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28, loving life 🌼

[godbirdart]

unfortunately this whole "sit and be bored so your brain can have a minute to process the shit you've been leaving in the background" thing means I periodically get slapped with closure on old wounds and I know it's good and necessary but damn this shit sucks!!!

[party-cat-anthem]

accidentally running over a vampire with my car because they didnt show up on the backup camera

[pyrrhiccomedy]

I pulled my sister in law for the family holiday gift swap this year and I'm vibrating with excitement. I've been wanting to get her for years. she's the most basic woman I've ever met and I mean that with admiration that borders on fear. Her house is full of inspirational quotes in cursive. Her bathroom has a "Lashes Long Coffee Strong" poster and she doesn't even drink coffee. Her makeup is Did. Her hair is Did. She is fashionably tipsy at every occasion. She sells bougie wine for a living and brings a hair curler with her on vacation. She is the maximalist luxury target consumer for literally everything. I am obsessed with her the way a gay man is obsessed with Liza Minelli. I would buy her a pink rhinestone car with lashes on the headlights if it wasn't a bit outside the secret santa spending limit.

Ideas I've had so far:

A gold plated wine opener with her name engraved on it

some kind of classy-but-cunty Christmas decor. Something chi-chi and sparkly that's giving "oh, it's Christmas, bitch"

one of those instax mini cameras in a color like "blossom pink" because you know this diva scrapbooks

those little bone china Tiffany's cups that are made to look like cheap disposable paper cups but they're Tiffany blue and they say "Tiffany's" on them (because you know this diva is obsessed with Tiffany's)

a Swarovski birthstone bracelet because you know this diva actually gives a shit about her birthstone

I hope none of this comes off as sarcastic because if my kidneys were gold and made by Louis Vuitton I'd give her one of those. This woman is delightful and friendly and warm and organizes the family photo with an air of command fit for a British naval commodore. She is more self-actualized than me, she is happier than me, her chi is clean, and she still talks about her quinceañera. Her wedding was "Tuscan-themed." How do I please this perfect angel. What should be my tribute

[villaincousland]

the thing about mothers in fiction is that a lot of fandoms seem to be under the impression that the worst thing a woman can possibly do is be a bad mother. like they can forgive deadbeat dads easily but the moment a woman is a bad or even mediocre mother she's the devil incarnate to them. and then you're like "i like her and i think she's interesting" and they immediately go "oh so you think it's okay to be a bad mother (which is the most evil thing a woman can be)". and don't even get me started on how they react to female characters who are bad stepmothers

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[asteroidtroglodyte]

I do enjoy a good visual gag, and an old favorite of mine is “there is Math on a Board in the background that contextually makes no sense.” This broadly comes in 3 flavors I enjoy:

• the board is in front of a classroom, and the Math is waaay too advanced for whatever level of pupil these kids are supposed to be; like having the calculus integral in front of kindergartners, or relativistic physics in front of high schoolers.

• the board is in front of Criminals, who are Planning Something, and by all rights there ought to be no Math there to begin with. Like. You’re planning a Heist why do you have the Full Lagrangian on there. Are we taking a rocket to the bank.

• the characters are super-genius science fiction people. The Math is “Pi≈3.24” with an unlabeled pie chart.

[siorca]

this is so fucking funny I love sharks

[dr-falcon-fox-and-coyote]

“There’s a little bitch under this rock I will eat it for you…if you get it for me.”

[psych-is-the-name]

[irate-iguana]

I love it when a classicist has clearly gotten so lost in the BCE sauce that their perception of time has become deeply warped. Case in point: the article I’m currently reading just described the Byzantine era as “a period relatively modern.”

[mockiatoh]

Stop that’s too funny

[o-craven-canto]

objectively, they're right

[the-big-mood]

[baddywronglegs]

We're gonna have a hard time convincing future generations the phrase "Trumped-up charges" is etymologically unrelated.

[larkandkatydid]

New local scandal is an old woman who will walk down to her mailbox in her robe, then, when no cars are driving by, lay down next to her mailbox as if she’s fallen or been hit by a car. Tourists will stop, help her up, and walk her to her house. Then, after they leave, she’ll repeat this until she’s bored with it.

Her neighbors have called the cops a bunch but have been told that it’s not illegal to fake being an old lady in peril so soft-hearted tourists or newcomers are nice to you. One of the neighbors sometimes yells “oh, get up, Lois!” at her. But overall local sentiment is that this is at least somewhat enviable levels of not giving a fuck.

[elbiotipo]

we don't hate J.J. Abrams enough

[elbiotipo]

Branson Reese, whoever you are, I keep your words in my heart all the time.

[kaijuerotica]

"branson reese, whoever you are" put some respect on the smooth sharks one fear man's name

[hobbular]

Friend of mine was submitting a job application and discovered that they REQUIRED a photo:

We’re trying to decide which of these is a better option:

or

[nowlander]

[starcut-sand]

u know there's really something fascinating to me about SIX the musical re: the concept of "freeing" someone or being able to change their identity in some substantial way based on how you remember them after they're gone.

Like, the whole concept of the show is that the six wives of Henry VIII are back and they're a girl group now, right? This is never really... explained. It's the nature of the show that it's never explained. They can talk about how they died onstage, but they don't really explain how they came back or why they're a girl group now or whatever.

Until you get to the song SIX. And it's like a weird... catch-22 paradoxical thing, but it clicks into place, right? This is the explanation. This song, where they make up fantasy versions of what their lives would be like if they had happy endings, culminates in them coming together as a girl band. This is the timeline we've been in for the whole show: the one where none of them had anything to do with Henry, and instead found their freedom through music, where they became a girl group instead of queens.

They, like, speak themselves into existence, basically? In the remix part of "I Don't Need Your Love," they literally say "It's not what went down in history, but tonight I'm singing this for me." It's like a... like this concept of... they reclaimed their story so hard that they created a new reality, one where they're all safe and happy in the modern world. And it doesn't make any sense, because on some level they know it's not true. They know that they only have this version of themselves for as long as they're onstage--they even say near the end, "for five more minutes, we're SIX." The magic of bringing fantasy to reality only lasts for as long as you're telling the story, and then reality comes back.

I don't know, I don't have anything coherent about this. But it's really interesting to me. It comes across as very reminiscent of Beowulf, to me, in that kind of matryoshka doll effect of preserving a story being the only way to honor and remember someone. As long as we remember that the Six Queens were real people and not just Henry VIII's accessories, that part of them still, like, exists. Idk? But it's super interesting to me.

[ndnbutch]

but if I were to say that I don’t think vampires inherently and universally represent queerness and that if that’s the only way you engage with any story containing a vampire then a lot of very important messages are going to go straight over your head? i would be killed to death.

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

imagine you had a friend who constantly made jokes at the expense of something you loved. they're never funny, but they seem to expect you to laugh even though the punchline is just, "this thing you love sucks ass". it's not even really a joke, there's nothing funny about it, you can tell that they genuinely actually believe it. but they insist it's just a joke!

no matter what the situation is, they're always bringing the social interaction to a screeching halt with these jokes. nobody ever wants to participate in this joke with them. nobody agrees with the premise. nobody ever knows what to say afterwards, it's just an awkward moment and a subject change. but they just keep doing it.

you have to stop with the self-deprecatory "humor", it's not fun for anyone including you.