What's wrong with me today challenge

DID System | A place where we can unmask sometimes. Might sound like a horrible person a lot. Idk

[unmasked-locksafe]

Hello! This is a pinned post! A post that is pinned!

This blog is for us to unmask because the world is fucking annoying and I'm scared to post unmasked on main. Yes we will sound like horrible people here, that's what this blog is here for. It is functionally a vent blog private and disconnected from every other blog we control.

We may reblog a lot of personality disorder posts! We do not necessarily have any personality disorders, but find some (many) of the related posts highly relatable and are trying to narrow down if we have any at all. We may post our ramblings and theories about it sometimes.

We are a DID system. We do not often clarify who is fronting in personal conversation unless/even if it is relevant, but feel free to ask.

A general trigger warning for this blog, specifics below:

Warning: this blog may contain triggering content such as self harm ideation, mentions of harm towards others, and discussions of intrusive thoughts. No physical harm will be inflicted on other people, no crimes will be committed, don't freak out about it. It may also contain discussion of addiction and minor alcohol use.

[unmasked-locksafe]

Realizing that I do actually have low self-esteem, it just doesn't show up in the typical constantly thinking I'm doing something wrong or apologizing for my existence kind of way.

[unmasked-locksafe]

Kill meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[unmasked-locksafe]

A kind of branch off from that last post...I think a lot about the time when we were a kid and understood that habits we didn't like were settling in, but not understanding how to stop it, so we told an adult "we are experiencing the onset of these issues and it's really really hard to stop, please help us" and got refused. Flash forward a number of years later and they're surprised we're presenting them with and discussing problems that developed directly from the exact issues we warned them about.

[unmasked-locksafe]

I'm so tired of trying to explain that I relate to a lot of certain personality disorders just for people to say that I don't.

They say I'm not severe enough, and then get weirded out when I don't react to emotions and only keep track of them for my own gain. They say I'm perfectly normal and then constantly imply that I trust wrong, that I care wrong, and if I dare ask for understanding even from mental health blogs they just tell me to trust more. That they're right to be upset.

They say everyone needs praise, to not be so dramatic, and don't see how the slightest question of my skill makes me withdraw completely. They don't see how I constantly micromanage every interaction I have to keep their image of me the way I want it. They don't understand why I keep different social groups so strictly separated and then claim I'm always myself with everyone.

They say I'm reading too far into it. That I'm being dramatic. I'm overblown. It's social media these days, it can make you think you have anything. It would be severe. They'd have noticed.

Except every time they notice, they decide it's something wrong with me that I have to fix. They don't want to consider that it's my life, and that it has been my life, for as long as I can remember.

I tell them to give me another answer. They don't.

[unmasked-locksafe]

I feel shitty and bored and want to talk to a stranger no holds barred

[unmasked-locksafe]

I'm having a major apathetic toward people day. Didn't even realize this happened so often until I started tracking and communicating it.

[npd-confessions]

Doing my own confession for once. I hate being a narc and an artist sometimes holy shit. I'm trying to improve my anatomy work by doing studies and every tutorial I watch makes me want to sob because mine isn't professional grade off the bat or looks all that good.

[unmasked-locksafe]

To any kids having a crappy time seeing everyone around them say that life was so much easier as a kid and feeling like it's only going to get worse: it won't. The more I grow the easier things are, and this time in my life is by far the best even if it's not perfect.

You have an adulthood to look forward to. Don't let ignorant adults that forget to take your struggles seriously convince you otherwise.

[unmasked-locksafe]

Every time I hit an insecure spell I always end up talking myself up a little more — not in a boastful way, because that's too obvious and if I talk too high above my actual skill level or what others think of me it makes the fallout even worse than being viewed as "average/bad at something" on its own, plus humility makes me seem better in the long-run anyway. This has always been a thing but I just caught the pattern recently. Idk. Interesting to me.

[unmasked-locksafe]

Okay well one skill I was really proud of building got the slightest critique by someone and now I'm barely fighting back the urge to hide in a hole forever...what the fuck is wrong with me

[faxnmaxxing]

npd is like "i'm the best person ever i'm next to God everyone should worship me" and then someone points out The Mistake so now the only solution is to kill myself

[unmasked-locksafe]

I found two whole people I can unmask with. It's...strange, and I'm sure I'll hit a limit where they'll get uncomfortable, but for now...I think I'm going to let myself have a good thing.

[unmasked-locksafe]

...a headmate posted something, got sad that it had zero notes in two minutes, just for us to realize we'd saved it as a draft and forgotten to publish it.

[unmasked-locksafe]

Begrudgingly being good

[unmasked-locksafe]

Hey hi I hate PTSD I don't want to live here anymore I don't want to live here anymore can I not live in that memory please I didn't fucking know it was this bad and now I can't leave it I can't break it I can't get out get out

[unmasked-locksafe]

Threatening me to keep me silent is the fastest way to ensure I snitch even if I previously didn't care. Bitch I'll take us both down fucking watch me. I'll burn before I'm controlled