Ever thought about how haunted the apprentices must be when they first kill a human? Wargal, Kalkara, those are monsters, but actual humans, albeit bad, can you imagine how haunted they must be from the image? Knowing that they took a life. They know that it's their job, stopping evil, but that doesn't make it any easier
The apprentices get nightmares for weeks, if not months. Will first does that in the war, it's a war and he has it in the Skandia PTSD package, but what about the others?
Gilan has always trained with dummies. Has fought in the war, against Wargals. But the first time he stops a bandit, it's different. He gets nightmares for weeks, he wakes up in the middle of the night, sweating, with his eyes wide in fear, heart racing. He can't believe himself. What he's done.
Halt knows what it feels like. He knows Gilan gets nightmares, and he takes to coming to him every night with a fresh cup of coffee and talking with him until he falls back asleep. Nothing of this ever makes it any easier though.
I think every apprentice goes though that. They're human beings and they suffer, their conscience suffers. It never gets any easier, this part of a Ranger's job. Any thoughts?