Trying to stay human @whiteringaway - Tumblr Blog

Having this is the punishment for all the sins it has made me commit

#just bpd things #bpd #bpd problems #bpd thoughts #actually bpd #bpd vent #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #living with cptsd #trauma #childhood trauma #cptsd problems #bpd feels #being borderline #living with borderline

I might be feeling bad, but I’m not doing bad.

2 years ago losing her would’ve immediately sent me to the psych ward

A year ago I would’ve relapsed

Now? I cry a lot and write out the worst of my feelings. I’ve come far, even though I feel like shit.

#borderline problems #being borderline #living with borderline #borderline personality disorder #cptsd problems #bpd problems #actually cptsd #bpd fp #fp #losing fp

You killed me

And now I have to live whilst being dead

Now I have to drag this corpse around and act as if that’s living

You steal my life

hjartasalt

Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

I need to stop thinking it will get better and need to continue as if it won’t

But each time it truly seems different.

My mascara is the best mascara ever, but it will run like crazy with 1 drop of water

It makes every crying session REALLY aesthetic

Ain’t that what we do it for

#crying #sad #trauma #bpd problems #cptsd problems

deathwarlock

when she does anything to it at all

grubarchived

theperksofneurodivergency

“Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, “Can I borrow your key”s and “how was your day”s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead.”

— Good Girl, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)