Feeling a little silly so I decided to make a post about how you can tell where tourists to NYC are from originally. This is obviously a bunch of generalizations and are meant to be fun, not mean or judgy.
Germany/Denmark/Netherlands/Scandinavia: 10/10
- immaculately dressed and never wearing sneakers. Also youâre about a foot to a foot and a half taller than most NYers. (Thatâs 30cm-45cm taller for the rest of the world). Every time I see a well dressed person towering over the crowd, they end up being from one of the above countries. You also Respect the Train. This is special and I love you guys for that. I mainly see you guys not eating and carefully studying subway maps.
- you look like youâre having zero fun. Every time Iâve ever seen an absolutely miserable looking group of tourists and stuck around to listen I hear a UK accent. I think your faces are just like that. Iâm sure from your perspective we look like grinning idiots. You all are also super good at NY etiquette. No notes, you guys have flawless manners while looking like you are on holiday at gunpoint.
- you guys canât seem to wait to tell us youâre Irish/Australian and I believe this is because you consider Americans to be part of the entertainment. I now know sharing your nationality is a game to see how stupid the given American is and you are baiting us to see how dumb a thing we will say about your country. The biggest difference is Australians ask like đ and the Irish ask like đ«„. I hope you enjoy sharing your story that inevitably begins with âso this dumb fuck American saidâ
Canada/New Zealand: 10/10
-Said with quiet embarrassment âOh excuse me! If I could just squeeze in⊠sorry! Oops didnât mean to bump you there. Sorry!â
You donât have to take every pamphlet ad you get handed. But thank you for not just throwing them on the ground and politely waiting to find a trash can. Youâre never getting on the subway at peak times unless youâre willing to push at least one person over. Sometimes that person is me and thatâs okay. Itâs okay. You have to push through sometimes.
- the exact opposite energy of the UK tourist. You look like youâre having the most fun youâve ever had in your life. Youâre buying an I â€ïž NYC hat and posing in front of an Authentic American Sewer Grate and youâre massively in my way but youâre having so much fun I canât even be that mad. You embrace the tourist attractions with a sense of whimsy that makes me envy you. Everyone should enjoy travel this shamelessly and that joyfully.
You are looking around and you are unimpressed. You are thinking of the architecture and culture and history of Rome or Paris and see a dude dressed up as a knockoff Elmo and cannot help the snarl of disdain. Yes, we all pee in the streets and YES, all our fountains contain every know human disease, but you do it with some CLASS dammit! With some culture! Just know that you might have 1000 year old Cathedrals but our rats could beat up your rats.
Rapid fire American edition!
Connecticut: I know you think youâre blending in but you wonât let any of your belongs touch your environment and you look around like Monk when he finds dirt on his rug.
New Jersey: I know you think youâre blending in but you are everything dialed up to 11 and we donât have that kind of energy
Boston: I see your struggle not to physically attack the display of Yankees merch and you should know that if you can prove you were born in or lived more than 10 years in Boston you get to knock over exactly one rack of Yankees merchandise before they can arrest you
Chicago: Youâre right. if you wanted to overpay for tourist trap pizza and see a tall building in the rain you could have stayed home.
West Coast: Brooklyn is that way
Midwest: That homeless man is not a tour guide. That is not a real Gucci Bag. Donât let them charge you $35 dollars for a salad at Rockefeller Center. Stop feeding the pigeons. Look at me. You are going to get lured into an ally and harvested for your organs. You are taking a 9 person group photo in front of my train platform. Someone is going to stab you and it might be me
Southwest: itâs 67F (20C) and youâre wearing a winter coat graded for Arctic survival. I hope it snows too. I mean, itâs March 24th, but youâre just so excited to see snow.
The South: Iâm sorry no one has asked where yâall are from when they heard your accent. Weâre all so damn unfriendly and weâre always in a hurry.
Florida: Youâre the one that left. You have to stop hitting us up at 2am. You couldnât handle our winters anymore, remember? These drunk texts have to stop.
Mid Atlantic: I live in fear of one day the mid Atlantic people will realize they are accustomed to a base level of criminal activity that makes NYC look like Greenwich CT. They will see our people are weak and cannot defend our kingdom. Our warriors are all bark and no bite. If Baltimore and Philly joined forces, you guys could sack NYC like the Mongols of old.
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