Ferrets and Emo Trash

So I'm Julie. 31. KCMO. Accountant. Bisexual as heck. I like ferrets, trash music, snarky comments, and a bunch of random garbage.

[monster1994]

happy june everybody i hope you get fucked and/or sucked this month

[kazokuhouou]

what if we don't wanna be?

[monster1994]

then i hope for peace

[aquaflv]

when you go to a doctors office their favorite thing to do is tell you "okay check out at the front desk" when you're done. and the front desk tells you ummm you can just go! and you're like don't I have a copay? and they're like we don't know, we have to ask your insurance company first. and you're like well my insurance card says the copay is $30, can I just pay it right now while I'm standing in front of you? there's a card reader right there on the desk. and they're like nooo we have to send a representative on horseback during the next waning moon to meet with their claims adjusting associate director of benefits management and client services in the secret glade to negotiate. and you're like oh okay and go home. and you get twelve emails asking you to take a survey about your experience

[aquaflv]

AND THEN in eight months you start getting phone calls from unknown numbers and when you finally check your voicemail they're like Your Balance Is Past Due We're Going To Kill You (even though by this point you have forgotten that you ever went to the doctor). and so you go to your MyChart account and log in with your username and password and you have to reset your password for security reasons. and you get two emails that say Your Password Has Been Reset. Was This You? and you have to go find your phone and enter your two factor authentication code and then you have to select which location you visited and then you have to click through all the Reminder: Complete Your Health History Profile where they ask if you've had any new surgeries even though you definitely told the nurse about this at your visit and then you have to find the Pay Bills tab and your balance is $179.23 and you're like why is it so expensive I thought the copay was $30? and you download a PDF of the charges and find out that they charged a late fee of $15 a month even though that doesn't add up to $179.23 and you don't even remember being told you had any balance at any point and you could call a representative and ask about it but that would probably take at least half an hour and there's no way it would actually get rid of the charges. so you go pay it anyway and you have to go find a paper check to look up your bank account routing number because they'll charge you an extra 3% if you pay with a credit card and there's a fee of $2.75 for convenience also. and then you get three emails that say We've Received Your Payment! Thank You For Your Payment!

[zooiboo]

🐌☕️ ☕️🐛

they’re on a coffee date

[thememedaddy]

[pro-sipper]

"i want more media with zero drama, no tension, and zero problematic characters and i am not joking"

Great! Here are my recommendations:

[rickybabyboy]

do you knowed who can be under there?

[rickybabyboy]

thats right!

[id-servals-in-posts]

There are no servals in this post

[everythingfox]

He’s so cool

[tractorgoth]

[nucleartourist]

[eerieviri]

they're holding my fucking thang hostage for $6

[librarycard]

normalize flopping. it’s ok to fail baby. sexy even

[librarycard]

the amount of people saying "i thought you meant flopping on the ground". target audience

[imactuallyagiraffe]

normalize flopping. it's ok to flail baby. sexy even

[scorpio-blushing]

I wanna cum so hard it factory resets my brain

[femslut-hypno-boy]

transcranial magnetic stimulation play

[the-forest-library]

[the-forest-library]

Love it when a post finds its intended audience

[afeelgoodblog]

Happy Leland Melvin Day!!!

[shrewreadings]

Happy Leland Melvin Day!

[squidificati0n]

Happy Leland Melvin Day!

[communistkirby]

Happy Leland Melvin Day!!!

[r0ttenivy]

being a whore on tumblr is much cheaper than therapy

[unspeakabledigressions]

Me: Wow! You really used to write fan fiction, Grandma? What did you write about?

Grandma: Oh, it was for Star Trek. Just little stories about Kirk and Spock, you know?

Me:

[amnesiaguy]

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

[marinememes]

[crazy-brazilian]

:)

[maple-cloak]

:3 but with two teeth in the middle

[albatross-the-pen-chewer]

what a fella!!

[darkvoidtrash]