'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The boys were laying in their beds, each staying in the potter mansion for their own reason. James’ the most obvious as he lived there, Sirius the most understandable as he now lived there, Peters the most plain as his parents were just visiting his aunt, and Remus’ the most unnerving as the moon was a day away from being full.
The snow was falling heavily outside the window, three of the marauders sleeping soundly in their bed, as the third was in over his head. Sirius black was writing on a card, but not just any card, the one for his… whatever Moony was to him. He could no longer just call him his friend, as his gut tightened and his head spun when he did. Things had changed at the speed of a snitch after the last drunken night in the Gryffindor common room.
Sirius had chugged his last glass of Whatever-Lily-had-mixed, she had made his drinks since she snuck Merlin knows how much firewhisky in his pumpkin juice at dinner.
Since moony had convinced Lily to be civil with both himself and James, things had been on a roll. Who would have guessed that Lily of all people would first of all be so hilarious, second of all have such a high tolerance. She had outlasted both James, Peter and Moony, leaving the two of them to have the most heartfelt conversation he had had since before the start of third year when he had landed in the Potters fireplace, bruised and simmering with residue from hexes. After that, they had been tight all of fifth year, especially tonight when she had pulled out some muggle beverage called Gin.
Sirius did not know how much he had had or who he had been dancing with until he felt his head start spinning violently. Lily had pulled him away from whichever stranger he had been doing the electric slide with (which Lily had taught him, with the help of Peter) and sat him down on one of the sofas, her mouth was moving but he couldn’t hear her properly over the music without focusing, which was something he absolutely couldn’t do with what was happening on the couch opposite him.
Moony only seemed tipsy, but very dishevelled, as the sixth year girl moved closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder. Faintly he heard lily scold him as he stood, staggering he made his way over the small space between the couches.
“Excuuuse me, is this spot taken?”
Moony and the girl looked at him as he pointed at the sofa, Moony shook his head vigorously as he patted the spot beside him. So as any sane and possibly hammered person would do, Sirius smiled and sad down right in Moony’s lap. He looked at the girl and waved his hand dismissively as he put his arms around his moony and leaned his head against his shoulder.
The girl huffed and left.
Sirius shivered as Moony’s breath tickled his skin.
“For what? I just wanted to sit down”
He could feel the vibrations from the laugh that escaped moony. He opened his eyes, which he hadn’t realised he’d closed. Lily was sitting on the sofa opposite the two of them, whispering something in James’ ear while giggling. His eyes became wide as she stood up and offered him her hand, she then dragged him to the dancefloor with a wink in Sirius’ direction.
They were alone, few people were left, all dancing to stay awake. Sirius buried his face in Remus’s neck, breathing in his scent, his lips gracing the soft skin. He could feel the start of one of the other boy’s many scars, and again did what any sane person would do, he kissed it lightly. He could feel Moony stiffen beneath him, but he didn’t move, he just pecked another scar lightly.
“Pads what exactly are you doing?”
He could feel moony’s heartbeat, strong but fast. He looked at his face, which was quite hard since it was dark and he was slightly pissed. He kissed the scar on his forehead, the ones on his cheeks and nose, then lastly the one at the corner of his mouth. Remus was sitting completely still, hardly breathing anymore as his mind whirled with both supressed and unknown emotions.
Sirius laid his head his shoulder, cuddling closer to Remus’s soft sweater and warm skin.
“do you want to lay down?”
Sirius nodded, he crawled out of the other boy’s lap, as Moony moved up so he could lay down on the sofa. Sirius laid down, head in Remus’s lap and cuddled close. He felt something warm get wrapped wound his shoulders, he peeked up and saw a blurry Remus in another long-sleeved shirt as his sweater was now being used as a blanket for him. He felt hands in his hair, lightly scraping his head while playing with his hair.
Sirius had struggled after that, remembering little details from the night, other than Moony’s warmth and scent. Lily had kindly filled him in, with both the lap sitting, neck kissing and couple worthy cuddling. which would all have been fine, if only Moony hadn’t remembered. But he did. He didn’t show it, not in a way anyone other than Sirius would notice. Small gestures that made him question everything. He had known for a while, since mid-third year to be exact, that he didn’t care much about genders. His short-lived crush on Prongs, which he wouldn’t let him live down, his phase with the now very gay Marlene and his confusion with the Prewett twins. All burned down to the conclusion that he was very much bi. By the start of fifth year, it was well known that Sirius Black was not only slightly gay, he was a greedy bisexual. Which had only decreased his association with the Black family, which he couldn’t really complain about.
Now however, it was very different, Prongs had been a short puberty-prone crush, Moony however, had been a silent whisper in the back of his mind since merlin knows when. He had never acted on it, his friend being so obviously not interested in males and during fourth year, continuously crushing on the now gay with Marlene, Dorcas.
He sighed and crossed out yet another sentence he didn’t know how to finish. How was he supposed to tell Remus the truth but not ruin their friendship?
He had been so caught up in his own turbulent mind, that he hadn’t noticed the boy sitting down next to him.
Sirius almost shrieked, but caught himself in time and looked at Remus with wide eyes.
“Are you truing to kill me? “
Remus chuckled and shook his head.
“why ever would I want to do that? Who else would help me with my horrid charms homework!”
Remus rolled his eyes and elbowed him. His heart was beating too fast, he was trying desperately to hide the card without it being obvious. He knew Remus had seen it, the question was if he had read any of it before he sat down.
“It’s not that late”
Remus snorted.
“Says the boy who complains about losing even a minute of beauty sleep”
Sirius pouted, tucking the card away into his pocket. Remus stood, face unreadable in the dim light. He took a deep breath and stuck his hand out.
His voice was determined, but shaky. Sirius couldn’t get a word out, but took his hand. The boy dragged him out of the room, walked down the hall of the mansion and down to Mr. Potter’s old study.
The fire was blazing and bathed the room in a soft yellow glow, as the two boys sat down on the old couch. Silence wrapped around the two, Remus’s hand was still holding his own. It was warm and rough, scars scattered across it. He let his thumb run over a particularly nasty one, as he looked everywhere but Moony’s face.
“Pads, we have to talk, this is driving me mad”
He lifted their intertwined hands, as if that explained it all. Sirius looked at their hands, his mouth going dry, waiting for the gut punch of, This-isn’t-what-normal-mates-do.
“I’ve tried to get you alone the last week, I know Lily told you what happened, I know it might now have been a big deal to you, but it was for me. I won’t be another drunk story we can laugh at in a couple of years, I want to be at least the phase where we were really gay together, we can potentially laugh at in a couple years…”
Sirius was staring at him, mouth dry, mind swirling and blush rising to his cheeks.
The whisper of an uncertain and scared boy, he hated how vulnerable he was, but he had to be if this was ever going to have a standing chance.
The two boys locked eyes, hearts pounding, minds going blank as they just looked into each other’s eyes.
Moony nodded, closing his eyes. Sirius leaned in, slowly pecking the other boys on the scars on his cheeks, his nose, his forehead and the one at the corner of his mouth. He then kissed Moony’s soft lips. Shifting closer to the other boy, putting his hand on the others cheek as he deepened the kiss. They pulled apart, hand still resting on Moony’s cheek, searchingly looking into his amber eyes.
“If you keep kissing me like this, I promise it won’t just be a phase.”
A smile broke onto both their faces. Sirius laughed and pulled the other boy in for another kiss, as he deepened it, he felt hand in his hair, scraping lightly and he almost moaned.
They ended up falling asleep, cuddled up in front of the fire. Only to be woken up by a beaming Mrs Potter, with a camera in hand.
“sorry boys, I couldn’t resist.”
Both just smiled sleepily at each other and then her, a slight blush present on both set of cheeks.
{{ btw if u want more of this kinda thing, i really wanna start writing again, just send me headcanons/ au’s of yours or any validation lol, thank you for reading!!}}
annaxmalina
