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@whoamisupposedtobetomyself
So here I am anonymous.
Nobody knows who I am.
Nobody knows what I’ve been through.
Nobody knows.
My therapist says that when you don’t take care of yourself, you become a shell of who you used to be.
I am now just a shell.
I don’t know who I am.
I don’t know why I went through what I went through.
I don’t know.
I don’t know anymore.
Is this still a safe place for me to vent?
Nobody knows who I am or where I went.
I used to write about the life I wanted.
But now I look back and am haunted.
Maybe someday the dream I had comes true.
But now I am lost and I have no clue
Where to start to fix everything I broke.
I wish I just kept my mouth shut and never spoke.
☠️ Oh no itme. For my #producers #musicengineers #musicproducer friends out there Bahahaha #music https://www.instagram.com/p/BuSbMRNg0MH/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3m0tf2pjepr0
Excuse the dirty window, but this is so pretty 😭😭😭 I call this a SunDoge. Cheers #Sundog #canada #nature #natural #beauty #igdaily #igers #instagram #instanature (at Winnipeg, Manitoba) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuP-QHcg2Kg/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1u8kpa5ihti37
Regarding the #JussieSmollett case. I’m not saying that making a crime up is ideal, but maybe we need to look at the bigger picture and address why this was a big deal in the first place. it exists. One of my closest friends @ramond85 just went through it yesterday and I can’t keep my mouth shut about this anymore. Discrimination against LGBTQ+ people happen everyday. We’re diminishing that situation because we have race to address. We diminish THAT situation because we have gender rights to address. And then we justify that it is what God wants or that this god you so worship would condone you hurting another one—MADE IN THE IMAGE—because it’s an “abomination.” Your hurting another human is an abomination. If we treated people with respect, this wouldn’t happen in the first place. Rant done. Carry on carrying on the burden of those who care. I’ll sit and watch for now until I can act. But this is my statement of protest in honor of all lives lost due to inequality. _______________________________________________________ #lgbtq #rights #justice #thisisamerica #wya https://www.instagram.com/p/BuKrEZuA7gJ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1g9scdaiigym8
Mood: Prince Pepito in the snow. (at Yonkers, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuHmpfSlz9o/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19c9rhp3wekym
“Dean Awn, can you take a Valentine’s Day picture with me? “Oh, I would love to!” Sleep in peace. We all saved more than a penny for the ferryman for you. Our hearts and lives won’t forget the love you gave us at GS. No one will be able to replace the love and consistency you’ve given us. Thank you, Dean Awn. (at Columbia University in the City of New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuB_3a1A5-Y/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=yloosy8w602f
#mecrushmonday. I was gonna post #Medusa but this is close enough. BAHAHAH. I look so pissed off and idk why. The sun was bright. My moles weren’t showing. 👀😂 Go be profitable and productive, children. Today, I lie in bed trying to curb more puking coz I think I ate too much fatty food the tummy is not used to 🤷🏻♀️; that, or I have developed the same enzyme a pineapple has and my stomach has started eating itself. Okay that’s so random. Sorry. Go do something that makes you feel good today. Something that you haven’t done in a while. A workout, a walk in the park, phone call or text to someone you care about, dessert you haven’t had in a bit, writing, closing your eyes and breathing in and out slowly so you can ground yourself. Or nap. Naps work too. Be kind to yourself. If even the people you care about decided to give you up, then you are all you have. So be kind to yourself and to others. Those meant to be in your life will do anything in their power to stay. Those who don’t stay have a different path to walk and you need to not stand in their way and let them go. Because what’s yours will always be yours. For me? I cut some strings off because they’re happier without me :) and that’s totally fine, because you should always want what’s best for others and yourself! Mix that Kantian and Utilitarian anthropological viewpoint and it balances out. For now, go do a random act of love. It comes back to you, I promise. 🍑 🍗 🧀, Lo _______________________________________________________ #mondaymotivation #motivationalmondays #mcm #mancrushmonday #meowcrushmonday #meow #bekind #motivate #inspire #live (at New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuBqTzKAT0s/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jypf3kwtv133
Happy birthday Ma! Thank you for being. The most beautiful soul and most committed and loving person that I strive to be someday. Thank you for having me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for forgiving me, teaching me, and grooming me. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you and disappointed you at times. I’m sorry for thinking I knew how life worked when I didn’t, but thank you for supporting and loving me, for teaching and nurturing me, and for always praying for the best for me everyday. Thank you for being the reason why I help people no matter how they treat me, and for constantly forgiving people no matter how they’ve wronged me. Thank you for not giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. I love you, Ma. Someday, I’ll make a man blessed to have me, because I know how to be a faithful, loyal, loving, and forgiving wife like you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Love, Bibs (at New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt8Dgdtgnxj/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1h0jjk2x5b1kw
Three years ago my Valentine’s Day was spent beginning the first day of training lol. It began as a soul-searching, life-renewing, friendship-bearing, and injury-inducing experience that has forced me to depend on people and things in order to function like a normal person again. I used the injury and experience as an excuse to put up a façade that emulates someone strong, independent, and of honorable character. Much of which I haven’t been in the last two years since I got out. But I pride myself in being honest, and yet compassionate. Even when people hate me for it. I met people from different states, all around the world; of different races and cultures, and personalities. New Yorkers were the most diverse. I made so many friends I’m proud to say are still my friends to this day. And to see them grow and build their families and careers allows me to bask in their victories as well. It wasn’t always a great experience, but I felt most fulfilled and joyful being away from the stressors of being in New York and everything else holding me back. It helped me grow and not depend on people to do things for me. It helped me see how much my family in Seattle and Canada loved me—sending me books and letters and lots of love. Thank you for your card, Agnes! Shout out to Tom for guiding me and being a helpful friend throughout the beginning and end of this journey. It was spent questioning if leaving an abusive marriage for the military was the right move so I could fend for myself and serve a country I believed had the potential to help others. It still can, and I hope to live to see the day that it still will. I’m not tagging all the people here except @beastoney59 because it was so adorable how he was so stoked for his first plane ride. My first friend lol. shout-out to my battle boo Kelci. Day 1 inspiration right there. We both knew the struggle. There’s Christina too, for being a spiritual inspiration and friend. Shoutout to the bigbros Thomas and Finke. I’m also mentioning Caitlyn and Anna even if I never got to take pics with them. Tbc in the comments lol. #fbf #tbt #army #usa #valentines #storytime #life (at United States) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt5A9bQAcrc/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1j0vm9e0hftjg
2.14.19 I’ll post poetry later. For now, enjoy the different languages you can say love in. Happy St. Valentine’s Day. He was imprisoned because he married these young couples in love; so the boys didn’t have to go to war because it was stated as law that they should fulfill their marital duty after a wedding, therefore rendering their “soldier-ing” postponed til they did the deed with the wife. So it was for the benefit of men to avoid their patriotic duty—suffice to say that some may have genuinely loved those they married and maybe they wanted to be with their wives. Who knows?! (Interrobang interro-mandated) All I know is that this priest regarded this love as most sacred and its adorable but he got jailed for it so idk if it was worth it lol. 🤷🏻♀️ Get you a love worth jailing homies for. Wait.. nvm. Just love lol ____________________________________________________ #foreveralone #valentinesday #valentine #bemyvalentine #heartsday #stvalentine #ytho #prison #jail #love #liebe #ai #爱 #amor #amore #dragoste #pagibig #ayat #pink #curisve #calligraphy #throwbackthursday #tbt (at New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt3T0tdA5vF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10d6fbir9a6kd
2.12.19 More Dreams. ______________________________________________ #poetsofinstagram #poemsofinstagram #love #reflect #writer #newyorkcity #writersofinstagram #nycartist #poem #poetryporn #calligraphy #pilotpens #filam #filipino #american #USA #newyork #poetry #love #quotes #art #lovequotes #life #follow #quote #instagood #quoteoftheday #poet #inspiration #haiku https://www.instagram.com/p/BtzyBwugYDp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14xum1dkpj0cw
2.11.19 Putting a nail in that coffin. ______________________________________________ #poetsofinstagram #poemsofinstagram #love #reflect #writer #newyorkcity #writersofinstagram #nycartist #poem #poetryporn #calligraphy #pilotpens #filam #filipino #american #USA #newyork #poetry #love #quotes #art #lovequotes #life #follow #quote #instagood #quoteoftheday #poet #inspiration https://www.instagram.com/p/Btzx3idAV0d/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1744v7wyf3l70
2.10.19 Catch up 11 #11 days I didn’t write and 11 days I didn’t feel right. Phew. Spewed out in bursts of intervals existent within 30 minutes. Now I can sleep in peace. ______________________________________________ #poetsofinstagram #poemsofinstagram #love #reflect #writer #newyorkcity #writersofinstagram #nycartist #poem #poetryporn #calligraphy #pilotpens #filam #filipino #american #USA #newyork #poetry #love #quotes #art #lovequotes #life #follow #quote #instagood #quoteoftheday #poet #inspiration #haiku https://www.instagram.com/p/Btuna1iFxDu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=u25gl18roq5c
2.9.19 Catch up 10 ______________________________________________ #poetsofinstagram #poemsofinstagram #love #reflect #writer #newyorkcity #writersofinstagram #nycartist #poem #poetryporn #calligraphy #pilotpens #filam #filipino #american #USA #newyork #poetry #love #quotes #art #lovequotes #life #follow #quote #instagood #quoteoftheday #poet #inspiration #heartbreak https://www.instagram.com/p/BtunM-UFheY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n4kn55jccl3g
2.8.19 Catch up 9 ______________________________________________ #poetsofinstagram #poemsofinstagram #love #reflect #writer #newyorkcity #writersofinstagram #nycartist #poem #poetryporn #calligraphy #pilotpens #filam #filipino #american #USA #newyork #poetry #love #quotes #art #lovequotes #life #follow #quote #instagood #quoteoftheday #poet #inspiration #haiku https://www.instagram.com/p/BtunIuolQpB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1t0wckdk1phop
