Molly💃🏻🎶

Too much time on Netflix, not enough dancing.

[scoes]

Grace is one of the most classic things to fall from

[scoes]

That and the monkey barrrsssss

[gaynehollander]

Imagine how difficult of an adjustment it will be for Shane and Ilya to not only be on the same team but to never actually share the ice (except on the power play). They're stuck watching their man be far and away the best player out there without the distraction of being mid-play themselves and they've lost their outlet for channelling all of their sexual tension into something reasonably acceptable for audiences. Imagine the fan edits of them just sitting on the bench, chewing on their mouthguard, while shooting obvious fuck-me-eyes at the other. Ilya's urge to check Shane into the boards is unreasonable. As soon as Shane gets on the ice he shoots off like a bat out of hell to burn off his excess energy. They can't even fucking look at each other in the locker room. As soon as they're home Ilya is throwing Shane up against the wall as hard as he would have done if they were both wearing pads. Those first few months they both acquire more bruises off the ice than on it.

[raincitygirl76]

This is canon to me now.

In all seriousness, though, OP is right. They play the same position: centre. Which means Ilya will be the first line centre in Ottawa and Shane the second line centre. And no, it’s not a demotion for Shane. If you have arguably the two best centres in the league on different lines, the opposing defencemen and goalies can NEVER rest. The offensive threat is relentless.

On most hockey teams, the strongest offensive players are on the first line. Which means when the second line’s shift starts, these players aren’t as good. But when the second line centre is Shane motherfucking Hollander, you don’t get a rest. You never get a chance to catch your breath.

Particularly when your first line centre and second line centre are competitive with each other. You just know they’ll be pushing the wingers on their respective lines relentlessly because each of them wants to outdo his husband’s line. For bragging rights or better sex or whatever.

Every team in the league will hate playing against Ottawa, and be bitter at Montreal for fumbling Shane. Because they effectively have two first offensive lines, and that’s very difficult to play against.

As for facing both of them on the power play, that’s the nightmare of every goalie in the league. Wyatt Hayes is the happiest man alive, knowing they’re both on HIS team now! He never has to defend his net against either of these assholes ever again. Except during practices, of course. Not during actual games.

[mundaneheatedrivalryhcs]

Headcanon #5

Ilya is adamant that he would do well on Survivor.

[unspoken-wild]

and shane immediately brings up the loon incident every time the topic of survivor comes up

[seaplanes]

I’ve reblogged it before and I’ll reblog it again.

[moghedien]

I feel like I need to share this because idk if Europeans are familiar with the presence of Aldi in the US, but at least especially in my area they’ve been growing a lot recently. Like Aldi bought out some local failing grocery chains where I live (Louisiana) and have opened Aldis in all these somewhat rural communities and small towns, which for the record I’m fine with

But as a result of this they are advertising a lot more in my area and also in many cases, the people in these areas have never been confronted with Aldi or any European grocery store. So the ads that Aldi is pushing out to its new US customer base feature a cowboy shopping at Aldi who is explaining to new Aldi customers how Aldi works. Like this cowboy is explaining you gotta put a quarter in the shopping cart and why there are very little name brands. A cowboy is how they want to reach their American customer base. They gave us a cowboy

[moghedien]

Here he is, the Aldi Cowboy

[zebra11235]

I love AO3 and all its wonderful, generous, gorgeous, hilarious writers.

[painted-doe]

[lake-erie]

this year’s prom theme is… *opens envelope* Great Lakes Invasive Species And What Boaters Can Do To Stop Them

[football-in-tuxedos]

And the subject of tonight’s ecology panel is *turns on powerpoint* Enchantment Under the Sea

[vamptits]

filtering down ao3 results from 14000 to 6 based on a single tag is foul. im sorry none of you are as enlightened as me ig.

[vamptits]

normal one. next question.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

your cat was an honor to see in the window

[sanitymakesposts]

Mods? Take him to the stump of his favorite childhood tree.

[sanitymakesposts]

Mods, make him busy during a friends planned trip so he misses out on the new inside joke.

[sanitymakesposts]

Mods… change the smell of his parents house.

[evilscientist3]

look boss, our quarterly "subjection to the brutalities of the Absurd" budget is almost blown already. can we not just shoot this one twice in the back of the head and call it a day?

[kattigans]

when tumblr dies i'll live under your bed and you can say out loud what you would post and i will say LIKE or REBLOG it'll be just like we're still here

[nicolegendary]

i knowwwwww in my heart ilya would love taking shanes last name and after they have kids referring to their family unit as hollanders. ilya turning around to the backseat like okey hollanders here is plan. we are going to be in and out of costco in thirty minutes. you may choose ONE item each. if we get separated we meet at optometrist. we will get ice creams on way out as long as everyone is cool and nobody tells dad. hollanders on three.

[ryan-sometimes]

I love how Zohran Mamdani is wearing a suit everywhere. And if he has anything else he puts it ON TOP of the suit. A basketball jersey. A high-vis vest. All worn over the suit. He’s like the mayor character in a cartoon who’s always dressed as The Mayor. If I didn’t know who he was and he biked past me in NYC I’d be like holy shit was that the mayor

[hotvampireadjacent]

Hahah

[mythmagicetc]

instead of david seeing shane and ilya making out against a window, both of shane’s parents find them wrapped around each other asleep on the couch. and they were already trying to be quiet out of respect for shane’s silent retreat, but now they’re truly speechless. until yuna breathes out an involuntary “oh,” and shane wakes up and sees them and sits up so fast he hits ilya in the face. ilya says “OW shane what the fuck?” and his nose is bleeding and shane holds his face and says “fuck i’m sorry are you okay” and yuna says “oh let me grab some ice,” and then suddenly shane is holding an ice pack wrapped in a towel to ilya’s face, still sitting in his lap, and ilya breaks the silence with a slightly muffled “hello. i am ilya.”david says, “um. two minutes for roughing?” and shane chokes out, “jesus fucking christ”

[thatshadowgastwhore]

The funniest outcome for the draft would have been Minnesota only drafting forwards and fully committing to “unstoppable force” and Boston only drafting defenders and fully committing to “immovable object”

Not a GOOD strategy for either, but the funniest