two are the only ones that had to actually be told and 'find out'. Dick, you were told after you were taken in, right?

Dick: *humming* actually, he tried to keep it from me at first.

Tim: he did?

Jason: oh that's right. 'cause you were taken in by Bruce Wayne; i was taken in by Batman. you found out Bruce was Batman, i had to find out that Batman was Bruce.

Bruce: was there really much of a difference? and Nightwing, you found out literal days after i brought you home.

Dick: yeah but not because you told me.

Damian: how did you find out?

Dick, dismissive: oh i just watched him walk into his clock and disappear and decided to follow him. he was not that great at hiding. i'm pretty sure he forgot i was in the building.

Bruce: i did not forget you were in the building—you were my ward, Dick, i knew you would have to know about the Batcave eventually.

Tim: how did you react? were you freaked out?

Dick: honestly it was so long ago i barely remember not knowing, my memories are all fuzzy and mixed up. B, do you remember?

*shifting*

Bruce, considering: you were pretty excitable; especially once you realised i was looking into your parents’ murder. i'd been getting worried about you beforehand, because you were starting to act out quite a bit, and Alfred said you didn't seem to have any outlets to let out your anger, so it seemed like a positive opportunity to let you run around a bit.

Dick: yeah, i remember laughing a lot...

Bruce: kind of 'maniacally'.

Jason: *snorts*

Dick: that tracks.

Bruce, humming in interest: to be honest, i think between the two of you, Jaylad had the best reaction.

Jason, confused: i did?

Bruce, bemused: do you not remember what you said?

Jason: no?

Tim: this is something that B found funny? ok see now i'm interested.

Damian: i actually don't know much about how you were acquired by Father.

Jason, snorting: 'acquired'.

Dick, gleeful: fuckin' great story. all round favourite, by far. good memories.

Jason,dryly: you hated me back then.

Dick: times change, littlewing.

Tim: how did the whole reveal thing happen, then?

Bruce: well i took him home pretty much instantly after meeting him, because it was clear that he didn’t have anywhere else to stay, and i guess i… saw a little bit of myself in him.

Tim: aw,

Jason: eugh.

Dick, brightly: s’ a fun way to say you picked up a strange young boy off the street and dragged him to your weird creepy mansion.

Bruce, exasperated: why must you put a perverted spin on everything i do?

Dick: because it’s how i show my love~

Jason: *snickers*

Damian: surely part of the responsibility lies with Jason, for being confronted by an ominous strange man who offered to take him home, and deciding to just go with it.

Jason: oi- don’t you victim blame.

Damian: well why the hell did you agree?? you didn’t know him.

Jason: i dunno. i figured there were three options, one: he’s genuine and i’m about to live out Annie as the main character, two: he thought i was a child hooker and young-Jason was bouta get paid,

Bruce: jesus.

Jason: or three: he’s a child murderer, upon which- listen i was a bit of a delusional child. like, i thought i could steal Batman’s tires. i fully thought if he tried to kill me that i could just kick him in the nuts and then dart off with a great new story to tell people.

Dick, in wonder: you just did not have any sense of self preservation,

Jason: i had self preservation—i was just tired and he caught me on a bad day, so i didn’t give a shit.

Bruce, cutting in: well- whatever the reason, it was one of the best decisions i ever made, so i’m happy it turned out well.

Jason, amused: mhm, mhm, go on.

Bruce: well to get back on topic; i brought you back to the Batcave and we discussed you spending a few nights to see how you felt, and Alfred came down so i could discuss with him how to go about fostering you and you got to meet him, and then after he left you asked me ‘if that was my carer and if Batman was really just a mentally disabled man that kept dressing up and escaping home’.

Dick: *gleeful cackles*

Jason: alright that does- *wheeze* that does ring a bell,

Tim, casual: you are such an asshole, man.

Jason, very happy: i know.

Bruce: after that i had to explain what was above the Batcave, which obviously revealed my identity,

Jason: i was kinda- i mean, i don’t remember specifics, but i was quite calm about it all, wasn’t i? i don’t remember freaking out.

Bruce: you were, but to be fair you’d already gotten in a car with a stranger and let me take you to the cave under my house, so i think if you suddenly then regained the ability to have appropriate reactions to things, that would be concerning.

Jason: …point.

Bruce: do you remember what you said to me after i explained my identity?

Jason: no?

Bruce: …*amused sigh* you calmly listened while i explained, reacted with nothing, and then you just started echoing what i’d told you.

Jason: right…?

Bruce: you told me, ‘so Batman is Bruce Wayne.’ and i said yes,

Dick: mhm,

Bruce: and then you said, ‘and Nightwing is Dick Grayson’,

Jason: yeah.

Bruce: and then you cocked out a hip, pointed up at the entrance to the manor, and you said ‘and i’m guessing Alfred Pennyworth is the Riddler, because ‘he just has a British accent’ my ass, that old bitch was talking in code.’

Tim: *starts laughing*

Jason: …DID I?!?!

Dick: *wheeze* you- you don’t remember?

Jason: NO?!

Bruce, fond: i remember. i told Alfred after you went to bed that night. i told him that was the moment i knew you were gonna be my kid.

Tim: *wheeze* you know- you know Alfred always told me that Jason was the most difficult when he first came to the manor, and i always thought that was weird because everybody else says Dick was way worse. but now- *wheeze*

Damian: -now it makes sense. you made him an enemy after your first interaction.

Jason: I DON’T REMEMBER SAYING THIS?!?! -i mean- *snort* i’ll take credit, that’s fucking funny, but still. did i have that much trouble with his accent!?!

Bruce: i don’t think it was that you couldn’t understand him; Alfred just has a very traditional and olden-style British accent, and you apparently had been friends with a couple modern-British kids that lived in the alley, because you always used to argue with me after Alfred left the room that ‘they didn’t sound like that’.

*a beat*

Bruce: it really used to bug you for some reason.

Dick, cackling: NO I- NO I REMEMBER- I DO REMEMBER- fuck, Jay, do you not remember one of your conspiracy theories back then was that Alfred wasn’t actually British?! you thought he was fucking lying.

Jason: …holy shit i actually do.

Tim: *wheezes* oh my god,

Bruce: you accepted it eventually, but it took you a while to get there with him.

Dick, eager: i don’t wanna- i don’t wanna hear shit from people about me being difficult when i first got taken in; Jason showed up and instantly started fighting with the sixty year old about how his fucking voice sounds,

Jason, laughing incredulously: i mean- i mean it is a very stereotypical old-english accent?!?! i didn’t think those existed anymore.

Damian: and yet your favourite book genre is old english classics?

Bruce: i think that was what got him to drop it, actually. there was an evening where Alfred read a Jane Austen book out loud to him, and afterwards he came into my bedroom to shake me awake and tell me ‘ok i get it now’.

Dick: *loud wheeze*

Tim, struggling not to laugh: -because the matter was just that important, that he had to wake you- *cackles*

Jason, amused: listen- listen this was clearly a point of great stress for young Jason,

Damian: you weren’t stressed about being taken home by a strange man in a bat costume but the guy’s butler’s accent being too theatrical—that freaked you out?

Jason: i- *wheeze*

Bruce: you were a very fun child to have around, Jaylad. i’ll give you that.

Dick: does Alfred agree with that sentiment?

*a beat*

Bruce: he loves you now, that’s all that matters.

Tim and Dick: *lose it*

[anabimelo]

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