Give Ilya Rozanov, Ilya Number 1 Dog Dad, Anya's Single Parent, Chronic Depression Patient, Trauma Response and Future Husband of Shane Anxious fucking Hollander-Rozanov a Service Dog!!!
A Dog who grounds him and brings him his meds on bad days. A fluffy dog lady who brings him to safe places when he starts to dissociate in public. A big ball of fluff who lies on top of him during nightmares. A playbuddy for Anya and Chiron on good days. A younger but larger sister to Anya. A golden Retriever with perfectly groomed hair and its own ribbon collection.
Thinking on writing a cute fanfiction about parental!Hollanov and their baby girl. Plot twist: She has magical powers, which she cannot control yet and chaos ensures.
Chaos like Papa!Ilya's hair grows so she can grab it, or Dad!Shane turns into a black cat for only one afternoon. Suddenly, Anya speaks in human language, Russian with a Canadian accent. Obviously. She shrinks her Papa into doll size, and Shane loses his mind over his husband's cuteness. All things comfort and fluff, before she makes a picture of Irina talk, and Ilya breaks down crying.
My take on why Shane and Ilya have such a different approach regarding their Queerness.
Shane, despite his parents' support, is more hesitant in exploring his sexuality, maybe even defining his sexuality than Ilya, who grew up with the constant fear of imprisonment. Ilya was literally abused (at least verbally). He was called homophobic slurs by his own brother every time they saw each other or spoke. Still, he is confident in his own sexuality, exploring and coping through sex while Shane spends years with women to convince himself he is attracted to them despite the fact that he clearly hates it.
That does not mean that Ilya isn't struggling to sort out his feelings. The aspect that Shane labels himself as gay in the show while Ilya paraphrases until the events of The Long Game showcases it pretty well. The biggest differences between Ilya and Shane's characters are the emotions regarding their queerness and how these are directed.
Shane is full of shame when it comes to his being gay. He tried to deny it but he is hyperaware of how much he hates sex with women. Because being gay is not an option in ice hockey, he keeps trying and he fails. He is ashamed that he cannot enjoy acting straight, and it all comes down to his lack of trying, at least he thinks so. He considers himself responsible for adapting to his surroundings so dearly that he misses how everybody around him accommodates him. His friends and family already suspect that he could be gay, but Shane doesn't know. He probably hopes they never know while they are simply too polite to talk about this sensible topic.
Ilya, on the other hand, is eaten up by his fear of being unlovable. He doesn't fear being queer, he is afraid of being rejected, imprisoned and probably worse as consequences of being outed. His struggles are an extension of his own helplessness to change his family situation. Queer sex and queer love are something Ilya craves, and his bisexuality is the cause but also helps him to hide it. He has to hide this part of himself to stay safe, so even when he wants to share it, something inside his mind is blocking the right words from coming out.
To sum up, Shane sees himself as responsible for being straight so his shame of being gay is solely directed at himself. Ilya loves being bisexual but "acting on it" could be lifethreatening and that causes his fear directed at his surroundings.
By the way... The show does an excellent job of showing what each character needs and giving it to them.
Shane's emotions are so self-destructive that he needs people to reach out to him. He needed Rose to tell him that he is gay and that it's no problem so it cannot be fixed to lower and also redirect his shame. Like a ray of sunlight that is burning in your eyes. It (sunlight) is beautiful but hurtful, unless somebody gives you sunglasses. Now those glasses reflect the hurtful rays. For the first time, you are not blinded by it, and you can see how your surroundings really looks like.
Ilya needs a stable environment so he can present himself as himself. He needs to live in a country where being bi is no crime. He needs the Hollanders to look at him and Shane with loving eyes when they kiss. He needs Svetlana to be happy for him for falling in love with a man. He is more like a baby turtle that has already hatched, but it is buried by too much sand. He cannot cradle to the sea as long as he is pressured down by it. When the sand is removed he is free.
I would also add that race and bedroom preferences play into Shane’s internalized homophobia. He’s a gay Asian bottom while Ilya is a bisexual white top. I’m not saying one is better or worse than the other, but it’s absolutely a factor in Shane’s denial.
Asian men are consistently stereotyped as being less masculine than men of other races. And if you’re gay, you’re less masculine by definition. When Shane is already getting criticized for being a hockey robot. For not being aggressive enough, not sociable enough, not white enough.
Even at 17, the announcers are talking about his “high hockey IQ”. What they’re basically saying is, “This kid is just another stereotypical Asian nerd. He just happens to be nerdy about hockey instead of chess or math.” And he gets all this shit even when everyone still thinks he’s straight!
Then, there’s the fact that Shane likes to be topped. He’s heavily involved in a homophobic subculture where saying a man takes it up the ass is the ultimate insult. Of course he’s conflicted about what he likes in bed.
I’m not saying things are worse for Shane than they are for Ilya, definitely not. I love your post! But I just wanted to add on to it.
Ilya uses the word sadness to describe his mother's depression, while his father calls him lazy for his depressive episodes. Ilya sees the emotional complexity of the illness, his father sees the economic uses. Ilya fears the possible outcome of his depression, which is always strongly connected to his mother, but his father rages about his loss of Ilya's body.
Look, I need everyone that loves Ilya Rozanov to go read “ Duty of Care” by boopboop.
It’s easily my favorite heated rivalry fanfic overall. It is such a caring and loving character study of Ilya told through other characters povs, mostly David Hollander’s. I have cried reading several chapter updates. It’s just SO good. The last update today was one with Hayden’s pov. Ahhhhhh.
My take on why Shane and Ilya have such a different approach regarding their Queerness.
Shane, despite his parents' support, is more hesitant in exploring his sexuality, maybe even defining his sexuality than Ilya, who grew up with the constant fear of imprisonment. Ilya was literally abused (at least verbally). He was called homophobic slurs by his own brother every time they saw each other or spoke. Still, he is confident in his own sexuality, exploring and coping through sex while Shane spends years with women to convince himself he is attracted to them despite the fact that he clearly hates it.
That does not mean that Ilya isn't struggling to sort out his feelings. The aspect that Shane labels himself as gay in the show while Ilya paraphrases until the events of The Long Game showcases it pretty well. The biggest differences between Ilya and Shane's characters are the emotions regarding their queerness and how these are directed.
Shane is full of shame when it comes to his being gay. He tried to deny it but he is hyperaware of how much he hates sex with women. Because being gay is not an option in ice hockey, he keeps trying and he fails. He is ashamed that he cannot enjoy acting straight, and it all comes down to his lack of trying, at least he thinks so. He considers himself responsible for adapting to his surroundings so dearly that he misses how everybody around him accommodates him. His friends and family already suspect that he could be gay, but Shane doesn't know. He probably hopes they never know while they are simply too polite to talk about this sensible topic.
Ilya, on the other hand, is eaten up by his fear of being unlovable. He doesn't fear being queer, he is afraid of being rejected, imprisoned and probably worse as consequences of being outed. His struggles are an extension of his own helplessness to change his family situation. Queer sex and queer love are something Ilya craves, and his bisexuality is the cause but also helps him to hide it. He has to hide this part of himself to stay safe, so even when he wants to share it, something inside his mind is blocking the right words from coming out.
To sum up, Shane sees himself as responsible for being straight so his shame of being gay is solely directed at himself. Ilya loves being bisexual but "acting on it" could be lifethreatening and that causes his fear directed at his surroundings.
By the way... The show does an excellent job of showing what each character needs and giving it to them.
Shane's emotions are so self-destructive that he needs people to reach out to him. He needed Rose to tell him that he is gay and that it's no problem so it cannot be fixed to lower and also redirect his shame. Like a ray of sunlight that is burning in your eyes. It (sunlight) is beautiful but hurtful, unless somebody gives you sunglasses. Now those glasses reflect the hurtful rays. For the first time, you are not blinded by it, and you can see how your surroundings really looks like.
Ilya needs a stable environment so he can present himself as himself. He needs to live in a country where being bi is no crime. He needs the Hollanders to look at him and Shane with loving eyes when they kiss. He needs Svetlana to be happy for him for falling in love with a man. He is more like a baby turtle that has already hatched, but it is buried by too much sand. He cannot cradle to the sea as long as he is pressured down by it. When the sand is removed he is free.
I am living for Ilya *visibly queer icon* Rozanov and Shane *dude who happens to be gay* Hollander.
Shane, who grew up loved by his parents unconditionally, has been undiagnosed with autism and has made his entire life about ice hockey, has never thought about being gay as an identity. He already has a clear identity: Shane Hollander, Japanese-Canadian, beloved son and the country's best ice hockey player. He already experienced discrimination so he has no desire to engage in the queer community and fight against stereotypes, that do not apply to him. Nobody clocks him as gay because his interests don't suit the hateful narrative. His interests, hobbies or personality traits have never been particularly queer, so why should he make a problem out of it? He is fine and as long as nobody harms him, he feels no need to take part in public discussion, being a role model or simply being visibly queer
Ilya, on the other hand, is a victim of domestic violence, verbal abuse and childhood trauma. He lives in a country that criminalises queerness to an extent that being queer is dangerous. He is a sensible man who was called the f-slur when he was a teenager and probably also a child. His father controlled him so much that he learned not to speak or move on his own in public. He minimised his personal expression to suit his family's view on masculinity. At the same time, Ilya accepted his queerness as a major part of his personality, because casual sex has been his coping mechanism for many years, his close friends are queer, allies or women and his interest in partying fits into queer escapism. He is hyperaware of the discrimination of the queer community because it's a major realistic fear in his life.
In the moment when Ilya's no longer in active danger of being deported, he becomes the activist for queer representation in hockey. He wears make up, nail polish, dresses himself in expensive jewellery, uses hand bags and queer lingo. He can finally show his queer side. Yuna gets crazy over all the cooperation while David gives him little words of affirmation now and then. Ilya is living his queer joy, and Shane watches him from the site. Shane is Shane, dressed in the same black suit he always wears and smiles shyly when ask any questions. A reporter asks him what he's serving today and Shane just stares blankly. Then Ilya interrupts with an accent heavy "cunt".
Everyone has gigantic beautiful brains and now these are just part of my belief system
Marleau is a vampire who has sworn a blood oath to protect Ilya in every lifetime
On that note, Ilya was Patroclus and Shane was Achilles
As Ilya becomes more comfortable being out and queer, he gets more comfortable with experimenting with makeup and jewelry (we all saw that diamond choker) and wearing heeled boots and stuff and he and Svetlana serve cunt at the clurb
Shane pays for everything, at first just because that's what he's been raised to believe is "good boyfriend behavior" and then because he learns about Ilya's family demanding money from him all the time and Shane will be DAMNED if Ilya feels that way again
Ilya buys Shane flowers
Shane fucking loves camping. It scares the hell out of city boy Ilya
Ilya knows how to charm all the small locale businesses near him and they all adore him and will slip him extra of whatever he wants
Carter Vaughn has a gaydar almost as accurate as Ilya's but he doesn't fuckin know what it is and it compels him to just become a Loud And Proud Ally around the closeted gays leading them to having a panic attack that Carter knows (he doesn't and never figures out the connection) (Ilya does and uses him like a queer metal detector)
Cliff Marleau has seven older sisters
Cliff and Hayden used to play on the same team and still text every now and then
In the omegaverse, David is the omega and Yuna is the alpha
Ilya and the Pike children love High School Musical
Luca Haas was on fandom tumblr and did run a Hollanov sideblog which he will take to his fucking grave
Ilya cannot fathom the idea that Shane and Rose had bad sex since Shane is the best sex Ilya has ever had
In his private life, Ilya goes by Ilya Hollander. It's on his packages, it's on their Christmas cards, he even got them a custom doormat that says The Hollanders on it
Hayden has to release a statement that says that he is not homophobic OR biphobic, he is Ilya Grigorivich Rozanov phobic
Yuna and David are watching every micro expression Shane makes when Yuna says "sitting next to a Swedish prince! . . . no wait a swedish princess!" to see if there's a difference to try and figure out if he's gay. All they saw was anxiety
After Ilya introduces Shane and Svetlana and Shane gets over his jealousy, they become best friends who analyze hockey together and never get bored of it and Ilya regrets it immensely (its his favorite thing ever)
Svetlana, Sasha, and Ilya have had a threesome
There's probably more but these are the ones off the top of my head.
Shane: Apparently not gay enough for all this Lady Gaga drag race rainbow cocktail carnival. I am not sure I am ready to suffer this much just to suck dicks.
Ilya: I can find us a regular sports bar with scary tattooed bikers, grab your jacket.
I love it. Ilya being cultural queer, loving queer music, drag race and queer cinema, while Shane just stand beside him like a lost puppy. His only interest/ his only comfort is hockey, while Ilya parties, sings karaoke or watches ballett and musicals.
Now, I understand why I keep on rewatching Heated Rivalry as often as I do rewatch DPS. Why both fandoms have become a place of comfort instantly.
Therefore, a big shout-out to this amazing creator @glitchgestaltgirl and her latest work.
But, let us move on. I wonder why some books, movies and series simply won't catch me, despite me finding them endearing. In the past, it always happened to be the specific kind of art projects, for the lack of a better word, the ones with layers and depth that amaze me.
But how is depth created? In my opinion, depth rises when film dears the audience to watch closely. When dialogues have a natural but not arbitrary nature. When movie dialogues hide feeling and meaning in simple words through timing, glances and movement, which eliminates the sin of speaking exactly what you think. Let the figures talk so I forget it is an actor, and let a movie or series be more than a documentary. Please creat an narrative atmosphere and not only a cool visual theme. It is breathtaking how the change of seasons has become a foreshadowing indicator for the change of tone in DPS. Let alone Heated Rivalry, it is crazy. This series show so mutch connection through different camera angles. It plays with the story on top of this amazing acting, which brings me to my last point. Dear (future) directors, I beg you to cast support more young actors, who have talent and ambitions. Actors who are able to understand the character. Please, let the actors take part in the character development process. I cannot quite pinpoint it, but, seeing someone be so incredibly good in their first main role, someone new, whom we don't know what to expect of, is deeply fascinating. For me, there is no better prove of talent, when RSL and Connor Storrie are known for their first main role.
I also question myself, why depth is so important to me. One of my classmates in the teaching literature class at university was totally flabbergasted as to why we should analyse literature and movies in small parts, focus on specific aspects, and spend time discussing them. My unwanted answer; That, the detailed analysis, is what makes us fall in love with art. Being able to talk about and create theories. Spending time sinking into one piece of art. That is one of the best feelings, that I can imagine, and having this feeling is only possible when the art has that creative richness.
That is the reason why consider DPS and Heated Rivalry as comfort. I can get lost talking and thinking about both. I can feel this deep appreciation of other people creating instead of destroying.
Maybe, in the end, Mike simply got what he deserved, even if it means, losing his dreams and living in his parents' basement.
He changed from being the leader of the party into an unsociable prick. Since Season 3, he has become more and more self-centred. He was ignoring his friends, especially Will. He is totally oblivious towards his friends’ feelings. In Season 4 he is an absolute hypocrite, who blames his friends for moving on and finding themselves (Lucas and his basketball games), while he plays the same games as always. Games, he was mad at Will for still liking it a year ago. He doesn't visit Max at the hospital or accompany Dustin while he is grieving. He lies to his girlfriend. A sweet, traumatised girl whom he glorified.
Something happened when puberty hit him; He never learned to accept change. He never understood how important it is to grow. Maybe it was the sudden vanishing of his best friend, and he was feeling completely helpless. Maybe he felt pressure as the party's leader. He probably needed help back then. More than an emotionally absent father or his there-are-no-problems-mother. Maybe he was getting by too easily. Yeah, he was also bullied as he was a nerd, but they didn't hurt him because of his disability, his sexuality as well as his trauma or his ethnicity.
I know it is cruel, and these are only a few theories I have. But to be honest, as someone who works with teenagers part-time and who studies to become a high school teacher, his ending kinda feels natural. A lot of promising teenagers fall into a big hole after high school because they don't know how to let themselves develop or how to cope with misfortune. The harsh truth is that they have to work hard to make up for that, but only a few can. They are simply not ready for the real world which is perfectly shown in Mike.
hey mike wheeler, how does it feel to never grow up and play games in your basement for the rest of your life while your other friends move on and find happiness?
I'm rapidly slipping into the Stranger Things fandom. I have never watched any episodes before. But last week, I singlehandedly binged the first four seasons. Only two episodes and the final season are left, and fucking Mike Wheeler is annoying me to the core.
People, will that change yet, or did Mike simply become a moron in season 3?
Despite that, I love the character dynamics so much. Jonathan being a protective older brother is 🥰. The entire friendship between Steve and Robin, Max and El and the Byers siblings is lovely. I just wish we got more scenes between Dustin, Lucas, and Will, because they should be way closer than they are shown, in my opinion. Also, I feel robbed of Madwise. In general, it would be so endearing to see Will being one of the girls. Not in a homophobic my gay best friend way but in a we share the same trauma and love art, fashion and gossip way. Please, give me less Wheeler and more cute being a young adult friend group living in the same dorm and being supportive of each other.
“Phillip, you’ll do amazing, sweetheart. Please don’t worry so much, everything is going to be alright, dear.”
Janet spoke softly, cuddling the dark-haired pianist in her arms. Phillip was shaking; his wrist and fingers were stiff, exacerbating his anxiety of fumbling through his performance. The dark bags under his eyes showcase several sleepless nights, and his pale complexion seems fairly sickly. It would be an underestimation to say that Janet was worried. She knows about her friend’s neurotic problems and how easily he could be disturbed by things. With a last word of comfort, she loosened her hug. A young man with blond hair immediately took Phillips' side, leading him to a nearby chair and talking to his comrade carefully. His name is Kenneth, the mysterious gentleman Janet started dating a few months ago and with whom she is in love. He is a fine man with a tenderhearted demeanour, clever and with the best intentions. Kenneth complements Janet's wittiness, and his calm energy matches well with her passion. As no surprise, he was easy to be around with and befriended Phillip in no time. They figure out that they went to the same boarding school, but due to their small age difference of two years never met in class. Their only connection back then was due to Brandon’s parties, which was information the blond kept secret from his new friend. Janet and Phillip told him in private about the reason why the pianist shares not only a flat but also a bet with the arrogant banker, which left Kenneth confused. Don’t get him wrong, he couldn’t care less about two men living and loving the way a man and a woman do, it merely disturbed him how a sensitive artist such as Phillip could willingly spend time and even fall in love with this egocentric snob. He held a grudge against Brandon since the first time they had met, but Kenneth didn’t dare to tell Phillip yet.
Now, Janet and Kenneth’s main focus was comforting their friend and reassuring him so that he was able to play at his own concert while their friend’s boyfriend was elsewhere. Janet felt her blood boiling thinking about Brandon and the past week. It was a tumultuous time that started with a call from Phillip’s uncle telling him that his beloved aunt had fallen and broken her leg. Being so close to his next concert, he couldn’t visit his family. He felt fear and guilt ever since, leaving him restless at night. Then he had a fight with Brandon about which context he had forgotten. He bet it was something stupid as always, but their interaction kept strained, and they would not talk with each other for four days in a row. And last but not least, he had hurt his shoulder last night, so it tingled painfully while playing. Phillip has every right to be upset, Janet thought. A quick look at her watch tells her that it is almost time for Phillip, and she gets even angrier that Brandon still hasn’t come and probably wouldn’t come any time soon. Then Phillip and Kenneth came toward her, Phillip being more stable even though his hand kept trembling slightly.
"You're ready?”
“I’m ready. Thank you.”
She had given him a small peek before he left the room. Kenneth took her hand, kissed her on the lip and then they followed Phillip to gather their front row seats before the show started.
The crowd watched in silence when Phillip hit the last note. Janet let loose of a breath she had held far too long. It appeared to her as if Phillip’s emotional perfomnace has cast a spell on her and the audience, which only broke when the last key vibrated. Then all the people started applauding, some were cheering, and others started whispering with their neighbours. It wasn’t a perfect performance as her friend made one or two minor mistakes, but to her, the relieved smile on Phillip’s dry lips compensates for every slip-up. She glanced beside her and the pleasant expression on her Boyfriend’s face told her that Kenneth felt the same. They are so proud that strangers could easily confuse them with the pianist’s parents. Therefore, it was even stranger that Brandon seemed disappointed, right out of the gate, furious. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one to notice because Phillip left the stage surprisingly early and didn’t return for the final cheer from his audience. When the light went on, and the people started shifting in their seats, she grabbed Kenneth’s hand and rushed out of the concert hall, headed to backstage.
They found him leaning on the wall in the same room and at the same place where he had panicked before his performance. He was sweating, and his legs were shivering so hard that Kenneth feared his friend might collapse soon. The pianist’s breathing was rushed and rough, and his eyes were clouded, so he didn’t even notice his friends storming in. His pale complexion scared Janet. She tried to talk to him, to calm him down and to reassure him, but her attempts failed poorly. By now, Phillip was on the edge of losing his consciousness, so Kenneth helped the pianist to lie down. He grabbed the younger man’s arm to stabilise him, and then he led the trembling figure to the ground floor. If Phillip lost his consciousness, at least he would not hurt himself further. Janet and Kenneth accompanied him; she was kneeling beside him with enough distance Phillip needed, but she was still close enough that Phillip heard her soft voice. While Janet was whispering words of comfort, Kenneth had loosened Phillip’s tuxedo and was now holding on to his legs, which he had arranged in a secure way. The dark-haired musician began to slowly but steadily calm down when Brand burst into the room. His eyes were narrow in anger, and his lip was twitching violently. On top of his lungs, he screamed.
“Do you want to embarrass me in front of my friends? I told them how amazing you were, but you couldn’t even practice enough to not make one mistake after another. What did you even do the whole day? You certainly aren’t practising enough if that is your best you can do.”
“Stop it! Leave him alone, Brandon.”
Janet interrupted her ex-boyfriend. She was horrified by his selfish behaviour, especially considering Phillip’s current state. Why would anybody act this way toward their significant other when the latter was obviously hurting and clearly in need of support? Brandon just didn’t seem to care. The banker continued. Now, he was undoubtedly louder than before, and his words were cruel and outright evil. Brandon stood over his boyfriend, attacking him, and Philip fell deeper into the black hole called a panic attack than before. He mumbled some half-conscious apologies, but Brandon persisted. Before any other word would leave Brandon’s mouth, Kenneth screamed back. His voice is so dominant that Janet and Brandon started with fright.
“She told you to leave him alone, Brandon. So go away. Don’t you see he is not doing well?”
For the first time this week, Brandon took an honest look at his boyfriend. He saw the dazed eyes and the dark circles underneath. He noticed the wet stains all over Phillip’s clothes, which appeared to be almost one size too big for the musician, though Brandon could swear they fitted him perfectly two months ago. Brandon hissed, and before he left the room, he made an unequivocal comment.
“Pathetic! Do not come home tonight.”
Brandon was gone, but Janet and Kenneth stayed on Phillip’s side. They helped him through his panic attack. When he finally outlasted the dizzy spells and the tight feeling in his chest had vanished, they helped him into the car. He would stay in their spare room for tonight and nex days if he wished to. He wasn’t welcome in his and Brandon’s shared apartment anymore. And if Janet was truthful to her friend, she would eventually confess that she wouldn’t want Phillip to stay there anymore. The thought of Phillip going back to Brandon, especially after today's incident, scared her to death
Phillip's panic attack is inspired by my own experiences. I used to get so anxious that I would lie down. I simply could not stand any more, and the dizzy spells were the first sign of losing consciousness.
