Wizard Ethics and Efficiency Department @wizard-ethics-and-efficiency - Tumblr Blog

attention acolytes! in order to maximize shareholder value, i will be turning all of you into gold statues, frozen in twisted spasms of pain for all eternity, in a great and lifeless mausoleum. we expect to eke out a marginal gain in Q3

brainscrems

And how does this increase shareholder value O Great and Powerful Dark One?

nerathul

Obviously we can add the statues to our assets while also cutting down on employee expenses.

brainscrems

I see! This sounds like a sustainable business practice and I have no further questions.

evilwizard

yes! im so good at Company

wizard-ethics-and-efficiency

Efficiency Rating: C If all acolytes are gold statues now, who will do the proselytizing to create new acolytes? Surely not the infernal priests themselves? Ethics Rating: A+

No issues with turning Acolytes into gold. It's in their contract. And if they didn't have a contract they should have asked for a contract.

thaparasite

HOT WIZARDS IN YOUR AREA!!

cryptotheism

I always wanted to be the guard that tells only lies

cryptotheism

I mean I've actually never wanted to be that.

cryptotheism

Stupid stupid stupid. C'mon. At this rate I'll never be a lie guard.

wizard-ethics-and-efficiency

Yes you can! I believe in you!

#lying mode active

wizard-council-bureaucrat

🌀Your house would look better with a big oil painting of the Wizard🌀

letter-replacinator

🌀Your house would look better with a big oil ed______ __ ___ Wizard🌀

🌀You_ _____ could cook better _if_ _ you ___ pa_n-fry __ the Wizard🌀

🌀Your house would look better with a big oil painting of cha Rizard🌀

🌀Your mouse would look better __as a big ___ ________ __ ___ Lizard🌀

🌀Your help_ pleas help ___me_ i_am _ _in ___ pain____ __ ___ ______🌀

wizard-ethics-and-efficiency

Efficiency Rating: F

Looks like you just manually edited a lot of repeating lines instead of just doing one.

Ethics Rating: A

Due to the spells binding my soul to this vessel, I cannot read anything past the first edited line, but "big oiled Wizard" sounds pretty ethical to me.

#wizardposting

teathattast

auguris

Has anyone warned @copperbadge yet

copperbadge

What a lot of people outside of Chicago may not realize is that The Beans are a native species to this region and right now is baby season! What you're seeing there is probably just an instance of a young mature The Bean being kept in a secure enclosure, probably due to some kind of injury that's being rehabbed.

In urban Chicago around this time of year if you want to go The Bean spotting you mostly just need to keep an eye out around downtown drugstores for formations like this.

I took this picture myself in a Walgreens. As you can see we have a nice healthy-looking family group consisting of a parent The Bean, several juveniles who will often stay with the parent for several years, and some newborns this year who naturally group up protectively near any large sign reading "Chicago".

The Beans are usually extremely docile and can even be kept as pets once the juveniles separate from their family group, since they are low-maintenance and require only a small flat area such as a desk or bookshelf on which to recline. Fun fact, a group of The Beans such as pictured above is known as a Tchochki!

qin-shi-huang-di

my god…

qin-shi-huang-di

a marquise for anyone who can capture this beast for me!

wizard-ethics-and-efficiency

Respectfully, Emperor, despite their appearance, these magic 'beasts' aren't made of Mercury.

lokaror

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

lokaror

Cops are here.

lokaror

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

herssian

deepen the shadows bro. it'll be ok

herssian

i meant art-wise but if any dark sorcerers see this. you do you

Why is only half my paperwork being transcribed to the Tumblr dot com? All of my wizard ethics paperwork was supposed to be posted to the Tumblr dot com!

Whoever has failed in that capacity has not been efficient!

I bet it was that homunculus who insists we call him 'Gary' instead of by a number like the rest of us homunculi in the office. Smh.

#wizardposting

charl0ttan

is that every half letter of the alphabet in your pocket or is your penis just so A A.5 B B.5 C C.5 D D.5 E E.5 F F.5 G G.5 H H.5 I I.5 J J.5 K K.5 L L.4 M M.5 N N.5 O O.5 P P.5 Q Q.5 R R.5 S S.5 T T.5 U U.5 V V.5 W W.5 X X.5 Y Y.5 Z Z.5

alphabetcompletionist

fuuuuuuuuuck there's more?

wizard-ethics-and-efficiency

Efficiency: F.5

N.5ow.5 m.5y job.5 i.5s goin.5g.5 t.5o ta.5k.5.e l.5o.5nger.5 when f.5ill.5ing.5 o.5ut forms.

Wo.5rd.5s a.5re spelle.5d.5 diff.5ere.5ntly.5 n.5ow.5, too.5.

Th.5i.5s s.5uck.5s.

evilwizard

i heard they’re adding a new creature to the nighttime

thebloodthirstyavatar

Owl 2

evilwizard

yeah it’s owl 2

whisperingobelisk

𒄑𒆸𒌓𒌈𒁺𒂗

evilwizard

wizard fact of the day: you can’t legally kill me!

wizard-ethics-and-efficiency

Article 7 simply says "a wizard is not to be killed by another wizard or human," but nothing about the legality of a cubicle-bound homunculus killing a wizard...