you can't trust your dreams

come on love, let's get this freak show on the road.

[teenagedirtstache]

[sixpenceee]

An archaeological dig on the Menemonee Reservation in Wisconsin yielded a clay pot. The pot was dated to 800 years ago and contained seeds. Some of the seeds were planted to see if 800 year old seeds were viable. An ancient squash was the result. 

[thecheshirecass-deactivated2018]

This is the coolest fucking thing, and don’t try and tell me otherwise.

[blogtitletaken]

Oh my god I have people who need to know this

[actuallythomyorke]

Life is so fucking cool

[dekutree]

There’s something so comforting about being in GameStop

[officialcrow]

knowing im the best looking and smelling person in there

[nicejewishguy]

Wtf is sephora

It sounds scary

[starcades]

isn’t that the guy with the long white hair from final fantasy

[venatus]

no your thinking of sephiroth, a sephora is an angel belonging to the highest order of angels

[punlich]

No you’re thinking of a Seraph

A sephora is a second year college or high school student

[one-eyed-pom]

No, you’re thinking of sophomore. A sephora is when you use your phone to take a picture of yourself.

[lethalneuroses]

no, you’re thinking of a selfie. a sephora is a calm breeze.

[waffle-sorter]

No, you’re thinking of a zephyr. A sephora is one of those Greek vases with the two handles and the pictures.

[leeshajoy]

You’re thinking of an amphora. Sephora is the web browser you have to use on iOS devices.

[animatedamerican]

You’re thinking of Safari.  Sephora is an informal term for the seven-week period of counting the days between Pesach and Shavuot in the Jewish calendar.

[hhertzof]

You’re thinking of Sefiras. Sephora is a bright blue gemstone best known for combining with Ruby to create Garnet and lead the Crystal Gems, training Pokemon, and/or assisting Steel to fight against time’s intrusions into our realm.

[rareandradiant-maiden]

No, you’re thinking of sapphire. Sephora is actually a part of a flower; it protects the flower in bud and supports the petals in bloom.

[jewishdragon]

No, you’re thinking of sepal. Sephora is the wife of Moses, who lead the Israelites people out of Egypt. 

[osheamobile]

No, you’re thinking of Tzipporah. Sephora was an ancient Greek poet who inspired a lot of lady-lovin’.

[jeremywhitley]

No, you’re thinking of Sappho.

Sephora is the youngest of the five Marx brothers.

[optimysticals]

No, you’re thinking of Zeppo.

Sephora is the Heimdall’s sister.

[flatbear]

No no no guys, you’re thinking of Sif. Sephora is a venereal disease that turns your brain to swiss cheese, going so far as to destroy external features like the nose. Famous gangster Al Capone suffered from sephora.

[corruptinnocent]

No, you’re thinking of syphilis. Sephora is that radiant feeling you get when you have found perfect peace and happiness.

[emceescabaret-deactivated201812]

No, you’re thinking of euphoria. Sephora’s a fucking makeup store you dipshits.

[alexexotic]

Only blogging because this is my favorite tumblr post and i can never find it when I need to.

[nonchalant-raptor]

HO

LY

FUCK

[misspinkchocobo]

@mistercocoachocobo

[heartlessspade]

@bitter-garbagerodent

[twitterlols]

[carnival-phantasm]

[alexanderdee]

[warmheartworm]

[wunkolo]

𝓓𝓡𝓔𝓐𝓜 𝓕𝓔𝓔𝓣 [x]

[jynnnamonroll]

Whatever this is it’s my new aesthetic

[pipistrellus]

One time I brought one of my rocks with me on a plane to touch to calm me down during the flight, but it fell out of my pocket on my way back to the bathroom and then as soon as i realized this they actually announced “did anyone lose…… . A rock” over the loudspeaker system.

When I went up to claim it the plane man, clearly unable to throw off the shackles of his training in the procedure of asking for people’s full names and birthdates when they come to claim wallets, said “wait no, first tell me what color it is so I know it’s really yours”

He seemed to realize this was stupid directly after saying it and kind of smiled like to make it a joke but the joke was on him bc I Described the fucking rock to him for like 30 solid seconds

…anyway. that was an interaction I had once

[pipistrellus]

this is like the only viral post that i dont regret making at ALL

[af-hverju]

me: why are you destroying earth!!!

aliens: because theres people who think that english is the only language they need to speak

me: thats fair i understand

[nerdypersonwithwings]

For some reason I find this all the more amusing because it’s written in English

[af-hverju]

moi: pourquoi vous détruisez le monde!!! l'extraterrestre: parce que il y a des gens qui pensent que l'anglais est le seule langue pour parler moi: ah ça c'est bien

[languageoclock]

ich: warum zerstört ihr die erde!!!

aliens: weil es leute gibt die glauben dass englisch die einzige sprache ist die sie sprechen müssen

ich: das ist fair ich verstehe

[sprachtraeume]

ég: af hverju eyðileggið þið jörðina!!! aliens: af því að það er fólk sem finnst að enska sé sú eina tungumál sem þau þurfa að tala ég: oh, það er vit í þessu. ég skil.

[pory-gon-2]

ik: waarom vernietig je de aarde!!!

aliens: omdat er mensen zijn die denken dat engels de enige taal is die ze hoeven te spreken

ik: oh zo, ik snap het

[perilegs]

minä: miks te tuhootte maapalloo?

alienit: koska tääl on ihmisiä joitten mielestä englanti on ainoo kieli jota niitten täytyy puhua

minä: toi on reilua, ymmärrän

[polyglottica]

私: どうして地球を滅ぼしているんですか？

宇宙人: 英語しか喋る必要がないと思う人がいるからです

私: なるほど、わかりました

[lingumaniac]

me: Wosück maakt ji de Welt twei!!!

aliens: wieldat dat Lüüd gifft, de dinkt dat Engelsch de allenige Spraak weer, de een snacken mütt

me: jo, daar seggst wat. Nu versta ik’t

[somalang]

aniga: dhulka maxaad u burburinaya !!!

shisheeyaha: dadka intiisa badani u malaynayaan in Ingiriisidu tahay afka oo kaliya ay u baahan yihiin inay la hadlaan

aniga: waxaan fahamsanahay. waa wax cadaalad

[zhanaform]

我：你们为什么在毁灭地球?！！

外星人：因为有人以为他们只会英语就可以了

我：懂了，说得有道理

[natsui]

ako: bakit niyo sinisira ang mundo!!!

taga-ibang planeta: kasi merong mga taong akala nila Ingles lang ang kailangan nilang matutunang lenggwahe

ako: ah, sige naiintindihan ko

[katsudonski]

Aku : kenapa kau hancurkan bumi!!! Alien : karena masih banyak orang berpikir hanya bahasa inggris satu-satunya bahasa yang terpenting Aku : oh, oke lah..

[belisencia]

tôi: tại sao các người hủy diệt trái đất!!! người ngoài hành tinh: bởi vì có người nghĩ rằng tiếng Anh là thứ tiếng duy nhất mà họ cần biết tôi: ồ thế thì tôi hiểu

[aphdoitsu-deactivated20170414]

Eu: Por que vocês estão destruindo a Terra?! Aliens: Porque há pessoas que pensam que o inglês é a única língua que eles precisam falar. Eu: Isso é justo, eu entendo.

[wednesdaythunder]

jag: varför förintar ni jorden!!!

utomjordingar: för det finns folk som tror att engelska är det ända språket de behöver kunna

jag: rimligt, jag förstår

[useless-czechrepfacts]

Já: Proč ničíte Zemi?

Mimozemšťani: Protože tu jsou lidé, kteří si myslí, že angličtina je jediný jazyk, který potřebují znát

Já: To je fér, to chápu.

[useless-polandfacts]

ja: dlaczego niszczycie Ziemię?

kosmici: ponieważ są ludzie, którzy myślą, że angielski to jedyny język, którego potrzebuję

ja: rozumiem, w porządku

[vyrkann]

io: perchè state distruggendo la terra!!!

alieni: perchè ci sono delle persone che credono che l’inglese sia l’unica lingua di cui hanno bisogno

io: capisco, mi sembra giusto

[rad-and-sleepy]

Yo: porqué estás destruyendo la tierra!?!?

Extraterrestre: porque hay personas quienes creen que inglés es la única lengua que se tiene que hablar.

Yo: te entiendo, es justo.

[haxyr3]

Я: Почему вы уничтожаете Землю?!?! Инопланетяне: Потому что есть люди, которые считают, что им нужно говорить только по-английски. Я: А, ну понятно, тогда ладно!

[jenroses]

A modern Rosetta stone.

[raitoskitchen]

DEATH HAWK VIRGIN KILLER HACKER

❤️Patreon ❤️Twitter

[gloomgaze]

google, why won’t my ambient gf stop emitting a low frequency hum

[parakeet]

hanging out

[parakeet]

unexpected challenger

[emkaymlp]

italian themed restaurants: at least 6 italian flags hanging up on the walls, “now that’s what i call italian music” cd bought from walmart playing through the speakers

italian restaurants: framed pictures of both mother theresa and the pope, italian newspaper clippings about the italian soccer team dating from at least 30 years ago, there’s a soccer game playing on the tv mounted to the wall but it’s nearly inaudible over the sound of loud italian talking coming from the kitchen

[kaijuno]

i love liminal spaces its like a location that’s dissociating and i feel like if i go there while also dissociating i’ll just ascend to the astral plane 

[kaijuno]

HEY i did it i went to a scruby walmart at like 10pm while dissociating and i felt like i was a cryptid in like ghost walmart or something and it was the weirdest thing i’ve ever done

[kaijuno]

careless whisper was playing on a loop. there were 3 other people. none of the checkouts were open so you had to use self checkout. i didn’t see a single worker there. multiple lights were flickering.

[zero-redeeming-qualities]

Here’s the big question though: Are you the same person who went in?

[kaijuno]

i dont i dont know

[zero-redeeming-qualities]

Well, there’s only one way to find out. Go back again, and see if you meet yourself in the bathroom mirror.

[kaijuno]

self care is fighting your good doppelganger in a walmart bathroom at midnight