Vida Bigdeli @wanderlustvida - Tumblr Blog

Entry #1

I don't know most of the things I'm feeling. i don't even know why I'm here writing this. maybe as a way to feel better? maybe i need to empty myself. Can anyone ever? i feel so full of emotions at times and other times i feel so empty. where do they go? what happens to them? do i just process them and they turn into tiny little things for my cells to digest like nothing ever happened?

I don't know why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. Im a bit anxious like im ignoring so many things i must be doing. Like someone has told me hey on your way home please save a child from burning in an apartment next door and i have completely forgotten about it. Maybe the child I’m supposed to save is myself. Maybe i have forgotten how much I've been burning and I've just left myself and been spending time reading and writing.

I miss so many things these days. I miss the people who were in my life and are not anymore and I'm also filled with fear that the people in my life now are inevitably going to leave. I promised myself i would start focusing on myself and i wouldn't let my feelings be dependent on another. But i was lying to myself. i don't think anyone can even do that. Whats the point of it anyway? isolating yourself as of not to feel anything. i don't think its good for anything. It's important to feel. It's important to get hurt and it's important to feel pain. It’s the most real thing one can ever feel in this life of uncertainty.

I think the weirdest thing about quarantine is how i feel i have forgotten to talk. I do talk to people and my family but i feel there is something I'm hiding. Like there is this war going on inside my mind and ive been ignoring it smiling. Like that famous meme of the cartoon dog sitting in a fire claiming everything is fine. Its not that i don't want to tell poeple what's going on its just that i feel no one would understand. I feel so paranoid and weird lately I'm afraid if people hear me they leave. I have this constant thought of me being locked up in an asylum and claiming everybody is stupid not realizing the world is being controlled by something and we are rats in a maze and everyone would laugh at me. To be honest i kind of enjoy it. And to be even more honest i think i already think that all is true.

itscolossal

Nature Thrives in Tehran’s Abandoned Courtyards, Staircases, and Bedrooms in a Photo Series by Gohar Dashti

Frida in the sun☀️

#frida #fridakahlo #sun #photography #pin

"Do you ever feel absolutely nothing?"

#quote #quoteoftheday #sad #sadness #depressed #empty

itsfullofstars

VIDEO FROM THE SURFACE OF A COMET

This is truly incredible.

Details:

Remember Rosetta? That comet-chasing European Space Agency (ESA) probe that deployed (and accidentally bounced) its lander Philae on the surface of Comet 67P? This GIF is made up of images Rosetta beamed back to Earth, which have been freely available online for a while. But it took Twitter user landru79 processing and assembling them into this short, looped clip to reveal the drama they contained.

Social Acceptance

I'd like to take a moment to talk to whoever reading this post and this time i dont want to talk to people who have a hard time accepting themselves but i just want to talk to you and about your thoughts toward people.

You may think you accept people and dont judge them by how they look but i want you to think for a second if you have any ideal appearance for a person you want to be with or the person you are with right now. and i want you to know of how stupid it is that when you ask most people about their ideal person they talk about their looks. like blue eyes blonde hair and stuff like that. people who just openly say they want someone who likes the same movies as them or listens to guns n roses for example are so rare now. its heartbreaking. i want you to do something,the next time a person enters a room and has a feature you dont really like dont just shut them out or refer to them by that. maybe he/she is okay with that and maybe they're one of the greatest people you'll ever meet. just give people's ideas and thoughts a chance. that's what matters.

#anxious #anxitey #anxeity #social anxious #society #social acceptance #confidence #confident #confidant #self love #self care #inspirational #inspiration #insecure #insecutiry #deppresing thoughts #entry

mbnebula

perfeckt

Fight Club (pt. II)

perfeckt

Fight Club (pt. I)

devilslittlemermaid

Does this need a caption?

freshmoviequotes

True Detective (2014– )

parskis

i swear to god, men raising their voice is the most terrifying thing in the whole world. they dont understand, like its an immediate panic response, game over

cl4yton-deactivated20180207

I actually had no idea women found this so scary

periwinklepromise

my downstairs neighbors fight on a regular basis, and every time he starts yelling i’m a little afraid he’s going to kill her. i have no reason to think this except that he is a man and he is angry

thewonderfulthingaboutfish

My math teacher has a loud voice and a temper and he scares the living shit out of me almost everyday. He’s made me and other kids cry more than once and he and his teacher buddies make a joke out of terrifying students.

diamondsamura1-deactivated20220

this was women in general? i knew my gf didn’t like it but I was unaware if this affected most women

survivor-surviving

Yes, it does

pandora-ness

As a woman, I had no idea it effected other women like this. I was too afraid to even talk about it. I thought I was weak. Thanks for bringing attention to this.

kaldraws8280

My dad thinks it’s funny that I used to cry when he raised his voice. I freak out whenever some one does. Once my director did, and I started crying I couldn’t stop. I’m glad to see I’m not alone…

suicunesrider

This is so important– seeing how common this is– and I also want you all to know that this is not normal. It isn’t something instinctively ingrained into women, to be afraid of men. There is no natural state of men being a threat that women constantly have to be afraid of. This is cultural. So many women and girls here have a mutual understanding of this feeling, and I think it really shows an unsettling truth about our society, particularly about how men are raised to act and how so many women have this defensive reaction gradually develop. It’s so important that these people have their voices heard, because it teaches us about problems that we just can’t deny the existence of any longer.

shidoninoure

I’m glad I’m not the only one

anexperimentallife

My fellow men, pay attention. I didn’t realize how scary this could be until one of my exes explained it to me, and it’s heartbreaking.

Also, when we move too much during an argument, or lean forward, it’s scary, and I never knew. I was even a little insulted at first, because surely she didn’t think I would hurt her. But see, that doesn’t matter. It wasn’t a sign that she mistrusted me specifically; it’s a conditioned response. (Although if you keep doing it once you realize it scares her, she SHOULDN’T trust you.)

Not every woman has been physically harmed by a man she trusted, but every woman KNOWS a woman who has.

I used to be horrible about this, because I didn’t realize how intimidating it was. I didn’t understand why the woman I was with clammed up or tried to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear, and I only got angrier, and acted even more like an asshole. It was wrong. It was abusive. It didn’t matter if I INTENDED it that way; it was still emotionally abusive. And it was inexcusable.

I get that when passions are high, and when you’re frustrated, it’s a natural tendency to let your voice get louder, to shout and gesture and lean forward. But you can train yourself to do better. You can train yourself to keep more of an even tone, to refrain from large and fast gestures, to not lean into her personal space. I did. I’m not perfect at it yet, but goddamn it, I WILL be.

Don’t tell me it’s too hard, that you just can’t do it, or that you “shouldn’t have to.” I’m 53 years old and just now getting the hang of it, and if this old dog can learn something new, so can you.

earmo-imni

I freeze up just because my dad is yelling at other drivers’ bad driving. He’s not even yelling at ME and I still act like a freaking prey animal hoping the lion in the bushes doesn’t notice me and attack.