bong water and piss, call that shit bliss

kevin, here to talk about cartoons, video games, and other general buffoonery, 23, he/him

[targetedknowledge]

[raven-matrices]

Absolute gold in the replies

[redstonedust]

some people like to get mad at disability benefits because they think its unfair people who dont work get a payout from the government while they have to work 50 hours at the human suffering factory every week. but if you tell them "yeah that sucks i think you should also get a universal allowance and not have to work 50 hours at the human suffering factory every week" thats apparently the wrong answer.

[toadbreath]

👀

[eddieintheocean]

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

[xalatath]

I'm high looking at street cat wiki. Thus is too much for me

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[thehumantrampoline]

I kept forgetting my nighttime antidepressant so I set an alarm where the sound was a recording of me saying "HEY. TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILL" because I thought it would be funny. It was funny about three times, and then it started making me mad and I'd dismiss it right away to make it stop. So I handed my phone to my partner, who made another recording sweetly saying "Okay Shira, it's time to take your medication" and now I don't get mad anymore and I take my pill. The "compassion over punishment" camp has gotta get something wrong one of these days

[valtsv]

"here's my original character, Man Who Sucks But Loves His Daughter Very Much" and it's a guy who worships at the altar of patriarchal violence and the woman he uses as an excuse and an effigy to absolve him

[valtsv]

well i think his daughter should tell him to kill himself

[sabertoothwalrus]

I’m so proud of senshi for making it so far in the tumblr sexyman poll. I think it’s so beautiful that tumblr has reached a point where a short fat hairy bearded man is the pinnacle of sexuality for a large swath of this userbase. it’s like when you see before & after pictures of a rainforest recovering from deforestation. nature is healing and we can fight god

[sabertoothwalrus]

I hope he wins so someone will have to explain to ryoko kui what a tumblr sexyman is

[ailithnight]

[sabertoothwalrus]

I have to say I forgot the onceler’s thing was cutting down trees when I made my metaphor.

[sabertoothwalrus]

the forest is also a metaphor for his bush

[sabertoothwalrus]

how does this post have almost 20k notes and senshi isn’t even winning. the poll is not over he needs your help!!!!!! do it for the fat boys

[desert-love]

[a-book-of-creatures]

When you see an adolescent saguaro 👍

[pocketss]

widehead

[slimetony]

Haters will see you put on a condom and say he can’t afford to raise a child

[teaboot]

Why would you have sex with your haters randy

[slimetony]

I’m not really in any position to be picky

[everythingfoxes]

[foxpost-generator]

it fucken WIMDY

[foxpost-generator]

girk at my work discovered my terrible secret

[bribun96]

“girk at my work”

[psilocervidae]

“girk at my work”

[noah-wyles]

all i want for 2026 is that gigantic rancid AI bubble to finally burst in such a catastrophic way that the consequences will be so good and i'll never have to see another AI generated image ever again

[fluoritegalaxy]

Like to charge, reblog to cast.

[asingularcanadian]

[kumkaniudaku]

And then you can’t even say shit about bc people start trying to put you in a jacket and shit. Like omg it’s so strict???

[topherchris]

[powerburial]

Where I come from, we don’t worry about these fruity-tuity California style buds. Okay? I’m from Scranton. What i’m smoking is dirt. So lets get that straight jack. Pure brick. Ass. Okay? America- Americans are wanting to smoke that dirt, okay? You go up to someone and say, hey, I’m gonna give you a big bag of this heady bud, but I’m taking your stash of mids, they’re gonna say C’mon man! get out of here! *audience cheers* that’s right. that’s right. Get the hell out of here! We like stems! We like seeds! Where I come from.

[thottielamottie]

this post is scripture to me like this is a seminal text. to me

[creekfiend]

drives me nuts when ppl act like its somehow feminist to be a huge asshole to people because 'men are allowed to behave that way,' or whatever. ok. well i dont think men should be treating people like that either. and if they talk to me like you are talking to me, i will judge and avoid them as well.

[creekfiend]

"society gives men a pass for behaving in hurtful and selfish ways without consideration for the impact it has on the people around them, particularly those with less power" yeah

"so I'm going to deliberately emulate this behavior, and it will be feminist of me to do so" incorrect

[life-is-molasses]