🥀BITE ME🥀

dante // he/him // 23 // follows from @makkurayami

[vampire-fucker-3000]

i need to make a proper pinned post

but until then here’s my carrd or whatever

and a funny image I like. ID in the Alt text

[kosmogrl]

I hate change, I’m scared of change, I need something big in my life to change soon or else I’ll go crazy

[knockknockitsnickels]

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

this is really resonating with the subjects

[qin-shi-huang-di]

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

I’m an emperor actually @chasingtheskyline

[qin-shi-huang-di]

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

[qin-shi-huang-di]

I AM NOT OWNED! I AM NOT OWNED!!!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN EARN THE LOVE OF MY CITIZENS!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN ADEQUATELY PREPARE MY SUCCESSOR!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN ESTABLISH A STABLE DYNASTY!

[diet-poison]

the Terracotta Army guy?

[qin-shi-huang-di]

🙄 you build ONE funerary complex with 8000 life-sized statues of soldiers, horses and generals and suddenly you’re “the terracotta army guy.” 🙄 execution.

[slimlimit]

Stumbling across this makes me feel like a dad whos walked into their kids room beer in hand and seeing them roleplay starwars fights i do not belong here but god its entertaining

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

to be clear in this scenario im the jedi and im winning

[lakevida]

the menstrual cup and menstrual scepter

[lakevida]

your majesty what is upppp

[i-am-the-oyster]

[bruzum]

[3000s]

used to think you were my bud but i got weiser

[heedra]

just watched this guy fumble two does in a row

[rickybabyboy]

rude post

[funtergeist]

i could be so powerful if i had more patience to animate……

[funtergeist]

thats exactly what i was reffering to

[freakoutgirl]

Avoidance is the worst reaction to stress. Oh this thing is giving me anxiety? And it's something I could prepare for by looking at it more or learning things about the topic? No, I will take psychological damage if I look at it directly. I will still be thinking about it and be stressed though.

[wordfather]

collecting these

[wordfather]

HOW could i forget this classic

[bookpdf]

not being productive or relaxing but a secret third thing

[underwaterfraulein]

[vampire-fucker-3000]

sorry for disappearing for half a year i got employed and forgot to log in. im still employed. happy new year vampire fucker nation

[guiltfactory-moved]

[girl9494940]

[cerastes]

"THIS ISN'T A SEX THING" I exasperatedly yell as my leitmotif and that of my mortal enemy are arranged and mixed to play as a single track during our final climatic duel.

[cerastes]

"ON MY MOTHER'S NAME, THIS ISN'T A SEX THING" I desperately howl as my nemesis and I pull off a seamless, perfectly coordinated team attack on a greater threat, with no prior training or practice, our skills and habits mingling and mixing perfectly and naturally due to our dozens of duels with each other, leading to immensely intimate familiarity with each other's martial habits, combat tendencies, and overall skillset.