i'm ironic

21. Miami/Tallahassee

[victoria-stfu]

When I ask “Really?!?” Paul Downs Colaizzo answers “Really Really”

Not only has Paul Downs Colaizzo absolutely tarnished one of my favorite parts from Shrek (link to the scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyInzS2C7to ) but, he has almost made me lose all hope for my craft and chosen livelihood. “Really Really” is really a complete and total shit storm of a show. It is sexist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, ableist, body shaming, victim blaming, slut shaming, slur riddled, toxic, insensitive, classist, unrealistic trauma porn! Colaizzo writes drama for drama’s sake but it is hard to believe he has a degree from New York University considering the garbled mess he produced in 2012. I guess people back then did not give a shit about… well, anyone. From my research there has only been a handful, probably less, of reviews criticizing this absolute trash script. Just reading it made me fuming and embarrassed, I cannot imagine watching it.

On top of the show being so offensive my non-existing grandchildren are already offended, Colaizzo’s writing is underdeveloped to say the least. There is not one redeemable character and if that was supposed to be a commentary, it does not translate. If this is what Colaizzo thinks millennials are really like, I don’t think he’s ever actually met one. All of the professional productions I have come across in my research have featured almost completely white casts. Even if this show lent itself to having people of color, that wouldn’t be acceptable either. Seeing as there is so little POC representation on stage, if there were to be a POC Cooper, Johnson, Davis, Haley, Leigh, Grace, or Jimmy, it would just be yet another show demonizing their races. This show also does not have any theatrical value as it does not provide 1) challenging or compelling roles for actors to portray or directors to guide, 2) interesting or worthwhile costume designs for costume designers to clothe the actors in, nor 3) surprising or meaningful set pieces or characters for designers to light and dress etc. There is nothing rectifiable about this show. I would not use this script to even wipe my worst enemy’s ass hole.

The circumstances the playwright outlines are unrealistic and unsettling. The fact that Grace describes the successful members of “Generation Me” are “The ones who refuse to take no for an answer,” is assuming white people are actually denied opportunities and that everyone has the opportunity to even respond to the “no’s”. There is no mention of the discrepancy between white people and POC when it comes to success. There is no talk of the gap between men and all other genders in the pursuit of accomplishment- monetary and otherwise. THERE IS NO ACTUAL COMMENTARY BEING MADE AT ALL. There is no understanding of how Leigh and Haley are paying for college since they are coming from a seemingly poor or at least toxic family. Colaizzo could have made her childhood a motivation for her to seek justice and have her be seen as a heroine who surmounted her obstacles. Even that wouldn’t have been a great example of a female character because it makes it seem that you have to beat women down so they can rise above or that women can only be strong after they have suffered and that we are not innately powerful. BUT it would have been better than this boy cried wolf and then gets raped when the wolf actual comes scenario. This is not a topic to be ambiguous about. It blurs the lines drawing out who is the victim which is not appropriate when it comes to rape! Not now, not in 2012, not ever. So what is the fucking point? “Really Really” is just a gross display of human savagery that is not real and is in reality really fucked up.  

This play is triggering beyond belief! And I am surprised that there is no warning or indication of the detailed rape scene before you start reading the script—Mistake #1. To make it easy, I have compiled a chart of all of the problematic lines and instances in this show and what I argue to be problematic about them. I have categorized them by offense but there are debatably more and some of them could work on multiple levels. Please reply if you disagree so we can have a discussion about it. UNLESS you’re an ignorant douchebag who wants to fight me on this, then go fuck yourself. Thank you!! Enjoy!

Sexism

Johnson: You are totes pussy jel

Cooper: …you fucking girl!

Cooper: You cunt!

Johnson: Pussy Jel

Cooper: …she was probably the man in the sack anyway.  

Cooper: … Jim is a pansy.

Jimmy: Uh- she’s a bitch

Cooper: DAVIS YOU PUSSY… MILF

Cooper: …cunt licker.

Jimmy: I don’t know what factory those women pop out of…

Jimmy: …which bitch got nailed…Why are you guys pussying out on me?

Jimmy: …I want to hear it straight from the whore’s mouth.

Jimmy:… I guess you can’t teach a poor dog new tricks.

Davis: Bitch.

Homophobia

Cooper: …Didn’t suck a dick somewhere in the in-between

Cooper: Johnson I am going to plug your ass with blades so we can all  identify the dudes you are fucking!

Cooper: On pink paper with flowers.

Davis: …Can I say something that sounds gay?

Davis: You’re a girl

Cooper: Hey- you said some pretty gay shit to me earlier about  wanting to be touched and a new space up your ass.

Cooper:  Something with a ball.  Johnson loves balls.

Cooper: …Is it dark in that closet?

Transphobia

Grace: …I won’t fully believe in equal rights until I see a man in a  business skirt and heels…

Racism/Classism

Grace: This is covered like a Muslim woman…

Cooper: You’re rich. You’re white. You shouldn’t have a problem.

Ableism

Leigh: Oh my god- you’re immobile. You’re handicapped now. You could  probably get affirmative action points for that thing…

Body Shaming

Cooper: She’s fat

Johnson: She’s hot fat

Cooper: … your tiny dick

Johnson:  I know. She couldn’t  feel a thing…

Cooper: …a gorilla named Natalie.

Victim Blaming/ Rape apology

Haley: It will always be the same, won’t it? Everything works out for  you. You play tag with Daniel Decker and you get a good meal on the table.  You lie to Jimmy about being pregnant so the fool will stay with you and then  you are lucky enough to get raped. Everything falls right into your lap.

Grace: Well you can’t expect me to stand with you on this.

Grace:… You want to start throwing around accusations though and I  will raise my hand with questions.

Grace: You just don’t even think about what position you’re putting  me in, do you?

Grace: I just want you to spread them wider next time. Maybe that way  the whole team can fit in.

Grace:… You know, if you’re telling the truth about all of this- I  hope it hurt.

Davis: Do you understand what you are doing to me? To my life?

Slut Shaming

Cooper: …That’s what normally happens when you’re the thousandth  customer.

Cooper: …The next step is to get you to sleep with a girl who is  cleaner than E.Coli.

Slurs

Haley: … I’m a gypsy. A freakin’ gypsy,

Toxic Depictions

Jimmy: …after you and I move in together, you know you’re going to  have to stop being friends with her.

Jimmy: …that girl is not welcome in any space I pay for.

Jimmy: Sacrifices… I came home a day early to be with you.

Leigh: …I really thought you were going to save me…

Davis: I’ll fucking punch her out.

Cooper: It doesn’t matter if I do or not. I’m your friend no matter  what.

Haley:… And I’ll be here to help you with your convenient tragedy.

Haley: No no. Just ‘cause you got raped doesn’t mean that’s all that’s  happening in the world…

Haley:… this ended up being a good thing.

Haley: … This guy. The defendant. Is he hot?

Haley: We need to lock this up and shut this down, Leigh. If Jimmy  leaves you, I’ll have no way to make Rico feel bad about himself. And then  how else am I supposed to get things?

Haley:  I’m either for you or  against you…

Jimmy: You’re fine. We play for the same team.

Leigh: … This whole fucked up thing- is a blessing.

Insensitivity

Cooper: So- spill it- did you make her scream like she didn’t want  it?

Cooper: Johnson, I fucked your mother.

Cooper: …Did you fuck her eyes out of something?

Jimmy: … You like that? You like it rough? I can play rough.

Davis: I see nothing but a loser. Now and forever. Trash.

Unrealistic

Grace: …fell over my slutty heels…

Johnson: Pussy jel. Pussy jel.

Grace: … that secret weapon of ours- healthy selfishness…

Trauma Porn

Davis takes Cooper by the  collar and shoves him against the wall, pinning him.

Davis takes Grace’s frying pan  and swings it at Haley’s bottle of wine, smashing it against the wall. He  turns back to her and looks at her with silent strength and power.

Davis grabs Leigh by the  throat. She struggles before Davis throws her onto the couch. She tries to  get away, reaching for the door over the couch.

Davis grabs her. They struggle  before Davis gets ahold of her and lies on top of her. Davis lifts up her  skirt and pulls down her underwear.

[buzzfeed]

Here Are 28 Things Millennials Are Killing In Cold Blood

[betterbemeta]

no mercy run

[itchycoil]

[yohunny]

And they say the millennial generation is lazy and entitled.

Here’s a secret: it’s not OUR JOB to adapt to the market. It’s not OUR JOB to buy napkins and golf clubs and drive to the mall on the other side of town to make sure it doesn’t go out of business.

Did previous generations kill the horse and wagons after the car was invited? Did those lazy citizens kill the town crier by buying into that newfangled newspaper business?

What people want and are ready to spend their money on will change over time. Today we have different goals and different standards - like I will invite my friends over for dinner and instead of napkins I’ll put a roll of paper towels on the table. And my friends won’t clutch their pearls and hiss “you uncultured swine” at me, because we value that paper towels are cheap and efficient! Napkins may be pretty but some of them end up being unused, and I’ll have to throw them away after the dinner and it’s a fucking waste.

Did your mall end up as an empty husk outside of town because those pesky millennials buy all their clothes online now? You lucky son of a gun. Now you get to use your ~*IMAGINATION*~ and repurpose that ugly windowless box into something actually useful. Why not a nice office space? (x)

Or how about you make the old stores into cute micro apartments? I WOULD LOVE TO LIVE IN ONE OF THESE! (x)

Are the stores fine but the parking lot empty because those cheap hipsters would rather take a bus or bike to the mall instead of buying a car like regular people? Do like they did in Seattle and turn it into a fucking beautiful water treatment facility and park. (x)

This thing collects storm-water runoff to create and provide nutrients to small pools and green areas. It works like a natural creek that ALSO filters out pollutants that would damage the salmon population! AS A MILLENNIAL I CAN SAY THAT THIS IS SO FUCKING UP MY ALLEY YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I WOULD GO TO THAT MALL, BUY A COFFEE AND GO OUT TO LOOK AT THE BIRDS.

Actual fucking plovers. When was the last time a parking lot did something for the environment except gathering upp more roadkill for the scavengers?

I could also go into why no-one is watching shitty sitcoms or boring movies because we have access to so much media that we can filter out the generic stuff that doesn’t appeal to us, but that is an essay in itself. We are extremely capable on spending it on media that speaks to us though (hey this is unrelated but did you know that Wonder Woman has passed 570M$ worldwide?)

TLDR: Market powers are entitled and used to people spending an ever-increasing amount of money on their shitty products. When this trend turns they are too unimaginative and lazy to do something about it so instead they’ll whine about how their former customers are “killing” them.

They can either DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT or spend the rest of their days crying into their surplus napkins.

[redcandle17]

Yes.

Also, the idolized lifestyle of the 1950s-2000s was unsustainable. The bubble burst, and my generation inherited a ruined world whose elders refuse acknowledge that their prosperity came at our expense. 

[francisfordfiesta-deactivated20]

“we almost dated” is such a weird relationship to have with someone

[whomst-the-fck-asked]

Plus the sequel “we never got closure”

And then the side adaptation “as a result I have a weird crush that never died”

[tastefullyoffensive]

View this post on Instagram

When you’re a big baby and don’t care who knows it. (via axeeel)

[just-shower-thoughts]

Google should take satellite images today of everyone looking up at the Eclipse and add them to Google Maps ‘Satellite’ view

[emomemekook]

If you ever feel unprepared for an exam just know that I went into my English Literature exam without reading any of the books and my only knowledge of Frankenstein was the Phineas and Ferb episode about it and I passed.

[brainstatic]

A look back on the times Republicans said Obama was disgracing the dignity of the presidency. 

[bioandroid]

This is incredible

[triss19]

This is for all y’all who don’t understand how terrifying these suckers are. 

OHMYGOD IT’S ATTACKING THE STATUE OF LIBERTY SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING

[loremerchant]

I know just the man for the job.

[whomthegodswoulddestroy]

This is a good joke. This is such a solid, quality joke.

[prehistoricsilverfish]

@explainingthejoke ?

[explainingthejoke]

The initial image is a size comparison between the statue of liberty and a wind turbine. The wind turbine is over ninety feet (about 28 meters) taller.

A commenter pretended to misinterpret the image as one of a wind turbine attacking the statue of liberty. The next commenter answered with an image of Don Quixote, a literary character who once thought a windmill was a monster and announced his plans to fight it. They are joking that if a wind turbine attacked the statue of liberty, Don Quixote would be willing to fight the wind turbine.

Incidentally, that scene led to the English idiom “tilting at windmills,” meaning a person who has not only disproportionate reactions of anger, but disproportionate reactions of anger to nonexistent challenges.

[jenroses]

So all those people who are fighting to preserve coal jobs and the fossil fuel economy are….

actually…

tilting at windmills.

[kingatticus]

I feel like this is one of the very few times where explaining the joke leads to another one that everyone can now understand and laugh at

[ayyoo-river]

[arewehavingpunyet]

I ain’t afraid of no goats.

[indirispeaks]

I am suspicious of the pineapple though.

[mtvshrek-blog]

when you click on a link and it opens in the same tab

[keepingitinarticulate]

[lord-kitschener]

#me as a historian

[boyhikes-deactivated20190227]

THIS WOMAN LOL

[pearlsasinger-deactivated202602]

positivity post for men

• why are you evil

[bi-villain]

[so-doggone-funny]

this is one of the greatest jokes this show has ever landed

[soupshark]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[thisismyplacetobe-deactivated20]

A ‘Ring of Fire’ solar eclipse is a rare phenomenon that occurs when the moon’s orbit is at its apogee: the part of its orbit farthest away from the Earth. Because the moon is so far away, it seems smaller than normal to the human eye. The result is that the moon doesn't entirely block out our view of the sun, but leaves an “annulus,” or ring of sunlight glowing around it. Hence the term  “annular” eclipse rather than a “total” eclipse.