To newly discovered systems who are still questioning everything:
(Here's basically everything we wish we knew up front).
- However many alters your system has is fine. You don't have too many. You'll probably realize you have more than you originally thought as time goes on.
- It's really normal to have nonhuman alters.
- It's really normal to have fictives.
- Not every alter needs to fit into a specific obvious role. A lot of alters will probably fill more than one role in your system.
- Being the host doesn't mean you're the "real" person and they're YOUR alters.
- Being an alter doesn't mean you're not the "real" person. Everyone, even the host, is an alter too.
- Persecutors aren't evil and if you treat them like that, they'll just get more problematic.
- However often you switch is normal. If you switch multiple times an hour, great. If you don't switch for weeks on end, also great. That's how your system works and it's fine.
- Age is weird in systems. You can have adult alters who lack the maturity and ability to function like other adults. You can have littles who are able to make complex decisions. Don't assume what an alter is capable of based on their age without actually getting to know them.
- 99% of the time there's no benefit in having a formal diagnosis beyond validating YOU. A trauma and dissociation oriented therapist can help treat your symptoms without making a formal dx. In fact, you might be better off without having that dx on paper.
- You don't owe anyone proof that you're not faking it.
- Thinking that you're faking it is extremely common. If you have to worry about that, you're not faking it. You'd have to make the intentional, conscious decision to fake it.
- Not knowing who you are is common. Blurring together/ passive influence is really common.
- You can split again simply out of necessity; you don't always have to go through a new traumatic event to split.
- CSA isn't the only type of trauma that can result in DID. Any type of ongoing trauma in childhood can cause DID.
- "Is it normal if _____?" Probably. The experience of being/ having a system is incredible subjective and varied.
- There's a good chance your inner world is more or less a vivid daydream. It doesn't have to be like a literal place you "go" when you're not fronting. If it is, cool, but it doesn't have to be.
- Some systems have to intentionally create their inner world to aid in communication. Not everybody just has one automatically.
- At the end of the day, you are one person. In the long run it'll benefit you to remember that and not over-focus on all your differences because that can increase dissociative barriers among other things.
- You are collectively responsible for each other's actions and need to learn to work as a team, as much as you can.
- Yes switching during dreams is a thing.
- In-system relationships between alters is a thing and it's not weird. It's common.
- If you can't track down when and how everyone in your system split that's normal.
- You don't all have to be super distinct to be valid. It's normal for alters to have a lot in common/ to have overlapping traits. Again, you're all part of the same person.
- Alters having a different accent internally but not using it externally is a thing.
- Substances will affect switching and internal communication.
- If you all just use your physical birthday and don't celebrate individually that's fine. If some or all of you celebrate different birthdays/ significant dates that's fine.
- Sharing a romantic/ sexual relationship with a partner is fine and normal, but you also don't have to. However, you should work towards everyone in the system having some kind of positive relationship with your partner because it'll make things way easier.
- You don't owe it to anyone to tell who's fronting.
- If you don't even know who's fronting that's fine. It's normal to not always know.
- If your switches aren't obvious to anyone outside of you and you don't all act super different, that's normal. It's a covert disorder.
- Alters intentionally doing things to give themselves a sense of individuality is normal. Sometimes it's a coping mechanism. If you do things like develop your own handwriting on purpose, that doesn't mean you're faking.
- Dissociative amnesia can happen without switching. Sometimes it's all 100% you and your memory can still be crap.
-not everyone HAS a host. “Host” often means the most common fronter, whoever identifies with the body, or both, but you don’t need to have someone fill that role.
-“you need extreme trauma to have DID” is true but misleading. If you went through something relatively continuous/repetitive/ongoing, that overwhelmed your ability to cope, and you had nobody you could truly rely on to comfort you through this, before the age of 9 or a little younger, so you dissociated to cope, that was enough.
-memory works weirdly and differently in every system so don’t stress about how memory is “meant” to work. You might forget what you did but remember what other alters did. You probably won’t blackout, but you might. Whatever your thing is it’s probably normal.
-thinking of yourself as one person can feel viscerally wrong, and what “person” means is debatable, so it might help to instead think of yourselves as living one life. You share a life with other alters, hence why you’re responsible for them and vice versa.
-you can tell people and they might not recognise alters still. It’s normal.
-no matter how different you act other people will still probably not notice. You’re not faking, it’s just that 99% of people only look at your body/face to tell who you are and don’t look much beyond that at your personality.
-even if nobody believes you that doesn’t mean youre faking. People hate believing in DID for some reason.
-not remembering you did something is not an excuse for doing it. You are still responsible for your alters actions.
-alters change over time, just like real people! Someone not acting like how they used to doesn’t mean you’re faking.
-“rediscovering” trauma is normal. Don’t force memories, but it’s normal to remember things you didn’t use to remember
-you will probably obsess over these things when you find out but eventually it'll feel more "normal" and take up less mental energy to think about
