okay, so, be me, 27 years old at the time, an adult by any definition in the world
be me at the los angeles zoo, one of my very favorite places in the world, because i love animals. i am immedietly 8 years old when presented with a little creature. i canât help it.Â
okay, wait, go back. we must establish two things for this to hit right
the year before, iâd gone to the san diego zoo with my aunt and grandma and! they let you feed giraffes there!!Â
how wonderful a world and how wonderful a life, where for $10 I can hand feed a giant creature three crispy biscuits. i go âi am feeding the giraffes right nowâ and go in line to buy the biscuits and return moments later triumphant, 3 biscuits in my grasp
âoh good!â my grandmother says, âone for each of us!âÂ
âyes,â i say, despondent, âone for each of us.âÂ
i wanted to feed all three to the giraffes myself but since i am an actual adult and not a child i do not say this and share the biscuitsÂ
my friend group echoes. a lot
someone tells a story and ends it with âand thatâs what happened!â and the rest of us will repeat âand thatâs what happened!âÂ
often in unison. and itâs constant, all the time, even to little stuff. often said in the tone of âthey donât even have dentalâÂ
ok, so weâre back at the los angeles zoo. they have opened the giraffe feedingÂ
i am not going to be thwarted againÂ
my two friends (K and M) get in line to feed them and i go to buy the biscuits. i return with nine biscuits because i am going to give the giraffes three biscuits myself and i do not want to hear a word of protest. i am being fair. i am being equitable. i am sharing. no one can judge meÂ
âwow!â says K. âthatâs a lot of biscuits!âÂ
âthe cult provides,â i say generously, handing over their share, because what is a friend group if not a small cultÂ
and then, automatically, in unison, like they have so many times before and thinking nothing of what exactly theyâre saying, M and K reply, âthe cult providesâÂ
two different people in line turn to stare at us while we all blink at each other and then M nervously shouts, âwe are definitely not in a cult!â which sounds like something someone who is in a cult might sayÂ
and ever since itâs been a running bit where one person says âthe cult ____â and everyone echoes it as seriously as possible, no matter where we are or who weâre around
which is to say, OP, that you could be living the dream if your friends werenât cowardsÂ
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